Immortal
I have asked the question many times, in as many centuries. Only ever to myself... Is it worth it? It is worth to get attached to someone, may it be a human being or even an animal, knowing that sooner or later I have to say goodbye to them? Sooner or later they die, while I live on. Is that the burden of my immortality, or is it actually a blessing in disguise?
The people who touch my heart – they make me feel alive, they make me want to live for them, but I also gain a lot more from those relationships. They bring love, and a connection that I can't live without. It's like a life line that my being, my soul, has to grab in order to stay sane.
I tried to keep my distance after Arthur had died, not to get too close to anyone. But even though I tried to stop myself from loving, I learned a long time ago that life doesn't work that way. It pulls you up and drags you down – you go with the tidal waves its destiny brings you. You meet the people that enrich your life, and who need you in return.
I still remember all their names, which I feel is a way to honour their spirits. Deep in the forest called Puzzle Wood I have created my very own sanctuary, a place only I can find, a place for me to reflect on life and to think about those who walked into my heart…and never left.
I managed to store the names and part of the essence of every unique soul down into this familiar stone, in this clearing where the sun forever shines because I made it so, where magic still vibrates and where it's peaceful and warm. Whenever I return here, I feel loved.
This is the stone where I once hid Arthur's sword and the place where the King had pulled it out, leading his followers to victory. The golden age of Camelot. The sword lies deep down on the bottom of the Lake of Avalon now, where Freya will keep it safe until Arthur returns.
Arthur's name is buried inside the stone, as are the names of my many friends. Gwen, Gaius, Lancelot, Gwaine, Leon, Percival, my mother. The names of many others, too many to count even, might have faded from another's mind, but I clearly remember each one of them. I cannot forget a single one. My friends speak clearly in my mind when I am having a bad day, encouraging me to keep going, to make new friends, to take in the small enjoyments that life can give. And I take their words and thoughts willingly, with both hands.
The magic of this place and this stone are for me alone. One day I will share this with Arthur. That is one thing I am certain about. One day he will come back and call me a sentimental fool, and on that day I will smile at him, hug him and call him a pompous dollophead.