AN: Sorry it's been so long for an update! Nearly a year, oh dear... Well, I hope some of you are still interested in this story because I certainly am. Or if you haven't read it before I hope this update will make some of you notice it for the first time! I'll try and post chapter 11 before 2009... ;)

Chapter 10

"Have you talked to her yet?" Addison cornered Izzie by the reception desk on the surgical floor, and looked at her quizzically, waiting for an answer.

Izzie sighed. "Talked to who?" She tried to feign ignorance but it didn't wash.

"Sally" Addison said, stating the obvious. "Or" she continued, more pointedly, "Hannah."

Izzie shook her head. "No. I… I don't want to disturb them."

After Izzie's reluctant confession to Derek two days ago, Sally's transfer to Seattle was set in motion. She had not talked to him much about the case, but that wasn't for lack of trying. Despite her determination to leave Sally and Hannah alone for a while, she was still eager to keep up to date with everything that was happening, even from a distance. But she got the impression Derek was avoiding the subject. Izzie suspected that he was anxious not to instil false hope that everything would work out. Izzie knew how medically unlikely this proposed operation was to work, but a small part of her, the non-doctor part, was hopeful.

Addison didn't say anything for a moment, but then broke the silence. "I think you should." She said, although was not able to give any further explanation before Izzie's beeper went off. She smiled apologetically to Addison, and set off for the ER.

Alex walked out of the exam room and slumped against the wall, sighing. "Just when I thought my day was going to be easy."

Izzie grinned as she closed the door on the couple inside, whose argument could surely be heard on the other side of the hospital. "It's exhausting just listening to them isn't it? I don't know where they find the energy."

Alex stood up again. "Judging by Mr. Ascot's breath, I'd say gin."

Izzie watched Alex for a moment and felt better than she had done in days. The irony of the situation was not lost on her. Spending 10 minutes with the most uptight argumentative couple she'd ever come across somehow dissolved her anxiety and she was relaxed. Although she knew that the warring pair on the other side of the door was not the reason she felt so good. It was Alex. Lately it was always Alex.

"What are you looking so happy about?" Izzie was snapped out of her thoughts by Alex's bemused question. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." And for the first time all week her answer was genuine, and not just something she said to disguise her true emotions or have some time alone.

"Are you sure, you looked glazed. Although I wouldn't blame you for trying to block those two from your thoughts."

Alex hid his concern with a joke. Izzie was thankful, she was enjoying the light atmosphere between the two of them, and didn't want it ruined by being reminded of the mess of her life.

In a deserted corridor in the depths of the hospital, Izzie lay flat on her back on a gurney, staring at the ceiling. Usually in this downtime, before the next surgery of call from the ER, she'd read medical notes, do charts, reflect on patients she had treated that day, but there was really only one thing on her mind.

She went over and over Addison's words, and the million possible ways to pluck up the courage to go and see Hannah again, but in her heart of hearts she knew the only way she would get anywhere in building any kind of relationship with her, was to build up the courage to drive to Portland. Sooner rather than later.

Izzie felt like a coward. She had been telling herself she was doing the best for everybody. Letting Sally and Hannah have as much time together as possible, getting the best neuro surgeons in the state to treat her. But that was not what was best, it was hiding from her responsibilities. She had faith in Dr. Shepherd, she was sure he'd be able to help Sally somehow. But common sense told her that sooner or later she would succumb to the tumour and Hannah would be left without her mother.

Except she wouldn't. Izzie would have to become her mother. She had been before, for 9 months while Hannah was inside her, and for 2 wonderful hours before Sally and Graham had taken her away, but she doubted whether she could reprise that role. She felt something for her daughter, that was certain. But it wasn't yet anything close to a maternal bond. She wanted it to be, so much, and that wouldn't happen while they were in completely different cities.

Izzie closed her eyes, rubbing her temples, then let her arms fall to her sides utterly drained. She lay there, her eyes still shut, willing her pager to go off, giving her an excuse to escape her thoughts, but instead the next sound she heard was a familiar voice calling her name.

She sat up to see Alex approaching, and gave him a smile that was less forced than she expected.

"I've been looking for you." He smiled back, slightly bemused and sat down on the gurney.

Izzie swung her legs over the side. "Is Bailey on the warpath?"

"I said I've been looking for you, not Bailey." Alex's voice had a note of sarcasm to it, but the wry smile that accompanied his comment dispelled any notion that he was looking for an argument.

"And why's that?" Izzie was flirting. At a time like this? She couldn't help herself.

"I just wanted to see how you were, that's all."

"Why wouldn't I be ok?" Izzie let her guard back up. She wasn't ready to share, not yet. Not even with Alex, who right now was the only person in this hospital she wanted to talk to.

"Izzie, I know something's going on with you. And I know you don't want to talk about it, and that's fine. But don't pretend you're alright, not to me. I'm more sensitive and perceptive than people give me credit for you know."

Izzie looked at the floor and smiled inwardly to herself. Dammit, Alex was making it really hard for her to keep her problems to herself. That's what she did, that's what she always did. She hid away, baking cookies and then eating them, but she didn't share.

Alex sighed, apparently lost for what to say next. All Izzie said to break the silence was "thankyou." And for Alex, that was enough.

"I'll leave you alone" he said, and stood up. But when he'd got to the end of the corridor, he stopped and turned around. "Tell me to butt out if you want" he said, "but would you like to go for a drink after our shift?" Alex stopped, suddenly horror struck that he'd overstepped the mark, and tried to backtrack. "Oh, I didn't mean… Not like that. And you don't have to tell me anything, I just thought…" He trailed off, his voice becoming uncharacteristically quiet. "Alcohol might help."

Izzie was amused by his nervousness, she thought she better put the poor boy out of his misery. "That would be nice."

When Alex walked through the door to Joe's at the end of his shift, Izzie was already there. She was sitting with her back to the door, and a large glass of wine on the small round table in front of her. He went to the bar before joining her at the table. He needed a beer, that was sure, but the real reason was so he could watch her for a few minutes without her noticing him.

"Are you stalking me?" Alex sat down on the opposite sit of the table and Izzie gave him an amused look. "I know you think I didn't see you walk in 5 minutes ago, but I did. You're not the only perceptive one you know."

Alex smiled. "You caught me." He took a swig from his beer bottle. He didn't really know what else to say.

"How was the end of your shift?" Izzie sipped her wine. Alex guessed that she'd probably been here for a while.

"It was alright, no major dramas. Though it might be a while before George or Cristina can look at a chocolate bar again?"

"What?"

"You don't want to know."

Alex grinned as he watched Izzie sip her wine. He tried to read her expression, her body language, but he found he couldn't quite work her out. She seemed distracted, like she had for a while, but she'd grown quiet and worried about something. The smiling positive Izzie he was so used to had diminished slightly. He was curious to know why, though not so much that he'd push her to talk and scare her off. Alex decided he'd sit and wait and drink beer and wait for Izzie to open up.

As it happened, he didn't have to wait long. "I bet you have your fair share of family drama"

Alex paused. "More than you know." But he understood this was about Izzie. He wasn't going to share his problems now, it wasn't the time. It was clear Izzie needed to get something off her chest. He'd nod and smile and comfort in all the right places. Whatever he needed.

Izzie didn't seem to hear his answer, of if she did she didn't respond. Instead she stared down at the table in thought.

"Is everything ok?" Alex ventured carefully. "Is it your Mom?"

"No." Izzie sighed, then dropped her head into her hands. "Why can life never be simple?"

Alex shrugged. He was not the person to ask. "Izzie, do you want to tell me what's wrong? Skirting around the issue won't help any more than that wine will." When the words left his mouth he realised they sounded a lot harsher than he intended, but he got Izzie's attention and she looked up.

"I'm sorry" he said, "I didn't mean…"

Izzie shook his head. "No, you're right. I just don't know if I can…"

"Trust me? Whatever you tell me Izzie, I won't pass it on. I know everyone else in the hospital are gossips but I'm not one of them." He gave her a shy smile, trying to show that he wasn't going to force her to tell him anything if she didn't want to.

She returned his smile. "I know." She sighed again, but Alex didn't say anything this time. After that, Izzie didn't speak for a while. It seemed to Alex like she was deep in thought, perhaps thinking of the right words or simply plucking up some courage that wasn't fuelled by wine. But when she finally did say something, Alex gave her his full attention and didn't utter a word.

Izzie hesitated, but only for the briefest of moments. "You know Dr. Shepherd's having a patient transferred from Portland. A woman, with an advanced brain tumour."

Alex nodded. "Yeah, it looks like an interesting case, I was going to see if I could…" He trailed off when he saw the look on Izzie's face. It made him scared that if he didn't shut up and let her speak she'd lose her nerve and they'd be right back at square one.

"I know her." Izzie stopped and took another sip of her wine. She didn't look up at Alex, not to see his reaction or try and read what he was thinking, she averted her gaze until he spoke.

"Who is she to you?" he asked gently, leaning forward a little. "Is this the reason you've been so off lately? If you're worried about her treatment, you know Shepherd's the best…"

"I know, that's why I asked him. And I am worried, but there's a lot more to it than you think. I don't know the woman, not really. I'd only met her once until a couple of weeks ago."

Right then Izzie decided to just come out and say it. She didn't know what her reaction would be afterwards, whether she'd sit there in stunned silence or bolt from the building, but the tension was killing her.

"I met her 12 years ago… When I gave her my daughter to adopt."