Oh exciting news in my boring life. I'M GOING TO MEET RICK RIORDAN AT A BOOK SIGNING FOR MARK OF ATHENA! I'M SO EXCITED! *fangirl* He's a genius, really he is. I'm going with my real life bestie Jez Redfern the Huntress! Voldie hasn't had a good rant for a while so the topic of this rant is, well, you'll see.

Pjoperson: Yes, yes, it does.

RavenclaWriter: Ah, sorry bout that. Sometimes I have no idea how to reply to reviews, especially to the guest ones because I'm not even sure if you'll read the reply, but I do read every single review.

Roxie13: Oh those silly voices. I hear them too!

Jez Redfern the Huntress: I'M SO EXCITED! And why does everyone assume your name is Jez?

I was seriously not kidding when I said this would have every cliche in the book….. Anyone have any good cliché suggestions?

Drops of Love *WARNING: THIS IS A SAPPY CLICHÉ ROMANCE WRITTEN BY VOLDEMORT. THEREFORE YOU MAY DIE FROM HORRIBLE WRITING*

"Hey Zniallharrylouliam I-" Voldia froze when she saw what was happening in the room.

It was her best friend Jimella and

Zniallharrylouliam kissing passionately. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Voldia screeched. They stopped kissing immediately. "Oh Voldia-" Zniallharrylouliam stammered. "How could you?!" Voldia sobbed "I thought you loved me! But here you are swapping spit with some whore!"

"Who you calling whore, muchacha?" Jimella snapped (Did I mention Jim is slightly Spanish in this?)

"YOU, CHICA."

"OH IT IS ON."

"DO NOT MAKE ME GET FEISTY."

"SOMEBODY HOLD MY PURSE."

"YOU BITCH!" Voldia screamed, lunging at Jimella.

Then, another Zniallharrylouliam entered the room.

"What?" Jimella gasped.

"What's going on here?" One Zniallharrylouliam demanded.

Another Zniallharrylouliam snickered. "A long time no see...brother."

"You!" Zniallharrylouliam said. "I thought you died in a tragic accident of sorts!"

"What is going on?!" Voldia shouted.

"This," Zniallharrylouliam said gravely "is my long lost evil twin brother Liamlouharryniallz."

Voldia and Jimella gasped.

"Wait a minute," mused Voldia, studying Jimella face. "This isn't the real Jimella it's-"

She then pulled off Jimella face, which was acutally a mask! Behind the mask was...another Voldia!

"It's my long lost evil twin sister!" Voldia exclaimed. "Voldette!"

Zniallharrylouliam and Liamlouharryniallz gasped...

Dear Diary,

If there's one thing I hate, it's useless things.

Like treadmills! Why would you pay to run on an object?

I run on things for free! I run on my kitchen counter, I run on my table at restaurants, and do not get me started on the things I ran on naked with Jim at the mental hospital.

And there are plenty of places to run outside!

So really, these muggles are paying to run.

Treadmills are also extremely dangerous. Do you know how many people have died from treadmill accidents? So not only is this lethal weapon useless, but also deathly. You know what else is deathly? Toasters. Not only do they scare the bugizzles out of you when they spontaneously decide to pop out of the toaster, but do you know how many people have died in toaster related accidents? It depends which website you check, but around 700 each year! Do people not understand the danger of toasters?!

Beware of the toasters!

Oh and stay in school. Also eat your vegetables. And don't do drugs. They're bad for you.

That reminds me. Yesterday, I went grocery shopping! You can only eat take-out for so long.

I made a combination of all my favorite foods. So it was a funnel cake, with fish fingers and custard, eleven scoops of chocolate ice cream, toppled high with marshmallows, drenched with Nutella, and sprinkled with icing sugar.

Now while I was buying these things (note that I am strictly avoiding toasters) I decide, why not save lives?

So I set the entire stack of toasters on fire with a blowtorch I found on aisle 7.

But these muggles don't appreciate the fact that I am saving their lives so they went all berserk, running and screaming 'FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!'

...Maybe that's how I should kill Potter! I'll chuck toasters at him!

(This diary entry was brought to you by Red Heads: Do we even need any other hair colors?)

-Voldemort