This chapter took a while to write, it's the longest one yet! But hopefully you all like it! I will give you a quick warning this chapter contains some darker material. I know it can be a sore spot for some people as they may have dealt with something similar, so please read at your own discretion!
I also dare you to listen to the song of the chapter without crying.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my own characters, everything else belongs to DreamWorks
Song of the Chapter: No Heaven – Justin Nozuka
Chapter Ten: Go Where You Can't Follow
Jack took off into the sky, the cold air whisking him far from the others and taking him where they wouldn't follow. He didn't belong; he only made a mess of everything. He was completely useless. So what was the point? His tears were frozen before they barely left his eyes as he soared south. He continued on his path in a state of pain, biding the winds to take him to the bottom of the earth where he belonged. He reached Antarctica in half an hour, the frozen, barren land whose temperature was too harsh for humans. How perfect he fit in here. If he never left this land, the world would keep on turning, ignorant to the fact they were short one frost spirit.
Jack flew over icy sheets of frozen water and made for the inland, a small settlement catching his eye near a rocky shore. It was a small researching station, a couple scientists mulling over newly collected data, preparing a meal over a fire. Jack normally passed over sights like these, knowing full well he would receive no attention, but something shiny caught his eye. He changed the direction of the winds, making his way over the station and touching down on the frozen ground. He walked stoically to a panic table near the fire, the top set up with simple cooking supplies: cutting board, herbs, plates, cutlery, and a small sharp knife perfect for skinning a fish. That would do. Jack slipped the knife from the table as one of the scientist's meandered over, ready to skin a fish he had caught. Jack ignored the man's complaint at the sudden loss of cooking equipment and took back to the sky without a second glance.
He continued further inland, ignoring the tears that were free falling from his eyes. In a minute's time, he found a suitable clearing, blanketed in fresh snow; Antarctic mountains nestled around like curious observers. He touched down on the undisturbed snow, dropping to his knees and throwing his staff aside. He gripped the knife tightly in his right hand, furious with himself and the world for bringing him to this point. But centuries had past, and his life had not changed. There was simply no other way. He had no reason to exist, just a bothersome spirit who caused chaos in his path of destruction. Surely he wouldn't be missed. A great relief perhaps, to the others to know Jack Frost wouldn't be in their way anymore.
He gripped the knife even more tightly in his right hand, great heavy sobs racking his throat now. Nothing mattered anymore. No one had cared about him in the first place. He was just a tool that had been used and when proven faulty, had been thrown away. It was some sick joke, a destiny he was given to fulfil but had no chance or choice to do so. So he would make the final choice for himself then, and end it all.
Thoughts of those he had come to care about, Santa, Tooth, Sandy, even Bunnymund and Ellie filled his mind with a bitter taste. How foolish to think he belonged. How ridiculous to think he ever could. But he wouldn't be a burden anymore. He wouldn't be invisible anymore. He just wouldn't be.
How tempting a thought and how scary it was at the same time. He had seen mortal lives come and go, so natural in the human world. Life was so painfully given and easily taken. Ridiculously unfair and beautiful at the same time. But he had witnessed the lives of many men and now was his time to join them in spirit. He held the knife to his wrist, prepared and yet unprepared at the same time. He took a deep breath and held the knife against the skin of his left wrist. He would be free in only minutes, a thought that scared Jack beyond anything he had felt before.
He pushed harder on the blade, breaking the first couple layers of skin. Alarm shot through him as silvery blood spilled forth, dribbling down his hand and onto the snow below. Jack stared down at the incision, eyes wide and startled. The pain was sharp and immediately a sense of regret filled his heart. "No," he whispered with great panic, dropping the knife and immediately applying pressure to the cut. Fresh tears streaked his sullen face, full of regret and shame. "Oh god," Jack whispered between quiet sobs. "Oh god, oh god."
"That wasn't fair to him," Ellie said quietly crossing her arms and digging her left foot into the grass. They were still at the Easter egg hunt in England, no one knowing quite what to do now. Everything had gone so terribly wrong; there was little anybody could do. "It wasn't just his fault, we were all to blame."
"And how do you reckon that?" spat Bunnymund, throwing his arms into the air with exasperation. "Where was he when Pitch attacked, huh? Oh, that's right; he was bloody off the map getting his stupid memories back. How responsible of him, to put himself first above everybody else's needs!"
"Well you didn't need to say all those things! And Pitch was behind it all the entire time! You know Jack. You know he would never abandon us when we need him. He's been here the entire time fighting, hasn't he? One slip up and suddenly its 'get the hell out of here'? If that's the way the world worked, people would be stuck in a permanent state of disappointment!" Ellie shouted furiously, storming up to Bunnymund. She knew the others were to livid to understand the reasons behind Jack's delay, so in his absence she would fight for him.
Bunnymund's nostrils flared, his breathing heavy with umbrage. "Jack is a fool; he needed to be put in his place."
Ellie resisted the urge to punch Bunnymund in the face. She needed to be level headed here; she needed to fight for Jack. She owed him that much for all the support he had given her. "Then you're no better than Pitch." The look that passed on Bunnymund's face told her she had crossed a line, but she about to take it back.
"Ellie," breathed Tooth in shock, "how could you say that?" The fairy's colour had drained out of her face as she fluttered nervously beside Santa.
"Then how could you say those things to Jack?" she challenged, her voice wavering. The others kept silent, hearing the terrible truth in her words. Santa swore under his breath in Russian, a contrite look clearly visible on his face.
"She is right, and you know it," he spoke with great melancholy. "We have turned on our own. Let Pitch poison us against each other. We must right this wrong! We have nothing left but each other!" Santa's voice cracked as tears streaked down his face.
Tooth nodded by his side, her own tears mirroring Santa's. "I- I can't believe we did that. We shouldn't have been so hard him."
Ellie closed her eyes in relief for a quick second. It was upsetting things had come down to this point, but there was no way but up from here. "We should go after him," she said, her voice hitching. "I don't think he should be alone right now." Ellie hastily brushed away one of her own tears. "Pitch has had his destruction, there's nothing left we can do here but sulk."
"But Jack could be anywhere Ellie. It's best just to let him cool off for now. He'll return when he's ready," Tooth said flying up to the girl and placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "It's probably best to go home. We need to gather out strengths, find a way to fight back," Tooth said weekly as Santa pulled out a globe from his coat pocket, setting their destination to the North Pole.
Ellie rocked on her heels for a moment, torn between going back or waiting for Jack. "Come on kid," Santa urged. "He'll find his way back. He always does."
Ellie let herself be pulled forward by Tooth, stumbling through the portal Santa had opened and into the globe room of the Workshop. When Tooth released Ellie, the girl trudged her feet over to one of the workbenches, pulled a stool out and sat down. She rested her head on her right hand, quietly tracing the groves in the wooden table with her left index finger. No matter how hard she tried, thoughts of Jack kept creeping into her mind. They had been for awhile, if she was honest with herself. But in the pressing moments of late, all she wanted was to be in his company. He had a way of being extremely irritating at times, but he was always there, even when she wanted to be alone. Always except for now.
The others seemed to be lost in their thoughts, no one really knowing what to do or how to act against the most recent devastation. Tooth however seemed to take pity on Ellie's unsettled state and flew over to the girl. "How about a distraction?" she asked feebly.
Ellie bit her lip and realizing there was nothing else to do, shrugged.
Tooth stared at the ceiling for a moment, hoping the rafters would give her inspiration. "That green light, the thing that shoots out with your arrows, do you know what it is?"
Ellie perked up a bit, eager to get her mind off of Jack and curious herself of the strange green energy. "I have no idea. I've never done anything like that before. Never seen anything like it either."
Tooth seemed encouraged by this as she took the stool on Ellie's right. "Well, do you remember what you did when it happened? Did you think anything specifically, say anything of importance?"
Ellie considered the moment the light first shot out of her arrow: a brilliant green swirl of energy igniting on the tip and obliterating the dark nightmares of Pitch's creation. "I don't remember thinking or saying anything. It was just this great overwhelming feeling of anger and... I don't know, this feeling of needing to protect those I love. Everything was happening so fast."
Tooth bit her lip, deep in deliberation. Santa and Bunnymund had found their way over to the girls' workbench, hearing Elli's description of her newly found battle weapon and eager for the distraction. "You said it was green swirl of energy?" Santa questioned, crossing his inked arms and rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I have heard of this, but only once before. Some three hundred years ago, one of Lady Autumn's daughter's could do something similar. Only her light was gold, and it spread light in time of darkness, give people hope against all odds. Yours, it seems, is an offensive energy. Very useful for destroying enemies."
Ellie gave herself a second to let the information process, still not understanding it. "But why green? What is it and how come I couldn't do it before when Pitch first attacked me? It would have been useful then."
Santa smacked a hand down on the table hard, making everyone jump. "Because, you did not have the love you needed before to fuel the energy. Don't you see? The energy is life! Like Lady Autumn fuels life into nature! And the lives you wanted to protect were the ones you loved, who were in danger!"
"Oh Ellie," Tooth cried out, "we love you too!" Before Ellie could get a chance to escape, she was locked in a tight embrace, the fairy nearly strangling her in a hug.
"Yeah kiddo, we'd never let anything happen to you either," Bunnymund said, giving her a light punch on the arm once Tooth had released her.
For the first time since her mother's passing, Ellie was overwhelmed with a deep sense of caring. No one ever told her how much she was worth to them, or that they would always protect her in return, just because they loved her. It was silly, such a simple feeling of devotion to bring tears to her eyes, but it was one she could not deny. "Thank you," she mumbled wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her shirt. "I really mean it," she whispered.
Tooth seemed to be tearing up again. It appeared she was a bottomless well. She pulled Ellie in for another tight hug. "Anytime." Santa gave a warm laugh, the first one Ellie had heard from him in a while, and pulled Bunnymund into the girls, squishing everyone into a group hug.
"Everybody loves everybody!" he cried out.
"But Jack," Ellie huffed out from under everyone. "What about Jack?"
Santa pulled back, relieving everyone of his heavy weight. "If he does not return in an hour, we will find him," Santa said firmly. "We are not complete without him. Not anymore."
Ellie gave a small smile, longing for the boy with the snow white hair. "Agreed."
The ground was covered in a thin layer of Jack's silver blood, long ago frozen in the cold air. Jack lay hunched over, sobs still racking his throat. He had come so close to doing it, to digging the blade deep enough to end it all. But as soon as the blade made its first shallow cut, he had dropped the knife like it was on fire. It was all so terribly confusing. He was ashamed he had tried to do it in the first place but equally upset he had not gone through with it. He hesitantly looked down at his wrist through his teary vision. His hand was laced with small streams of blood extending down to his finger tips. Only a faint white line remained where he had cut the blade into his skin; a faint white line accusing him of being a coward. He was too pathetic to survive the world, and too weak to end his misery permanently. How fast immortality healed him, Jack thought bitterly. It was the one thing he wanted to escape but the only thing keeping him alive.
Jack had failed once again, even at killing himself; his immortality refusing to let him go. There was no way out of his frozen hell. Jack let out a retched scream, the wind around him swirling into a nasty storm. In his pain, Jack missed the sound of a pop, not noticing the presence of someone behind him. As his scream died out, his sobs returned.
"Jack?" a female voice called out from behind him but he ignored it. "Jack?" the voice called out more frantically, becoming louder. "What are you doing?" A figure of a girl rounded on him and screamed out his name. "JACK! Oh my god, what did you do?" Ellie cried out as she slammed herself into the ground beside him. "What did you do?" she screamed at him again. "Oh my god!" Ellie whimpered as she grabbed the knife beside his hand and threw it aside. She cried openly as she grabbed Jack's wrist, looking for the wound. The blood trails pointed her straight to the faint white scar. "Why would you do this to yourself?" she sobbed.
"I had too," Jack wept between his heavy breaths.
"You're so stupid Jack," Ellie cried out, tightening her grip on his arm with iron strength. "How could you do this? I can't lose you too. How could you do this?" Ellie sucked in a great sob, clutching on to Jack's arm as if letting him go would mean he'd finish the job he started. Her fear was too great that he would try and hurt himself again. For Ellie had been here before, first with her mother, than her sister. It was all too much. She thought she had finally surrounded herself with people she loved who wouldn't leave her. And now she was here with Jack, trying to prevent him from committing something he couldn't undo. "You're so stupid," she repeated over and over again, beginning to sound like a broken record. "You can't leave me. I won't let you."
The two remained like that for a long time, holding each other and crying until there were no tears left. Ellie had been long ago started shivering violently, but through her despair had been able to ignore it. Now her teeth were chattering sporadically, but she would be damned if she left Jack's side now.
"You're freezing," Jack said quietly, clutching to Ellie's arm like an anchor.
"I'm not leaving you. I won't let go Jack," Ellie said between her shivers. "Why?" she whispered, Jack's other arm now around her shoulder to protect her from the cold, Antarctic air. "Why did you do it?"
Jack took a second to answer, not sure how to form his words to express his reasons. "I had nothing left," he said simply, letting her gauge the weight of his answer and how much there was behind it.
Ellie adjusted her grip. "You had us Jack. You had me."
"But I didn't. I never had anything to begin with. I've been alone for three hundred years, and that's all I was ever meant to be. So there was no point in trying anymore."
Ellie traced a finger over the faint scar, imagining what would have happened if Jack had gone through with it. It was far to devastating to think about. "Jack, we all make mistakes, and we're sorry for the way we treated you. But that doesn't mean we don't want you. There was just so much going on. It's easy to say things you'll regret later. And I so regret what was said to you. I wish I would have stood up for you then," Ellie chocked bitterly, painfully fighting against herself to not spill anymore tears. "Please believe me."
Jack looked towards the white sky, a grim expression set on his features. "Sometimes, it's not that easy."
Ellie bit her lip and burrowed her face into Jack's arm. "I know Jack. I've lost so much too. But that's why we have to fight for it. We can't give up on the things we love or else there would be no reason to care for anything."
"I don't know what I'm fighting for though. I don't even know why I'm here to begin with," Jack said, coming down to what seemed to be the root of all his problems. He had no cause, no direction, no reason.
"Jack, you're not the first one to have an identity crisis," Ellie said trying to be light hearted. Then something occurred to her, something so important, she nearly slapped herself at her idiocy for having forgotten about it. "Jack, your memories! You have your memories still!" Ellie pulled herself away from him, her eyes full or concern.
Reaching into his pocket, Jack pulled out the tiny, gold case. In all his misery, he had forgotten about it too. His memories just seemed so pointless when nothing held purpose to him anymore. He looked up to Ellie, her lips blue from the cold air, body shivering violently, but her face held only encouragement. Holding tightly onto the case, Jack touched the top of it lightly with his other hand, not sure how to engage the memory. Immediately a golden glow spread across his vision, leaving behind a different world than the cold Antarctic.
He was in a place he had been many times before; the pond in the sleepy town he considered his home. There was a deep sense of familiarity, like remembering a long forgotten dream. The woods around the pond were frost covered, the water frozen although the air was warming towards spring. A small girl wearing skates called out from the shore. She had long brown hair and was donned in simple clothing, her youthful face full of excitement as she waited for him.
"You be safe now, Jack," an older woman called out behind him. She stood in the doorway of a simple log cabin near the pond. "Watch over your sister now." Jack turned to face the woman, his mother. Her expression was kind as she leaned against the door frame, arms folded, hair pulled back in a tight bun.
"Don't worry, we're just going to have some fun," Jack called out. He ran down from the cabin, making his way to the shore beside his sister. He stopped at the ice and gazed down at his reflection. Deep brown hair, warm brown eyes, a goofy smile on his face. He grabbed his sister's hand and pulled her out onto the ice, barefoot himself. She laughed loudly, enjoying the thrill of sliding about, occasionally falling but knowing her brother would be there to pick her up.
Jack raced to the shore, looking for anything to ramp up the fun and finding a long, wooden hooked stick near the shore. This would work perfectly. He spent the next ten minutes chasing his sister around with the stick, enjoying the warm sun on his back while playing their game of tag. At the climax of their game, a loud cracking sound filled the air. Both Jack and his sister stopped immediately, Jack dropping the stick in alarm. "Jack, what was that?" his sister asked, her face full of worry.
Jack stood still as a line in the ice started to form. "It's okay, it's okay. Don't look down. Just look at me," he said reassuringly.
"Jack, I'm scared," his sister said as the ice beneath her began to crack more.
"I know, I know," Jack said calmly, taking a step towards his sister, but a spidery web of cracks formed beneath his foot upon setting it down. His heart rate began to pound, but he had to stay calm to get his sister to safety. "You're going to be alright. You're not going to fall in." Jack took a second to consider his options but time was a luxury they didn't have. The ice would only last so much longer. "We're going to have a little fun instead!" he said plastering a smile onto his face.
"No we're not!" his sister cried, her voice cracking with worry.
"Would I trick you?" Jack asked trying to play the situation lightly to ease her.
"Yes! You always play tricks!"
Jack steadied himself on the delicate ice. "Well, not- not this time," he said as more spidery cracks erupted. "I promise. I promise you're gonna be- you're gonna be fine. You have to believe in me." Jack turned his tone even more casual and light as the cracks spread. "You wanna play a game? We're gonna play hopscotch, like we play every day! It's as easy as one- whoa!" Jack took a step closer to where he had dropped the stick, making the movement overly theatrical to get a laugh from his sister. "Two-" another step. "Three-" one final step. His sister was laughing harder now, her worry leaving her face. Crouching down, Jack picked up the stick with his right hand. "Alright, now it's your turn. One, that's it, that's it-" the ice began to crack more quickly beneath their feet. "Two-" his sister was losing her balance, sucking in a worried breath. "Three-" Jack hooked the stick around her waist, thrusting her around and onto stable ice.
For a moment, Jack laughed out in relief, his sister smiling at him. But before another word could be spoken, the ice beneath Jack cracked, spilling him into the icy water below. The last thing he heard was his sister cry out his name. The sensation once in the water was intense, and for once in three hundred years Jack remembered what it felt like to be cold. As soon as the sensation had come though, the memory ended, Jack being returned to Ellie's side.
"Jack?" she asked cautiously.
For a moment, he was dazed, completely speechless. Then the words came rushing out of him, all his emotions which were under lock before exploding out. "Did you- did you see that?" he asked, his voice rising in bravado. "It- it was me! I had a family! I had a sister! I saved her!" Jack let out a laugh so incredible Ellie couldn't help but smile with him.
"Jack that's fantastic!
"I know." For a second he considered his own words then looked up to the moon in the sky. "That's why you chose me," he said more quietly. "I'm- I'm a Guardian." He turned his attention back to Ellie who sat shivering in the cold. "Ellie, I- I- I'm so sorry!" Jack furrowed his face in despair. "I- I can't believe I did that."
Ellie reached out her hand and grabbed Jack's. "It's okay Jack. You're here now. That's what matters. You didn't go through with it. And that says a lot."
"I'm here now," Jack said repeating her words quietly. "We have to get back! Ellie, we have to get back. I know what we have to do!"
"Okay! Alright! I have one snow globe left," Ellie said, pulling one of Santa's favourite traveling tools. "It's how I found you." She began shaking it and was just about to say "North Pole" when Jack stopped her.
"Wait! There's somewhere else we have to go."
Ellie reeled her hand back. "What are you talking about?"
Jack smiled for the first time in a long while. "I know how to defeat Pitch."
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So I have an alternate version of this chapter where Jack actually goes all the way. I thought it was a little too dark but if you guys want to read it I can post it as a bonus chapter at the end! You just have to ask!
I'll update once we get to 85 reviews, that way I have some more time to write! So don't forget to review, even if you've reviewed already, feel free to review every chapter haha!
See you then!