Chapter Ten

The click-clack of boot heels echoing against the pavement is all he hears as he walks next to her towards his apartment. She smiles and laughs at some inane remark made by the barefoot kids carrying buckets of water up the rickety steps. He looks up at her and the water falls, drips slowly down the stairwell and becomes a grisly carmine mess. Her pupils grow wide, eyes becoming entirely black, her gaze as empty and lifeless as he feels. How she is able to speak with all the blood dripping steadily out of her neck escapes him.

"Why did you not trust me? How could you just let me die like that?"

She repeats the questions, over and over again. He replies with silence, his regret turning into panic as he backs down the stairs and she follows, chasing him across the cobbled street and down the alleyway. As always, the children turn to burnt corpses and the walled alleyway crumbles into dust. Her face wavers, becoming unrecognizable as her once-lovely raven hair transforms into a tangled mass of cold, thorny vines, latching onto to his legs and pulling him back towards a dark, gaping mass of nothingness. Hundreds of voices scream accusingly:

"You are a coward. You will never know love!"

He tries in vain to reach for his daggers, but they are gone - gone like his pride, his hopes, and any confidence he may have once had. The icy vines wrap around his neck, and it is his turn for his throat to be cut, for his lifeblood to spill across the ground. Why has he tried to resist? He is just a slave, a killer, a whore and a son of a whore. There can be nothing better for him than a death as cold and painful as his heart feels. Did he ever have a heart? He remembers a smile and a kiss, and he tries to struggle one last time…

"Zevran." A sweet, sultry voice whispers his name. A warm hand touches his cheek, an arm hugs his side and soft lips kiss the back of his neck.

"Zevran!" Tenniel whispered his name again and snuggled closer to the Antivan. Her assassin was cold and all of the covers were bunched up at his feet. "Are you alright, sweetie?" she asked again, pulling the blankets up and covering both of them. The Warden rested her head against his back and listened to his rapid heartbeat.

"Si. Yes, I am fine. Go back to sleep," Zevran replied quietly. He hadn't had the dream in several days. Another nightmare, again? But she is here, and calling me sweet. The assassin sighed, rubbed her arm and tried in vain to return to sleep with her warm, soft curves at his back. Thoughts of the past weeks and of Rinna kept intruding as soon as he tried to close his eyes again. Why was he here, next to this Warden now? Surely this was a passing fancy, and despite the fact that she had indulged him up to this point, he was sure that her feelings toward him would not last. Could he even have any feelings of his own, after everything that had happened? Why, oh why did I tell her about Rinna?

Frustrated, Zevran rubbed his throbbing temples and slowly extricated himself from the bedding and her warm embrace. He got up, added a few more logs to the fireplace and looked down at the gorgeous and deadly rogue lying on the bed, her bosom rising softly with each breath she took. The Warden opened her eyes after a just a few seconds, as if reacting to the intensity of Zevran's stare.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she asked quietly before sitting up.

"Yes, it is nothing. Perhaps I am just not used to sleeping in a bed. Go back to sleep, Warden."

"Hmmm… well, if you say so." But she was not convinced, and the painful grimace as he rubbed his forehead only confirmed her suspicions. Tenniel crawled out from under the covers, ignoring his protests as she rose and crossed the bearskin rug and the cold wooden floor to retrieve something from her pack. She added a few drops of some healing potion to half a glass of water along with a pinch of spearmint and shook it lightly before taking a few sips.

"Here, have some. The red wine at The Spoiled Princess was terrible, and my head is already throbbing. You drank far more than I did. Plus the rum." She smiled, remembering how he had tied her up and made her beg for release after she teased him with the ice. They had finished another thoroughly enjoyable lovemaking session and packed their gear before finally falling asleep. If the remnants of the candles were any indication, they had another three hours to take advantage of before they would have to journey across the lake.

The assassin sighed, and then shrugged, chuckling softly before accepting the glass and gulping the remedy down. "You should not be concerned over any small discomforts of mine. But thank you."

"And why shouldn't I? You sleep next to me now and for as long as you wish to. When I am having nightmares of burning castles and darkspawn and start disturbing your restful slumber, you will wake me as well, right?"

Bright amber eyes reflected the firelight and met her dark green ones. Zevran was speechless once again. His Warden still wanted to keep him next to her, at least for now. And she was taking care of him, as if he deserved someone like her to treat him so well. Will this woman ever stop surprising me?

"Yes, of course. Thank you. I feel better already." He eyed her warily and gave her a tentative half-smile. He wasn't sure if he was quite yet comfortable with the thought of someone actually tending to his needs and trusting him to do the same. And the things he had done with her last night! He hadn't intended to get so carried away, not on their first night together. But she had not sent him away. And if she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, he would go along with this, as long as it lasted. Enjoy the moment.

"You're always welcome. Let's go back to sleep, shall we?" She reached for his arm, pulled him beside her and hugged him once more, pressing her breasts against his naked chest as she kissed the tattoo on the side of his cheek and the corner of his eye.

"Come here, let me warm you up." The Warden breathed in the scent of spearmint and musk. She loved the way he smelled, and she loved the way his skin felt next to hers; his strong arms wrapped around her waist as she rested her chin against his one of his broad, scarred shoulders. But Tenniel knew that haunted look in his eyes. She had often seen it reflected back in her looking glass, especially in the months following Gérard's untimely end. No amount of talking would ever help, but she would show him that she still wanted him by her side, that she would always need him by her side. Even if he needed to be reminded of that every day.

The assassin let the Warden lead him back to their bed and tucked the still-warm covers over them.

"Better?" She asked, cuddling up next to him and stealing half of his pillow.

"Si, mi corazón. Much better." He kissed her and smiled as her breathing evened out again. Look at you, my silly, violent, beautiful, passionate Warden – you fall asleep so quickly, as if you don't have a care in the world. My heart. Why do you trust someone like me?

"Thanks again for taking care of Terri last night, Kester!"

"No problem, m'lady. He can stay with me anytime. I remember when both of you were still just pups, after all. Glad to see you in good health. Maker guide you, Lady Tenniel."

"And you as well, Kester. We'll see you in two days, then. Here – a little extra for your time. I know with the snows coming so early you'll need to stock up on salt and other goods."

"Aye. Thoughtful as ever, you are. Two days, then." He accepted a few extra silvers as they stepped off the skiff and onto the gangplank.

"See you all next week! Stay out of trouble," she added. Terri barked as she and Zevran waved goodbye to Sten, Leliana and Morrigan. The ferryboat headed north as the Warden and her two companions moved away from the short pier and ventured westward.

"Okay, boy, I know you want to run free. We'll meet up with you soon, okay?" Terri barked a few times then whined, as if he was asking her a question.

"No, no hunting! There's too many prickly porcupines in this area, remember?" She knelt down to scratch behind his ears and smoothed her gloved hand over the top of his head.

She found him quite by accident one day as she was lurking around the back side of Bann Alfstanna's estate near the West Hill fortress. She had followed some archers, sneaking in the shadows to see if she could watch them practice when she heard his growls and barks.

"We're gonna have to put this one down, I'm afraid. Always gets into mischief and hasn't imprinted on anyone yet. It's been more than a month. And now this… we can't keep a pup that bites the hand that feeds it." The man grasped his injured hand and flexed his pinky finger, the only one that wasn't wrapped in gauze.

"Aye, Marden. Let me go get one of the soldiers. A spear should do the trick. He's massive. A fine specimen. Such a shame, really." The dog whined and began barking again. A few of the other dogs also started barking in their cages.

Tenniel thought he just sounded hurt. She crept past Marden as the man sat down on a crate to wax his bowstring, seemingly oblivious to the caged dogs and the girl lurking just behind his back. She looked through the bars and the mabari whined again, a little more quietly, cocking his head to one side as if asking a question. "Hey, you," she whispered softly, coaxing him towards the door.

The dog moved closer to the door, opened his mouth, stuck his tongue out and began panting as he looked at her.

"Are you going to bite me if I try to pet you?" she asked.

The dog did nothing in response, so she tentatively reached her hand through the bars and touched the top of his large round head. He closed his eyes and made a whimpering sound, but he didn't snap his jaws at her. So Tenniel reached further in to scratch him behind his right ear.

The dog rolled onto its side and looked up at her, and that's when she saw something glinting against the lamplight. It was hard to see at first, and almost blended in with his whiskers, but there was definitely something sharp and needle-like stuck underneath his nose.

"C'mere boy, let me help you, okay?" She whispered soothingly and petted his head. The dog closed his eyes tightly and let out a little yelp when she quickly yanked the long porcupine quill from above his lip. He moved away, covered his nose with his large paws and then rolled around in the hay in his cage for a few moments. Once he recovered, he scooted closer to the door and gave a few excited barks, putting his head down so she could pet him again.

"Aww, that's right boy. You were just hurting, weren't you? You're a good doggy." She giggled when he rolled on his back again and she reached further in to scratch his chest ad belly.

Unbeknownst to her, Marden had been watching closely the entire time. The other archer returned with the soldier, and they saw the former rogue dog getting his belly rubbed by the girl. "Huh. We thought we'd gotten all those quills out yesterday. Thank the Maker we're saved from having to put him down. Now what're you doing in here, lass?"

She slowly turned around to face the archer and gave a sheepish grin. "Uh, I was… I was just trying to see if I could watch you practice. Ser Walter Gilmore says Bann Alfstanna's archers are the best."

"Oh he does, does he? That's quite a compliment, coming from him. You must be the Teyrn's daughter. Aye, I've heard about you. Always getting into mischief, almost as much as this boy here. You'll make quite the pair, you will."

"What… really? I can… can I keep him?" She was overjoyed when the man nodded and chuckled at her.

"A abari doesn't let just anybody scratch its belly, little lady. You've made quite an impression. Let's go back to the main hall and tell your folks the good news. What're you going to name that terror, eh…?"

"Go to the cottage, and wait for us there with the pups, Terri!" Tenniel encouraged the mabari, who gave one sharp, happy bark in reply before running uphill through the trees.

"We're going to take the winding path up, Zevran. It takes an extra hour but it's safer that way, especially with our packs. The only thing we have to worry about on this side of the lake is a few wolves and maybe a bear or two looking for a cave to hibernate in."

"Sounds wonderful. Always good to have some exercise after such a hearty breakfast, no?"

The air was crisp and fresh, and the west shore of the lake only had a layer of heavy frost that was already starting to melt off the beach grasses as the sun rose in a cloudless sky over a vast forest of pines. Tenniel and the Antivan kept conversation to a minimum as they trekked uphill, but Zevran began asking her questions about her family when the path evened out again.

"You mentioned this Regina was your lady-in-waiting…?"

"Ha! More like partner-in-crime." Tenniel laughed aloud. "Ser Walter was always assigned to watch over me when our family was travelling, so we pretty much grew up together. She's like a big sister to me; Regina is four years older than I am, but I was always the one who got us into trouble. Too curious for my own good, I suppose."

"Curiosity is like tossing an acid flask. Best to follow it with caution, no?" Zevran remembered one of his masters saying that to him, reminding him to always be on the lookout for circumstances that seemed out of the ordinary.

"Yeah, well – I was stubborn and could care less about caution back then. Oh, the mischief we got into! Once, we were visiting West Hill right after I had first gotten Terri. I must've been about eleven or twelve. Being the adventurous sort, I decided it would be a good idea to try and run outside of Bann Alfstanna's estate to take the dog out for a walk myself. Poor Regina insisted on following me. She was frantic with worry and thought we'd get lost, despite my assurances that mabari hounds never get lost."

"Is that true?" Zevran asked

"Why, yes, I suppose. At least with Terri, it is. Once he's been to a place, he always seems to be able to find it again."

"This is good to know. Please, continue."

"Well, we walked all around the village and the surrounding woodlands and I even had to fight off some crazy old drunken sot that swore we were there to steal his ale. When we finally made it back to the estate that evening, Terri ran up to the courtyard where the noblemen were gathered and relieved himself right behind Rendon Howe, so the Arl stepped in it when he turned around. That bastard was so furious! He kept demanding that my father keep me on a tighter leash. As if!" She grinned and chuckled a bit, remembering the look on her father's face as he tried not to laugh at Rendon's predicament.

"That could not have been good; you interrupting the nobles like that. And from what I remember of the Arl Howe, regardless of how obsequious he was around that rather taciturn Loghain fellow, he did not seem to have much patience for children or servants."

"Pffft. Even then, allowances were made for the Teyrn's daughter. But I suspect he was just upset that I bested his son at archery that summer. He was always trying to push Nate into being a winner at everything and telling him to learn to be a leader. Some people are just not cut out for that sort of thing, though."

"Oh? You seem to do it rather well." He caught some movement out of the corner of his eye and froze as he noticed a pack of wolves gathering in the distance, their stark white and gray fur in sharp contrast against the browns and greens of the surrounding forest. When he turned back toward Tenniel, she nodded and whispered softly to him.

"No need to bother them. This is their territory. And it's not like we need any more pelts. Let's just go around stealthily." The two travelers blended into the shadows and weren't heard again until they reached another rocky area farther uphill.

The assassin made note of the way she moved through the forest without so much as snapping a twig. As soon as they were far enough away from the wolves, he asked her, "Tenniel, have you spent time with any other Dalish besides your friend?"

"Yes, I have. Last year I took Jeanelle across the border with me during one of my missions and we chased down a tribe known to wander about near Verchiel. She wanted to find someone who could teach her more healing magics, and I didn't mind learning a few skills from their hunters. I have a lot of respect for the Dalish." She paused to climb over a large cedar that had conveniently fallen over a gulley and helped Zevran step down when he reached the end of the log.

"Anyway, we stayed in the area a few months, but she said she didn't fit in with them anymore and wanted to get back to Regina and the kids when I was done with my escort mission. Why do you ask? Didn't you tell me once that you had spent some time with the Dalish?" They moved slightly northward around a large outcropping of rock before they ventured into the pines again, the multitude of dead needles on the forest floor muffling their footsteps like a soft carpet as they followed a narrow hunting trail.

"Si, I did spend some time amongst them when I was young. You move like us… like them." The most graceful shemlen I have ever seen. "And you are extraordinarily strong, even for a Grey Warden. You have picked up quite a few skills over the years, for one so young. And you have earned respect from a great many people. Perhaps there is such a thing as a born leader after all."

"Thanks, I think. But twenty-one isn't so young. And about all the strength and skills I've picked up… well, never mind. You and I are going to have a chat with Ser Walter about that later."

He raised an eyebrow. Only one who has seen too much would say that twenty-one isn't so young. "A chat, oh?"

She smiled back at him reassuringly. "Yes, later. But anyway, my brother was the one who was supposed to be the leader. Truth be told, I was always interested in warfare and fighting as far back as I can remember. I would read the historic texts on past battles and try to reenact them with toy soldiers. My father indulged me; especially since it was clear the Fergus didn't take much of an interest in the subject. If only he had listened to me and recalled some of his men from the village to guard the castle after Fergus left, we wouldn't be in this mess now." They crossed a pristine stream and looked down the mountainside through the break in the trees as the water made its way to the lake.

Zevran missed his Antiva city, but this country had a beauty all its own. Everything in the mountains smelled so fresh and clean and strong, like nothing could ever truly touch it. It reminded him of his Warden – cool, powerful, beautiful and untouchable, until you got to know her. Why is she reminiscing about these things now? "Are you sure about that, Tenniel? What about the Grey Wardens? The Blight still needs to be stopped. If you were still busy with your family…" he paused to catch his breath. They were moving up a steep incline again, and his thigh muscles were burning with fatigue.

"You're right. We might have been able to help after Ostagar, but my father would never have agreed to let me join the Wardens. And Fergus would still be missing." She sighed heavily. "It may have been easier to raise an army, but there's no point in dreaming about what might have been." The Warden suddenly stopped and signaled for Zevran to wait.

"Why are we stopping?"

"Horses have been heading up the mountain through this way recently. And Walter would not have traveled this way."

He could see no tracks or road apples, so Zevran stilled for a moment and breathed deeply, confirming her suspicions when the smell of horseflesh assailed his nostrils. "What do you think this means?"

"Well, I don't see any burning buildings, and there's no sign of battle. If anything was wrong, we would've heard Terri barking by now. It might be…" She took off her pack and rubbed the back of her neck as she stretched out.

"What is it, Warden?" he bent down and stretched his leg out against a tree stump

"Some of my friends are freeholders and knights from the bannorn. They all know Ser Walter and we've done a lot of fighting together over the past few years. With the King dead, and if Arl Howe is getting heavy-handed with the banns, it stands to reason they would want to meet him here and discuss some things. Sometimes we'd meet to hunt around this time of year – after Harvestmere but before the snows get too deep."

"Ah, I see. Planning a revolution, so to speak." He looked closely at her face, wondering if she was hiding something from him.

"Nothing that drastic, at least I hope not yet. But Howe has definitely got to go. This will be interesting, now that they know I'm still alive." She stopped and faced the assassin, holding on to his arm for a moment. "I would introduce you as my bodyguard, but no one from my past is going to believe that I'd ever need a personal bodyguard. You are my man, my second in command, and my trusted advisor. Is that alright with you?"

"Hahahaha! I go from trying to kill you to being your trusted advisor. Thank you for the promotion, your ladyship. And I am your man, as always. But how large is this… cottage or cabin, or whatever it is you call it. How many people might we expect to be there?"

"Oh, it's plenty big enough, so don't worry about that. Ser Walter found a ruined Alamarri fort a few decades ago and keeps adding to it all the time. It really is his mountainside training retreat and hunting lodge. There are at least eight or nine bedrooms, guards' quarters, a largish kitchen and dining area, meeting and craft rooms, and a separate cottage and an indoor training hall. Plus the apartments we built over the stable last year. It's actually quite the little fortress; more like a keep. The perfect spot to go hunting from. We only call it a cabin to confuse people, I suppose." She laughed at his dawning realization.

"Aha. What did you hunt up there?"

"Oh, you know. The usual. Bears, wolves, the occasional dragon." The Fereldan rogue laughed at him again.

I hope she's joking about the dragon hunting. "So you must have stayed here often, I take it." Zevran asked, wondering why she was suddenly talking faster. Almost as if she was nervous about something.

"Not as often as I would have liked. I fell in love with the place the first time I visited, when I was fourteen. Our family would visit here during the summertime when it got really hot in Highever. It's nice and warm up north, but there are no proper beaches to cool off in the Waking Sea near the castle." She bit the bottom of her lip and gazed uphill, seemingly lost in thought.

"Warden." He reached out and smoothed down a few errant strands of her hair that were blowing in the stiff breeze. Before he even realized what he was doing, his arms were around her and he was kissing her. "Breathe, Tenniel. Just breathe." He kissed her again until she finally relaxed against him.

"Now tell your assassin what is on your mind."

"I…" She took a deep breath, released it and touched her forehead against his. "Thank you. See? That's why I need you." She hugged him close and kissed him again. "I am just being silly, I suppose. It's just… everything's hitting me all at once. I thought for sure my pups were killed by that bastard. And I haven't even seen them in a couple months. And I was always gone away a lot from them before, too. What if… what if they don't even remember me? They deserve better than having me as a horrible mother." She sighed and forced herself not to cry, not to show any more weakness.

Did she really say that she needed me? Interesting choice of words. Just what have you gotten yourself into this time, Zevran? The Antivan eyed the dark gray clouds hovering over the mountaintops. Getting stuck in an ice storm in this terrain would be disastrous. He squinted up his eyes, then shook his head and tried to re-focus again.

"You are being silly." Zevran reassured her. "Your children… they are almost three years old, right? Of course they will remember you. And you have your loyal, trusted friends taking care of them, too. A family is much more than just blood, Warden. Haven't you learned anything from Bodahn and Sandal? Now come, let us get to our destination so you can be reunited. As wonderful as this view is, I am eager to have a roof over our heads before the weather turns nasty again."

"Right you are. Let's go, gorgeous. But slowly. The air is a little thinner up here, and takes some getting used to." She caught him glancing furtively at the sky and flashed him one of her brilliant smiles. "What's up?" Tenniel hefted her pack back onto her back as they prepared to trudge uphill again

"Oh, nothing. For a second there, I thought I saw a dragon."

"You probably did. This is dragon country, after all." The Warden laughed as they approached a series of wooden steps stuck into the steep, rocky hillside.

"You are joking… right?"He asked her. A wink and a smile was her only response. Great. Why does she seem so oddly cheerful about that?