A/N: I effing *finished*.
OH MY GOD, I FUCKING FINISHED! YYYYAAAAAYYYYY!
I don't know how I did it, but I did. Yes, I forgot what sleep was like because of exams, research papers and this story, but I feel *so* accomplished now. Kind of. You know… a little.
Just take my word for it. ^.^
Am I gonna give warnings? Nope. Why? Because that's not necessary for this story. Is somebody going to complain? Maybe. I don't really care regardless. XD I'm so meannnnn… but we all know this already. Hahaha… self-deprecation. My mortal enemy. O.o
Btw, I hate Hindi Sad Diamonds. No you will not see Hindi Sad Diamonds here. For some reason that song just irks me. Just saying before people start expecting it. BASK IN MY HATRED FOR SAID SONG!
There is an epilogue you guys! When it's gonna be posted up, I don't know. I have to find the time for such frivolity. I've always wanted to use that word. Frivolity. Banging. Lol.
*Side Note: I mentioned this in FoF, might as well do so here. I am looking for another site to post my stuff on you guuuuuys. Any and all suggestions would be nice! So far I've gotten livejournal (which I don't have), adult ffdotnet (which is kind of crappy), mediaminer (which is *super* crappy) and just building my own site from scratch (which is appealing but kind of scary to somebody who is as lazy as I am, meaning *me*). Any more suggestions would be appreciated. :-D
Disclaimer: Don't own MR!, DN or any of the songs used within this fic. I am poo' fo' sho. Lacking the Benjamins. Not rolling in dough. I don't have zee cash. All of this meaning… well, I think the last one is pretty self-explanatory k? -.-; GO READ NOW!
Title: When Dreaming Ends
Chapter Ten: Until My Dying Day
By the time I reached my room, I was a nervous wreck.
I felt like I was dying inside my own body, the tears coursing down my cheeks the only semblance of such barren hopelessness apparent on my face.
I didn't want to face anyone or anything. I didn't want to smile and 'be pretty' for the sake of everyone else hanging on to this play for the sake of success, let alone success of a play created by a man who was constantly suffering with things no one else could understand.
I just wanted to be with L and beg for forgiveness. In all of my years traveling and silently praying for something more out of my life, he was the greatest thing to practically land on my lap. And how did I repay him? By spitting back in his face and spending all of my time feeling sorry for myself.
I wasn't sure what it was I was supposed do, but I knew it wasn't this. I couldn't fight for him, not with the way things were. But I would give my all in his work. I would kill myself creating the perfection he deserved and no matter what anyone else had to say about it, I would make these last couple days with him the very best they could be.
I couldn't be his lover but at the very least I would try to be his friend… even if from only afar.
Raito felt the once warm atmosphere of the bordello shift tremendously the next day he came in, men and women staring at him out of the corner of their eyes, prying into his business without having to say a thing.
His vest was slopped onto his form in a hurried fashion as his pants seemed to hang off his hips instead of meeting his waist as they usually did. The plain white shirt Raito usually adapted on the days he did not have to force himself into costume was barely buttoned to its normal impeccability, leaving the boy feeling much more vulnerable than he needed to feel, though without the will to actually fix it. Letting his hair fall against his back in cascades of golden brown silk instead of tying it back as he usually did, Raito brushed a stray strand of honey away from his dry red eyes and sighed.
"Don't you look lovely today?" Lettie giggled as she spun around a banister. Ignoring the glare Christie sent her as she sashayed her way down to meet Raito's listless stare, Lettie wrapped her arms around the young actor's neck and smiled. "Well, it looks as if you didn't need to drudge yourself out of bed today. Mr. Lawliet hasn't left his bedroom allll day and has canceled any and all rehearsals until opening night!"
"But, but this is the most crucial of times!" Raito sputtered. "What's the matter with him? Has he gone mad?"
"I don't know, doll." Lettie seductively whispered into Raito's ear. "Why don't you tell us?"
Raito immediately pushed his way out of the older prostitute's arms and held in the urge to smack her. Backing away from the stage the exhausted brunet rushed his way out of the auditorium and fled to the familiar set of stairs that led towards L's room. Ignoring the series of whispers and continual stares freezing him to the bone, the amber-eyed thespian choked back the indignant cry wanting to sprawl out of his throat and burn everyone around him with the indecipherable rage blinding him with its animosity.
Though he was angrier than he had ever felt in his life, Raito managed to make it to L's room with little casualties of the violent kind.
'What are you going to say?'
'I don't know…'
'This is all your fault you know…'
'Yes. Yes it is. I accept that. But what else could I do? I don't want anything to happen to him because of me!'
'Yes, now you're killing him instead. He didn't even come out of his room today. There's no use denying it; you're far better at planning his destruction than Mikami ever was.'
Body shaking in pure revulsion the frail actor let his head fall forward and meet the cold block of unforgiving wood. The tell-tale sting of tears assuaged his gaze once again; never had Raito cried as much as he had in this establishment, for this man whom he was giving his all for…
And didn't even realize it.
Instead of knocking on the door (as he should have) Raito spun around and marched down the hallway, the staircase both his enemy and his friend.
Yet, before he could actually make it halfway towards the grand staircase, a pale white hand grabbed onto the cloth hanging off of his left shoulder and spun him around, eyes a furious mixture of rage, sorrow and betrayal.
Raito could only blink as his mouth dropped open in shock.
"What are you doing here?" L rasped out as Raito felt his arm shake, the look set on the older man's face freezing him to the very core. Visage paler than ever, the oily-skinned writer slowly blinked as he stumbled forward, his breath smelling of regurgitated stomach acid and alcohol. "Wh-what… what are you d-doing here? Tell me!"
"I was just… checking…"
"Ch-checking what?" The writer cried out. "Checking on what?"
"On you." Raito replied melancholically. "The girls, they were telling me you hadn't been doing to well in your room and I was checking up on you. Could you please let go of my arm now? It's beginning to ache."
L blinked, pupils dilating further each time the dark-haired playwright closed his eyes. Fidgety fingertips loosen the slack they held over Raito's arm as the actor felt his resolve crumble silently beneath his feet. "Y-you so… hypocrite."
"What?" Raito inquired.
"Hypo-hypocrite!" L stumbled as he pushed himself closer to the brown-eyed boy. "I love you! Tell me the truth!"
"L, there's nothing to sa-"
Raito yelped as a fist nearly collided with his face, the slovenly swing missing his nose by mere millimeters.
"LIAR!" L shouted out before falling forward, slumping within Raito's arms in a wave of tears and whimpers.
Raito barely flinched as he laid his hand over the older man's waist and pulled him back inside the room. In seconds the quiet groans and timid sobs vanished leaving nothing but echoing traces of the noise once shattering Whammy's House's halls.
Closing the door behind him with the front of his foot, golden hands carefully dropped the emaciating frame down onto the lone bed within the room and held back his own onslaught of tears. L's eyes, which were now closed, had taken the appearance of sunken circles, dark eyelashes appearing invisible against the black smudges painted against his milky white (nearly translucent) skin.
Tracing the dark circles implanted underneath his former lover's eyes with fretful fingers Raito blinked as a tiny drop of water landed on the apple of the unconscious writer's cheek. Bringing the other hand up to his eyes, he was not surprised to feel the residual wetness left in the teardrop's wake.
'The truth isn't what you want to hear.'
He had done everything in his power to make sure the older man would not hurt more than he had to, but with the play only days away Raito knew it was a lost cause. His own broken heart silently wailed within his chest as he backed away from L; backed away from his last act of failed goodness and wept for what could have been.
It took a lot out of me to actually leave that room but eventually, I did.
The first time I had left him had been horrible but seeing L in this state of disarray just about killed me. I had wanted to forget everything I knew and take him in my arms and make everything better again. To re-create that first special kiss that had enamored me to him and cry tears of relief instead of tears of frustration and anger.
My own inability to do anything was what pushed me out of that room but it was my want to change that nearly suffocated me as I ran from the other actresses and actors within the auditorium and dashed out of Whammy's House. I waddled into the hotel room and finally cried out my sorrows, taking everything I could get my hands on and smashing it against the walls. I heard banging through the thin walls of the hotel room but I didn't care.
A day passed by in a blur and then another. I didn't eat or sleep; I just sat there within the wreckage that used to be my room and stared out the window that held the illustrious whorehouse in plain view. I didn't move until it was the day of the performance, my body ready to give out but hanging on in a feat of strength that belied even my own expectations.
Taking that first step out into the hallway, I steeled myself for a tremendous night.
The last night I would ever feel alive.
Honey-brown eyes shifted from statue to statue as they took in the refurbished grand hall of the former bordello. The large walls seemed to go on forever as Raito slinked between the multiplying crowds of coming common folk perched in between the doors and wrapped his arms around himself.
'Show must go on…'
The feel of eyes upon his person was intensified; this time, he knew he was being watched.
He just didn't care to find out by whom.
'Why does my heart cry?'
Shaking slightly, Raito kept his gait as even as possible whilst the look on his face hardened into stone.
'When will I begin to live again?'
"Raito!" The boy heard someone cry out behind him but still he did not yield. Racing up the large staircase he had just earlier that week ran from Raito made his way into his dressing room and locked himself inside.
Mihael cursed as he stood in front of the staircase, hand still raised in pursuit before a resolute gleam brightened his visage.
'Forget about the worries on your mind…'
Staring at his 'male' reflection, Raito blinked.
What seemed like moments rushed by in a blur and that same reflection transformed into something Raito was not.
'How wonderful life is…'
Letting his long reddish-brown hair fall down the back of his neck in random coils as timid fingers fanned the strands across the sturdy shoulders presented within the mirror Raito began the transition out of one mindset and quietly mourned into another. Without realizing it each piece of clothing had been shed from his body and the needed items used to make him all the more womanly had been applied, put on and shoved into their proper places.
The corset lay unstrung across his waist waiting to be pulled and the shoes were still sitting where they normally did but Raito paid no mind to that. Dark eyelashes and bright lips became all the prominent as different pencils and paints were swiped over his lids, cheeks and mouth.
'Love is just a game.'
"And I thought you weren't an idiot!"
Raito nearly tripped over his feet as he spun around, the astonishment on his face as clear as day. The blond-haired hurricane that was Mihael stomped into the tiny dressing room and gave the actor the meanest look he could muster, eyebrows furrowed in deep dislike. Frowning at the appearance of the hot-headed courtesan that had been chasing him earlier, the actor dropped the lipstick he had been holding and rolled his eyes.
"Didn't I lock that door?"
Mihael jingled the keys now set in his hands, courtesy of one Quillsh Whammy. "You didn't really think it would be that easy, did you? You're not the only one with connections in this place, Princess."
"Of course. How may I help you, Mihael?"
"How may I-you moron! You can help me by getting your skinny ass over to the local bar that L's been stuck in for the last couple of days and telling him that you didn't mean any of that bullshit you spouted at him and that you pray for his eternal forgiveness!" Grabbing onto the rosary that hung from his neck (ironically) whilst giving his friend's former lover a deadly glare Mihael silently hoped that his words were making a dent within the boy's warped psyche.
Anybody with eyes could tell that both Raito and L were miserable without each other.
'Honestly, why do they have to make everything so difficult for each other?'
"He's not the same without you! You made him better when you were with him but without you… damn it, you've broken him completely! Don't you understand? He had nothing to live for before you!" Mihael held in his breath as Raito took a step back and hit the dresser behind him. "You gave him a reason not to give up. Without you, the stress will kill him long before anyone else does."
"That's not true." Raito murmured. "No matter what you say, none of that is true. Please, let me have these few moments alone. L's not the only one hurting right now, whether you believe that or not."
"You don't know…" Mihael whispered. "You really… he didn't tell you."
"And what pray tell did he not tell me?" Was the exasperated reply the blond received in return.
Instead of answering the older actor's question Mihael fumbled out of the dressing room and nearly tripped down the hallway in his haste to leave. Confused (and just a bit scared), Raito turned back around and stared at his disenfranchised reflection.
'It all ends today.'
Moving his gaze over to the slim blue ribbon sitting upon the dresser, Raito let one last tear escape his guarded façade before he sat down on the tiny chair next to him and thought back on before…
Before, when everything still made a little bit of sense and he wasn't as terribly alone as he was at that very moment.
"Sayu…" He whispered forlornly. The last memory he could dredge up of his sister, however, was not a happy one. Still he regretted his decision to leave her within what he had thought had been much more capable hands; to have someone so close to you become so ill was awful, but to have to watch them die without being able to do a thing was worse.
But still…
Raito never even got the chance to say goodbye. And secretly, he would always hate himself for it.
"Big Brother! I saw my Big Brother! Please-!" A young girl rasped out between coughs as she tripped over the frayed edges of her kimono, dark brown eyes rimmed red with tears. "I know I saw him! He was here! I need my-"
Raito watched the doctor that had been chasing after the young girl pulled her back into the tiny house as she coughed into her hands, the long blue ribbon that had been keeping her hair back falling over her shoulders from the force of the pull and landing neatly over the door step. Instead of walking away as he should have, Raito quietly climbed up the stairs and grabbed the strip of cloth on the ground.
'You'll be safe here, little sister.'
Raito cringed as he heard another onslaught of coughs reverberating through the door, the ache within his chest turning into an overwhelming tsunami of rage.
'If I had been able to care for you better, it wouldn't have to be this way!'
"How could you still want me? A failure for a brother and more importantly, a disgrace for a son." Raito gripped the ribbon to his chest and backed away from the door. "The best thing I could do for you is to simply disappear."
And with those final words, Raito took off running, never once turning back.
Painted brown eyes flinched as they flashed forward back into that moment.
Hands brought the tattered piece of cloth upon the actor's chest, shaking with emotion.
'Yes, it all ends… today…'
Yet if I thought that my own declaration would hinder L's attempts to reclaim me, I was sorely mistaken.
You see, L had spared no expense in doing what he had to in order to gather me in his arms the first time, before he too knew what it felt like to feel love's sweet embrace.
It only got worse once he had taken its first taste only to have it ripped away from him.
Mihael huffed as he stared at his lover, who was now loudly imploring the drunkard sitting by himself in the most secluded part of the bar to get up and try to get himself together.
'And I thought I had the tough one…'
"L…?" Mail sighed as he stared at the writer whose drink was clasped tightly in one hand and head held reverently within the other. "L, this isn't the way to go."
"Don't care." The writer mumbled, his head ringing with bells no one else could hear. "Go 'way…"
"Can't do that, buddy. We need you to sober up before the show! It's your openin' tonight!" The redhead nearly bashed his head into the bar as L sloppily sloshed his drink in his friend's direction and grunted his dismissal. "You've worked hard for this, L! You deserve ta' see the… what's it called… fruits of your labor!"
"Don't. Care."
"L!"
"I know I can't have him forever…" L panted before coughing, tiny speckles of reddened saliva clinging to his hand as he brought it up and covered his mouth. "But if only for right now… I just want him for right now… is that really so selfish?"
"Then get him!" Mihael prodded. "There must be something there! You can do it, L!"
"Yeah!" Mihael finally spoke up, partially hidden behind Mail's enthusiastic frame. "Mail's right, L. If you really want him, fight for him. Isn't that what you always used to tell me whenever I would whine about Mail's stupid ass?"
"Hey!"
"But… he doesn't want me. He doesn't… he…" L shocked both men as he grabbed his drink and threw it on the ground, eyes watering up without his realizing it. "Why? What did I do? All I've ever done is love him and this… this is the way he treats me?"
"Step aside!" Mihael breathed as he pushed Mail out of the way and grabbed L by the lapels of his wrinkled jacket, frustrated light blue eyes meeting drunken dark blue. "L, the love of your life is about to walk out on stage for his first and last show in Paris and leave your ass high and dry. Are you going to sit here and ponder 'what the fuck could have been' and keep feeling sorry for you dumb self or are you going to sober the fuck up get your ass in gear and trap you a tasty Japanese man and sex him up so hard for trying to leave you that he won't be able to walk for weeks?"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"I kind of like that last option." L admitted, eyes a bit clearer after a good shaking.
"Then what the hell are ya still doin' here?" Mail squeaked beside Mihael. "GET GOIN' KIDDO!"
L's lips twitched as he fumbled out of the blond's hold and marched out of the bar, the last question left intentionally unanswered.
Between his stubbornness and my ignorance we made quite the pair.
At least, that's what Mihael and Mail told me after the fact.
'I don't think you'll ever meet another guy like him.' Mail had told me later on.
And I thought, 'I don't think I would ever want to.'
The sounds of the lilting notes vibrating off of the stage and making their way down towards his dressing room nearly made him vomit; the nervous butterflies within his gut transforming into vicious bees.
"I don't know if I can do this." Raito murmured as Lettie laced up the rest of his corset. "I don't think I-"
"SNAP OUT OF IT!" Christie shouted. "You're gonna go out on that stage and take over the show, Raito! Just like L would have wanted you to!"
"But…"
"Look, I believe in you as do the rest of the girls. If we didn't think you could do this, don't you think we would have kicked up a big fuss once L gave you the part? Hell, even Lettie hasn't said anything against you here, at least in terms of playing who you're playing." Pushing a stray lock of hair away from his face, Christie gave him a blinding smile. "You're Satine, Raito. Better yet, you're our own very Christian wrapped up as Satine, ready to face the world in all of his/her triumph. Now get out there and show them what you can do."
"CAUSE WE CAN, CAN, CAN!"
"Listen! You're almost up!" Plopping a large top hat over Raito's head, Christie grinned. "No stage fright! No fears! No worries!"
"I don't think…" Raito felt his breath leave him in a moment, rasping uncontrollably as he stared into the mirror in front of him. "I don't…"
"You can do it, Raito…"
'The truth… isn't…'
Coughing into his hand, Raito flinched as he stared down at the blood coating his fingers.
'Reckless. It must be because I'm so nervous.'
"Ok. I can do this!" Raito bolstered as he grabbed Lettie's hand, letting her lead him out of the room and get ready for his grand entrance.
'It's just nerves…'
Just nerves.
I wish it was just nerves.
I wonder…
Is this what L felt like whenever he actually had time to think about it?
"Stubborn jackasses…" Mihael grumbled as he fixed the skirt hanging off of his waist, covering his face as both he and Mail snuck around the back steps and headed towards the stage. "Don't know why I'm doing this anyway…"
Mail gave his lover a strained look.
"Ok, so I know why I'm doing this. Doesn't mean I like it, though!" The blond prostitute whined. "For all we know this kid might not feel the same way for our poor little L! Maybe… maybe he was telling the truth, Mail."
"He has ta' still love 'im! I got ta' know Raito while you were gone and he's as straight forward as they come. He's no trickster." Mail pushed his dress-clad lover to the side as they climbed up the stairs, eyes still scanning the backstage for the mysterious heart-broken writer. "A reason… there's gotta be a reason Raito would do what he did. He's not some backwoods kinda kid, he's smarter than that, I swear! Shit… what the Hell are we gonna do when we find him is what's got me up a fuckin' tree!"
"Alright, alright, calm down!" Staring at the play that was now more than halfway done, Mihael bit his lip. "Where's L, again?"
Mail smirked as he pushed Mihael one way and he turned around and went another. "Tryin' to get his Prince Charmin', where else? But until we get to that point, you know what to do right! Right!"
Mihael gave the younger boy an obscene gesture with his hands, missing the pair of familiar blue fondly watching them fumble away from each other.
'Prince Charming indeed.'
Rolling his eyes at the comical scene that had just commenced out of the corner of his eye, L snuck past some of the newer dancers and stage hands and stared at the young dark haired actor slumped on the floor.
'Good old Matsuda…'
Lifting the younger man up by his arm pits, L lurched the large white jacket off of the actor and pulled it over his own set of rumpled clothes.
L sighed as he pushed past all of the dancers and blinked as Raito came into view, staring at himself through the conveniently-placed mirror. There was a tired apprehension radiating through his usually smiling visage, the abnormality of his slump along with the sweat dripping off of his forehead causing the writer to hide himself behind a large portable pillar meant for one of the later scenes coming up.
"We're almost there, Raito!" Misa yelled out beside exhausted brunet, dressed entirely in glittering Arabian clothes bathed in white. "You do this and then it'll be smooth sailing from here on it."
Raito nodded as he turned back towards the stage and shivered, the feeling of being watched bubbling up through his body and increasing his already rising nervousness to new and amazing heights.
As L continued to watch the young man's decreasing composure literally evaporate before his very eyes, Mihael stood next to Lettie and smiled, already in position and more than ready to ambush the star of the show once he got his cue in the form of a cute redhead with an exotic lisp.
"Time to go on!" A large man with a rather odd bowl cut pushed the girls (and boy) onto the stage with a growl. Mihael yelped as his eyes widened comically; L staking up behind the actor with a desperate look on his face.
'Oh. Shit.'
Raito barely had time to put himself back together for the nearing finale before a pale hand grabbed onto his bicep and spun him around. Raging cerulean blue eyes narrowed just as Raito's jaw snapped shut in shock.
"What in the Hell do you think you're doing?" L snapped out, mind a million miles away.
"… … You shouldn't be here, L." Raito stuttered out of his stupor.
"Don't you know? I came to pay my bill." Ignoring the pale white complexion and rounded honey brown eyes, L took a careful step forward and hoped he wouldn't stumble drunkenly. "You played a prostitute so well, my lover even better. So now I wish to pay you back for your time."
"Get out of here, L." Pushing past the slovenly-dressed writer, Raito made his way towards the stage. "Get out and stay out of my life!"
"Not until you allow me to pay off my bill!"
Mail watched as L chased after the near-hysterical actor, hand stretched forward-
"The writer is here!"
Before twisting around and rushing towards the sudden yell. Glancing around a large crane-like machine, the redhead blinked as his boss stood clamly in front of a body guard that he knew to be Mikami's, grabbing Quillsh by the lapels of his jacket and violently shaking him. "You said the writer was gone! Not only is he chasing after your girl, but he's not even being discrete about it! He's going to be killed now!"
'Killed…?'
"I knew it." Mail whispered. "I knew it. That's why Raito was pushing L a-GAH!"
Staring at the gun-toting body guard, the redhead didn't notice as the panel of wood he had been stepping upon began to shake until the rope surrounding it grew taught, pulling the wood up along with the green-eyed part-time guard.
"Shit!"
Mihael shook his head as he mimicked the steps along with the other girl's on stage.
'Was that just…?'
"You made me believe you loved me! Why shouldn't I pay you?" L shouted as he continued on with his chase. "You're being paid for this performance aren't you? Let me pay you for the one you've truly excelled at as well! It must have been fun making a fool out of me!"
"L, there's no point to this!" Raito cried out as he turned back around and pushed the man away from him. "Just go!"
"Every moment we were together I thought what we shared was something special. Every moment was something I treasured; I have so little to be thankful for, and here you came and offered me love on a silver platter only to snatch it away without so much as a reason why!" L grabbed the tanned actor's arm and twisted it, causing the boy to fall forward onto his knees as they finally settled behind the large curtain blinding them from the audience. "If nothing else, let me pay my bill and rest in peace!"
Before Raito could respond to the comment, it was at that moment that the curtain flew to the sides and blinded them both with the stage lights basking the main stage. The audience stared at both Raito, who was on the ground gaping at the people in shock and L, who was donning Matsuda's white jacket and appearing sickly under array of bright lights.
Whammy, who had been reciting a monologue at the time the curtains had opened, immediately pointed his fake sword towards the couple. "Uh… It is he! The one we have been searching for! Do not pay heed to his different appearance; it is the penniless sitar player we have been hunting, driven mad by jealousy!"
L ignored his former partner's lines and pushed his former lover forward, striding down the steps and throwing the actor down onto the floor as he did so. Staring directly at Mikami, who was sitting in the third row with a smirk on his face, he spoke.
"This woman is yours now." Digging into his pocket and throwing the money onto Raito's fallen body, L didn't even flinch as the boy stared up at him in pain. "I've paid my whore. I owe you nothing… and you are nothing to me."
Walking down the steps leading off the stage, L held in the tears guarded behind steely blue eyes. Not knowing how to react, Raito began to shake with despair at L's parting words, not seeing as the older man tore off the stained white jacket and glared at the seated audience members staring at him as he continued to walk forward.
"Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love."
"See, he doesn't love you! Watch as he flees from the kingdom!" Quillsh bellowed. Leaning forward so that he could whisper in Raito's ear, he tried to re-assure the dress-wearing boy who was now sobbing uncontrollably. "This is for best, Raito. Please, pull yourself together!"
"I…" Raito began
"Now, you're wedding vows!"
"Shit, what the hell is that damn line that stupid midget is always spewin' about in rehearsal…! L said it was the most important shit in the whole damn play!" Mail hit himself over the head as he held onto the rope, swinging from side to side as the rope above him began to become entangled with his feet. The large body guard was right below him, gun now in hand as he stared at L's retreating back.
"Wait, I kno-OH SHIT!" Pitching forward, Mail screeched as the rope on the bottom of the board finally snapped apart and dropped him several feet, the only thing saving him at that moment the large looped knot held together at the end of his foot.
"MAIL!" Mihael screeched from the stage, fearfully staring up at his lover as the redhead dangled just a few meters away from certain injury.
"Screw it! HEEEYYYY LOVEBIRDS!" Mail shrieked as he tumbled down a couple more feet, hands now tangled in the messy rope keeping him from becoming a puddle of blood and bones on the ground.
"REMEMBER, L! THE GREATEST THING YOU'LL EVER LEARN IS JUST TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN!"
"That's my line…" The small man dressed as a sitar on the stage muttered out as Mail cackled in glee.
L stalled for a moment and blinked.
And Raito…
Raito did the same.
In that moment, I knew.
I knew what it was I was giving up.
But more than that, I had thought I had known what it was I was gaining in return.
Raito turned his head, eyes glistening with tears as his make-up ran down his cheeks. Staring at the figure growing smaller and smaller the farther away he walked, Raito reached a decision.
One he should have made a long time ago.
"Never knew I could feel like this. It's like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss…" Carefully standing up so as to not trip over his unsteady heeled feet, Raito felt his heart hammering wildly against his chest as his voice gained momentum and grew in volume. "Every day I'm loving you more and more."
L silently turned around and stared at the young boy sing on stage with an awed look on his face.
"Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?" Raito finally gained back his voice as he stepped forward and stared into L's eyes as best as he could. "Come back to me and FORGIVE everything!"
"Seasons may change winter to spring…"
'Say it…'
"I love you" L seemed to come apart as the words tumbled out of Raito's mouth. Raito simply smiled. "till the end of time."
A small second of silence nearly broke the actor's heart as L remained unmoving.
And then, Raito heard it.
Slowly but surely, that familiar voice rose from the ashes and gave him back his hope.
"Come what may. Come what may. Come what may! Come what may! I will love you-"
Just when the audience members couldn't be more amazed, L's own baritone reverberated through the auditorium. Raito almost collapsed in relief as the writer all but ran back onto the stage.
"I will love you!" Raito sang back.
"Until my dying day-" L walked back up the steps as Raito stood where he was, too amazed to move. "Dying day!"
"Come what may!" They both sang out as they finally met, L's arms reaching around the brunet's lithe waist and pulling him forward. "Come what may…"
"Come what may…"
Staring into each other's eyes, Raito knew…
'I won't ever do this to you again.'
"I will love you until my dying day!"
"SHIT!" Both men turned around in time to see a hysterical Mail dangling above the stage pointing wildly to the right as Mihael threatened the stage hands to get his lover down 'or else!'. "L! THAT BASTARD'S TRYING TO KILL YOU!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lettie screamed as a large man face-planted in front of her, the gun thrown out of his hands and next to her feet.
"See, he has a gun!" Mail yelped out as he finally fell forward, the rope snapping completely.
"SHUT UP!" Quillsh commanded. "GUARDS, SEIZE THEM!"
"Vive la vie de boheme!" The old man L had procured to play the eldest bohemian shouted before setting off the explosives on cue with his guitar, the fireworks dazzling the crowd magnififcently.
"STOP!" Matsuda yelped as he entered the stage, only half-dressed. "Let's get back to work…?"
"No matter what you say…" Mail almost laughed as the short main who was playing Toulouse shoved him out of the way and sang his lines. "The show is ending our way!"
"Come on and stand your ground for freedom, truth, beauty and love!"
"How wonderful life is…" The dancers began to twirl around the couple still standing in the middle of the stage, successfully taking the bulky guard completely off of his game as he searched for his gun.
"One day I'll fly away!" Raito felt his energy come back to him, not noticing the snarling man directly in front of him sitting within the third row…
"My gift is my song!"
"The children of the revolution; no, you won't fool the children of the revolution-" The dancing began to become rapid as the body guard almost tripped over his feet, gun now flying away from his fingers-
"One day I'll fly away!"
"My gift is my song!"
Before the older man could reach for the weapon, a large sandbag came spiraling down onto his head, causing him to fall to the ground with a thud.
"The children of the revolution; no, you won't fool the children of the revolution-"
Mail blinked as his lover gave him a thumbs up from the small pillar he was perched upon.
"Come what may!"
L and Raito turned back towards each other and away from the crowd. "I will love you…"
One of the dancers kicked the gun off the stage and onto the long veranda leading towards the double door exit. Mikami pushed out of his seat in a rage and stared down at the shining pistol, his eyes gleaming with jealous anger.
"Come what may!"
Raito grinned as his throat began to tickle from the over-exertion put upon it. "Yes, I will love you…"
"Come what may!"
L felt the soreness of his throat enclose even further, heart hammering away at his chest painfully. But still, he continued to sing. "I will love you…"
Grabbing the gun, Mikami rushed towards the stage, screaming his voice hoarse. "My way! My way! My way! My wa-"
CRACK!
Quillsh Whammy almost laughed at the look on Teru Mikami's face as he flopped backwards and the gun flew out of his hand, flying right out of the nearest window and over the largest buildings in Paris.
"Until my dying day!"
An uproar of applause greeted the lovers as they smiled at each other, rose petals cascading around their tightly entwined figures. The curtain fell over them as they lost themselves in the music, the clapping, and most of all, each other. L quickly reacquainted himself with Raito's lips as they heard a man scream 'CURTAIN CALL' off to the side. Pushing himself away from the delectable young man as his lungs screamed bloody murder, L tried to catch his breath-
But couldn't.
Raito waved over at Mihael and Mail as he turned over to thank them only to fall over in shock as L tumbled onto the floor, wheezing in pain and lack of air.
"L!" The boy cried out as he crawled over the writer, long hair obscuring everything but Raito's face from the playwright's view.
L smiled contently as his heart rate increased and dots began to appear within his vision.
"R-rai… to…" L coughed into Raito's dress, speckling the white fabric with red droplets of blood.
"SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP!" Raito cried out as he grabbed the older man by his shoulders and held him close to his chest. "What's the matter, L. Breath, breath, breath…"
"I'm… cold…"
Wrapping his arms around his lover, Raito sobbed into the pale neck dripping with sweat. "Don't leave me… please don't leave me…"
"You… don't. Love you so much…" L began to close his eyes at this point, the world slowly fading to gray. "T-this is… what I wanted. To see before…"
"Why are you doing this to me?" Raito mumbled against stale skin.
"T-tell… t-ell our s-story… don't forget it. Don't forget me."
The hand that had been gripping his left arm without his realizing it eased its grip and fell away. The chest halted its heaving and the eyes ceased to flutter. The heartbeat, which had been beating wildly against his own, died away into nothing. People surrounded him, but Raito did not notice them as he held onto the man in his arms.
Raito fully collapsed onto the ground as he gazed down at the set of now-unblinking blue eyes staring up at him, the mouth gone still and the fingers no longer twitching. Tears coursed down the actor's face as the pandemonium around him reached epic proportions and the flower petals continued to fall…
And fall…
And fall.
The curtain didn't dare open again and the lights shut off soon after.
At that moment Raito knew, no matter whom else was around him, he was now irrevocably alone.
Hours and days and weeks passed by, and I knew in that time what it was L had wanted me to do for him.
I picked up a typewriter and, barely knowing how to use it, began to write. I dredged up every memory; good and bad, and I typed it out as best as I could. Because I couldn't forget.
And I didn't want anyone else to forget either.
It was my last wish as well.
Because…
"… I know I don't have much time either." Raito whispered as he stared at the gravestone in front of him, the once empty pit now filled to the brim with dirt. "Whatever happens from this point on is irrelevant. I've finished what I've set out to do… for the both of us."
"The both of you?"
Raito smiled as he turned his gaze down towards the small boy beside him, his silver hair falling over his dark blue (so blue… just like his) eyes in a frenzied fashion.
"He's gone now… I may go on, but I know not for long. But I don't regret it, not a single thing. Because I know what love is, and I wouldn't trade that knowledge for anything in the world. Even if it hurts me to know."
"But… but I don't get it? Don't love stories usually end with a happily ever after? After all the trouble they went through, he just dies? How is that fair?" The unnamed child cried out as he glanced back at the marker standing directly behind the plot Raito had been staring at for more than an hour, a large packet held lovingly within his arms.
Raito bit back the laugh bubbling within his throat as the young boy just over his shoulder began to pout in disbelief. Walking away from the child and began his trek away from the graveyard and back to his hotel room, Raito felt his chest begin to burn as the itching of pain turned into a raucous cough that he covered with a well-mannered gloved hand.
"Not all stories hold such pretty illusions, nor are most of them ever fair." Raito supplied as the child began to chase after him, his eyes still holding a multitude of questions that he wished to have answered.
"But it's nice to think otherwise, isn't it?"
The whisper went unnoticed as the cold breeze roared around the brunette actor turbulently.
"Tell our story, Raito…"
That's what he said to me in his last breaths of life.
And as the revolution dwindles back into the nothingness it begot from, I can't help but smile and think of him and his savvy words of wisdom each one as precious to me as the last.
To share our story with the world…
That is true immortality.
And I'm sure now more than I ever could have been that neither of us could have asked for more.