Thanks to quesera1 for this prompt again and a huge thanks to justkillingtimewhileiwait again for her beta'ing help :)
So quesera1 also added that this letter could have been sent when he moved out, so this is set after that. I've kinda skipped over (read: erased) the storyline about Abby, and will focus more on Jay's PTSD and him dealing with it, and their relationship.
Thank you to everyone who is reading too, and all of the feedback! 3 Please let me know what you think again, and if you have any prompts off the list on my tumblr page (same username) you'd like me to write, just message me!
Erin cursed under her breath as she finally pulled up in front of the café she had agreed to meet Jay for breakfast, almost 20 minutes late. She had sent him a message explaining she was on her way, but considering the slightly unconventional status of their relationship right then, she hadn't wanted to seem like spending time together outside of work was a hardship for her.
"Hey," she greeted him when she approached the table he had grabbed for them, pressing her lips to his cheek and then his own briefly. It was casual yet loving; a comfortable middle for them both. Sliding into the chair opposite him, she shrugged off her light jacket and hung it over the back. "Sorry I'm late. I went for a run this morning and lost track of time."
Jay raised a brow at her explanation, putting down the cup of coffee he had taken a sip from. "You went for a run? On a Sunday morning?"
"Had nothing better to do," she retorted, challenging his incredulous tone with a defiant one of her own.
There was no weight behind it, no accusation or guilt being thrown towards the man in front of her who use to keep her busy with many different and better things to do on a Sunday morning. Something they had slowly started to indulge in once again, but not often enough that Erin could say they were back to where they had once been before Jay's past had come back to haunt them both. She was certain there was still a long way to go until they reached there, or the new version of what 'there' would be. She'd take either as long as it was the two of them together.
A waiter bringing her a cup of coffee broke her out of her train of thoughts, grateful that she had a reminder to stick to the present whilst she was spending time which was now so precious with the man she loved. "Thanks."
"I got you a coffee, and ordered some buttermilk pancakes with blueberries," Jay told her when the waiter walked away, and Erin couldn't help but smile.
"My favourite," she murmured, sipping her black coffee as she eyed him over the rim of her mug. "How was last night?"
"It was-" he began, leaning back in his chair and fiddling with the handle of the cup in front of him.
Erin waited for him to finish his sentence, watching as he avoiding her gaze and stared intently at his fingers as he gathered his thoughts and feelings. She knew she was the only one who he told about the meetings he was attending, and the significance of them all. Jay did his best to keep her in the loop, even when he didn't want to seem weak in front of her. The one the previous night was where he had decided he was going to finally stop being the silent member of the group and actually participate. It had taken almost 7 weeks, but Erin couldn't deny how proud she felt.
Letting out a deep sigh, a crooked half-smile curved his lips as he eventually peered up at her. "Horrible. But you know, it's got to be done."
"I'm proud of you, Jay. I know it's hard but the first step is admitting there's something to work on," she stated knowingly, having faced similar troubles when she first got clean back as a teen. Luckily for her, the only rehab she had gone through was at the Voight household, and the only talking she had had to do was with Camille and Hank; people she came to love and trust.
Clearing his throat, Jay lifted his head to look at her as he asked hesitantly, "Did you- Did you get my letter?"
"Yeah," Erin breathed, unsure what else to say. He had left it on her- their coffee table after the last night they had spent together a few days ago, and though she had read immediately, she had no idea how to bring it up when he failed to acknowledge it since.
It wasn't long, but it was to the point, and she could still feel the hurt, love and anger that had squeezed her heart tight and blocked up her throat as she had read it. His words of apologies and explanation, how he wanted to be enough for her and be right for her. How his past was so messed up that even he had no idea how to sort through it, and having suppressed it all had proven to be unsuccessful. How he wanted to be the partner she deserved in every aspect of her life, and one day, he hoped there would be a time where nothing was off limits or a secret between them. But to get there, he had to figure it out himself, and know exactly who he was now that the image he had built of himself had shattered for the two of them; something he couldn't handle seeing in her eyes.
Reaching out, she slipped her hand atop of his, curling her fingers around until they pressed against his palm and her thumb could stroke his knuckles soothingly. "I'm here, okay? No matter what, or how long you need. I promise you, I'm always going to be here for you. I told you all you had to do was say the word and I would help you with anything you might need, anything you might carry from your time in the Army and after, from your past, and I meant it. You know a lot of my past and you helped me so much, babe. Let me help you too, alright?"
Jay nodded, accepting her offer though she was sure it would take longer before he acted on it. "I am sorry I left," he said instead, reiterating one of the last lines he had written, adding how it had nothing to do with her or how much she meant to him, but rather that he didn't want to their home to become tainted with the history of his lies.
"I know, and it's okay as long as you're planning on coming home," she informed him with a soft smile that brought one of his own out.
"Soon," he assured her, which was more than she was expecting but would gladly take.
"Whenever you're ready," Erin stated, emphasising without words that she was there to stay and wait for him for as long as he needed to make his way back to her. She was grateful they had the kind of relationship where they could understand one another without the need of excessive words, especially when their waiter reappeared with two plates. Their conversation now over, she pulled her hand away as she took in the tall pile of pancakes in front of her as well as Jay's own full breakfast. "I love you."
"Because I ordered you a double stack?" Jay retorted, diffusing any tension and the seriousness of their conversation with amusement as he smirked at her wry glare. "I love you, too," he added, picking up his utensils and cutting into the eggs and toast on his plate as he casually asked her, "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"
Swallowing her pancakes, she shook her head gently. "After this? Nothing really."
"Want to spend it with me? There's someone I'd like you to meet," he asked almost shyly, focusing on his food rather than her in a way that was rather adorable.
Knowing that it indicated that this 'someone' was probably linked to his Army days, Erin smiled. "Absolutely."