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My Milaya Chapter 10…

Rose POV

I was so stoked; I got out of my ward inspection duty for the afternoon. Who knew that Guardian Morozov's replacement would be so nice and such a sucker for my flirtatious ways, hmmm maybe I can rearrange my whole schedule. I'll have to see how far I can push his ability to resist an experienced flirt.

I took advantage of the extra time to get ready for my date. I wanted to look my best for Lover Boy, I think he was trying to show me off to his old Guarding partner and I didn't want to disappoint my man. I snorted at the thought. Jake was really wearing me down and he was so sweet, I hope I get to stay with him tonight. I was lonely last night and sleeping next to his warm body was wonderful, I missed it.

I put on Adrian's favorite outfit, black skinny jeans, a tight red sweater that was a little revealing, but not slutty and my black high heeled boots. When I was with Adrian he used to like to dress me, but not Jake he was much easier, he never cared what I wore. He always said no matter what I had on I looked great.

I did my hair in soft waves wearing it down was a nice change; I had worn it up all week for work. I took one last look in the mirror and thought I looked pretty good, just needed some lip gloss and I would be ready to go.

Before I left I wrote out a note for Z's Dad, I wanted to make sure he had no excuse not to bring him to my apartment tomorrow. I don't know why I was nervous to meet him, maybe it was because if he didn't like me then he could keep Z from me and that would crush me. I had only known the little guy a short time, but I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. I did truly love him.

Thinking about Z put a smile on my face. I walked into the daycare and Z spotted me immediately.

"Laya" he ran and crashed into me. I couldn't resist him, I picked him up and spun him around.

I put him on my hip I loved holding him like this, like he belonged to me. "I missed you Laya."

I smiled and giggled like a little girl. "I missed you too Z."

He put his little hand on my cheek, god I loved it when he did that. "I love you Laya" he said sweetly.

I looked at him, rubbed his sweet little cheek, I swear I could feel my heart swell bigger every time I was with him. "And I love you."

Z had me so memorized in our mutual confession of admiration I barely noticed my surroundings, but I faintly heard my girls? I looked up and saw the twins with Lissa and Christian, what where they doing here? Lissa was whiter than normal and Christian was cursing under his breath, this was not good.

That's when I saw him. I swear my world stopped spinning on its axis. Dimitri?

His hair was down liked I loved it. I remember how soft it was the few times I got to touch it. I forgot how ominously godlike he was, he really was a Russian God. Tall, fit and stoic just as you would expect the perfect specimen to look. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that he was standing in front of me. I let out a gasp not being able to control my shock, not a very Guardian like move on my part.

I faintly realized Z wiggled down off me and ran to Dimitri and grabbed his hand? Oh my god Z…Dimitri…was Z's dad? Z pulled Dimitri towards me, but Dimitri looked hesitant. Shit he was not happy to see me and was trying to avoid me, I felt like an out of place ass.

"Laya this is my Daddy, Daddy this is my Laya." Z was beaming.

God this was not happening, Dimitri was Z's dad. "Daddy?" I looked toward Dimitri for some type of confirmation and he looked like he was in just as much shock to see me was I was to see him.

He cleared his throat. "Roza how have you been?"

Seriously that's what he has to say to me how have I been? How in the hell does he think I have been? "Fine." I spat at him, how dare he act like nothing was weird about this situation. He destroyed me and left me for Tasha and he wanted to sit and chit chat.

Wait Tasha. OH MY GOD TASHA is dead. And why didn't anyone tell me? I heard Lissa calling me; she must have sensed my train of thought.

Rose please let me explain. I couldn't see you hurt again. Dimitri didn't want you to know Tasha died giving birth to Zander. Yes his name is Zander Christian, he's such a doll Rose, but you know that now. I hate to say this, but he didn't want to see you so he asked us not to tell you he was single and Tasha had passed. I am sorry I shouldn't have kept this from you, please Rose don't hate me. I swear I was just worried about you.

Oh god he didn't want me bothering him. My stomach was twisting in knots it's like all the rejection was hitting me all over again. I felt like such an idiot, someone kill me now please.

"Um Lissa could I see you outside please?"

Renatta strutted over to Dimitri and rubbed his arm lovingly. "Dimka are you already for our date?" I glared at her; I hated that name, Dimka, UGH! I was so wound tight I thought I might shatter from the tension in my body.

That's when I felt two warm familiar arms circle me, Adrian. I felt his breath on my neck and shivered a little. He whispered in my ear. "Hey gorgeous, let me get you out of here for a few minutes, I think you could use some fresh air to clear your head." Just having someone that I knew did love me allowed me to relax a little.

He pulled me outside and held me. "Little Dhampir I am sorry but I had to get you out of there."

He held me while I took a few deep breaths and calmed down. I pulled away to look at him. "Thank you" I was pretty emotional and wanted to say more, but I tried to convey to him all the appreciation I had for him through our eye contact.

The more I was around his familiar scent the safer and calmer I got. "Thanks again, you're too good to me Adrian." He really was too kind.

He gave me his sexy smile I loved so much. "Love, for you I would walk through a bourbon factory and not have one drop." I couldn't help but laugh the visual he gave me was too much, oh Adrian.

I felt like I got some of my inner strength back. I resisted the urge to rub my tattoo I didn't want Adrian to be suspicious of what I was doing. "Okay I can do this, I need to go back in there and give him my address so he can bring his little boy over to my place." Adrian looked guilty; yeah he knew he was so busted for hiding Tasha's death and Zander's birth from me.

"Oh, and by the way my sexy Moroi I am not going to forget you were in on this big conspiracy to keep me in the dark about Tasha dying after Zander was born. I don't care that Belikov didn't want me to know, but you of all people should have told me." Yeah my sexy favorite Moroi you are busted along with your spirit welding cousin.

He gave me his panty melting love pout and rubbed my cheek. He so did not fight fair; he knew I couldn't resist his sexy pout. "I am sorry Little Dhampir I wanted to protect you from more pain and rejection. I know it was wrong, but I was only doing it because I love you." I couldn't blame him and Lissa they weren't the ones rejecting me again.

"I know" I told him. It was two small words but he knew me and that I didn't blame him. He was looking out for me like always.

Adrian's smirky self returned. "Okay so let's go torture Belikov. So what will it be, you telling him that I took your virginity or we make out in front of him?" Oh he was so funny, but as funny as it seemed I doubted the Russian God would even care.

"Oh Adrian let's not get ahead of ourselves, I doubt he'll care."

"You have no idea. His mouth tells you one thing, but I know that look Rose he still loves you. Trust me I should know." Poor Adrian, why couldn't I just love him back like he loved me? I know why, because that jerk inside ruined me for all men. Well maybe not all men, Lover boy was holding his own these days. Thinking of Jakey-pooh gave me strength to face my demons inside the daycare.

I pulled strength thinking of my support network, Lover Boy, Adrian and my friends and put my Guardian mask on, I could do this. "Guardian Belikov" He winced a little, was it so bad for me to talk to him? "I came by to give you my address so you could drop off Zander tomorrow. Ten o'clock is good for us." He gave me a blank stare, his Guardian mask reflecting right back at me.

I was blocking Liss I had no time for her. "Liss we need to talk, but I have to go meet Lover Boy, so later?" I let her know I was not ready to talk yet. "Alberta we'll catch up tomorrow." I couldn't even think about Alberta being here yet my head was spinning way too much already.

Renatta decided to make sure I knew Dimitri was hers, she must have sensed the tension in the room. "Dimka let's go, it's getting late and I'm starving."

Dimitri stared at me. I saw love and regret in his eyes, but I just couldn't fathom what I was seeing. Why would he say one thing and do the other. God I hated when people called him Dimka, it brought back all the memories of Tasha and that horrible winter trip to the lodge, ugh! "Yeah Dimka have fun on your date." I was being a brat, but I couldn't resist.

I was so confused at the mixed messages he was sending me and I had so many conflicting emotions I had to get out of here. I grabbed my crutch, Adrian, and went to leave. That's when I heard those little feet, and all my frustrations and anger melted, he was like a calming bath. Ah Zander. I loved saying his full name. "Laya wait."

I picked him up and nuzzled him like he was meant to be in my arms. I got a little worried Dimitri would keep him away from me. If he didn't want me to know anything about him and Zander how was I going to keep seeing Z? Shit this was not good I may lose him and that would rip my crippled heart in two. I tried to push those horrible thoughts aside, I needed to stay positive and have hope that Z's Bobbi would help me out with Dimitri. She seemed to like me, maybe she could convince him that Z needed me and my friendship, I had to hope anyway.

I sadly said goodbye to the little boy who stole my heart, worried it may be the last time I would see him. I walked out with Adrian hand in hand needing his strength to keep me upright.

Adrian and I walked in silence back to my apartment. I lay on my bed and covered my head with a pillow while Adrian rubbed my back. "Rose honey didn't you have plans with that surfer boy tonight?" I snorted; Adrian could always make me laugh even when I was at my worst.

I smiled and nodded. "You want to talk about it?" He asked and gave me a compassionate smile.

"No not yet, maybe later, I need to not think about it right now or I might unravel at the seams." What if I lose Zander now too? I was realizing that having Dimitri Belikov in my life was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. And no matter how much pain I felt and no matter how much he didn't want me and rejected me I would never regret meeting him or his adorable son.

Adrian put me back together and gave me a drink that numbed me enough so I could get through the night. It was time to put my game face on and put Guardian Belikov behind me for tonight at least.

I walked into the G bar and saw my smiling Lover Boy and I couldn't help but return his smile. He really was a bright sun coming to warm me on a miserable cloudy day.

Oh shit he was with Dimitri and Renatta. Okay this was a sick joke, D is Dimitri.

I sat down and J started to introduce all of us. I stopped him. "Um J I know Guardian Belikov and Renatta, already."

"Really?" He gave me a questioning look?

Okay new strategy. Kill Dimitri and his date with kindness maybe then he'll let me keep my relationship with Zander. "Yes um I work with Renatta." I smiled at Renatta and she finally gave me a genuine smile, she must like that I was with Jake and not a threat for Dimitri's attention. "And um Guardian Belikov was for a very short time one of the instructors at St. Vlad's."

"Really?"

Dimitri cleared his throat. "Actually I mentored Rose for awhile." How dare he, this was my story to tell.

I tried not to shoot daggers at him, but I am not sure how much I could prevent it. "Well it was just for a few months, Alberta was my real mentor. Guardian Belikov left after a few months to start a family." I saw the hurt and sadness in his eyes, if he was going to tell a story then so was I.

"It's Dimitri."

"What?"

"You are my peer now, you can call me Dimitri." He gave me that you have to listen to me authoritative look. Hmmm some habits die hard.

"Well I guess I will always see you as Guardian Belikov, my instructor, you know kind of like Guardian Alto, it's hard for me to call him Stan." I knew it was a low blow, comparing him to Stan, but he deserved it.

Jake thankfully saved me from digging a bigger hole with my bitter behavior and brought us to some lighter conversation about his and Dimitri's days when they guarded and attended the academy together. It was awkward and hard and horrible, but I put a fake smile on my face and gave all my attention to Jake like a good girlfriend. But I was dying inside, I wanted to know what was up with Dimitri's schizophrenic behavior, one second he was giving me loving eyes and the next he was narrowing his eyes at me. I had emotional whip lash and needed a break.

I thankfully was able to run off to the restroom and Renatta not being my biggest fan didn't want to come with me. I squatted outside the ladies room against the wall and tried to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I was an emotional wreck and I hated it. It was like 4 years ago when he left me.

"Roza" Shit shit shit I was not ready for this.

I scrambled to my feet. "Um Guardian Belikov sorry I was just on my way back."

I saw him flinch when I called him by his formal name.

"Please Roza its Dimitri. I am so – " I had to cut him off.

"Look no matter how you feel about me, I promise you I will not bother you, just please don't keep Zander from me. He's such a sweet boy and I will be so sad if I can't see him again."

His eyes softened and he took a step towards me making our space very intimate. He brushed some hair off my cheek. "I would never keep you two apart." His voice had a ring of conviction to it and his eyes told me he was being sincere. Thank god.

I had to look away from his gaze it was piercing right through me. "Thank you." It's all I could say, I felt like my throat was closing and I lost my voice to the emotion of having him touching me. His familiar smell of after shave and musky soap swirled around us. God he was so gorgeous memories did not do him justice.

I looked back and I saw love in his eyes, what did this mean? "Roza" he whispered while he pressed against me, I was literally between the wall and a rock hard Russian God. My head was spinning. Why was he doing this to me? I looked in his eyes and I saw the love and pain I felt reflected back to me from his warm brown eyes. Those eyes, Zander had his eyes, how could I be so dense and not see the connection. My breath caught at the intensity of our closeness.

"Renatta I think the bathroom is over here let me check on Rose." I heard Jake and Renatta coming around the corner. For one split second I looked at Dimitri and he gave me a look of fear and sadness. I shook my head and ran into the bathroom.

I took a few calming breaths and tried to get my hands to stop shaking. I walked out and tried to be normal. I saw Dimitri with his phone; he was probably pretending to be on the phone as his cover.

Jake came and put his arm around me; he kissed the side of my head. "There you are babe I was getting worried about you." He rubbed me lovingly.

I looked at Dimitri; Renatta had claimed him and held his arm territorially. "Oh sorry I got a call from Lissa."

Dimitri gave me a sad look as we went back to get our drinks and head to our table for dinner. I was lost in the world of a confused head, I was on auto pilot. It was like I was there, but not there. That embrace, Dimitri being pressed against me was making my insides melt. Why was he sending me mixed signals, why was he torturing me?

I had every intention of making him jealous with Jake, but I was a weak defeated woman. I just couldn't do it, instead I was polite and kind and tried to be the perfect girlfriend, but that façade was a deck of cards and I was a wreck. I kept rubbing my tattoo trying to calm myself. Toward the end of dinner Jake noticed and I told him I was not feeling well so we could have an out. This way I could run and hide in my apartment and try to get my head straight.

Finally dinner was over. I held onto Jake needing his closeness for security, I saw the sadness in Dimitri's eyes when I was hanging on Jake. "Okay you two have fun, but not too much fun." Jake gave them his million dollar smile and winked at them.

We said a polite good bye and were on our way.

"Babe what's wrong?"

"Uh nothing, just tired I guess."

"Really? I think you don't you like D?"

I shook my head. "It's not that I don't like him it's just weird that he's a peer, he was quite a hard ass on me you know." I looked at him and he nodded in understanding.

He didn't know that Dimitri was the one to come get me and Lissa, once I told him he understood my awkwardness. At some point I needed to tell him what the real issue was, but tonight was not the night for it.

Jake's phone went off, it was Dimitri thanking him for the night, he showed me the message. Then his phone went off again, this time it was Alberta.

"Shit Rose she needs me for the next three days to fill in for a sick Guardian." He gave me a remorseful look. "I am sorry babe."

I shook my head. "Hey don't worry about it Alberta wouldn't call on you unless it was an emergency she knows how much you hate leaving all of us." He agreed and we said a quick good bye.

I was sad to see him go, I loved sleeping next to his warm rock hard body, but I needed some time to sort my head. I would never tell him this but I welcomed that text. I wonder if Alberta knew I needed some space and sent him away. I'll have to ask her about that.

I took a shower and let the hot water run over my body until it ran cold. I got out, got dressed and braided my hair. This way it would be wavy and I could wear it in a pony tail, but it would look styled and wavy.

As I was walking to the kitchen to get some water I heard a knock at the door. "Who is it?"

"Roza its Dimitri can we talk." I moved to the door.

"Um…why? I think it's best if we don't go there right now Guardian Belikov."

I heard him moan. "Please call me Dimitri. I promise it will be just for a minute."

I could not face him right now tomorrow was going to be hard enough. "Um you can say whatever you have to through the door. Plus, why are you here, what if Jake was still here?"

"I saw him leave."

"Are you spying on me?"

"No" long pause, "I was just watching until you were alone."

"Semantics" I slid down with my back to the door and decided to hear him out, but I was not letting him in. "Okay…fine…shoot, I'll listen."

"Can I come in, please?" He was using his Russian accent more, he was either tired or knew it was my weakness to hear his accent, or a little of both. Damn him and his hotness.

"I don't think that would be a good idea." Because I am a weak women and a coward.

"Okay" He sounded defeated. "Roza I never meant to hurt you I swear. After Mason died I realized how close I was to losing you and I left to protect you." Well that made no sense.

"I knew if I stayed I wouldn't be able to stay away from you and I would hurt your chances at being the Princesses' Guardian. I knew I would make you lose focus as a Guardian. I could not risk your life like that; you were too precious to me. I love you Roza." Wait loved or love?

I kept silent waiting to see if there was more. "I was a coward and too weak to face you. When I went to Tasha I was a mess. I realized I could not be with her and I started drinking heavily." Dimitri drinking? I couldn't imagine it.

"I wouldn't open up to Tasha, it was killing her, I was like a hermit a recluse. One night she came to comfort me, I was really drunk and I was hallucinating. I thought she was you and I slept with her." What the hell.

"That's when we conceived Zander. I had to take responsibility for my actions so I stopped drinking and did right by Tasha. I was a mess, but we agreed to be partners and friends and raise the baby together. But I was never with Tasha, in my heart it was always you. At Christian's graduation I was planning to tell you everything, come clean, say goodbye, but you weren't there." I ran away to Israel to hide from him.

"Roza when Zander was born all I could think is that I wished he was yours, but he was not. I felt like such a horrible man thinking of you after Tasha died, but you're all I ever thought about. When I held Zander that first time I knew I had to think of someone besides myself for once. I vowed that day to never let him down. I thought you would hate him because he was Tasha's son. That's why I never found you and told everyone to keep my story from you." Was I such a horrible person that he thought I would hate his baby.

The stress of this situation was getting to me. Dimitri's voice was so soothing; it was like he was lulling me to sleep. I was so tired and emotionally overwhelmed I was not sure if I passed out or fell asleep from exhaustion. Next thing I knew I woke up and was cold and stiff. Wait, it was freezing outside, oh no Dimitri, shit.

I flung the door open and I saw him hunched over in a ball shivering and out of it. He was either asleep or unconscious?

My Guardian training kicked in. I pulled him inside and dragged him to my bed.

He was fully alert now and shaking violently from the cold. "Rrrrrozzzza….shhhhhowwwerrr" Was all he could get out.

"No, you'll go into shock!" I started undressing him leaving only his boxer briefs on him, his eyes got huge at my actions. I stripped down to my bra and booty shorts and his eyes got bigger. I tried not to look at his sexy body so I wouldn't get distracted. Looking at the clock I realized I was out over an hour, thank god I woke up before Zander lost his only living parent.

I pulled his shaking form into my bed and I thought I saw him smile. I got as much skin contact with him as possible to warm him and covered us up with the bed covers. "Thhhhannnnk you." He was barely able to speak he was shivering so badly.

I gave him my best smirk. "I am doing this for Zander, he needs you." I was snuggling into him and could feel his face on the top of my head and I could tell he was smiling. I loved his smile.

He was so much taller than me I was tucked into him, we had our arms wrapped around each other and our legs were tangled together. He was cold to the touch, but I still felt warm tangled together with him like this.

Both of us being exhausted we fell asleep before he was fully warmed up. I still felt a few convulsions ripple through him periodically before I lost my fight to stay awake. I tried my best not to fall asleep, but I was tired, tired of fighting, tired of being mad, so I pretended. I held onto my Russian God and I pretended that he was mine, that he never left me for Tasha, that Zander was our son, that there was no monsters and no magic and we could just be together. Ignorance was bliss.

I woke up and felt warm, too warm almost. I felt a warm calloused hand on my bare back and for one split second I thought it was Jake. Then I smelt his heavenly heady scent and all the memories came flooding back to me. I tried to pull away and out of bed, but he held me and mumbled, "Mmmmm Roza." Damn he was strong.

I finally weaseled my way out of his embrace and went to get dressed. I purposefully didn't look at his nearly naked body in my bed, the picture would haunt me, it would be best I didn't allow myself that visual.

I got dressed and heard him behind me, he was fully awake. My back was to him then he walked towards me. He rubbed where my tattoo was. Oh no, you don't mister. I turned abruptly and moved his hand. "What are you doing?"

He looked deep in my eyes like he was trying to hypnotize me. "It's new." He stated, I snorted at him.

"What?" He asked.

"A lot is new." He gave me a sad smile. I turned and finished getting ready trying to avoid looking at his bare godlike form. "I need to leave. You have to get dressed and go home to your son."

"Okay" He said softly. I heard him go into the restroom and then I noticed his clothes were missing. Huh, too shy to change in front of me was he?

I was in the kitchen making some coffee when I heard him. "You like coffee?"

"Um, yes, now I do." I still couldn't look at him. "Do you want some?"

"I'd love some."

I watched the coffee like it was the most fascinating TV show; I was trying to avoid him. "How do you take it?" I asked but still would not look at him.

"Black is fine." Can you say small talk to avoid the purple elephant in the room?

Avoiding his gaze I handed him his coffee. He gently reached out to my retreating hand and held my wrist softly, he wanted me to look at him. "Thank you Roza."

I snorted a little. "It's just coffee."

"I am not talking about the coffee. Thank you for everything; listening to me, warming me up, it was the best night of my life." I blushed, only he could make me blush like this.

"I had to, you know for Zander." And for me I would die if anything happened to you

"Have you had time to think about what I told you?"

I nodded. "Um yeah I guess. It doesn't really matter now though does it?"

He frowned. "It can matter. We can work this out."

I only had to say one word. "Jake" He got an instant look of guilt on his face.

I nodded agreeing with his expression. We finished our coffee, comfortable silence surrounded us.

When he was done I took his cup. "Um, I am going for a run so yeah I guess I'll see you at ten when you drop Z off."

Hurt flashed in his eyes. "Okay" He put his jacket on and I collected my cell phone, sweatshirt and keys. He followed me out and the comfortable silence from before turned awkward.

"Okay well see ya." He nodded looking like he wanted to say something, but I turned and started to walk away.

"Roza wait." Great I had my chance to run and I blew it.

"What?" I said a little too harshly.

"Do you love him?" I stared at him in shock, not really knowing what to say.

He must have realized that he needed to elaborate. "Jake, do you love him?" I was still frozen.

"Roza if you do just tell me, and I will stop dreaming of you and I will leave you alone, but I need to know."

"Yes" It was true I did love him, but my love for Jake was like one tree in a forest compared to my love for Dimitri which was an entire forest.

"Okay" He looked crushed my heart quivered at the look on his face.

"Dimitri it's just – "He cut me off.

"I get it, I am too late, you've moved on. Jake is great at least it's with him and not Ivashkov." Now I looked guilty, if he only knew. "Can we be friends, for Zander and the others?" He asked.

Was he that quick to just write me off and give up? I knew his feelings for me paled in comparison to mine, but that was easy. As much as I wanted to rush into his arms and hug him and tell him I loved him more than anything, that he was my one true love, that I would do anything for him and his little boy, I couldn't get my body to react. It was like the physical pain of losing him before was so harsh my body remembered and would not follow my heart. It was a sign of self preservation.

I nodded. "Okay friends." I could do this, I could be his friend. I mean we were close before right? We could be civil and work this out for everyone's sake. "But Dimitri I need to tell Jake about what happened with us from before, on my terms in my way, okay?"

He nodded. "Sure Roza. I am just happy you stopped calling me Guardian Belikov." I smiled the biggest smile, I couldn't resist, he had such an effect over me.

"Thank you Roza for last night, listening to me, the coffee, helping Z, all of it." I nodded looking towards the forest thinking of my love analogy. "And Roza" He waited until I looked back to him. "I am sorry."

I nodded and I watched him give me a sad smile, turn and walk off. I stayed silent, but inside I said yeah not as sorry as me.

Okay I feel like I have a lot to live up to since so many of you are following this story. I am hiding my face under Rose's bed covers, was it okay?

I have posted some My Milaya Out Takes for chapter 9, look at my profile to find them if you haven't checked them out yet : )

So I need some guidance, do we want Abe in this story? I have a whole plot line for him if you all want it let me know, I promise it won't over shadow our star crossed lovers.

And as you can all tell I am a boxer briefs girl, so what is it for you… boxers or briefs or a do you like a little of both like me?

Reviews are like being held by a Russian God while you sleep : D

A/N: So I just want to set the record straight. I pulled my story before since my name was out there and I was getting hate mail and people were searching out my story and they were not very nice. I have been in contact with the other author and she is really sorry and didn't mean any harm.

I think she's young and didn't realize and hey we all can relate to being young and not doing the smartest thing right. So it's all good. I have not had any hate mail and I hope she does not either.

Thanks for reading all my extra stuff I am windy tonight ; )