Chapter 10

Kili's Not the Same

Disclaimer: I own nothing (except OCs) and do not profit.

In the days that came Fίli watched his little brother. He knew, along with Dis and Thorin, that despite Kίli's protestations otherwise, things were not just fine. He had noticed the forced smile and the lack of mischievous gleam in his sibling's eyes.

The raven-haired prince was far quieter than normal as if his natural exuberance had been doused. He rarely bounced on his feet anymore and even his speech slowed; words no longer tumbled from his lips one atop another as if he would burst before he got them out. He did not argue about Balin's classes, not that he was any more attentive, just less vocal.

If Fίli suggested they go somewhere, Kίli readily agreed, but did not suggest outings on his own. It had been weeks since the little hellion had even pulled a practical joke. Oh, he would help his brother if asked, but no longer initiated them. Kίli hadn't even grumbled when Thorin told him to muck the stables, just replied, "Yes, Uncle," not even looking up.

The change in Kίli cast a cloud over the entire house. He had been the light and heart of the entire family. And now, without his crazy antics and wild charm, each of the Durins fell back into their old familiar patterns. Thorin brooded and his temper rose to the surface more often. Dis went about her work quiet and restrained, no longer needing to take her wild youngest to task over a hundred things a day. And Fili retreated into his somber role of responsible heir.

The family and their cousins had all discussed the radical change in the youngest Durin for it had not gone unnoticed by those outside the immediate family either. Balin thought Kίli seemed preoccupied when at class and Dwalin noted a hesitance on the training field, once Oin permitted, that was more than just a fear of dizziness. The healer reminded them that personality changes were a possible aftermath of the concussions. He also mentioned that the prince's actions might be tied to his inability to remember what had happened, either because of the concussions or because his mind would not allow him to deal with those memories just yet. Thus the 'give it time' attitude persisted, reinforced by Thorin's adamant refusal to reveal anything to Kίli that the prince did not recall on his own.

As the days grew colder heading toward the frigid Ered Luin winter Dis voiced her concern to Thorin that Kίli had not been hunting. Accordingly there was no stockpile of dried meat for when hunting would be futile. They had known lean winters and hunger in the past, but once Kίli had taken up archery, there had been more meat for their family as well as the rest of the village. They were relying on the young Durin's proficiency again this year. Thorin reassured her that he would speak to Fίli about setting traps and taking his brother hunting.

That night as they were preparing for bed, Fίli, at Thorin's bidding, broached the subject of a hunting trip.

Hey, Kee. Wouldn't you like to have some fresh deer meat?"

"I guess," the answer was flat and not at all how he normally would have responded.

"Then let's go hunting tomorrow," Fίli suggested. "Soon it'll be winter and we could use some meat stores."

Kίli stopped and looked at his brother as a smile started to form, but then he turned back to what he was doing. "Nah. I...What if I get a bad headache or a dizzy spell out in the woods?...Better not."

Fίli rounded on his brother grabbing him by the arm and turning him until they were facing. "So, I might get burned, I better not go to the forge? I could get cut training with Mister Dwalin, does that mean I can quit practicing?" The harsh words flew out before Fili could stop them...or temper them.

Kili stepped back, eyes wide. He pulled his arm from his brother's grasp.

"That's up to you," Kili mumbled, once again turning away.

Fίli was shaken to his core, first that he had lashed out. But more importantly because Kίli was letting it drop. His brother never backed down from a fight. This was just so not right. He desperately missed the baby brother he had spent seventy years with, and he wanted him back.

"I'm sorry, nadadith. I didn't mean..." Fίli reached out for Kίli's shoulder and felt his brother stiffen at the touch.

"Didn't you? Really?" Kili snapped without turning around. When Fίli did not respond, he continued, voice low, almost a whisper, "I ... can't go. I'm...scared."

"Scared of what?" Fίli felt the shoulder shake underneath his hand.

Kίli hunched his shoulders pulling away from this brother and bowed his head before answering. "I...I don't know. But I can't go."

Fili started to wrap his arms around his brother as he usually did when comforting the younger. "I'll be with you. I won't let anything happen."

Kίli stepped away shrugging out of the grasp before Fίli could pull him into the inevitable hug.

"Leave off, Fili." Kili's tone turned cold and hard, brooking no further conversation.

Fίli stood staring at his brother's back. The hunched shoulders and bowed head with hair obscuring his face were telltale signs that Kίli was hurting, and under normal circumstances he would have welcomed his big brother's hug and support. Only nothing had been normal for weeks now.

Silently admitting that he had failed, Fίli crossed back to his bed, cursing under his breath. He had been so close. Kίli had almost smiled, almost opened up before he had dropped back into that place where he was untouchable.

Untouchable. Fili pondered the word. That was exactly what Kίli had become: untouchable. It was as if he had walled himself off from the world, and not just the physical touch part either. Emotionally the raven prince had become reserved, no longer open and sharing. Fίli desperately needed to find out what was going on with Kili, and how to fix it before he lost his brother altogether.

Kίli had mentioned being scared. But what was he afraid of? It couldn't be the headaches or dizziness as he had claimed. After all, he would be there with his brother in case something did happen. Did he mean he was afraid of the woods?...No, it had to be more than that...Something that happened that day on the way home? Could Kίli have remembered?... Probably not... he would have reacted differently. Even in the woods, he hadn't wanted to be touched but he had not been so cold and hostile. That had been more like panic; but this...this was more withdrawal, as if he did not have the energy to engage in life as he once did...or as if he no longer felt like trying.

Fili felt certain that when Kili remembered, it would be much more painful for them both than this little spat tonight had been. It was not something that he was looking forward to, but right now, he would gladly endure any pain if it just brought his happy, carefree baby brother back.

AN: This chapter is a little shorter than the others, but it sets the stage for later events. Thanks for reading, and please review