Thanks for reading! Time jump coming after this one, and Bella will still be our primary storyteller. Might hear a little more from Edward after the jump!

Let me know what you think of the chapter.

… …

"So…" Rosalie propped herself up on her elbows, her eyes full of curiosity. "Did you?"

I shook my head, feeling my cheeks flame red. "No. He…um, he stopped it."

"He stopped?!"

"Yeah."

"I still can't believe something has been going on between you and Edward Cullen this whole time and you never said a word about it to us."

My eye flicked over to Kate, but she didn't react. She had known about my crush, and had warned me against it. But now so much more had happened- it just wasn't the same situation anymore.

"I mean, at first it was nothing," I explained. "I just had a crazy crush and I never imagined that he would reciprocate. And then everything just happened so fast from there."

"Bella, were you really ready to have sex with him?" Rosalie asked in a hushed whisper.

I paused for a moment. That was the same exact question I had been asking myself for the past two days.

"I wanted him to know me like no one else ever has."

"Bella…" Kate frowned slightly. "He's leaving. I have absolutely no doubt that your feelings are real, but what are you going to do now? You've never had to deal with anything like this before."

I knew what she was saying, and she was right. I'd never even had a real boyfriend before. Even though Edward had all but begged me to stay in touch, I had no idea what long distance would be like.

And there was that nagging feeling I had- knowing that Edward seemed to know everything about me while I knew very little about him in return. I still felt a connection between us- that was undeniable. But while he had been incredibly open with me about some things, I felt like he was keeping large parts of himself shrouded in secrecy. I didn't know whether or not he was doing it on purpose, but it didn't exactly bode well for us that he was such a mystery.

… …

Alice saw me first as I approached. They were both loading up Edward's car, and she nudged Edward.

He turned and saw me, and the smile slid off of his face. "Hey."

"Hi."

All three of us stood there awkwardly for a moment, until Edward looked over at Alice. "Could you give us a minute?"

Once she walked away, he reached for me, and I couldn't deny him.

"You're leaving?" I asked, gripping his hand in mine. "Now?"

"Tomorrow. I was planning on talking to you tonight."

I nodded, trying to fight off tears. "Well, here I am now, so there's no need. It was nice to meet you, Edward. Have a nice life."

I let go of his hand and turned away, but he caught my arm. "Don't be like that, please."

"Please what, Edward? You're leaving. Look, it's not your fault. You were honest from the start- you were never going to stay. I don't know why I let myself fall for you, because really, this was always the only possible why things could have gone- you leaving, and me left in the dust."

"You think this isn't hard for me, too? This was supposed to be just a job. I never expected to show up here and have knock me off my feet. But this is my career. I come and go. It's the only thing I've ever been good at, and it's the only thing that has made me feel purposeful. But now you make me feel like I have a purpose, and it's fucking killing me to be pulled in two different directions like this.

His chest was heaving, and he still looked miserable. But the way he looked at me told me that he really did feel the same way about me as I felt about him.

But that wouldn't help us now.

"I meant what I said," Edward continued, more calm now. "Even if I can't have you the way I want to, losing you completely would hurt even worse. You promised me that you would keep in touch. Does that promise still stand?"

I thought about it for a moment, trying to decide which would hurt worse. Surely a clean break would hurt less than dragging it out. Maybe we could keep it up from weeks, maybe even months, but then what?

We'd only had a matter of weeks together. In the grand scheme of things, that was such a small amount of time, but so much had happened. Now we wouldn't see each other for God knows how long, and things would change.

"Maybe it would be better if we didn't-"

"Bella, no." Edward interrupted me swiftly, shaking his head. "I can't just stop talking to you. Please…"

I wiped at my eyes, wishing he didn't have to see me cry. "What happened the other night, Edward?"

If he was thrown off by my sudden change of subject, he didn't show it. "Bella, I'm very sorry about the other night. I shouldn't have called you- shouldn't have put you in that position."

"But you did."

He hung his head. "Yeah, I did. Because I felt like I wouldn't be able to get through the night without seeing you. And then you actually came…and I wanted nothing more than for you to know how I felt- how I feel about you. And I hoped that maybe you felt the same way."

"I did. I mean, I do," I said quietly. "Why…"

"Why did I stop you?"

I nodded.

"Because I already knew that I was leaving early. And because I had been drinking. It just wasn't right. It shouldn't have been like that, Bella."

"Okay."

"I wanted to. You said you wanted me to see you like no one else ever has- well, I already do. And it means so much to me that you wanted to give me that."

"I'm going to miss you, Edward."

He smiled sadly, and pulled me close for a hug. I melted into his embrace, trying to take it all in and commit this to my memory.

One last kiss, and then I walked way.

… …

Edward left the next morning, but I couldn't bring myself to go and say goodbye again.

He called the following day while I was in school, leaving a long message about the things he had seen so far on the road. I called him back that night we talked for hours, until I fell asleep with his voice in my ear.

It worried me how much I already missed him, and I threw myself into school and the comfort of my best friends. Rosalie, Kate, and I fell into a routine of sleepovers every Friday night, and as many day trips as we could fit in on Saturdays and Sundays. I had always been a good student, but now I was doing better than ever before as I worked harder and harder.

Everything else in my life was going so well, you might even say it was perfect. It certainly felt perfect at times, so I didn't understand the sadness I sometimes felt, or why a few days without talking to Edward on the phone made me feel so small.

He sent postcards- one from Oregon and a few from California at first, and then from Nevada, Utah, Wyoming, and Iowa, until eventually one came from Chicago.

I had put a small map up on my wall, sticking push pens in whenever he sent a new postcard. I traced his route with my fingertips over and over again, until it really sunk in how far away he was. The back of his postcards were always crammed with words, telling me anything and everything. I read them each a thousand times, until I could picture all the things he described in nearly perfect detail. I even sent him a postcard of my own from Forks, but I couldn't think of the right things to say, so it remained blank except for the address.

He didn't call quite as often after a while, but although the calls were more spaced out, they were longer.

But on Christmas day, I missed him so much that I couldn't bear to hear his voice, and so I sent his call to voicemail. A postcard arrived almost exactly a week later, from a town in Michigan I had never heard of. I marked the spot on my map, but threw the postcard in with the others without reading it.

Alice had been in Forks for Christmas and New Years to be with Jasper, but I hadn't seen her. I had stayed away on purpose, knowing that if I did see her, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from asking a million questions about Edward. Rosalie told me that Alice had asked about me, but luckily she left shortly after the first the year.

She had told Rosalie that she had Edward were headed to the east coast next, so I wasn't surprised when I received a postcard from Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, and Maryland. Then he sent one from Washington D.C. He told me about the redwood tree tattoo he had gotten in California, and the Japanese cherry blossom in D.C.

He described them perfectly, and I could picture them on his arm. I thought about the tattoo he had gotten in Port Angeles, and I wondered if it would get lost in the shuffle.

My parents were furious when I went to Port Angeles for the day with Kate and Rosalie and came back with that same tattoo on my wrist, but I didn't care.

After that, I stopped reading his postcards again and only marked them on my map.

In March, he called in the middle of the night. The call woke me, but I just stared at the display on my phone and didn't answer.

He left a voicemail, but I didn't work up the courage to listen to it for almost a week.

"Hey, Bella. It's me. I'm sorry to call so late, but I can't sleep and all I can think about is you. It's been a while since we talked, and I miss you very much. I think about you sometimes- no, I think about you all the time and how much I wish things were different. Call me back when you can. I really need to hear your voice."

I didn't call him back, and another four days went by before he called again. I thought about answering him, but I couldn't see how it would benefit either of us to keep dragging this out. I was exhausted and I didn't know how much longer I could do this. So I didn't answer, but I did listen to his voicemail.

"Hey. Is everything okay? I hope it is. It's just been a while since I've heard from you. It's been hard lately, but I still think of you often. I just…I want to make sure that you're okay with me calling? I don't know if you want me to anymore. I'll stop, if you want. I just would like to hear it from you."

He sent a letter later that month- a thick envelope that had been posted in Edwardsville, Illinois.

I threw it in the drawer with all of the postcards and marked Edwardsville on the map.

And I didn't see Edward for another five years.

… …

Well, there's our time jump! Next chapter will take place five years in the future. Bella will be twenty three. I'm hoping for an extra update next week but have no definite plans yet. My fiancé is coming up this weekend so I'll be MIA until Monday or Tuesday.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you thought.