Sorry again for the late update. This chapter took a while, mostly because I wanted it as perfect as possible.
Finally the chapter we've been waiting for is here. Like ashmo2000 said in a review "They didn't survive a plane crash for Mark to go out like this". So don't you worry. Enjoy this chapter and make sure to leave a review :)
Lexie had been up in the OR gallery so many times she had lost count.
She had always admired the OR gallery, and she was thankful that it was a part of her training to be able to sit in the gallery and just observe a surgery and learn something. Even when she wasn't ordered to observe a surgery, she could come here and watch Dr. Bailey take out a gallbladder for the 4000th time. She always seemed to learn something new every time she sat here. Sometimes, she used this place during her breaks, just to get away and do something else.
But this was the first time her stomach clenched in a very bad way as she entered the gallery with Derek and sat down on one of the chairs. This was the first time she wasn't as eager to take notes and learn something from the procedure in the OR.
Right now, she was focusing on reminding herself to stay calm and keep breathing.
She took a deep breath as she felt Derek sit down on the chair beside her.
"How are you holding up?" Derek asked softly
Lexie took another deep, ragged breath. Maybe coming up here was a bad idea. But she was here now, and she wanted to make sure that Mark got out of this alive. "I'm fine."
"Sure?" Derek asked. He had promised his best friend to look after Lexie, so he decided that if Lexie showed any signs of not wanting to be here, he would take her out. "Just say the word and we'll be out of here."
"I'm fine, Derek. I promise," Lexie assured. She was nervous, but she was gonna handle it.
"Okay,"
Lexie sighed and glanced down towards the OR. Mark was now unconscious and they were preparing everything for Meredith and the other surgeons. Lexie hated to see Mark unconscious. It brought back memories of the plane crash. A part of her wished it was her on the operating table right now. That it was her with cancer who needed surgery. She couldn't live without Mark. The very last thing she wanted was for him to die.
As she kept her eyes on the scene before her, her photographic memory decided to bring back random memories about surgeries in this very OR that was related to Mark. This was the same OR they operated him in after she broke his penis. This was their OR.
A very special memory made her chuckle lightly and actually smiled a little.
"What?" Derek asked as he heard the sound from Lexie, he was keeping a close eye on her.
Lexie took a moment to just savor the feeling before answering Derek. "This is the OR. This is our OR," she said as if it all made sense.
"What do you mean?" Derek asked and smiled slightly.
"This is the OR where it all started," Lexie clarified and smiled.
"You're gonna have to specify," Derek said softly.
Lexie watched as Meredith, Bailey and Webber entered the OR. She had always admired watching her older sister walking into the OR and acting as if she owned the place. Which she sort of did. Lexie took a moment again before answering Derek. "This is the OR where it all started. This is the place where I first fell in love with him. And when I realized that he was in love with me. I was in this gallery with Sadie, watching Mark perform that surgery on mrs. Patterson. It was the first time Sadie implied that Mark had feelings for me. And when I thought about it, I realized it was true. I had noticed how he was checking me out. And after that surgery on mrs. Patterson… Well, that was it." Lexie felt her heart melt at the memory. It seemed so long ago now, even though it was just a few years back. A lot had changed since then.
Derek didn't know what to say. He honestly didn't know the full story of Mark and Lexie. Mark had never really told him. The story Lexie told him made him feel a little guilty that he had asked Mark to stay away from her. But back in those days, no one had realized that Mark and Lexie were meant to be. Derek sighed softly and offered Lexie a small smile. "I didn't know that. Thank you for sharing."
Lexie just slightly nodded and watched what happened down in the OR. The surgeons seemed ready to begin the procedure. They were doing their routine check-ups with the chart and the nurse, and made sure all supplies were in their correct places.
"Okay", Meredith's voice sounded from the intercom. "Like my husband would say, it's a beautiful day to save lives. So let's do this."
Lexie held her breath as she watched Meredith take the scalpel and make an incision on Mark's stomach. A little blood ran out from the wound, but nothing out of the ordinary. A little blood was normal.
"He's gonna survive this, right?" Lexie asked quietly.
Derek didn't even have to think twice before answering her question. "He's gonna survive this."
Lexie felt comfortable in Derek's presence. She took a breath and leaned back a little in her chair as she kept watching the surgery. In this moment, she was thankful that her sister chose general surgery as her specialty. There was no one else Lexie would trust in this situation, aside from Bailey and Webber of course. But Meredith was a first year attending, that could be beneficial in it's own way. It could always be good to have an attending with fresh eyes, that paid attention to details and wanted to make everything perfect. Lexie felt safe with these three surgeons operating on Mark.
Derek and Lexie stayed silent as they watched the surgery. Lexie tried to take notes in her head and really listen to what Meredith was saying through the intercom, and try to pick up on some knowledge, but it was hard. Occasionally, they glanced up to the small screen in the gallery, to see the surgery more close up. It was really weird seeing Mark's internal organs, but that was a hit Lexie had to take. Anything to make sure he got out of this alive.
A few minutes later, Meredith, Bailey and Webber had gotten deep enough into Mark's abdomen. The moment they had been waiting for was approaching. Lexie tensed a little and glanced up to the small screen. It was like looking the enemy in the eye when she saw the blob shaped thing that was the tumor. She had cursed that thing since day 1, and now she could finally look at it and feel smug about the fact that it was being removed and thrown away.
"Here we go," Meredith said as she took a breath and glanced up to her colleagues.
Lexie held her breath and frowned as she tried to read the facial expressions of the surgeons in the OR. This was the moment where they were gonna decide what to do. Had the cancer spread? Was it too big to remove? How much damage was it causing the internal organs?
"It's connected to a few blood vessels, but with a careful approach, we can work around it," Webber replied and searched the women's approval, which he wasn't late to receive.
The surgeons paused for a moment and went through in their heads exactly what to do. After a moment of silence, Dr. Bailey asked for another scalpel and the other two prepared with their respective surgical instruments.
Lexie found a pattern in her head to check the screen, the real surgery in the OR, and the machine monitoring Mark's vitals. And thanks to her photographic memory, she had 100% control of any change in the vitals.
There were a few intense minutes that ticked by. Meredith, Bailey and Webber worked like a dream team, and they hardly had to communicate as they worked. Everyone knew the others' moves and everyone knew the procedure.
Lexie made the mistake of looking down at her hands for 2 seconds. And those 2 seconds were enough to change everything. All of a sudden, Lexie heard Meredith curse through the intercom, at the same time the monitors started beeping. In a millisecond, Lexie's eyes shot up and tried to look at the surgery, the screen, and the monitor all at once.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it," Meredith muttered as she and the others had to work fast with lap pads and try to control the bleeding.
"BP is down to 80 over 60," a nurse informed in a shaky voice, knowing exactly the importance of the person on the table.
"Hang a unit of blood and make sure it doesn't get worse," Webber ordered as he received a clamp from a nurse and helped Bailey localize the source of the bleeding.
"I'm tracking this thing to the pancreas, I think the tumor ruptured the pancreatic blood vessel. Suction!" Bailey barked in a stressed tone.
Lexie now found herself standing up and placing her hand on the glass wall, while the other hand was tight on her belly. She could feel Derek close beside her, but she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge. Her eyes were intensely tracking the numbers on the monitor. At this point, she didn't care about what was happening in his stomach or whether they found the source of the bleeding. All she cared about was that Mark's vitals stayed relatively stable, and that he didn't flat lined.
"Vitals!" Webber barked, desperate to know how his patient was holding up.
"BP is down to 78, sats are down to 89," the same nurse informed.
The surgeons worked hard and stressfully. They were all desperate to find this bleeding. Lap pads after lap pads were removed and replaced. Lexie remembered how she thought that a little blood was okay. This was a mess.
"Come on, Mark," Lexie whispered as she kept her eyes on the monitor. The vitals were getting worse and she cursed this situation. At this point, she actually regretted watching the surgery. This was the exact reason why family wasn't allowed in the OR. She should've been in a waiting room.
The beeping monitors didn't help the surgeons to calm down, it only made things worse. Meredith quickly glanced up to the gallery, and the look on her sister's and husband's faces could've been enough to kill her. I'm not letting you die on my watch, Mark, she thought to herself and felt a sudden rush of energy. "Come on, Bailey!" she barked and kept working with the lap pads.
"Almost there…" Bailey replied and kept tracking the bleeding. She had to move her hand around a lot, but eventually, she felt a kind of hole that was pumping out blood. "There!" she exclaimed and reached for a clamp. After some working, the bleeding had stopped. All surgeons let out a sigh of relief when the monitors started beeping normally.
"Sats are coming up," the nurse informed.
"Thank God," Meredith breathed and closed her eyes for a moment. She wouldn't have been able to forgive herself if Mark had died on her watch. And she wouldn't have been able to look Lexie in the eye and tell her that her husband died. Thank God she didn't have to do that.
"Okay," Webber said and glanced around the room. "Let's all take a moment to breathe and calm down before we continue. Worst part is over, now we just have to carefully cut all the cords to this tumor and slowly remove it."
All the staff nodded and took a moment to calm down and take a few breaths. Meredith slowly opened her eyes and looked up to the gallery. And the look on Lexie's face made her want to die. "It's okay now, Lexie. We got everything under control, he's still alive."
Lexie was slowly going into some sort of chock. Her eyes were still trained on the monitor, she had to make sure that the vitals were up to normal. She slowly lowered her gaze from the monitor down to Mark's face. He looked so peaceful, like nothing had happened.
"Lexie," Derek said and placed his hand on her back.
"Get me out of here," Lexie whispered. She couldn't stay here anymore. She had to admit that she wasn't strong enough. "I'm serious, Derek. Get me out," she said, raising her voice a bit. Her eyes were glued on Mark, and Derek would literally have to drag her out. She couldn't move.
"Okay, okay," Derek said calmly and gently grabbed her shoulders. He slowly pulled her towards him and she automatically followed. "Come on, let's get you out," he said calmly and managed to get Lexie out of the gallery.
"I shouldn't have been in there," Lexie whispered in horror as her feet guided her down the hallway with Derek. "I shouldn't have been in there."
"No one knew that was gonna happen, Lexie," Derek said and tried to sound comforting. "It was an unpredictable complication. But they fixed it. He's gonna be fine."
Lexie went silent. She was still trying to catch up in her mind what happened. Everything happened so fast. The image of Mark's sinking vitals were gonna be printed in her head forever. She shouldn't have been in there.
She was so deep in her thoughts that she didn't notice when Derek gently pushed her down on a chair. Her eyes were blank and she just stared ahead of her. All she could think about was Mark. She felt Derek's arm wrap around her, but she didn't have the strength to respond. But she was thankful for Derek at this moment.
All she could do now was wait.
—
It was probably just an hour, but it sure felt like a life time before Lexie spotted Meredith approaching them from the hallway. She was still wearing her scrub cap and surgical gown that was turned backwards. Lexie had her eyes steady on her sister, trying to detect anything negative and desperately wanted to read her facial expression. But as an educated doctor, she knew that it was inappropriate to show any expression until you verbally had delivered the news.
As Meredith got close, Lexie quickly stood up and took a few steps forward. A lot of scenarios played out in her head, the worst one being that Mark died on the table.
"How is he?" Lexie asked desperately when Meredith got close enough.
Meredith took a breath and glanced towards her husband for a short moment before returning her gaze to Lexie. "He's fine. We managed to stop the bleeding and remove the whole tumor. He lost some blood, but we're hopeful that he will make a full recovery."
Lexie let out a sigh of relief that felt like she emptied her entire lung volume. She sent a quick thank you to a god she didn't really believe in and placed her hand on her belly. You're daddy is gonna be fine, she thought to herself and hoped that the baby somehow heard her. It felt like she could finally breathe again. "Can I see him?" she asked softly.
"Of course," Meredith replied and nodded.
Lexie didn't bother to respond before her feet were guiding her towards Mark's room, her thoughts racing a million miles an hour. She had never been so scared in her life, not even when she was crushed under a piece of plane. Mark was the love of her life, and she had realized many times that she can't live without him. If he died, she would die.
In mere seconds, she was outside Mark's room. The door was closed and she stopped outside for a moment to prepare herself mentally for what was behind the door. She knew how this worked and what to expect, but it was totally different when it was your husband in the room, and not some random patient. After a moment, she let out a breath and walked in.
The sight of Mark in the bed made her inhale a ragged breath. He was hooked up to wires and was still sedated. His vitals were stable and the monitor was beeping normally. Lexie was thankful that he wasn't intubated anymore. Then he could breathe on his own. After a quick glance to the monitor, she let out another sigh as she remembered the last time she found Mark like this.
.
Lexie was extremely grateful when Jackson finally agreed to take her to see Mark. She had just recently started sitting up, but she was still healing and she wasn't 100% recovered from her injuries yet. So technically, she shouldn't have been sitting in this wheel chair. But she hadn't seen Mark since the crash, and she barely got any updates on him, so desperate times called for desperate measures.
"Thanks again, Jackson," Lexie said softly and fumbled with her hands. It felt kind of weird that her ex boyfriend was taking her to see her… whatever Mark was to her these days.
"Bailey is gonna kill me if she finds out," Jackson muttered. Of course he wanted to help Lexie the best way he could, but he knew that Lexie shouldn't be here right now.
"I'll tell her that I escaped and you tried to stop me. You won't get in any trouble for this," Lexie assured. She would literally do anything to see Mark. For a minute, she considered crawling there herself. That would've been plan B if Jackson had denied her this.
Silence fell between them. But it was a comfortable silence, so Lexie wasn't worried. And she knew that Jackson had slept with April when they were taking their boards, so it was clear that Jackson had moved on.
"So…" Lexie began after a minute. "How's he doing? No-one barely tells me anything." They still had a few hallways until they reached the ICU, so she figured she should prepare herself.
"He's still unconscious," Jackson began. He wanted to avoid the word 'coma' since they weren't completely sure if it was a coma. It had been a coma at first, but then he woke up and now he was gone again. "Heart is stable, but they're keeping a close eye. He broke his wrist, but Callie took care of that."
Lexie could only nod. Jackson didn't tell her anything she didn't already know. She had asked about a coma, though. But no one gave her a clear answer. That scared her, but hopefully he just needed some more time before waking up completely.
They went silent again as they went through the busy hallways. Lexie started to feel uncomfortable in the wheel chair already and her pelvis started to hurt again. But that was pain she was willing to get through, as long as she could see Mark.
"Okay," Jackson said as they reached Mark's room. He quickly glanced around to make sure no one they knew were around to see them. Thankfully, no one was around, so Lexie could have some privacy for a while. "Here we are."
They came to a stop right outside the door, and Lexie started feeling the anxiety creeping up on her again. She had seen patients like this many times, but nothing could prepare her for what she was about to see inside this room. "Okay," Lexie said and swallowed the lump in her throat. "Let's go."
Jackson didn't have to be asked twice. After taking a breath, he leaned forward and opened the door. He made sure to double check the hallways before he wheeled Lexie in and was quick to close the door behind them.
Lexie caught her breath in her throat as they entered the room. Mark was looking so peaceful as he laid in the bed. His beard was starting to grow back, and his hair looked more gray than the last time she saw him. She swallowed hard as she looked at all the wires, and she quickly glanced up to check the monitor. All his vitals were stable and everything looked normal.
The smallest of smiles formed on her face when she noticed that he wasn't intubated.
"At least he's not intubated," Lexie said in a hopeful tone. "That's good, right? It means he's breathing on his own." She quickly glanced up to Jackson for confirmation.
"Yeah," Jackson said and nodded slightly. "That's good."
Lexie sighed and looked back at the man in the bed. She would give anything for him to wake up. This just wasn't right. "Can you wheel me a little closer, please?" she asked softly.
Jackson didn't respond. He just simply pushed her closer to Mark's bed. Once she was close enough, she didn't hesitate to reach her hand up to touch his. Her fingers gently stroked the skin on his arm, and she made sure not to touch his broken wrist. A lump was forming in her throat as her mind was finally catching up.
"I'll leave you two alone for a moment," Jackson said softly and gently patted Lexie on her shoulder.
Lexie only nodded and kept her eyes on Mark. Once Jackson had left the room and closed the door, Lexie finally gave in to her tears.
"Hey, Mark," she whispered softly and tried to smile. "It's me, it's Lexie. I'm not sure if you can hear me or feel my presence, but if you do… please wake up soon. I just really need you to wake up. I don't even care if you decide to go back to Julia and just completely ignore what we said in the woods, I just need you to wake up and be alive. You have to survive this. If not for me, then for Sofia. She needs you, Mark. Sofia shouldn't have to grow up without a father. So, please, wake up soon."
The tears were streaming down her face and she was worried she'd have an anxiety attack right here. But she was fighting it. She swallowed hard and moved her hand down to touch his fingers with her own. "I love you. I really do. And you said you love me, too. You even promised me two or three kids. So I need you to wake up because I can't have two or three kids on my own." A slight chuckle left her as she thought of something. "I guess I could get on top of you right now and do the work myself. But that is highly illegal so it's probably not a good idea." She managed to smile a little through her tears. "Just wake up soon, okay?
With a heavy sigh, she swallowed hard again and tried her best to wheel herself even closer to him. She groaned in pain and closed her eyes for a moment before she carefully leaned down and rested her head as close to Mark as she could get.
She got as comfortable as she could and rested her hand gently on top of Mark's. With a sigh, she kept her eyes on him and silently prayed that he would wake up.
"Please, Mark. Come back to us. Don't go into the light. Wake up."
.
An extra beep on the monitor and a groan from Mark pulled her back to reality. With a slight twitch, she took a step forward and shifted her eyes between Mark and the monitor. Nothing were to go wrong now.
It took him a moment, but Mark managed to open his eyes and fully wake up. He swallowed hard and licked his dry lips before glancing around the room. He was back in his private room, and he didn't feel any different. Looks like he made it out alive. With a sigh, he turned a little to his left and noticed Lexie standing by the door. She was like a statue.
"Hey," he said softly, his voice raspy from intubation. He tried to smile a little, but it quickly faded when he noticed the tears in her eyes. "You okay? Are you crying?"
Lexie was just staring at him and didn't even notice that tears were running down her cheeks. She was just so glad to see him awake. With a slight nod, she inhaled a sharp breath. There was no use in lying to him about her tears.
"Lexie," Mark called in a soft tone and slightly reached his hand out. "Come here."
Lexie tried her best to strangle a sob but didn't quite manage. She took a deep breath and then did as she was told. A few steps later, she was close enough to his bed and she wasn't late to take the out stretched hand he offered her. Mark slightly scooted over on the bed to give her space. She inhaled a ragged breath as she sat down on the bed. Another sob escaped and she looked down at their intertwined hands.
"Just breathe, honey," Mark whispered softly and found it ironic how he was comforting her at this point. He was the patient, shouldn't it be the opposite? He didn't mind of course.
"You- you we-were bleed-ding so much," Lexie stuttered out and closed her eyes. The image of Mark almost bleeding out on that table would be printed in her head forever.
"Shhh…" he whispered and stroked her hand with his thumb. With some effort, he managed to move a little in the bed and make more room for her. "Lie down with me and calm down, then you can tell me how the surgery went."
Lexie shook her head. She wanted nothing more than to lie wrapped up in his arms, but Bailey would kill her if she did.
"It wasn't a question," Mark said in a tired voice. He was exhausted and felt light headed. But he wanted Lexie with him. "Come on," he said and slightly pulled her towards him. Thankfully she obeyed this time and carefully avoided all the wires and lied down beside him.
Lexie kept trying to shove back the sobs that threatened to escape. But they came out as a strangled noise instead. The tears wouldn't stop falling from her eyes. Carefully, she rested her hand on his chest, she was desperate to feel his heart beat under her palm. And once she found that wonderful pulsating feeling, she finally felt some relaxation.
Mark was alive. He survived the surgery with only some minor complications. Now the hard part was over.
"Breathe, Lex," Mark whispered and stroked her arm with his thumb. "We don't wanna cause any stress on the baby." For the first time, Mark could think about the baby and not feel anxiety. He was alive. He would be there when his baby is born. This baby would have a father.
It was difficult, but with some effort, Lexie managed to regulate her breathing. She closed her eyes and focused on the steady heartbeat under her palm, and silently counted the beeps from the monitor.
"I love you," she whispered and finally relaxed.
Mark smiled slightly and felt his eyelids get heavier and heavier. He knew he was drifting off to sleep, but that didn't stop him from responding to her words.
"I love you, too."