Chapter 10

July arrived relatively uneventfully. Remus and Tonks, along with Sirius, went to her parents' house for dinner again, and her mother was gradually coming to accept Remus. The Weasleys arrived and filled Grimmauld Place with happy noise, although they were not as unrestrained as the previous summer. Order meetings were more frequent, and they were all trying to formulate a battle plan. Fred and George, the newest members, were particularly enthusiastic about their assignments.

A few weeks into the month Dumbledore, who was always away on his mysterious mission recently, attended a meeting. He asked to speak with Remus afterward.

"Good evening, Remus. How have you been faring?"

"I've been well. And you?"

"I've been busy, of course. Now, Remus, I am fairly certain that you know why I asked to speak with you." Remus nodded; he had a good idea of what Dumbledore was going to ask him. "I'm asking you to go underground with Greyback's pack. I'll understand if you say no, but the information that you could gain would be immensely valuable."

Remus had already decided. He hadn't done reconnaissance on the pack for months just so he could turn down this assignment. "I'll do it."

Dumbledore considered him pensively. "You don't have to answer me right away. I know that you might want to discuss this decision." Dumbledore smiled for the first time that evening, eyes twinkling. He knew that he meant him to discuss it with Tonks, but Remus knew that he would not be swayed.

"I'm certain, Albus. I have no choice; I'm the only one who can undertake this assignment."

Dumbledore sighed sadly. "Very well. I think you should leave in a few weeks." They stood up and left the room. Dumbledore left shortly.

Remus led Tonks up to the library to tell her about his mission. "What did Dumbledore want to talk to you about?" As he observed her face, gathering every detail from her dark eyes to her red lips, he couldn't imagine telling her.

He had no choice, though. "Well, do you know those missions that I've been taking periodically?" She nodded. "I've been doing reconnaissance on Greyback's pack."

Tonks looked horrified. "I had no idea. That sounds really dangerous."

"Well, now I'm going underground to live with them." Tonks just blinked. "I'm leaving in a few weeks."

She finally found her voice. "You can't do that! It's a suicide mission. He won't think any less of you if you say no."

"I have to, Tonks. I'm the only one in the Order who can."

"There's so much else you can do to help the Order, though." Her voice was rising.

"The werewolves would be powerful allies and tools of intimidation for Voldemort. If I could convince even a few of them not to join him, then I could help a lot of people."

"It doesn't matter. If they find out, they'll rip you apart."

"I already agreed to go. I'm sorry, but there's no other way." He moved to touch her cheek, but she pulled away and started pacing.

"Tell him you've changed your mind. What if you just keep spying from outside the pack?" Tonks sensed that this wouldn't be a viable solution, but she had to try.

Remus shook his head sadly. "I've gotten all the information that I could from outside the pack."

Tonks, who rarely cried, had tears flowing down her face. "What about me?" She almost shouted. "Don't you care about me at all?" She knew he did, and she knew that she was being childish and unreasonable. But, at the moment, Tonks didn't care.

Remus held her and pulled her back to the couch. He whispered soothing words in her ear until she calmed down. "I love you, Nymphadora, but I have to do this."

She nodded. "I know. I just had to try and convince you otherwise. I don't know what I would do if you were killed."

Remus thought for a moment. "I once read in a book a line that I thought was insightful, but I didn't understand it's full meaning until now. It said that infatuation is gazing at each other while true love is gazing into the future together. If we are ever to have any sort of life together, than I need to do anything that could help the Order win."

"That is a beautiful sentiment. I understand. I'm sorry that I was immature and tried to make you feel guilty."

"It's alright. We just have to enjoy the time that we have left together." They continued sitting curled up on the sofa, just absorbing each other's presence. They fell into a deep peaceful sleep.

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The next day Tonks was sitting in Ginny and Hermione's room, braiding Ginny's hair. "You seem a bit sad today, Tonks. What's the matter?" Hermione asked with an air of concern.

"Oh, you know, I'm just worried about the war."

"That's not the whole truth, is it? Everyone's worried about the war."

Tonks sighed. She knew she couldn't evade Hermione's perception. "No, it's not. I'm worried the ones I love getting hurt, or worse."

"Do you mean you're worried about your boyfriend?" Ginny asked.

"Yes, not only him, but him especially."

"Everyone in the Order still refuses to tell us who it is." Ginny huffed. The teenagers had been trying to find out since they got to Grimmauld.

"Honestly, I don't know why they on insist on making such a big deal of it." Remus and Tonks had agreed that there was no reason that the kids shouldn't know that they were dating.

Ginny and Hermione both looked excited. Ginny asked, "Could we guess?"

Tonks sighed. "I don't see why not."

Ginny asked, "Is it Bill?" Hermione rolled her eyes.

"I'm not a homewrecker, Ginny! You know very well that Bill is seeing Fleur."

"I could always hope. You'd make a much better sister-in-law than Phlegm."

Hermione's eyes lit up. "Is it Charlie?"

Tonks laughed. "No, Charlie and I used to date a long time ago, but it didn't work out."

"Kingsley?" Tonks shook her head.

Both Hermione and Ginny thought for a few moments, obviously racking their brains for other male Order members. "It's not Professor Snape, is it?" Hermione inquired tentatively.

"No," she replied with disgust. The girls thought for another minute.

"Realistically," Ginny hesitated. "That would only leave Professor Lupin."

Tonks beamed and nodded. The girls looked surprised, but soon comprehension dawned on their faces. "How long?" Ginny asked.

"Seven and a half months." Tonks replied. They spent the rest of the afternoon chatting about boys. It may have been childish, but it provided the release that Tonks needed after learning of Remus' mission the previous night. By dinnertime all the kids knew that she and Remus were dating, but they didn't tease them as much as Tonks had expected.

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Remus did not sleep well that night. He ended up pacing the kitchen for most of the early morning. Around seven Sirius joined him. "You're going to wear a hole in my floor, mate."

"I'm thinking."

"About what?"

"About my mission…and Nymphadora."

"What about Tonks?" Sirius did not like direction this conversation was headed. He could just imagine Remus coming up with all the ways in which he could be a noble prat.

Remus wore a pained expression. "I think I should end our relationship."

Sirius expected this. "Why in Merlin's name would you do a thing like that?"

"So that she could be safe. If Greyback ever found out that I was still seeing a witch, he would kill her, slowly and painfully."

"He won't find out. It's not like Tonks is going to go to the hideout and visit you."

"It doesn't matter. They have other ways of discovering these things. Besides, I don't even know why she's stayed with me this long. I'm-"

"Don't even start, Moony. I won't let you start using your self-deprecating too poor-too dangerous crap. You used the same reasons for not dating when we were in Hogwarts."

"The stakes are higher now. I could never forgive myself if she were hurt because of me."

"She will be hurt if you break up with her for no good reason. She loves you, and she wants to be with you. For once, let that be enough."

"But I-"

Sirius would not let him win. "Think of it this way. Would you care if Tonks were thirteen years older than you, poor, and a werewolf?"

Remus shook his head. "Of course not. I love her." Remus groaned as he recognized his mistake.

"Ha! My point exactly. She has made it very clear that she doesn't care either. I don't think she will change her mind anytime soon."

Remus recognized that Sirius was right. He still had doubts in the back of his mind, but he wouldn't let them ruin his love with Tonks.

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A few weeks later Remus was ready to leave. There weren't many preparations to make because he would only bring the clothes on his back and his wand hidden away for emergencies. He bade goodbye to all the Weasleys, and Molly fussed over him. Sirius clapped him on the back and wished him luck. He saved the hardest farewell for last.

Tonks led him up to the library. "I'm not going to say goodbye because I'll see you again." She stroked his face.

"I hope so. I'll miss you."

"Remember us. Remember the times we've spent together. Use those memories whenever you need reassurance that you are not like them. You are a human, not a beast. A beast could never have a love like the one we share." He would remember those words and they were often a light to him in dark places, when all other lights had gone out.

"I will. I love you, Nymphadora, and those words could never truly express how I feel."

"I love you, Remus." Then they kissed. It was the most bittersweet kiss that Tonks and Remus had ever experienced. They poured all their love, longing, passion, fear, need, and hope into it. They were both crying as Remus finally pulled away, and they leaned their foreheads together. Tonks planted a final kiss on Remus' forehead and they descended the stairs. Remus caught her as she tripped, and she was filled with dread that it might be the last time that he ever saved her from hitting the floor.

Remus waved at them all one last time and departed for life in his own living hell.

A/N: Did anyone catch the LOTR reference?