The drone of working at a small, and always sticky ice cream stand quickly lost its lure for Sara. Her friends, even those that really didn't even know her, would swing by and try and barter their way into a free cone, but were met with a stink eye that made them backtrack their words. Despite her irritation with the flux of people trying to schmooze her, she enjoyed being able to bring home her mom her favorite mix- a vanilla concrete mixer with as many cookie pieces she could fit in the cup.
"If I didn't know any better, I would think you're trying to fatten me up," her mother would joke, gladly taking the treat at the end of the hot summer day. "Have you been doing alright though, honey? I know this isn't a dream job, but I wanted you to have a little change in your pocket before heading off for school," her mom really liked reinforcing that Sara was going to a strong independent person once she was at school, but secretly feared that Sara would completely detach from her once she left. "It's fine mom, it pays decent and it's not like its back breaking work," she said throwing her uniform hat and nametag on the counter, "and it gives me something to do while you're at work anyways. Just sucks that I never see Emy or Jack." Her mother nodded, noticing that the friends were around less, and even when they were, the anxiety radiated off of them when the topic of college and debt came up.
"Emy already started packing, and made this crazy day planner for her schedule in the fall. And Jack literally works like 12 hours a day, texts me once he gets home that he hates his job, and then falls asleep. If this is what being an adult is, I want a refund." Her mother laughed, and patted the couch, Sara rolled her eyes, but appeased her, snuggling up to her. "I'm just so nervous about the change. I know I'll have them close by, but then I don't get to see you or any of my other teachers or friends," her mother hummed in responses, combing through her hair making her eyes feel like sand bags, making it hard to resist the sleep she wanted. "You'll be okay hun, we'll figure everything out, and if it's not your thing, it's not your thing. No harm in trying," Sara agreed, and watched the overly dramatic baking show on the tv.
She woke up on the couch an hour or so later, her neck stiff, but warm with a thick blanket her mother must have covered her with. She looked down at her phone in her pocket, seeing no text alerts from anyone, and only having stupid streaks on her snapchat to open. She sighed, stretching before turning off the tv and heading into her bed room to repeat her work week.
It had been two weeks since she and Stacy had their 'talk,' and was one of the last times she and Tegan had a full-on conversation. Sara called her friend the next morning, and tried to explain the situation. She made it clear that Tegan was someone she considered a close friend, and that they had some kind of compatibility, but Stacy and her were starting to see each other more, and wanted to explore their relationship in a more serious way. Tegan said she understood, and respected whatever that relationship meant to her. She also announced that she was going on another tour for the next month, traveling through the states, and would finish in Montreal, but wouldn't be able to be in as much contact, for the sake of keeping her phone bill in check. Sara held onto a slim hope that Tegan would visit before finishing the tour, feeling oddly empty without the girl's goofy messages and random updates throughout the day. Stacy on the other hand was still stuck at the high school, elected to teach a summer course for those that didn't pass her class during the year. The two met up casually during the weekends, making the most of their time by watching shitty reality tv, and talking about shared dislike for the kids in her classes, with the occasional make out session before they both had to come back to reality.
Ever since their first time getting intimate, Sara's dysphoria tainted her sex drive, feeling too vulnerable anytime they got would try to get past second base. Once they would start making out, Sara could feel herself get turned on, but any contact on her own body made her panic. Her sexual frustration was evident, and made her get snippy with the way she talked to Emy and even her girlfriend at times. "I want you to touch me, but it's like my body won't let me enjoy it," Sara said with tears in her eyes, Stacy felt at fault, and broke down the last time they saw each other, crying in her car as they sat outside her apartment. "I'm sorry for pushing you, we should've waited, and I shouldn't have been so casual about it. I know that wasn't your first time, but I'm not sure we should've started there."
That conversation in particular looped inside Sara's brain, making her feel completely detached from her body and actions. Despite the growing confidence, she thought she had ingrained in her brain, the idea of sex and her own body repulsed her at times, even though her body still reacted to sexual approaches. The binder she wore was the only thing that made her feel right, the compression and tightness molded her body to reflect what she wanted. She knew being a man, or fully transitioning wasn't what she wanted, but couldn't bare looking at her naked body at all anymore, which slowly turned into her never wanting Stacy to touch any part of her. Emy told her that she needed to change something, get a haircut, or find new outfits that fit her body to her liking more, planning a day trip that upcoming weekend to finally spend time with one another, and unpack the emotions they were both feeling.
Her week passed by slowly, but with ease. Stacy stopped by right before she got off work for the weekend and the two sat outside in the humid heat, resting on the benches adorned with graffiti in front of the stand. The breeze was much needed, and the dark sky calmed Sara, seeing the hazy moon always made her feel safe. "How was your week," Sara asked, playing with the ring on Stacy's finger, their hands hidden behind the teacher's purse on her lap. "It's over, and that's all that matters," she replied, taking a huge bite out of her ice cream, smearing it all over her nose and the side of her mouth. Her eyes scrunched together as the cold hit her teeth, and the sticky remnants of the dessert began to drip further down her face. "I look like a slob right now," she laughed, grabbing for the napkins to her side and trying to clean off her face, as Sara sat back with a stupid smile, watching such a pristine woman turn into a mirror image of all the toddlers she seen at the stand. "Are you doing anything this weekend? It's too nice out to stay inside," Stacy hummed, licking the edges of her mouth to attempt to rid the sugar from her face. "I'm actually going out of town until Monday, so I'm glad I caught you before you went home." Sara subconsciously squeezed the woman's hand tighter, lacing their fingers together as Stacy explained.
"One of my cousins is having an engagement party that I completely forgot about. My mom told me I might as well just stay for the weekend to catch up and try out the bridesmaid dress they picked out. It's bright blue, so not my color, but I'm not going to mess with bridezilla." Sara laughed, and was glad she hasn't ever had to wear a dress for any of the family weddings she had gone to, but was excited to see what Stacy would look like all dolled up. "Make sure to send me pictures, I can start my own canvas wall of you in my dorm," Sara winked.
"Of course, anything for my personal admirer," Stacy said pinching the girl's cheek. "What about you, have anything exciting planned for this weekend?" Sara nodded, and explained what her and Emy were up to, leaving out the reasoning behind their excursion. "I might get my haircut, I think it's time to change up this mop on my head." Stacy disagreed, and said she liked her style, "you can pull anything off though, you have such a nice face shape, and your hair is thick enough you don't have to worry about it growing back," she said as she ran her fingers through the girl's locks. Sara grabbed the rest of the cone, still in Stacy's grasp as she took a languid lick up the side, using her tongue to lick up the melting cream running down Stacy's hand. The older woman cleared her throat, and giggled at the action, making sure that there was no one around to see what just happened. "Let's get in my car, I want to show you a place really fast." The two grabbed all their belongings, and took a quick trip down to the pier on the opposite side of town, with a gate that blocked the entrance. Stacy swiped a cadr on the outside scanner, before rolling down a steep parking lot.
"You ever been here before," she asked, as she led Sara down the walkway, making their way onto the long dock, with boats lined up for at least half a block.
"Do I look like I come from money? I think I've been on this lake maybe twice my entire life," Stacy slowed as they came up to a small boat, with a canopy over top.
"This is my friend's fishing boat, me and him come on it a lot over the summer to just sit and talk, I don't think we've ever successfully caught more than two fish at a time while on it." Stacy carefully made her way into the boat, grabbing the post to pull it in closer to the dock before giving her hand to Sara. "If you fall in, I promise I'll jump in after you," she said, pulling the girl onto the front. She unraveled the rope and pulled up the anchor, making her tonde arms very apparent under Sara's gaze.
"You're like my real-life Popeye," Sara said with a smile on her face, her girlfriend blushed in response before flexing her muscle and wiping off the water on her hands.
The boat was quiet, and the radio station Stacy turned on revealed her age, humming to the subdued 80's pop music. Stacy turned off the engine, dropped the anchor, and flipped on the interior lights on the canopy as they reached the middle of the lake, giving them a better view of each other under the cloudy night sky. Sara felt calm, and at total ease with the subtle motions of the water underneath them. The heat was gone from the Summer air, the mist of the lake and a slight breeze making her shiver a little. Stacy noticed, grabbing her hand and leading them to the bench seat in the back, wrapping a blanket around them, pulling her into her side. "I could totally fall asleep right now," Sara said, with her head pressed into Stacy's shoulder, "But my mom is definitely the kind of person to send a search party out if I don't let her know where I am soon." Stacy told her to say she had to clean and close shop, and say she was going to visit one of her friends real fast. Sara liked that plan, and pulled out her phone, noticing a text notification from Tegan, causing her heartbeat to soar through the roof. She ignored the text, and sent her lie to her mother, but knew it was going to be one of the first things she checked once Stacy dropped her off.
"All done," she said, resuming her position, and letting out a grotesquely overdramatic yawn out. "I think our goal as a couple should be to see how long we can go without taking a nap whenever we see each other. I swear half the time I'm with you, I'm either half asleep or completely knocked out." Stacy faked a loud snore in response, in which Sara replied with a sharp pinch to the woman's bum. She squealed in protest, pushing the younger woman down on the seat, laying her entire body across the girls to resist any further prodding. "It's like you have an obsession with touching my ass," Stacy said, smacking her own bum, with a blush creeping up both their faces as they laughed at her sudden action. "Can I tell you something," Sara whispered in Stacy's ear as their laughter died down, with the woman giving a soft hum in response. "I really like when you play with my hair, it's probably one of the most relaxing things to me," she said, nuzzling her nose into the crook of Stacy's neck.
"I've noticed, you last maybe five minutes' tops before you completely pass out on me," Sara denied it, but knew it was true, most of their days together usually ended up with her waking up on Stacy's lap working on her laptop, and apologizing for not being able to stay awake.
Sara rubbed the woman's back, feeling soft kisses being placed all along her jawline. The soft touches were almost ticklish, resulting in an involuntary shudder, causing Stacy to squeeze Sara's arm as her other hand held onto the side of her face. "You okay," she asked in between her gentle touches, "Yeah, it's just sort of ticklish the way you're doing that," she admitted, licking her lips as Stacy stared at them. "May I kiss you," Stacy asked, Sara nodded, and pulled the woman's face into her own, tightening her hold on the woman's body on top of hers. The kisses were gentle, and slow, until Sara used the tip of her tongue to trace the woman's lower lip, using her teeth to softly pull on it, before having it snap back. Stacy's smile made it hard for her to continue, hitting her teeth against the older woman's, "oh fuck, that was the worst feeling," Sara said, laughing as they both held their mouths. "Why were you smiling so big," she asked, repositioning herself so they were both sitting up, throwing the blanket to the floor as their bodies now felt overly hot. "The way you kiss me," Stacy paused for a second, trying to think of the words, "it's so different. It's like you take your time to explore everything," Sara hid her bashful smile, kissing the woman's cheek, "Also the noise my lip made when you let go, it sounded funny, and you kept doing it, and it was super hard not to laugh even though it was hot."
"Do it to me," Sara said, Stacy raising her eyebrows in response to the demand. "I want to hear the noise, shut up," Stacy obeyed, and bit down on the lower lip, making Sara gasp at the feeling. When she let go, the noise echoed on the empty lake, making both of them endlessly chuckle. "I feel like I'm a teenager again whenever I'm with you," Stacy said, pushing her hair behind her ears. Sara stared at the older woman, unable to wipe the smile off her face, "you're so beautiful. All the time. Even when you wake up with drool, you're still so pretty," Stacy pinched the girls arm, feeling teased and flustered at the same time. The two agreed that they should leave soon, but neither stood up to start up the boat, "just ten or fifteen more minutes," Sara said, pushing her face into Stacy's neck again, using her nose to trace random shapes into the soft skin. She could feel the steady beat of the woman's heart as she placed a long kiss on her pulse point, letting her tongue trace the tender area on her neck. Her hand mindlessly traced circles onto the tops of Stacy's thighs, and felt a few kisses placed on the side of her cheek. She stopped her light touches, and placed a firm kiss onto Stacy's lips, tangling her hand into the woman's long soft hair, and wrapping her other arm around the woman's waist. "This is going to sound so stupid and childish," Sara said breathless, "but can we try something?" Stacy's chest was flush, her hair a mess, and looked at Sara with a quizzical stare, timidly agreeing to the question. Sara pushed Stacy back, so they were lying flat again, "I don't even know if this will work," Sara nervously laughed, positioning her body so her leg fell in between Stacy's crotch, with her own against Stacy's thigh, using her left leg to support her by placing it on the ground. Stacy raised her eyebrows at the feeling, and made sure not to touch Sara until the girl got comfortable. The two were nervous, more so than the first time they ever touched, and it made their kisses clumsy, and their actions unsteady, unsure if either of them were getting any pleasure from this precarious position.
"Does this feel good," Sara whispered, noticing a hitch in Stacy's breathing with the last thrust of her leg against her girlfriend's center. "Yeah, I just," she paused, her voice becoming small, "I want you to go faster, or to do it harder." The words ignited Sara's libido, "let's try this then," she said as she spread Stacy's legs apart, and placed herself between them, attempting to push their centers together as close as possible. The friction was what she needed, and her attention to Stacy lessened as she felt her own body tingle with pleasure. She pinned Stacy's arms down, using her grip to prop herself up, thrusting with long and hard motions to keep as much contact on that spot. The lack of contact the she had weeks prior made these restricted touches feel so much more sensitive, already having her teeter on the edge. Her hair clung to her face, and her breathing was heavy and fast, Stacy could sense that the girl was close, but was limited with her movements. She decided to raise her hips off the seat, pushing back into Sara's crotch, making her back tense in the process, but wanted to see Sara unravel in front of her. "Oh god, I'm so close," Sara managed to blurt out, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt the sensation making its way throughout her body. Her hips bucked wildly, and her chest heaved with the sudden climax, making her drop on top of the older woman, who pressed them together by grabbing Sara's bum.
"I'm sorry if that wasn't good for you," Sara said trying to regain her breath, with her girlfriend now tracing small shapes on her back. The younger girl was distressed with her decision, convincing herself that Stacy hated such a naïve way of getting off, and probably didn't get any kind of pleasure from doing it. "It was so stupid, I was just really turned on, but I didn't want to do anything too crazy for right now," Sara spewed her words out, her rambling thoughts bleeding into her speech. The woman hushed her, and told her it was hot, even if she didn't get the same satisfaction, "I at least got to look at you, so I'm okay," she said, giving the girl a peck on the lips before finally turning on the boat and getting them back to the dock. They ended the night by their usual spot by the park, giving each other kisses before wishing one another a good night, and both making promises to update each other throughout the weekend.
Walking through the front door, she startled her mother reading a book in the living room. "Sorry, I didn't realize you'd still be up," the girl said, plopping her body down on the couch while letting out an overdramatic sigh. "It's fine, but you don't look super well hun. Why don't you shower and change for bed? I changed your sheets and vacuumed your room a bit," Sara was surprised with the nice gesture, "I'm glad you've started keeping your room clean by the way, it doesn't feel like a dungeon anymore." Sara had been keen on cleaning lately, making goals for herself to at least have an organized and livable condition for her room, rather than the pig sty it was before, and sort of even enjoyed the process of picking up.
Finally, in the privacy of the bathroom, she opened the text from Tegan, feeling her heart race in anticipation of whatever it was. The feeling concerned her a little, knowing her attention and whole interest wasn't always just with Stacy, but with Tegan, they both knew that their relationship was playful, and mystery of being able to talk to someone new fed into the fantasy.
'Hey nerd. I've missed talking to you so much. The tour is going well, and I've landed a couple radio interviews, and obvi met some hot babes.' Sara rolled her eyes, feeling Tegan's fake cockiness emanate through the text.
'Lindsey keeps me updated on you and Stacy, you guys sound so cute together, it makes me envious. I'm really looking forward to being back home, and starting uni with you. Do you know your living arrangements? Also, don't just text me back. Leave me a voicemail, I miss your beautiful voice :) Hear from you soon, lovely.'
Tegan had such a way with words, her witty humor and confidence was something that Sara wished she had, and it was always refreshing talking to someone who seemed to be able make the most out of life, even with shitty people or environments in the way. Sara blushed with the last sentiment given, knowing it was just her friend teasing her, but enjoyed that out of everyone, she was the one that received the praise.
After a quick shower to rid herself of her previous sweaty activities and the smell of ice cream, Sara changed into her pj's, going over a fake script in her head of what she was going to tell Tegan about.
The phone rang, and seemed to prolong itself more so than usual, heightened by the fact that the girl wished that her friend would pick up. Before hearing the beep to leave her message, Sara cleared her throat, hoping her squeaky voice wouldn't embarrass her.
"Hi Tegan, just looked at your message. I hope the rest of your tour is as eventful as the start, and that you're using protection with all these hot babes you're meeting." Sara swore under her breath, feeling stupid for making such a weird comment. "Ignore literally everything I say, I sound like a toddler on the phone for the first time." Sara started walking aimlessly around the room, trying to think of anything else to give Tegan a reason to respond back to her. "I'm not sure about where I'm living this fall. I mean, I know I can't afford an apartment, so it'll have to be a dorm. But I don't have a roommate yet, and I haven't visited the campus, so maybe you can give me some tips." She paused again, wanting to tell Tegan how much she missed her, but knew that she had to be careful with her words, not wanting to lead the girl on. "I miss you a shit ton. It feels weird not hearing from you every day, but I really just miss your shirtless pics. It's the only real reason why I deal with you," she laid the sarcasm on thick, "Tomorrow I'm going to get a haircut and switch up my wardrobe a bit, so if you'd like, I could send you some pictures, that way we're even." Sara rambled on about her day, and told Tegan about the sticky ice cream stand she worked at, trying to bribe the girl into visiting her with the promise of free food. "I'm really looking forward to seeing you, and hope you have an amazing tour Tegan. Don't break the bank trying to text or call if it's too expensive, it's only a couple more weeks. Bye dude, take care."
As soon as her head finally hit the pillow, she was out like a light, only to be awaken by the annoying alarm set on her phone that she forgot to turn off for the weekend. She sent a text to Emy, and told her that she was getting ready, but wasn't fully conscious as her zombie like state stumbled to the bathroom to tame her hair. The two both wore eerily matching outfits, and were glad that they were on their way to diversify their wardrobes. They decided to get the clothes out of the way first, knowing that Sara was looking forward to it the least. A handful of new flannels, and a jean jacket were some of her finds, but her real interest was in buying a new binder, and even something to pack with. "Hey Em, do you mind if we stop by the Spencer's and the Nike store, I think they have some of the stuff I'm looking for." Emy gladly obliged, still in shock that Sara was the one wanting to stay in the overly populated mall. "Can I ask what you need, it may make finding it easier." Sara's ears grew red, and a sense of panic flooded her body, scared to admit what she was searching for. "Don't judge me, or think anything is wrong okay," she said, almost whispering it, making Emy have to lean in to hear her. "I need a new sports bra, but I need it to be super tight, so it's basically like a binder. And I want to see if Spencer's has anything that I can pack with. I don't even care if its oddly colored, or a gag gift or something, I've just been in a weird place, and I think that will help. "Oh, okay, I get that. We can do that," Emy said, giving Sara's arm a squeeze to let her know that it wasn't anything to be embarrassed about.
The sports bra was an easy find, but entering the Spencer's made Sara break out into a sweat, feeling like she was revealing a part of herself, and feared having to buy anything resembling a dick in public. As if Emy could sense the tension, she squeezed Sara's shoulder, and told her that she would buy it if her friend got to uncomfortable. "What size should we look for? You're sort of a small person, so those huge foot long ones would probably be a no go. But they have 3 or 5 inch ones right there, and I think that would be enough to start with, do you agree?" Sara nodded, but her body and face revealed her embarrassment, unable to even stand close enough to the wall of sex toys to see the prices. "Honestly, just grab anything Em, let's go. I should've just ordered online, I feel dirty standing in here." Emy snorted, wiggling a comically sized purple dildo in the air, making Sara jump when she felt her friend graze the fake dick against her hand. "Emy," Sara wined, "just grab a small one and take my card. Let's leave, the employees probably think we're some lesbian couple trying to spice up their sex life, and I don't want people thinking you use that on me," she said pushing the fake dick away from her, and lightly pushing past her friend. "Oh, so you're a top now? I always would've thought you were a pillow princess. You're full of surprises Clement, I'm sure whoever dates you will enjoy that," she said winking at her flustered friend.
Sara thought this was some new form of hell, as her anxiety went through the roof as they waited in line with the small fake dick tucked underneath Emy's arm. "You can unclench, I'm fairly sure everyone in this store is either baked out of their mind or next level drunk. The cashier has told this guy to swipe his card three times, and he keeps trying to use his chip." This did make her relax a little, knowing that at least the customers wouldn't pay any attention to them. After making the purchase, Sara all but sprinted out to the car, glad to finally leave the overwhelming mall, "just bring me to the barber down the street from us, I think I want to cut it short." Walking into the barber, which was a man that had tried to date Sara's mom for ages, his face lit up seeing Sara, and over exaggerated his welcome to the two girls.
"I want a haircut Mr. Clark, like something completely new. I want it to be short, and something that I don't have to worry about the upkeep." He nodded, and had her sit in his chair, combing through it to get a feel for her texture and hair patterns. "Let's do something like a bob, but I'll taper the back and sides underneath, and I'll clean up the bangs a little, sound good," Sara nodded, and within minutes was almost asleep as he worked his magic. The buzzing of the clippers sent a shiver down her spine, forgetting how reactive her body was to sound near her ear. Looking at herself in the mirror, she was surprised how masculine yet soft the look was, and even more surprised that the barber was able to understand exactly what suited her needs.
After finally making it back to the house, Emy urged Sara to try out the outfits she bought, eager to see how hot her friend looked, and curious to see her use the packer they bought. Sara walked out with her light grey jeans, and a dark blue flannel, causing Emy to make another smart-ass comment. "You look like every lesbian's wet dream, Sar. Let me take a picture of you, maybe you could use it on a dating app and scoop up a sugar mama for us." Sara groaned at her friend, hating the attention, but knew that her haircut and outfit didn't really help the gay stereotype. She noticed that Emy's eyes never left her body, and was starting to become uncomfortable under her watch, "what's up, why do you keep looking?" Sara said plopping down next to her on the bed. It was Emy's turn to have her face change into varying shades of red. "I'm sort of curious how that packer we bought will look, can you try it?" This surprised Sara, but she was sort of antsy to use it too, hoping it would be worth all the anxiety she had to suffer through when buying it.
"Look away," Sara said while laughing, placing the fake phallus in her boxers, glad that it wasn't any bigger. She zipped up her pants, and laughed as Emy's jaw dropped. "That's so hot dude, what the fuck. You're making me question how gay I am," Sara hushed her friend, smacking her arm as she sat back down. "Don't be gross. I'm glad you helped me buy this, this is like insanely weird yet it feels right," Sara rambled to her friend.
"I don't want to be weird, but," Emy paused, turning bright red as the request almost slipped out of her tongue. "What Em, just say it," Sara was getting anxious and annoyed with her friend's glances and half sentences. "Can I touch it? Not in a weird way, I just want to know if it feels, I don't know, real, I guess." Her friend stumbled over her sentence, but it was endearing hearing Emy so curious. Sara consented, and felt her friend press the toy into her crotch, laughing as Emy's face scrunched up. "That's a smart investment," Emy said, taking her hand back and clearing her throat, "I'm not gonna lie, that's like crazy hot, and with your new haircut, you look so confident." Sara patted her friends arm, glad that she could open up to Emy about this stuff, and wasn't judged for exploring the different parts of her identity. They spent the rest of the day watching shitty rom coms and ranting about their jobs, but finally happy that they both managed to see each other, yet felt off without the annoying banter that Jack always offered.
At the end of the night, Sara decided to take another picture, with her packer apparent with the angle she was standing at. She sent the original picture Emy had taken to Stacy, and the new one to Tegan, wanting to surprise Stacy the next time they met up. A few moments later, both women responded, giving very different opinions about the look.
Stacy saying, 'Good evening sweetie. I love the new haircut, it makes your jaw look like it could cut glass lol Hope you had a fun day with Emy. The shirt is super cute too, fits your style. See you soon xoxo' and also left the picture of her in her bridesmaid dress, which Sara quickly saved to her phone.
Tegan on the other hand had no filter, 'Fuck me dude. You look so hot. Stacy's one lucky lady, make sure to be careful with her though, evidently, she's already been complaining about her back to Lindsey, so guess you've already been tapping that ;) P.S I have a new data plan, so I can text you as much as I want now, so keep the pictures coming hot thang.'
It was funny to her how her heart hammered in different ways talking to the two women, enjoying the attention from both, but knew that she had to start watching what she was saying and doing to both of them, not wanting to develop feelings too fast.