Chapter Ten

Fine you really want to know what's wrong with me?

Look around you, read a newspaper. Just like everyone else, I am scared. The wizarding world may have been at war before, but I haven't. I don't know what to expect and that thought terrifies me. Everyday there are new reports, another attack, and everyday it all seems to be getting a little closer to home.

We all feel safe here at the castle but we shouldn't because outside of these walls terrible things are happening.

Ever since I have been back there has been a nagging feeling of doom lingering in the back of my mind. Almost as if I am waiting for something big to happen. I can't even escape it when I am asleep. The nightmares are keeping me awake. I lie there night after night, waiting for the hours to whittle by as I listen to my roommates snoring. I'm so exhausted that I can barely function.

I've never found school to be particularly difficult but just lately no matter how hard I try, I cannot keep up. My hands are constantly cramping up from all of the writing and my head pounds as I try to focus on yet another paragraph. I have no time for anything else but studying. I skip at least one but ,ostpy two meals everyday just to keep up.

I had a detention tonight with my Head of House. I've never had a detention before and I was expecting it to be bad, but it was worse than I ever could have expected. I was told I have been performing so badly this year that I should think about dropping a couple of classes. Drop a couple of classes!! I am not that person but I don't know what else I can do. I am physically and mentally exhausted.

And I miss my friends but things between us seem more distant than ever before. Whether that's because of me and my lack of time, or them, I am not entirely sure.

One of them is going through a tough time right now but instead of letting me in, he seems to be pushing me away. He talks and he is friendly but it is always general chit chat, never anything more. It's almost as if it makes him appear weak to show his pain but why can't he see that I just want to help. Hell, I'd do anything even just to comfort him. My other friends are useless here, they see his smile and dismiss all concerns for his well being. But he is hurting.

The one is just useless full stop. He's off with his girlfriend all of the time just lately and even when he is not, she is there hanging around him. I am never free of her!

I don't understand what he sees in her to be honest. She doesn't have an interesting bone in her body, nor a nice one. She is vain and self centred and bullies everyone around her to make her feel better about herself, she even teases her only friend. I don't know how anyone can put up with her.

Just the thought of her makes my skin crawl. How will I ever be able to spend time with my friend if I cannot stand to be around her. I feel like he has a choice, me or her but I am the one who is losing. So what do I do? Admit defeat, call time on our once deep friendship or suck it up and try to put up with a person I detest for the sake of his happiness? I honestly don't know which is the worse option.

And then there is you. When Dumbledore announced this assignment, I was one of the few who was truly excited by it. I have wanted a pen pal ever since I was a little girl, and you have turned out to be such a disappointment. I, stupidly, thought that this would be a good thing, that I could forge a bond like no other with someone but I got you. You, who hates this and me. You, who is so unwilling to enter in even the most meaningless conversation. It's deflating to be honest.

I'm sure I have many snide remarks coming my way for sending this but you did ask!

Her writing was messy and frantic and blobs of ink had been blotted by her tears. Her hands scribbled frantically as they tried to keep up with her thoughts. Hermione stuffed the parchment carelessly into an envelope without sealing and quietly crept downstairs to thrust it into the postbox.

Writing everything down had such a cathartic effect but when her head hit the pillow her mind began racing. How could she have sent that! She had been so deflated and in despair when she had written it but all she felt now was cold.

She had just let it all pour out, she bared her soul to this person who held her in such contempt.

She wondered for just a moment if she would be able to go down and retrieve it, but she knew that the post box was charmed to deliver any mail instantly. She sighed.

Hermione listened to the wind, rustling through the trees and a distant screeching of an owl until finally she drifted off to sleep.

X

pan fydd y oeri yn yr awyr yn tyfu,

ceisiwch hi

lle mae bywyd natur yn cwrdd â dwyfol

cwrdd â hi yn y tiroedd sanctaidd

hi'n galw arnoch chi

The sweet harmony sang through the trees. It was dark. She stumbled on tree roots as she felt her way through the trees. A glimmer of light shone ahead calling her. She followed the light as the melodious high pitched chanting grew louder and louder. Hermione found her way to the source, a clearing, she stepped between two huge tree trunks and found herself in a clearing. The light of the moon shone brightly here, highlighting the source of the song. Hundreds of tiny elf like creatures stood hand to hand in a circle around the meadow, chanting in unison. Hermione slowly approached them but the creatures took no notice. Not one of them turned to face her as she moved around the circle.

pan fydd y oeri yn yr awyr yn tyfu,

ceisiwch hi

lle mae bywyd natur yn cwrdd â dwyfol

cwrdd â hi yn y tiroedd sanctaidd

hi'n galw arnoch chi

Hermione stopped to focus on the words the elves were chanting but the were not spoken in any language that she knew.

A familiar elf broke the circle and turned to face her.

Hermione jerked back as she gazed at her.

"She calls you, Miss. She calls on you," the elf whispered.

X

"Blathenued," Hermione mumbled as the sight of her again shook Hermione awake. Hermione stared up at the ceiling of her dorm room unable to skate the image of the elfs stare. As she rolled over onto her side and felt the crumpling of parchment beneath her ear. Hermione sighed before fishing the reply out from beneath her head. She tossed it on the floor beside her bed and pulled her blanket up around her. It could wait until morning.

You let your emotions get the better of you, do you know that? It's no wonder you are failing in class. You are so consumed by your teenage angst and self pity that you haven't got time for school as well.

It's time to grow up and think about your problems rationally.

It is sickeningly obvious that you are in love with your friend. Why else would you hate this girl so much? Your jealousy is so obvious in the way that you blather on about her. You are a pathetic cliche, you know.

Either stop pining over him and tell him, or just deal with the fact that he is into someone else.

And as for your other friend they just want space. Can't you see that? Stop trying to interfere- nobody likes a busybody especially so,done who just wants to be left alone.

So what? You are failing a few classes. School isn't everything and it certainly is how you learn everything. Just deal with it and drop them. A few outstanding results is better than more acceptable ones.

Your worries about the war are fruitless. Yes it is happening and there is nothing that anyone can do to stop him but really how is that your problem? How is that affecting you right now? It's not really anything to do with you is it?

I am assuming this is why you are having nightmares. I recommend taking a sleeping draught; it's a guaranteed dreamless sleep. Madame Pomfrey will prescribe it if you ask.

Most importantly, you seriously need to stop overthinking things and just get a life.