Dear Diary

Pairing: Thiefshipping, Deathshipping

Warnings: GORE, lemon

A/N: Whoa sorry for the mega long wait! T-T I do have an explanations… sort of… In the first two weeks of my absence I was super stressed because of school. I nearly had a burn out O.O. Then, exactly when the holidays started, I got sick… -.- And then there's my baby sister who was born merely two weeks ago… I'm not that good at writing with screaming as background music But now I'm back with another chapter of DD (and headphones :D)! And what's more, this story is nearing its end. The climax is steadily approaching. I would say about another 3 or 4 chapters until its finished :D But beware: it's getting darker and darker and I can't promise you a good ending either… cuz that's the only part I haven't planned out :P So if you have any suggestions or wishes go ahead and tell me! I'd be glad to write something you want (except a Deathshipping lemon, cuz the main focus in this story is on Thiefshipping) Oh and for those who read understanding: I currently lost my muse for that story so it may be some time until I continue that, but I will end it! I swear! And now I shall end this insanely long author's note.

Oh and before I forget: Thank you very much for all the reviews! Even if I don't reply *cough mobile phones suck cough* I still appreciate them. And also thank you for hinting out my mistakes LadySunami! I corrected the mistakes I made with Kura and Ryou's apartment (seeing as I lived in a house my whole life I have no idea how it is to live in an apartment ^^;). If you see any more mistakes do tell me!

Wanted: Disclaimer on the run. If you've seen it call [insert telephone number] Reward: cake and coke

[line here]

30.09.10

Hello there,

It's me again, Malik. And today something happened that changed my life… totally. And not only mine, but everybody else's as well. The whole friendship gang, Mariku, Bakura, I. We won't be the same anymore. And that after the day started so well…

Waking up in Bakura's arms is always a wonderful feeling. It's warm, it's safe, it's comfortable. His long arms were wrapped around my torso like a safety belt, securing me and keeping the nightmares I tended to have away. Tended. Past. I haven't had a single nightmare since Bakura and I started this relationship. It's nearly a month now, but it feels like eternity. I can't imagine a life without him. Okay now I'm rambling…

A soft sigh escaped my lover's parted lips as he dreamed, his grip on me tightening, nose nuzzling my shoulder. A warm tingling sensation caused me to shiver as I remembered the previous night. How he touched me. Kissed me in the most intimate way I can imagine. I had never experienced so much pleasure before! The feeling of his hands and lips on me still lingers.

But then the moment when Mariku came in rushed to my mind and I couldn't help but feel ashamed. To be caught in a position like that. Naked. Vulnerable. And by my own brother as well. There has always been some sort of competition between the two of us.

We do understand each other like nobody else. He's my other half. And I am his'. Nobody can destroy that connection. But still there's that kind of conflict. The want, no need, to be better than the other. The 'better' twin. I know it's childish and stupid, but I can't help it. And neither can he. Father always loved to compare us. Mariku, the strong one. The manlier of us. And I was the clever twin. And the one who would manage to beat the other in their own strengths would become his heir.

But that's long over now. Father's dead. But still we can't shake off the need to beat the other. It somehow makes me sad.

We shouldn't compete that much. Not after what we went through together. Not only father's beatings and harsh words, but also the man's disposal. We killed him together. Stabbed him. Tasted his blood. Laughed at his demise.

It's strange how the strongest connections to other human beings I have, are those through murder. When you love you walk over corpses for each other it seems. Devotion. Trust. I trust them.

A quiet moan brought me out of my musings and I looked up from my hands, on which I had been staring the entire time, to see Bakura stretch and scratch his head. His russet orbs met my gaze and a smile curled his lips. A pale hand of his reached behind my head and pushed me towards his face by my neck. The kiss that followed was short and sweet, like a butterfly's touch. Merely a brushing of flesh. But it was so much more to me. Especially now that I had let my defenses fall. Showed myself bare before him. Indulged in unknown pleasures with and through him.

We got up and put our school uniforms on. Then we made our way to the kitchen. Or rather a small kitchenette. Bakura and Ryou really don't have much space… In one of the cupboards I found my favourite cereal and prepared a bowl of it with milk for myself. My boyfriend stuck with some kind of sandwich. Munching on my food I suddenly realized something. It was quiet. Too quiet…

"We should wake Mariku…" I pointed out and our gazes met.

"You do it. You're his brother!" he said, grinning.

A smirk found its way onto my face.

"Oh you really want me to commit suicide by waking that psycho? Do you not love me?"

At this the albino blushed a bright red and he spilled the coffee he'd been nipping on. Then he put his food onto the counter on which he'd been sitting and hopped off of his makeshift seat. Grumbling he went out of the kitchenette and not soon after cursing and crashing could be heard throughout the entire apartment. I giggled happily, knowing my brother's wrath wasn't on me. For once.

I finished my cereal and put the bowl into the sink, filling it with water so it would be easier to clean later on (yes the Touzokus do have a dishwasher, but the chance of leftovers still sticking to the dishes after washing is much higher when one just puts them in without precleaning them). Then I sat down at the table again and waited for the two maniacs who seemed to be taking apart the apartment.

Eventually two teens stumbled into the mostly white room, Bakura still tugging at my brother's hair while Mariku's teeth were sunk into the albino's right upper arm. An unmanly giggle escaped my mouth and I immediately clapped my hands over my mouth. I am not a girl. At least I wasn't the last time I checked… But still, my twin and lover looked just so ridiculous trying to tear each other's hair out.

A few minutes later it became too much for me and I ripped them apart, telling them to eat finally so we could go to school. And they did.

The first few lessons went by uneventful. Boring like always. For lunch time we sat at our usual table together with 'the friendship gang', as Bakura calls them. It was unusually quiet at the table. Even Jonouchi and Anzu didn't talk. And that's something, for they usually never shut their trap.

The silence was weighting down on our mood, heavy awkwardness engulfing us. Kaiba's eyes were colder than usual, icy gaze boring into the untouched food in front of him, his fists clenched under the table. Yami and Yugi stared at each other, emotionlessly, the smaller twin's fingers shaking as he held the food loaded chopsticks midair. The only girl in the group sat still as a statue, her gaze nervously looking from one to another, while Honda and Otogi held hands, seemingly in their own world. The Touzoku twins had their gazes lowered, fringe hiding their faces, a dark aura surrounding them, while the only blonde who wasn't an Ishtar fidgeted nervously, trying to avoid looking at anyone.

My brother was getting impatient, his temper rising. I could feel it. The animal that was about to surface. To take control over his body. His insanity. Our insanity. The world a blur of events, blood splattered on brown walls. Hearts beating loudly in their boney prisons, pumping crimson liquid through limbs and organs. Ripped open bodies. Past and present as one. Losing control.

Mariku's hand that suddenly hit the table with a force too great for his skin to bear. Some plates fell to the floor, the food spilling over shoes and pants. A feral growl rose from my twin's throat, his sharp teeth bared. I rose and laid a hand on his tense shoulder, gaze seeking his, but only finding the monster that resides inside him. And I felt it pulling at myself as well. The connection too strong to be completely separate. Two halves of one being. Once one.

"SPEAK GODDAMNIT!"

The harsh scream ripped through the cafeteria, bouncing off the walls, shattering the comfortable chatter that had been flittering through the room until that moment. Broad shoulders heaved with suppressed anger and I could feel common sense slipping. Sensing that he was becoming more and more dangerous by the second I took his hand and dragged him into the directions of the toilets, barreling the door of said place after us. I knew what would follow. I am used to that kind of thing happening. His rage. And what follows.

His fist painfully connected with my jaw, sending me to the floor. His foot struck my sides repeatedly, my breathing ragged, every gulp of air hurt. I didn't know if my ribs would survive this without breaking, but I hoped. My body curled around itself in a vain attempt to protect the most vulnerable parts.

When his kicks eventually stopped I was a whimpering mess, every nerve ending screaming in agony. His hand touching my back caused me to violently flinch and try to raise my head. I couldn't even open my eyes. Breathing hurt. Moving hurt. Being hurt. But better me than anybody else. I am glad to serve as Mariku's punching bag if that means that nobody else is hurt.

Strong arms wrapped around me, carried me out of the toilet and to the school nurse. I barely registered her probing hands as consciousness slipped from me. No matter how desperate I tried to grab it, it ran through my fingers like sand, leaving me to a world of never ending darkness. The shining light that is my brother standing next to me, engulfing me in its consoling warmth. His heart that beat next to mine strong and ever present.

A purple eye split the space in front of me like a knife ripping apart flesh, amethyst bleeding from the wound, caged by white. Hollow laughter could be heard, trying to cut into my flesh, but held back by my twin's presence.

"MURDERER!" screeched a voice that distinctively sounded like my father's, the sharp tone resonating and echoing through the darkness, repeating over and over again.

I don't feel guilty for ending my father's life. And neither does Mariku. That man hurt us in ways nobody should ever be hurt. Destroyed our frail children souls. I can still feel the searing hot knife cutting into my back, his deranged hollering has wormed its way into my brain, never to leave it again. Big hands constricting my throat, a whip leaving painful cuts on my skin.

All those memories flooded my dreams, only my connection with my brother keeping me sane. Though sane isn't really what I am.

When I found back into the world of the living school was over. Bakura sat next to the white bed I lay in, Mariku and Ryou just behind him. One pale hand was clasped around my tan one, thumb stroking its back. My gaze met his russet orbs. Those deep deep red hues. Captivating like blood and calming at the same time. But what I like most about them is that conniving glint residing in those endless pools of passion. The evidence for his mischievous character.

A small smile found its way onto his lips, his grip on me tightening. He didn't ask who hit me. He wasn't angry at Mariku either. Somehow I know that he understood. The situation my brother and I are in. The reason I didn't want him to ask. The need I have for my twin. And he for me.

Mere moments after I woke the school nurse enters the room, blinding white teeth shown in a wide smile that is constantly plastered to her round face, lips painted in a rosy pink and her eyes shadowed in grew, which matched perfectly with her bright green irises. Those full lips of hers parted and she told us that we could leave. And so we did.

The way home was spent in silence, my fingers still intertwined with Bakura's, tightly as if life depended on that grasp. There was a slight breeze, gently moving branches and grass, quiet murmurs created by leaves filling the air. The heaven was grey as if the clouds would burst into tears any minute, but something held them back. Dread. Something was going to happen. I felt it. My heart pumped faster than it should, its thumping loud in my ears as my digits tightened their hold on my boyfriend.

Suddenly a high pitched scream pierced our world, shattering the last of our hope that the dread we felt was nothing but a bad feeling. Unreal. Not dangerous. Little pieces of hopeful thinking clashed onto the cold surface of reality, disappearing and leaving nothing but darkness. Suffocating, mind numbing darkness.

Without our consent our feet carried us towards the source of those desperate cries and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't stop. We had to know for sure. Had to see our world crashing down. Because, does a glass really shatter when there's nobody to see it? Does a life nobody ever realized really end? Or even exist? Is unlawful acting really against the law when somebody allows you to act like that?

Houses flashed by, carefully kept gardens and barking dogs. Stinking alleys and spray painted walls. A starving stray dog and little children cowering behind a tree. And eventually we reached a narrow path between two relatively clean buildings where a shaking boy stood. He was about our age, maybe a bit younger, and his trembling hands were buried in his mouse brown hair. Quiet sobs racked his slender frame, his slender legs barely supporting his weight.

But he wasn't the most shocking about the scene. In front of him lay a corpse. Limbs broken in several places, twisted, the white bone sticking out in several places. Large gashes covering the torso, intestines spilling out in a heap of bloody chunks from an especially big hole in the person's stomach. The face was bashed in, unrecognizable, broken jaw barely attached to the skull. Pieces of flesh sticked to the dirty white face. Most teeth were missing, laying somewhere in the alley, but some had managed to stay attached to the bloody gums. Where the hair should have been a cracked open piece of skull was revealed, the brain nothing but a bloody dripping pulp. Instead of eyes the corpse had dripping red holes. The fingers the person still had missed the nails, no patch of skin left to see under all that blood and burn marks.

But worse than the corps's condition was the piece of paper attached to it, fixed onto a wooden stake that impaled the body's heart through the ripped open chest. Without a second thought Bakura took the paper and pocketed it, before calling the police and turning to leave. I heard my brother threaten the boy to not tell the police about us before we both followed the Touzoku twins to their home.

Finally inside that secure place I let myself fall onto the sofa I'd grown so fond of and snuggled into the soft cushions. As I felt a weight next to me I looked up to see Bakura sit there, the paper clutched in his pale hands, eyes wide as he stared at what stood on it. Without a word he handed it to me. It rustled as I took it, the texture strangely leathery. Warily I glanced at the blood red letters splattered onto it.

'I got a new book Bakura. You want me to try it out on those you love? Your stalker :) P.s.: I saw your art and have to say, you once were bloodier. I mean a mere knife?'

I couldn't take my eyes off the threatening words, eyes wide and shocked. Zorc knew. He knew about Mariku and I. He knew about the people we killed. He watched us, ready to pounce any moment. Ready to take us apart. Ready to destroy our lives. Bakura's life. Everything that he is. And that is something I have to prevent from happening. I love Bakura. I want him to be safe. And if I have to give my own life to safe him I'll gladly do it.

Cold fear clutched at my insides, a pitiless iron glove clutching my heart, squeezing all life out. Hopeless dread paralyzed me and I didn't even realize when someone took the paper from me. Only a strangled gasp that escaped Ryou's throat as he read the threat brought me back to reality. Immediately my arms shot out to encircle Bakura's torso, the little child I thought died long ago clutching him as if the world depended on it.

"Come…" he whispered and took my hand, pulling me to my feet.

Without another word we left the apartment, leaving Mariku and Ryou behind. We slowly walked to my home and got onto my motorbike. Knowing what he wanted without even having to ask I revved the engine and took off towards Domino Forest.

This ride wasn't as enjoyable as our first was. His fingers on my bare skin underneath the white button down of my school uniform still felt warm and left a tingling sensation, but it wasn't the same. It could be the last time. It could be our end. Death grinned at us with its pearly white teeth bared, the skinless skull not giving any impression of what he felt. What would come in the future.

Eventually we reached the hut, our hut, and got off of my motorbike. Not caring if it would be stolen we left it in front of the wooden house and went in, ignoring the kitchen/living room, heading straight to the bedroom.

Clothes were discarded and lips met in desperate passion. We both knew that it could be our last time together. That any day now everything could collapse around us. And we could feel that fear, that burning need, in the way our tongues danced together, once again memorized the loved taste.

[start of lemon]

Pale hands danced over my bare back, tracing the scars of my past, causing little tremors to race up and down my spine. My breathing caught in my throat, Bakura's lips having left my mouth and travelled to my neck to suck and tease. Sharp teeth lightly grazed the skin evoking a shudder from my already insanely aroused body. I swear this boy is driving me crazy with those skilled lips and hands!

A helpless moan escaped my throat as aforementioned digits found their way to my growing need, lightly dancing over the flesh. The memory of what they did to me, to what heights they had lifted me before, caused my teeth to worry my bottom lip in order to prevent any embarrassing wanton sounds to escape said cavern.

The gorgeous albino carefully laid me back onto the small bed, trailing butterfly kisses down my neck and torso, only once stopping to nip at my hardening nipples to suck the nubs. I was a shuddering mess, putty under him. Dependant, I suddenly realized. I couldn't be without him. Not anymore. And somehow that angered me. Made me want to rip that handsome body of his apart and crush his heart in my hands. I have never needed anyone but my brother. It had always been the two of us and now there was Bakura. Fucking Bakura whose mouth trailed down further and eventually reached my erection.

A light kiss was laid upon the tip, causing a gasp to escape my lips. And then I was inside that gorgeous mouth and any plans I had in getting rid of that attraction, no love, I had were gone. My brother could never make me feel this content, this complete, by just touching me.

Half lidded russet eyes lazily stared up at me, my body convulsing in ecstasy as he continued his ministrations. The tongue swirled around my need, teasing, sucking. He took in more, until everything was sheathed in that hot pleasurable place. A quiet scream fell from my mouth as I hit the back of his throat, the world around me vanishing, leaving only him and me in my world.

Unlike last time he stopped then, releasing my want from the heavenly confines of his mouth in order to press a slow and passionate kiss to my lips, his tongue delving in to play with my own wet muscle. Long fingers once again started travelling my body, mesmerizing every curve of my body, to eventually come to rest on my behind, jerking up my hips so our erections met, drawing gasps from both of us, breaking our lip lock.

His pale digits suddenly touched my lips and a quiet order to suck was spoken. I complied, taking them in and swirling my tongue around in a similar fashion like he did with me. He seemed to like that, for he closed his eyes, purring in appreciation.

After a while of me sucking him, he pulled out and let his wet fingers wander down my stomach, muscles twitching excitedly under the contact, leaving a trail of salvia behind, until he reached my entrance. The tip lightly brushed my most intimate place, a gasp escaping my throat at the feeling, and his nearly red hues locked with my lilac ones. A silent pleading for reassurance lay in those beautiful orbs and I answered with a smile.

Giving a happy curving up of lips on his own Bakura pushed the first finger in. It felt weird. To have something in there. Not uncomfortable like I thought it would, but weird. It was some sort of annoyance. Like it shouldn't be there. And when he began to move it in and out that strange feeling increased. But with the time I got used to it. Began to actually enjoy it. Somehow.

A second finger was added and now it became uncomfortable. Even painful to some extent. My face scrunched up as I tried to relax my body. To get used to the sting of being stretched like that. And then he curled his fingers just in the right way and a bolt of pleasure stopped my train of thought. A loud moan, more a scream, of his name resonated in the small bedroom and he repeated the action. My heart beat a mile an hour and my face was flushed. Those wonderful feelings. I wanted more. So much more. And that I breathed into his ear, which was not too far away from my quivering lips.

His fingers left me after scissoring and massaging for a while and he positioned himself at my entrance, eyes locked with mine, a look of determination on his face. I knew that even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop him now. Smirking I reached up and hooked my arms around his neck, bringing him close for a kiss, our lips molding together. And then he pushed in.

A pained groan tore from my throat, his need being bigger than his fingers. By far. I felt like I was being torn from the inside, my fingers digging into his back and drawing blood as I tried to relax my lower body. To adjust to his size. His lips once again found mine and he kissed my slowly, coaxing my tongue into a small playful battle with his own and soon the pain faded enough for me to give him permission to move.

And he did. At first slowly, and then steadily gaining speed he pulled out and thrust back in. At first it hurt like bitch and I can't say I liked it, but then he once again hit that special spot inside of me and the pleasure that followed quickly let me forget the agony and turned me to a shivering mess that desperately clung to my lover.

The room was filled with noises, my mind not really registering them. Warmth spread throughout my entire being, pooling in my lower abdomen, tremors running up and down my spine. I was connected to him, ultimately connected. He was closer than even my brother. Closer than anybody else could ever get. It was like we were two parts of a soul that finally found each other to be one again. Wasn't there that book in which people believed one was only born with half a soul and had to look for the other half and if they didn't find them before they died they would be reborn to search again? Somehow this made me think it was true. To some extent.

Slowly but steadily the pleasure became too much and I was nearing my end. The heat coiling in my abdomen was unbearably tight and the need to come overwhelming. But I didn't want to fall over the cliff without Bakura, so I alerted him of my state. He answered that he was just as close and fisted my neglected want to pump it in time with his thrusts into me. A few pumps was all it took to cause me to finally lose it. I screamed his name, coating both our chests with my essence and the convulsing of my body, the tightening of me around him, brought him over the edge as well and I was filled with the fluids of his passion.

He collapsed onto me and we lay panting for a while, too exhausted to move. He pecked my lips in a chaste kiss before he got off me, pulling out of my body, and got something to clean us up.

[End of lemon]

After we got rid of the mess we made he lay down next to me and pulled me close to his body, gently kissing my forehead. I moved my head onto his chest, snuggling up to him, enjoying his warmth.

"I love you hanzai…"

Those words, those four small words, sent my heart into an excited frenzy, my breathing catching in my throat and tears threatening to fall. I read it in this diary. That he loves me. But to hear it spoken aloud. That ultimate admission being whispered into my ear. It was the happiest moment of my life.

"I love you too… Kura…"

So that was my day up until now. Since I started writing Bakura fell asleep and like he used me as a table yesterday, now I am using him. Though I don't think I share his opinion of human bodies as a good substitute for a good old table…

And now I will go to sleep as well, dreading tomorrow. Because nothing will ever be the way it was, now that Zorc sent such a clear message. Such a clear threat. And one thing is sure, someone will die in this mess.

[Insert line here]

Word count: 4.362 (Btw.: Author's note, disclaimer, end note and such are not included in the word count, in case you're wondering)

So that was chapter 10! I hope you liked it (cause I didn't… I'm a perfectionist after all D:)

See ya on the next installment of this story, which will hopefully come sooner than this one did. Crisps and Orange juice for everyone (those who don't like that get something else ;))!

Flamers will be burned with their own flames! Mwahahahahahaha!

~Todesan