We're killing each other each day

I need you, you should know

And I'm killing myself today

But I need you to go

So I don't drag you down below

To force you to share

In my private hell-

It wouldn't be fair

Remy hated the little pills that she was made to swallow every six hours. They were like little reminders that she couldn't do this on her own, and she had always valued her independence. Relying on those two little pills meant that she wasn't trusted anymore, wasn't allowed out of the sight of another doctor for much longer than a pee break, and even those were supervised the first few days.

She'd given up her dignity before, but this was an all-new low.

She'd been strip-searched more times than she could count on one hand, and at least twice it had been with good reason. The saying about how doctors make the worst patients really was true after all. The first time Remy had pretended to swallow her pills but then spat them back out and hid them in her pants. She'd thought it was a good plan, but apparently she wasn't the fist to try it.

The second time Remy had done the opposite, trading her one pair of socks for another patient's dosage of antidepressants. Her victory in the black market trade was short-lived however and landed her back with bathroom visits no longer being a solitary sport.

After the first week without any offenses, Remy earned herself a phone call. She dialed the same number she had two weeks before.

"Remy?"

"Yeah, it's me. Do you have anyone else locked up here?" Remy asked with genuine interest.

A snort came through from the other end of the line. "You know I can't tell you that," Adrianne replied. "Doctor-patient confidentiality does mean something to me, you know."

"Oh, does it? I don't remember that being a concern of yours when you broke confidentiality to talk to my boss's boss," Remy spat back, still bitter about Adrianne speaking to Cuddy.

The line was quiet for a few seconds. "Is this really how you want to spend your only phone call?"

Remy's childish side wanted to say that she didn't care, that it didn't really mean anything to her anyway. But it did, so she restrained herself. "No," she muttered.

"Good. Tell me, how's the food?" Adrianne asked. Remy doubted that her therapist actually cared about the food in the rehab she'd suggested to her, but Remy indulged her anyway. They talked about the food for longer than a normal conversation about food would go, but it was one of the only topics available that didn't directly address the elephant in the room.

There was another moment of silence. "Are you talking to your therapist?" Adrianne finally switched the topic to something important.

But Remy wasn't ready for something real. "Yeah, right now."

"This isn't the time to be funny. You checked yourself in, so I thought you really wanted to make an improvement," the redhead spoke in a calm and almost disappointed voice. Remy felt a wave of guilt wash over her followed by emptiness.

"I know," Remy paused. "It's just that this guy doesn't know me. There's so much for me to explain and… I just wish I could see you instead."

Before Adrianne had time to reply, the security guard next to Remy stepped forward announcing, "You've got another thirty seconds."

Since he spoke, Remy only caught the second half of her old friend's sentence. "-me, but I have no ties to the institution so I can't. Try telling him like you're telling a story that's not yours at first, just to get the facts out there."

"Okay," Remy replied. The security guard gave her another look. "I have to go."

"I understand. Try for me, Remy," Adrianne said before the line went dead.

The guard stepped forward again, this time gesturing for Remy to begin walking back toward her room. She did so with her head hung low, feeling a little like a chastised child. It wasn't Adrianne's fault at all, but Remy just felt disappointed in herself. She'd been so low the day she'd checked herself in to Richardson's Rehabilitation Center, but she'd also been hopeful in a way. She'd figured that there was no lower she could go, so the only place to go was up. It turned out going up actually took a lot of work and was not just guaranteed.

"Can I just… tell it like a story? As if it's not about me?" Remy tentatively asked the man in front of her. He had a face that made it look like he was always pensive, but she wondered if it came from years of experience as a rehab therapist.

"You can say anything you like. I'm here first and foremost to listen," Dr. Harrow replied. Remy nodded and took a deep breath.

"Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved her mother very much. But as the little girl was just starting to grow up, her mother was no longer the same. She was fading. When that little girl grew up, she learned that she too was destined to fade the same way and break the hearts of everyone she allowed close to her, just like she'd witnessed from the woman who used to be her mother. She started to self-destruct, and then she met someone who started changing things. Her name was Allison Cameron…"

THREE WEEKS LATER…

As a reward for opening up in her therapy sessions and not accruing any penalties for misbehavior, Remy was allowed a visitor. She chose Adrianne of course, and the two of them were currently seated across from one another in a private room with a table between them and a nurse watching them closely a few feet away.

"It's good to hear that you've been making progress," Adrianne said.

"Everything seems so slow, like I'm moving through molasses," Remy complained.

"That's normal. You know, in a couple more weeks they'll let you out if you continue doing this well." Remy bit her lip, not knowing how to handle that news.

So she asked about something else that would be hard to handle. "Have you heard from anyone at PPTH?"

Adrianne adopted a sort of guarded look. "I'm not sure this is something we should be talking about. I'm more concerned with your progression here- your present and future, not your past."

Remy raised an eyebrow. "So you're telling me that Princeton Plainsboro is all in my past now?"

Adrianne swore under her breath. "I'm not telling you anything. Stop being conniving for a few minutes. That's my job, you know that?" she added with a smirk.

"Yeah, well you're not doing a very good job at it you know."

Adrianne chuckled lowly, but it sounded off. "You know, I've never had this close of a relationship with a patient before. I shouldn't even be here, you know. I had to pull a favor from an ex who works here just to get in to see you."

Well that was interesting. "So why are you here then?"

Adrianne didn't break eye contact. "Because you've never been my patient. Not really. You've been my friend since that night you half-carried me home from that party freshman year of college, and that's never stopped."

Remy felt a little guilty in that moment because she'd barely even been able to say the word friend until recently, and here Adrianne was admitting what should have been obvious- that she had always viewed Remy as a friend. The evidence was all there- Adrianne charged her next to nothing for appointments. She'd gone to dinner with Cameron and Chase just because Remy asked. She was here now. None of that was therapist-like behavior. In fact, she was sure it broke several rules of doctor-patient relationships.

Adrianne had been waiting patiently for years for Remy to recognize everything that she did for her, and Remy had refused to even categorize the redhead as a friend.

Before she could even register what was happening, Remy felt a tear sliding down her cheek. "I'm sorry, Adrianne."

No response or clarification was needed. The two understood each other in that moment.

Exactly a week later, Adrianne was permitted to visit again. Remy knew that she was nearing the end of her time in the isolated rehabilitation center, but she was uncertain as to what that would mean for her. She didn't know what her life would look like anymore.

"I think it's about time that I tell you that I've been getting calls from a Doctor Allison Cameron fairly frequently," Adrianne stated.

Remy was surprised both at the statement for two reasons- one, that Allison had been calling her therapist, and two, that Adrianne was actually telling Remy about it.

"What does she say?" Remy inquired hesitantly.

"She asks about you, obviously. Apparently she conned my number out of Cuddy somehow, which is pretty impressive. She's concerned about you, and she wants to know if she can come visit you," Adrianne answered.

"I… I can't let her come here," Remy whispered.

"Why not?" Adrianne questioned.

"Because I can't let her get invested in this. In me," Remy answered with a coldness in her voice that she hadn't used in weeks. She was terrified of bringing Allison in to the mess that was her life, not after everything that had already happened.

Remy couldn't meet Adrianne's eye, but she hoped that her therapist would catch on to the fact that this conversation was not wanted. "Well it's a little too late for that," came her reply.

"Why won't you people just leave me alone? Can't you see that there's nothing to find with me but pain?" Remy exploded.

The nurse observing them stepped forward and placed a hand on Remy's shoulder. "I think that we've had enough here for today," he said in a soothing tone.

"Can you give us two more minutes?" Adrianne pleaded. The nurse caught her eye and thought about it for a moment. Remy said nothing, keeping her anger internal, suddenly feeling like a liar. She had just yelled for everyone to get away from her, but now she was scared of Adrianne having to leave. She was a hypocrite.

"Fine, but if she gets any more upset, I am going to have to ask you to leave," the nurse addressed Adrianne.

"Understood." Adrianne nodded before turning back to Remy.

"You know that we can't stop caring about you just because it's hard sometimes. I can't speak on Allison's behalf, but I can tell you that I love you, and that means sticking with you even when it hurts," Adrianne almost whispered. It was soft and Remy knew that she was having one of those emotional moments that didn't always show up very easily. She was reminded for a brief second that everyone was broken in their own way, not just people that ended up in rehab. Even therapists had their own skeletons that haunted them in their weak moments. Adrianne was human, and as such, was flawed. "Wow, I really have broken every freaking bylaw at this point, haven't I?" she snorted.

Remy cracked a smile. "Well, no. We haven't slept together."

At that comment, Adrianne rolled her eyes. "Don't you even think about it."

For the next few days, all Remy could think about was Allison Cameron. The blonde woman haunted her dreams and her thoughts. She couldn't stop wondering what the other doctor was doing, what she talked to Adrianne about, what she thought of the last night they'd seen each other.

That moment. That kiss.

Without wanting to, Remy was thrown into a flashback of that day.

She had leaned in to kiss Allison. She wasn't thinking about the consequences, or about Chase, or about anything at all besides her own personal need. She needed to feel Allison against her because it was all that she could think about. Allison was the bright shining spot of her life that was spiraling to a place she couldn't dare go. She couldn't end up a yellow mess of tattered pages like her mother. She had to hold on to something, desperately.

The moment their lips made contact, Remy felt like she was finally breathing oxygen again. Maybe if moments like these, spent kissing Allision Cameron, could happen again, Remy would be able to piece herself back together.

It didn't last long before Remy felt a gentle push on her shoulders. She squeezed her eyes shut as the crushing reality set in around her- she had just made a mistake. She had just kissed her friend, the one who was straight, the one with the boyfriend, the one who had been nothing but friendly and perfect.

"I-I…" Remy stuttered. Her hands were shaking and her head was spinning. She'd lost her oxygen again and feared passing out.

"Remy? What was that?" Allison asked. Her voice wasn't quite angry so much as confused and concerned. Remy's breathing grew faster and shallower.

"I didn't… I shouldn't have…" she trailed off in response.

"Open your eyes. I need to know you're not going to pass out." The blonde doctor's voice no longer sounded concerned. She sounded clinical, like a doctor talking to a patient.

Remy knew that she had effectively just ruined their friendship. The tone of Allison's voice confirmed that. Remy was returning Allison's hand of friendship with feelings much different than were appropriate. It had been happening for a while, but Remy never thought that she would act on those feelings so blatantly. Damn her Huntington's for sending her into this corkscrew of emotions after her most recent blood test.

So she opened her eyes. She so no return of those feelings she so desperately wanted for the two of them. All she saw was disappointment and confusion.

Those emotions were mirrored in Remy's own heart.

Remy shook her head to come back to the present. She walked into Dr. Harrow's office and sat down.

"What would you like to talk about today, Remy?" he asked in his deep voice.

"Allison Cameron," she replied.

A/N: So... if anyone's reading this, congratulations. It's literally been more than a year since I've posted anything. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I guess. I'm sorry for giving up before. Shit happens.