Clare
"How's father Jacobs treating you?"
"He's still nice. I like it there."
"Well that's good. Are you going to at least consider going to Suave?"
"No."
He won't go talk to anybody about what happened a month and a half ago when he showed up on my doorstep bruised and crying. I think he needs to see a counselor but I don't want to push the issue. I sat beside him on my bed. My mom has gone back to her old tricks… she and my father have been gone a lot lately. I hardly see her but I never see him.
Jared starting kissing me roughly. That was the problem; it was rough but without passion. It kind of hurt my lips.
"Jared, honey, calm down I'm not going anywhere."
We started kissing again and this time he softened up. His hand moved from my hip to the side of my breast. I hope Jared isn't getting any funny ideas. His hand moved back down to the bottom of my shirt and he went under it, placing his hand on my boob and groping it. Okay, he's groping my boob. That's no big deal. Suddenly his other hand moved down and went into my pants. I had to stop him.
"Jared what are you doing?"
"I just want to make you feel good."
"I'm just…"
"Yeah. Not ready. I guess I'd have to be Eli for that to happen. I'll see you around."
"Jared wait. We need to talk about this."
He walked out of my house and the worst part is that I was a little relived. I like him I just don't feel right with his hands all over me and with us kissing. I guess…. I guess maybe I'm still getting used to the fact that he's not Eli. Sure Jared is normal and with him I get to do normal stuff, but now that I have it, I don't think normalcy is what I want. As much as I hate to admit it I get angry when I see Eli riding around with Olive. I get depressed when I see them kissing and it just beats be into the ground when they walk around holding hands. I don't know if they are genuinely into each other, or if Eli is doing this to make me jealous. Either way, it's ruining my mental stability. I called up Adam to talk.
"Well hello Ms. 'I steal Adam's trix yogurt and laugh about it.'"
"You're still angry about that? I'm sorry."
"Yeah tell it to the jury. What's up?"
"What are the chances that I can bribe you for some information?"
"No Eli isn't dating Olive to make you jealous."
"How'd you know I was going to ask that? I mean I was just curious, nothing major. I'm dating Jared."
"Yes, and you are miserable. I know Eli's unpredictability made you scared but Jared's predictability is boring you to death isn't it?'
"Yes! Its driving me up a wall and he got mad at me today!"
"Why?"
"I wouldn't let him finger me and he bought up Eli."
"Ouch… so what are you going to do?"
"I don't know. He's cute and he's sweet. I'm so lost."
"Well I can't help you there."
"What are you up to tonight?"
"Fiona and I are watching movies at Olive and Bianca's house."
"With Eli?"
"With Eli. He's carrying some gore flick of course."
"Well you have fun."
"Hey now… don't sound so down."
"I'm not. I have plans with Alli tonight."
"Oh right. The concert."
"Exactly."
"Well I will chat with you later. Have fun."
"You too."
I got off the phone and I went to my closet. I picked out a dress for the concert. The front was fully covered with silver sequins and the back was plain black. I was pairing the look with black heels and a black clutch. I jumped into the shower and I got fresh, making sure to also shave the parts that were going to be out tonight. I got dressed and I paired the loose fitting dress with a belt that cinched it at the waist. I looked amazing once all the finishing touches were put on. You never know, Beyonce might ask us to come on stage with her! I have to look like a Diva.
"Hello?"
"Clare we are outside. Hurry hurry! We need to get there early!"
"Okay Alli. I'll be right down chill out."
Sav was home for the weekend and he was nice enough to offer to be our chauffer. I greeted him and I got in the backseat where Alli was. I filled her in on what happened while we were on our way to the venue.
"So what's going to happen?"
"I'm going to patch things up with him but…he's still not touching my vagina."
"Language back there ladies!"
"Oh don't mind him Clare! He's never heard such harsh language before."
After Sav dropped us off we went in and sat down. Front row and center. As far as guilt presents go…this takes the cake. My dad may be absent but the man knows how to give gifts.
"Well…maybe you still love Eli."
"In a Christian way. I have to love everybody."
"Clare don't try and pull that bullshit with me. I see how you look at him every day. You still love him."
"And he likes Olive."
"Likes, not loves….you could still win him back."
"What about Jared?"
"Not to be harsh but he has bigger issues to deal with."
I sang along to the songs and I danced at the concert after Alli convinced me to be bad this once and steal Eli back. It's high time I stop denying myself and do it. Yes, Eli scares me but he excites passion in me that nobody else seems to be able to ignite. There's no denying that I still deeply love him and want him. I just hope Jared isn't too hurt.
Beyonce took the stage and we danced and sang along. She didn't call anyone up on stage but I have a feeling none of the audience members were too disappointed. After the show we walked to the waffle restaurant down the street from the venue. We took a seat and ordered. The bready waffles, sweet syrup and salty eggs hit the right spot. It was the perfect fourth meal. After having the main course we ordered coffee and Alli called our faithful driver to come and pick us up. He dropped me off back home and I said goodbye to the Bhandari's. Before I got fully out of the car Alli winked at me. I guess I know what that means.
Olive
What used to be a movie day has turned into a make out fest. Eli and I were in my room and this time the lights were off. There's something about being in the dark that makes me more nervous, especially now that his icy hands are snaking up my back to my bra. I subtly pushed them down and they landed on my ass. I guess that's okay. While we were kissing he just swatted me on the ass.
"Did you just slap me on the ass?"
"I thought you deserved a spanking."
"Eli, you get a little stranger every day."
"You have no idea how strange I can be."
We started making out again and this time his hands were planted firmly on my hips. I started to think about things. How will I tell Eli what happened to me and why I'm really going to Suave? Will it creep him out? Will I ever be ready to give myself to someone? Eli must have noticed how distracted I got because he stopped kissing me. I turned over, putting my back to him while I cradled myself.
"Olive what's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm just thinking."
"About what?"
"I think I need to talk to you. We've been dating for almost two months."
"Is it because I forgot a one month anniversary gift?"
"Eli I'm serious right now…please stop joking."
"Olive what's going on? Is it something I did or said?"
"No. You've been great. I just… I can tell you want to take things further. It's only natural but I think you should know the reason I'm going to Ms. Suave and the reason I was such an angry person…. When I was fourteen I…never mind. I don't need to tell you this."
"Olive. Whatever it is you know I won't judge you. I want you to be able to talk to me about stuff. You don't have to hold it in. I'm not going to stone you or blame you."
"I was raped. I don't know why I just… I felt like you should know. Please don't tell anyone. Not even Adam."
"Does anyone else know?"
"Just me, Bianca, the guy who did it, Ms. Suave and god oh…and now you know too."
"I'll take it to the grave. If you want to slow down we can."
"I would like that."
I looked at him and he didn't give me the "pity face" or any other weird stuff. He simply held out his arms and we started kissing again. This time there was less groping and more hugging. I felt wanted and understood.
Later that night when Eli and the rest of our company left, Bianca and I hit up the town to do something we haven't done in ages. We went to the one dollar midnight movie. It's usually and old black and white romance film. We payed to get in and then we sat up in the balcony. The film being shown tonight was The Women. I love this movie.
"I told Eli about what happened."
"How'd he take it?"
"He was cool about it."
"What bought it up?"
"He was reaching for my bra and it made me start thinking, I got distracted and depressed and it just came out."
"Oh…well he should know. He's your boyfriend. How are things between you two?"
"Good. He smacked me on the ass tonight."
"That was a colorful move. What did you do?"
"I called him on it."
"Oh…what about the big ex situation?"
"I think he's finally getting over her."
"More room in his heart for you."
"I guess. I think he'll always love her like crazy but I think right now he's sick of trying to prove it to her."
"Interesting. I love this part…."
We shut up and watched the movie. After the show we went to this street vendor to get burritos. It was the best burrito and coke I have ever had in my life. When we made it back home I was beat. My mother was just getting home.
"Where have you two been?"
"To the one dollar movie."
"What picture was showing?"
"The Women… Bianca cried."
"Guilty. Well I'm beat. Night Ma."
"Night Bibi."
"Yeah I'm tired too…"
"Wait a minute. Olive, can I talk to you?"
"What's up Ma?"
"Your sister told me you had something you were hiding from me. Something important?"
"The fact that I have a boyfriend?"
"Any fool could see that you and Eli are dating. He's around all the time."
Tears started to well up in my mother's eyes. I wonder how long she knew about this? I wonder when Bianca told her and why she didn't tell me? My mother hugged me and we cried together.
"You could have told me Olive. I'm your mother we could have gone after the little creep."
"I was scared and I didn't want anyone to know."
"As mothers, we try to shield you from the bad things in life but some of them we can't protect you from and I'm sorry."
"It wasn't your fault."
We started wiping our tears and she had me sit down for hot chocolate with her.
"How is your therapy going?"
"It's going okay. It's boring but I guess it works. I feel a little better."
"That's good. Olive I want you to know that no matter what happens, you can always talk to me. I'm your mom and I love you."
"I love you too Ma."
I felt complete in an odd way. There was another weight lifted off my chest now that my mother knew what happened. I always felt kind of guilty for having her think my anger and distance was normal teenage behavior. I'm so glad she knows now so that I can get the closure I need for life to move forward.
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