Collateral Damage

Lovino tried to be angry. It was usually so easy. When it came to anger, he was a pro. But in this instance, the perpetual rage within him had given way to an extreme sense of satisfaction. Sure, Antonio had told Francis everything about their little misstep last night. But on the bright side, he wasn't even embarrassed. And he had peed on him. Lovi wasn't an expert at equivalent exchange, but he was sure urine and Francis were about even. Still, he couldn't let Antonio know he had forgiven him this easily. He had to feign a mild sense of disdain to keep up appearances, but somehow this core part of his being seemed so very . . . foreign. At this very moment, he was trying not to grin like an idiot at the sight of the Spaniard bending over the bathtub to turn on the shower. Hmm, yes. Anger. Right.

"Oi hurry up, you bastard. It's not warm anymore!"

"In due time, Lovi. You don't want to get scalded, do you?"

Somehow Antonio had been completely unfazed by the incident. He had cheerfully swept Lovi up and whisked him away to the bathroom in a flourish that made Ludwig blush as he exited his office. Ludwig then mumbled something about shopping and sausages before scurrying away with Feliciano in great haste. Grouchiness was back.

"I don't need you doting on me. Just for that I'm going to use up all of the hot water so you'll freeze when you wash off!"

Lovi was so preoccupied in his rant, he was unaware that Antonio had lifted the shirt above his head and tossed it in the hamper along with the pants he had borrowed from Feliciano.

"N-now wait just a damn minute, I don't need you undressing me!"

Lovi stopped from raving as he found himself enamored with the sight of Antonio's muscles stretching as he brought his own shirt over his head and then tossed it carelessly in the corner.

"I know how stingy you get with your showers, Lovi. That's why I'm joining you."

Lovi would have blushed. He really, really wanted to blush, actually. Alas, he only had enough blood to engorge one part of his body, and it wasn't his face.

"What? Y-you pervert! You can't just out and say things like that! What the hell?"

"Why are you suddenly so modest, Lovi?" Antonio asked as the snaked his arms around the shorter Italian man, "You were completely different last night."

"Different . . . circumstances," Lovi mumbled self-consciously as he gave an extremely half hearted fight against the embrace. He couldn't seem too eager, after all.

"Just relax, I won't make you do anything you don't want to do," said Antonio as he guided Lovi to the shower encouragingly. "Right now, we both smell like pee. Let's just concentrate on getting it off."

Lovino sputtered at Antonio's all-too-fortunate choice of words, but stepped out of his underwear and into the shower nonetheless.

Lovi was grateful Antonio hadn't mentioned, or even acknowledged Lovi's arousal throughout this whole ordeal. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't work up the courage to glance at Antonio anywhere below the waist. Was he as aroused as Lovi was? He didn't know for sure. Somehow not knowing made it all the more erotic.

Lovi stood directly under the hot stream of water lost in his imagination. He hadn't meant to be selfish with the hot water. It was just that it was the only thing that kept him from trembling at that particular moment. This moment was torture, really. But he didn't want it to stop.

"Lovi," Antonio said softly behind him. Antonio brought his arms around Lovino, running his fingers along the backs of Lovi's hands, taking them in his. He then took the bar of soap out of Lovino's hands. "Let me get your back."

"Mmmhmm," was all Lovi could manage as he felt Antonio's chest against his back, specifically avoiding letting his lower regions brush up against the back of him.

Lovino sighed softly and let his head dip forward as Antonio ran his hands up his back, rubbing the soap in a circular motion. Lovi did nothing but simply let himself sway absentmindedly with every motion of Antonio's hands. Lovi fought to keep his breathing steady as Antonio brought the soap lower and lower. Lovi clenched his jaw as Toni made his way to the back of his hips before stopping.

"My turn," Antonio said, moving toward the water.

Lovi nodded numbly as he moved aside. His head was swimming as he turned to keep his back to Antonio while they traded places. It had become distinctly colder out of the direct path of the water and he began to shiver.

He could hear Antonio shifting and rinsing off. He then heard Antonio pop a lid to something and squeeze a portion of whatever it was into his hand and rub them together. Lovi started to become confused before feeling Antonio's fingers run through his hair, massaging his scalp. The sensation made him want to melt at that very moment. He suddenly found himself very aware that he didn't know what to do with his hands at that very moment. He crossed his arms across his chest and dug his fingernails into his arms. Being afraid of doing something that might embarrass himself, Lovi fought to maintain an inkling of self control. He bit his lip and tried to keep from shaking. All was going well, he could even keep his breathing steady if he concentrated.

It all went out the window once Antonio found that blasted curl.

Lovi let out a sharp moan and found himself reaching back, grasping Antonio's hips and pulling the Spaniard forward into him. Whatever Lovi had been wondering earlier could now be answered without a doubt. Antonio was hard.

Caught somewhere between humiliation and desperately wanting to grinding his hips back against Antonio, Lovi was snapped out of his moment with one comment:

"Ohhhh, so that's what that curl does!"

This would normally be the moment Lovi flung his head back, using his skull as a blunt weapon however Antonio kept on pulling the curl, oblivious to everything around him.

"Ch-ch . . ." Dammit, Antonio.

Antonio pulled again.

"Chiiiigi," Lovino purred.

He leaned more boldly back against the taller man, resting his head against his neck. Antonio let go of the curl. Lovino's eyes snapped open. Looking up, he could see Antonio grinning down at him. Lovino narrowed his eyes.

"What?"

"Perhaps we should take this to the bedroom?"

Lovino scoffed in a typical Lovi fashion, but nodded dumbly as he rinsed off.

The boldness gave way the moment the constant pattering of water was cut off and he was more aware of their nudity than ever. He could no longer use cleanliness as an excuse for being naked with Antonio. He was now venturing into unknown territory. He swallowed hard, and his mouth had already gone dry. He couldn't even muster up a smart-assed remark when Antonio handed him a towel, instead he retreated behind it covering as much of himself as he could. Thankfully Ludwig's towels were huge.

Antonio seemed to sense Lovi's change disposition as he pulled him into an embrace, "We don't have to if you don't want . . ."

Antonio's words were cut off as Lovi attacked his mouth with a rough, albeit sloppy kiss. The kiss was an act of desperation, really. Lovi knew that if he didn't do something, he would lose his nerve. If he let Antonio finish that sentence, giving him the chance to opt out, he'd take it. Lovino wasn't a brave man by any stretch of the imagination, he just wanted this too badly to stop now.

The kiss had caught Antonio by surprise. At first he thought Lovi had headbutted him again considering the amount of force behind the kiss. Lovi's teeth had bumped against his lip harshly. There would definitely be a bruise there later. Antonio let his hands rest on Lovi's hips, gently taking charge of the affectionate assault brought fourth by Lovi as to not injure either of them further. Antonio pulled Lovi closer to him. Lovi responded by wrapping his arms around Antonio's neck. Antonio took this as an affirmative and reached down to the Italian man's ass and gave it a squeeze. Lovi moaned deeply into the kiss.

What happened next, Lovi couldn't have expected. Looking at his lithe form, Lovi had forgotten how strong the Spaniard could be. It wasn't all that surprising, however. Antonio always managed to have some sort of project he was working on outside.

Antonio had reached under him and lifted him up, coaxing Lovi to wrap his legs around his waist and was carrying him to the spare bedroom.

"Y-you asshole!" Lovi doth protest, "You could at least warn me before doing that!"

Despite the stream of obscenities pouring from his mouth, Lovi hadn't minded the act. He was more embarrassed at himself for the girlish squeak that had betrayed his surprise at that moment. Truth be told, it was all he could do to not swoon at the gesture.

"You should watch your mouth, Lovi," Antonio murmured into his ear, "Talking dirty really doesn't suit you."

Before Lovi knew it, they were in the bedroom and he was lying on his back. Antonio stretched out languidly on top of him, nibbling on his neck.

Lovi wanted to curse and call him names, well not really, but he did like to keep up appearances.

Antonio worked his way lower as Lovi bit back soft moans. He kissed across the Italian's chest and let his tongue carelessly flick across Lovi's nipple. Lovi grabbed Antonio's shoulders and squeezed, not knowing if he wanted to pull him up for a kiss or let him move lower.

Antonio, completely undeterred, ran his hands along Lovino's chest as he kissed down his abdomen. Lovi bit his lip, and rocked his hips involuntarily against the taller man. Antonio let his nose graze against the very top of the towel that had inexplicably stayed around Lovi's waist. Lovi's eyes were screwed shut, he exhaled in anticipation only to have Antonio's warmth move away.

He look up as dark, green eyes met his hazel ones, he found Antonio giving a lopsided grin as he sat between Lovi's knees. His fingers lingered, however, teasing the top of the terrycloth barrier of modesty.

"What?"

"I . . . just wanted to stop and enjoy the view. I've never seen you like this."

Lovino felt himself blush.

"We've seen each other naked a bunch of times."

"Well yes, but not like this."

Lovi crossed his hands over his chest, suddenly very self conscious. It was true, they had encountered each other in various states of undress in the past however Lovi was now acutely aware of the difference between naked roommate and naked lover. And one thought that was completely foreign to Lovi was the idea of actually trying to be sexy for someone.

He cast his eyes downward and towards the wall.

"So what? Are you just gonna stare, then? Psssht, perv."

Antonio chuckled, "Is my little Lovi embarrassed? How cute!"

If you make a tomato comment right now, Antonio, I swear . . .

"Why you look just like a to-WHOA!"

And with that, Antonio found himself on his back being straddled by the pointedly not tomato-like Italian who gave a smug smirk. He leaned down and gave Antonio a rough kiss.

"Let's get one thing straight: I am not little, I am not cute, and I am definitely not a tomato. Capito?"

"Si."

"Good."

And with the sudden surge of dominance, he pulled the towel from around Antonio's waist giving him the same kind of scrutiny. The Spaniard was far less reserved when it came to poise in such a compromising situation.

Lovino let his fingers trace down Antonio's taught abdomen, along the ridge of his hips, and along the fine hairs below his belly button.

No tan lines, Lovino thought suddenly thankful for the existence of Spain's rivieras.

His eyes traveled back up Antonio's body before making their way to the wide grin on the Spaniard's face.

"Are you just gonna stare, then?" He teased, "You're such a perv, Lovi."

"Shut up," Lovi half whined, "before you say something and ruin the moment."

To be honest, Lovino wasn't sure what to do now that he had Antonio pinned down. He purposefully hadn't thought that far ahead.

"Well maybe if I had something to occupy my mouth with, I wouldn't be so chatty."

Lovi blushed furiously but relinquished his position as king of the mountain . . . only "king of" was replaced by "straddling" and "mountain" was substituted with "Antonio's raging hard-on". (It's the subtleties that make the difference.) He then found himself leaning against the head board of the bed as Antonio sat up and began kissing him softly. Lovi sighed into the kiss as their tongues danced to some sort of unheard tune . He hadn't been paying much attention to Antonio's roaming hands until one of them found their way around his cock. His hips bucked suddenly as Antonio gave one light stroke.

"Oi, oi, you could at least warn me before doing that, Bastard!"

"But if I did, it wouldn't be spontaneous," Antonio replied.

Touche, Lovi thought. He wouldn't say it aloud though. Being that the word was French and all.

"What would you have me do?" Antonio asked, running his fingers along Lovi's length with a feather light touch. Lovi strained up against him in a futile effort to increase contact.

"What do you mean? You really want me to be specific?" Lovi asked, increasingly frustrated.

"You were so eager to be the dominant one a minute ago. I'd never seen you be so direct about what you want. I . . . kind of liked it actually. So I want you to tell me what you want me to do."

Lovi was a little surprised. He had never pegged Antonio for being the submissive type.

"I don't wanna say! It's too embarrassing."

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Lovi. We're making love. It's something we should be able to talk about openly."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"'C-cause . . . I've never done . . . this . . . before . . . " Lovino trailed off with a furious blush on his face.

"What was that? I didn't get the last part."

"Ugh, I'm a virgin, you bastard!" I can't believe he made me say it out loud!

"Ooooohhhhh," Antonio nodded, realization finally setting in.

Lovino let out a small, exasperated sigh. It's a really good thing I love you.

"So my little Lovi was saving himself. That's so cu . . ."

"I'm in a position to to obliterate your vital regions, don't you dare finish that sentence," Lovi's face was now a healthy shade of crimson.

"You're so mean, Lovi," Antonio whined, but got the point. "Here, I'll show you."

With that, Antonio was tracing his fingers along Lovino's torso. Lovino watched Antonio's hands carefully. It felt amazing, but he was still too self conscious to look Antonio in the eyes.

Antonio traced his fingers down and grabbed Lovi's right hand and with a mischievous smirk, brought Lovi's hand down to his own cock. Lovi pulled back, out of shyness.

"It's okay, I want you to," Antonio said in a low voice.

Lovi swallowed hard and let his hand be guided around Antonio's hard member. After giving a couple of slow experimental, strokes, Antonio let go and leaned back slightly. And with that, Lovi was taking charge.

It was such a surreal thought, really. He's had a crush on Antonio for such a long time, never expecting anything to come of it, much less having the Spaniard submitting himself to him like this.

Antonio leaned back, letting his head roll off to the side. His eyes were half lidded and Lovi could see him biting his lip ever so slightly. He then let out a long breath that had the vaguest hint of a moan to it. It was by far the sexiest scene Lovi had ever seen up to that point, and he was the one making Antonio react that way.

With this, Lovi grew more bold. He sat up, pushing Antonio onto his back, spread eagle. He then took Antonio's hands above his head, pinning them onto the bed as he went down for a rough kiss. Lovino then brought one of his hands down and continued stroking Antonio.

He may never have done this before, but he had a pretty good imagination. And he'd had a lot of time to indulge it.

Antonio writhed as Lovi began kissing down his neck and chest, bringing the assault down to Antonio's hips, he paid a painstaking amount of attention to the ridge of Antonio's hip and the indention that led down to his cock without actually touching it. Antonio whimpered and began to squirm, trying to direct Lovi's undivided attention to his arousal, but the Italian would not give in. He was going to to at whatever pace he damn well pleased.

Finally, his hand found its way around Antonio's length again as he carefully and somewhat timidly wrapped his lips around the head. Truth be told, Lovino had his apprehensions of taking the whole thing in his mouth. Antonio was quite well endowed, after all. Instead he opted for teasing Antonio further, planting a small kiss at the base of his cock and running his tongue along the shaft.

Antonio gave a small shudder.

"Lovi~ . . . " he breathed.

The sound gave a small but very distinct ache in his own lower regions, Lovino raised his head, "Mmmm?"

"Are you sure you've never done this before?"

"What can I say, I'm a fucking natural," Lovi said as he sat up.

"Are you ready to take this further?" Antonio asked.

Lovino nodded vigorously, but then it hit him, "Uhhh, wait, don't we need, I dunno, some kind of lube or something?"

There was a very pointed pause, and then Antonio brought his hands to his face with a very frustrated moan, "Yeeeeeees . . . "

"Well, shit," Lovino cursed. He thought for a moment, and then was struck with an idea, "Wait here."

And with that, A very naked Lovino stood up and bolted out of the bedroom door leaving a very confused Antonio.

"Eh, what did I miss?"

Lovino padded down the hallway towards his brother's room. He was pretty sure they had vacated the house earlier, but he didn't care either way. Part of him wanted that potato bastard to catch an eye full. Lovi smirked.

Yeah, what now? I'm mother fucking Lovino Vargas and I make my cock stand at attention in direct defiance of your stupid house! Now excuse me while I ravish my Spanish lover so spectacularly it knocks all the paintings off your walls and you hear every second of it!

He flung their bedroom door open so hard, it almost came off its hinges. He briefly scanned the room before locating a small bottle of lube on the night stand.

"Ah-ha!" He skipped over and grabbed the lube. Serves my stupid brother right for making me look at his boner this morning!

He then swaggered back to the spare guest room, leaving the door open and the bottle conspicuously missing as telltale signs of his room invasion.

Like a boss.

Antonio reclined on the bed waiting for Lovi to return, he then heard what could only be described as the whistling of a jaunty tune. Lovi appeared in the doorway with a look of triumph. He then wordlessly tossed the bottle onto the bed as he closed the door behind him.

My only regret was that the potato bastard wasn't home to see.

"Wow! Where'd you find this?"

"What's the capital of Canada?"

"Huh?" Antonio was very confused at this point.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were just coming up with questions that didn't matter," Lovino smirked as he sat down on the bed and examined the lube. He let out a sigh, trying to steady his breath.

That nervous feeling was back.

"Ummm, Toni?" Lovino half mumbled.

"It's okay, I'll show you how. . ." he said, taking the bottle and squeezing a fair amount in Lovi's hand and on his fingers, "It helps to -ahem- prepare the area beforehand."

A brief instruction involving hilarious hand gestures ensued and ended with Lovino being far more enlightened on the ins and outs of anal sex. (pun very much intended)

Antonio stretched out on the bed and parted his thighs, giving Lovino easier access.

Lovi hesitated for a moment, before taking a breath and guiding his finger to Antonio's opening. He slid it in slowly.

It was odd, really. Of all things to worry about at this moment, it was where to look. Looking at what he was doing made him feel like a pervert. On the other hand, he wanted to look Antonio in the face but was a bit embarrassed about making eye contact in this very moment (being it was so new to him and all). He decided to rest his eyes on Antonio's chest, watching it rise and fall, moving his finger in and out at the same pace as his breathing. Slow and steady.

"Add another," Antonio breathed.

Lovino followed the instruction, adding another finger at the same pace as before.

As he grew more comfortable with what he was doing, he began scissoring his fingers slightly, in order to properly stretch Antonio. He then curled his fingers slightly upward, brushing against a spot that caused Antonio to buck his hips and moan slightly. Lovi was able to deduce that this was probably a good thing and hit the same spot again, only more deliberately.

"If you keep this up, I won't be able to last much longer," Antonio laughed breathlessly.

"You better not finish, yet," Lovino huffed.

"I'm ready whenever you are," Antonio replied.

Lovi slowly withdrew his fingers and sat up. Antonio followed, grabbing the bottle of lube once again. He poured some into his hands and gripped Lovi's own member, sliding up and down it in an agonizingly slow pace. A sharp moan escaped Lovi without him even realizing it. He closed his eyes as Antonio rubbed the lubrication on his aching member.

"Oi, how much time does it take to put this stuff on?" he asked after several more strokes.

"Ahahaha, I guess I just got carried away," Antonio laughed sheepishly.

Lovi shook his head, and smirked slightly. Antonio was a dork. A sexy, sexy dork.

Antonio released Lovi's arousal and laid back on the bed with an infuriating smile, his deep, green eyes fixed on Lovi. For the poor Italian, it was almost too much.

Okay, okay. I can do this.

Lovi guided the head of his cock to Antonio's entrance. He stopped, looking at his lover for some sort of affirmation. Antonio simply gave him a smile and an encouraging roll of his hips to coax the Italian forward.

Antonio arched his back and placed his hands on Lovi's waist to help guide him. His eyebrows furrowed as Lovi pushed into him, causing Lovi to wonder if he was in any pain. Not that he could voice these concerns, however, as Lovino was a bit overwhelmed by Antonio's tightness.

Finally, when he was completely inside the Spaniard, he let out a long, shuddering breath. What he felt at that moment could only be described as fucking amazing, but he knew he wasn't going to last long. He paused a brief moment to study the Spaniard's face, watching for any signs of pain.

"Tonio?" Lovi strained to speak.

"I'm okay, Lovi. I promise," Antonio reassured him, though it had been a while. He was sure on some level that he would be sore in the morning.

Deciding he would deal with that at a later time, he resolved to relax and focus entirely on the moment at hand. This was Lovino's first time, after all. Nothing could tear him away from that.

He cupped Lovino's cheek tenderly, whispering random sweet nothings in his ear as he rolled his hips again to encourage the younger man to move with him. Lovi was more than happy to oblige, starting at a slow and deliberate pace but each thrust was met with a ragged breath from the Italian.

Lovino found himself getting more and more self conscious, knowing he wasn't going to last long. So far things were going well, but he was worried about the grand finale. The idea of losing himself in the throes of passion with Antonio, of all people, was still completely foreign to him. It made him feel so . . . vulnerable. Not knowing what to do or, again, where to look, he buried his face in the crook of Antonio's neck and shoulder.

Antonio gently grabbed his face gently, bringing it level with his own and cradling the back of his head.

"Don't do that, Lovinito. I want to see your face when we're making love."

As annoying as the younger man would normally find being called "Lovinito", especially in their current position, it was the last part was what stuck in Lovi's mind. Making love.

"Pssht, you always were the sentimental bastard," Lovi more stated this than protested as he rested his forehead against Antonio's.

Antonio's only response was to claim Lovi's mouth in a deep kiss, mostly as an insurance policy to keep the Italian man from saying something dirty to ruin the moment. Lovino took this as a signal to pick up the pace.

Once they had a steady rhythm built, Antonio let go of Lovino, opting to grip the sheets behind him as he arched into each thrust.

Watching the stretching and contracting of Antonio's glistening abdomen paired with the parting of his lips and the deep flush on his cheeks only excited the young Italian more. Somewhere in the increasingly frantic thrusts, Lovino had found that same magical spot from before. He could tell because of a stream of Spanish obscenities to come rolling out of Antonio's mouth filthy enough to make even Lovino blush.

Somewhere, in the remote part of his brain that was still capable of higher thought at that very moment, Lovino had declared the Spaniard no longer in a position to chastise him for his cursing.

But cursing or no, the sight of Antonio's features screwed up in pleasure was a pressing reminder that the conclusion of this bliss was rapidly approaching. He reached down and began pumping Antonio's cock in time with each thrust. Antonio reached down, gripping Lovino's hand to assist.

There were sounds of heavy breathing and moans peppered with the occasional Spanish term of endearment offset by a creaking bed and skin frantically slapping together, and then a strangled cry from the Spaniard.

And with that, Lovi felt his lover come,warm and wet in his hand, spurting in waves as Antonio tensed against him. It was the clenching that sent Lovi over the edge, he stilled as pleasure erupted from him. For a moment, he forgot to breathe until he collapsed on the older man, who then captured him in another kiss.

Eh, who needs breathing, anyway?

They laid there for a few minutes catching their breath until Lovino broke the silence.

"Te amo, you Tomato Bastard," Lovino mumbled into Antonio's chest.

This heartfelt declaration of love was met with silence. Lovino waited for a response and then slowly raised his head, suddenly somewhat afraid. Instead he met Antonio's eyes, which had a sort of glint to them, and, of course, a beaming smile.

Okay, now Lovi was definitely afraid.

". . . what?"

Antonio responded by wrapping his arms around Lovi so tight, he was sure he heard a few cracks, and then commenced to barrel rolling back and fourth across the bed with the Italian clenched to his chest.

"That . . . was . . . SO . . . CUUUUUTE!" Antonio actually squeed. "And you even said it in Spanish for me!"

"Stop . . . stop it. Stop it! Don't make me regret saying it, you Paella-brained Bastard!"

Antonio stilled and loosened his grip on Lovi, as they settled into merely cuddling.

"Yotambién te amo, Lovi."

They stayed like this for a while in a comfortable silence, Lovino tracing shapes into Antonio's chest with his ear pressed against his heart. Antonio hummed some random tune content with staring up at the ceiling.

"So . . ." Lovino started.

"Hm?" Antonio inquired.

"You know we're gonna have to take another shower after this, right?"

. . .

.

.

.

Ludwig and Feliciano returned a couple of hours later from their impromptu date, only to see Antonio's car still parked outside their house, to his dismay.

"Fratello! We're home!" Feliciano called as he pranced in through the front door.

"Yeah, yeah, we were about to leave," Romano replied, casually descending the stairs with Antonio in tow, both with damp hair and the smell of shampoo and soap on them and wearing some of Feliciano and Ludwig's clothes.

Ludwig surveyed the two and immediately knew what had occurred in the house while he and Feliciano were gone. While he was glad they were both leaving, he was definitely NOT looking forward to cleaning either the bathroom or guest bedroom after they left.

He pulled out a small notepad he kept on his person at all times, jotting down a quick note to buy new sheets.

"I see the two of you seemed to have patched things up," Ludwig stated after an awkward cough to break the silence.

Antonio brushed his hand against hand against Lovino's in a light grasp.

"Yeah," he replied shyly . . . or was it sheepishly? It was the Spaniard's guilty demeanor that first raised suspicion.

Ludwig narrowed his eyes.

Upon narrowing his eyes, he made the mistake of making eye contact with Lovino who's smug grin, in turn, spread slowly over his face and alarmingly resembled the part in How The Grinch Stole Christmas, where the Grinch got his wonderful, awful idea.

Damn Feliciano and his cartoons.

"Yes, things went rather smoothly, shall we say?" Lovino practically purred his reply.

Ludwig blinked.

Just what did he mean by that?

"Veeeh? That's wonderful! Congratulations!" Feliciano exclaimed, oblivious to the borderline telepathic war his brother and boyfriend were currently having.

"Grazie, fratello," Lovino's tone was uncharacteristically amiable, "Anyway, we should be going now. Ciao!"

And with that, Lovino practically skipped out of their house with Antonio shyly mumbling "Adios" and Ludwig could have sworn he also heard a barely audible "lo siento" before the door clicked shut.

"Ludwig, isn't it great that they made up? I'm so happy for them!" Feliciano started before devolving into incomprehensible chatter like he was prone to do.

Ludwig had learned to tune this out a long time ago. He stood there trying to decipher Lovino's cryptic message. After several minutes of being lost in thought, it hit him.

He didn't know how it occurred to him, but he practically broke into a run upstairs to see their bedroom door hanging loosely on its frame, only confirming Ludwig's suspicions more.

He entered his and Feliciano's bedroom and scanned the area. Everything was in its rightful place except . . .

"The lube," Ludwig cursed under his breath.

Instead of where the lube once was, there was a post-it note.

He also sabotaged my post-it notes?

On the post it note simply read:

"Thanks for the lube, Potato Bastard. I used it to screw my boyfriend silly under your roof! We did it again in the shower and used all of your shampoo.

3 Lovino

P.S. I rubbed my naked ass all over your pillows!"

.

.

.

Ludwig crumpled the paper, shaking with rage.

You can mock his potatoes. You can mock his boyfriend. You can even mock his beer.

But you don't steal another man's lube!

He had always shrugged off Feliciano's antagonistic brother in the past. But this time, it was serious.

And he knew exactly how to take his revenge.

"Oh Feli, Mein Kuschelbär," he called out sweetly.

"Veeeh? What is it, Ludwig?"

"I think it's wonderful your brother and Antonio are together. We should celebrate!"

Feliciano was so surprised by Ludwig's whimsy, he actually opened his eyes.

"That's a great idea! What would you suggest?"

"I overheard him tell Antonio how much he loved your new recipe and couldn't wait to try it again. Now, he'll deny it because he doesn't want to impose, so you must insist he eat it! You know how difficult it is for Lovino to show his true feelings. But he said it was missing something. Like maybe it would be best paired with boiled cabbage or something.

"Yay! I will keep that in mind since my brother has such good taste. I'm so happy! I'll start on it right away!"

Part of Ludwig felt bad using Feliciano like that. But the other Vargas brother had picked on his brother for far too long, and Feliciano was too damned nice to take out revenge on his own.

He also felt a pang of guilt for inflicting this on Antonio for a second time. At least he had the decency to feel bad about what happened.

Ludwig went into the guest room to survey the damage. The mattress was ruined and the room reeked of sex . . . and . . . pee? He didn't want to know any details.

He took back the guilt about Antonio. The Spaniard was simply collateral damage at this point.

"Oh and Feli? Put a tomato on top of it. You know? As a garnish or something."

.

.

.

Tranlations (if any of these are wrong, please let me know)

Te amo = I love you

Yo también te amo = I love you, too.

Adios = Goodbye

lo siento = I'm sorry

grazie = thank you

fratello = brother

ciao = bye

Mein Kuschelbär = My cuddlebear

.

A/N: Sorry this took so long to write, I've been really busy. This is also my first time writing a full on sex scene from start to finish, soooo yeah. I hope it was worth the wait. I guess it's more Spain topping from the bottom, but I didn't know any other way to have seme Romano make sense in this story. :P

Also this was supposed to be the conclusion, but now there will be an epilogue. :3