It lasted two days. Harry couldn't believe how wonderful it was. But it
only lasted two days before Harry snapped. Sharing a room- sharing a bed,
no less- with Draco was amazing. Lying close to him, knowing Draco was all
his. The first night, the night after Dumbledore's offer, they agreed to
just lie together, close and warm. Harry could tell Draco enjoyed it, but
wanted more. He had expected Draco to suggest they do more tonight, but he
didn't. He just slipped into bed next to Harry and fell asleep in his arms.
The same event can be experienced in many different ways. Depending on what role or part played, a person might get a positive experience while someone else gets a negative experience. One person may come off for the better; another who was involved in the same thing, only from another standpoint comes off for the worst.
This was the case for Draco and Harry after Harry was almost claimed by death. Having Harry almost stolen from him, Draco realised how desperately he loved the boy. Almost losing his own life, Harry realised he would never be able to defeat Voldemort. He was going down, and that meant the whole wizarding world was too. He wasn't planning to take Draco from the world of the living.
Suddenly Draco had found a new satisfaction in Harry's kiss- really a satisfaction in his presence, his existence. He realised sex doesn't matter; only having Harry by his side did. He was happy with however little Harry was willing to give. As long as they were together, Draco had no qualms.
Harry, on the other hand, had realised how much Draco was willing to do for him, and it worried him. He didn't want to be responsible for Draco giving his life for someone else's. Particularly if it would be for Harry, when it was clear he was going to die at Voldemort's wand sometimes soon. Harry had no doubts about Draco's feelings, or his own. This was love, as pure as summer rain. But it was more important that Draco had life than that he had love.
Then again, Draco seemed to just want sex up until now. Maybe this was all he was interested in. Maybe, by pretending it doesn't matter to him, Draco was allowing him to enforce it. That way Harry would think it was his idea. Not to mention that if Harry didn't love Draco enough to have sex with him, maybe he didn't really love Draco. Maybe Draco loved him more than he loved Draco, so he was being unfair.
It was too hard. This was too much. It was time to let go.
***
Shaking with terror, Harry walked into his and Draco's private chamber. He entered their bedroom, knowing Draco would be waiting for him, as always seemed the case. Draco waiting, Harry unwilling. Hollow breath filled him, not filling the emptiness of soul.
Draco was standing, head lowered in the middle of the almost completely dark room but for a streak of light pouring out of the window onto the floor, lighting the pathetic-looking blondes body. Harry felt nothing for the darkness, and he went to light the fireplace. Draco snuffled miserably.
"No. Please, let me keep the darkness. Let me keep something. I know Harry. I know what's about to happen. I know what you are about to do to me."
"Draco, you wrote a song before we got together. You told me about it after we kissed, and even sung some to me. 'Love Don't Last for Long'. We agreed then that our love would last. But we did not know what love was then. That was so long ago, it seems like it."
A chillingly beautiful voice filled the room. It was a sarcastically cheerful tune, light and carefree with depressing lyrics. Draco was singing the first verse of Love Don't Last That Long.
"Love don't last for long,
Soon things will go wrong.
For just a while things seem,
Like a perfect fairytale dream.
But you know that soon,
You must farewell the moon.
Say goodbye to your heart,
Coz love will tear you apart."
By now, tears were coursing down Harry's face. Tears falling because the song was true. Tears falling because those words were so right. Tears falling because that voice was so beautiful. It stirred his mind, dragging long passed moments of love back to the surface.
"Draco," Harry choked. "I love you so much. But I can't do this anymore, Draco. We aren't meant to be. I don't know how I can live without you, but I do know that as much as I care about you. I cant live with you either." Overcome, Harry hunched over, the tears killing him with pain so strong it made Draco's embrace seem comforting again. "It was bound to happen. We wouldn't have lasted, no matter what." Harry sighed his words, and they were mangled by sobs.
Draco made no reply, no sound at all. Harry knew that Draco was acting strong, that inside him the beautiful boy was screaming, weeping, dying. His upbringing, his entire world would be calling to him, telling him not to let on that he was hurt. However, Harry felt that pain Draco must have been feeling eroding at his sanity, making him go crazy.
"Just remember that even though we are finished, I will always, always, always, always and forever love you Draco. Never forget that I love you."
Harry had half expected Draco would plead with him, or at least say he loved Harry too. But the blonde made no attempt to speak. Once again, Harry knew it was Draco self-protecting nature that silenced him. With that, Harry knew there was nothing left to say. He couldn't bear to be in that room anymore, ever again. A multitude of memories were flared as he surveyed the room one last time, as his eyes leapt across Draco's body. In his head, a promise rang potent and flowed into his blood. Never forget.
He turned, threw open the door and ran, hearing it clatter shut behind him.
Draco felt tears gathering in his eyes. One slid down his face. He wiped it away. Another followed it. He wiped that one away. Another, then another, then another rolled casually down his skin. He wiped them away, spreading their saltiness across his face. That's saltiness reminded him of Harry's tears. Some of them, most of them, had been Draco's fault.
Draco pondered what the FUCK he had been doing for the whole relationship, now ex-relationship. Pushing Harry to have sex with him. Pushing the subject, asking when and why not. How could he have done that to Harry? He loved Harry. Now that he had realised how much Harry meant to him, Harry had broken it off.
Draco was furious. Not with Harry. With himself. How could he not have seen this coming? All he ever did was bring up the subject of sex. It had been clear that Harry was still too naïve to even think about it. He had been scared and he had told Draco so. Draco had kept at him, ushering him onward. If only he had just shut up and let Harry do what he wanted to, instead of driving him on before he was ready. He hated himself. He really wanted to hurt himself. Harry deserved better than him.
In an instance, Draco went from feeling sad and wistful to depressed and hateful. He just wanted to hurt himself for what he had done to Harry. Nothing could ever make him believe he could repair his own broken heart. He had caused its injuries, so it would stay like that until the day he died. A broken heart was what he would endure because Harry too had a broken heart. A broken heart was what Draco deserved.
***
Harry collapsed on his old bed in the Gryffindor dorms, sobbing. 'Like a little girl,' Draco would have said, 'Like a pathetic, cry-baby little girly girl.' Harry's tears stopped abruptly. He sat up violently. Just to hear Draco say that, or even to hear him yell insults at him would be wonderful. That's all I want. Draco. I want Draco back. I'm an idiot for letting him go.
He stood to go back to their room, and realised that Draco would not have stayed there. He would have left. To where? Only one thing for it. Harry produced the Marauders Map from his trunk and unravelled it on his bed. Quietly he recited, 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good'. To his surprise, after scouring the map for a moment, he realised Draco was by the lake, stationary, doing nothing, it seemed. Harry threw the map down on his bed, not bothering to clear it, and began walking quickly down to the grounds.
It had been a mistake to think he could live without Draco. Such a stupid mistake. He hoped it wouldn't cost him too dearly.
The same event can be experienced in many different ways. Depending on what role or part played, a person might get a positive experience while someone else gets a negative experience. One person may come off for the better; another who was involved in the same thing, only from another standpoint comes off for the worst.
This was the case for Draco and Harry after Harry was almost claimed by death. Having Harry almost stolen from him, Draco realised how desperately he loved the boy. Almost losing his own life, Harry realised he would never be able to defeat Voldemort. He was going down, and that meant the whole wizarding world was too. He wasn't planning to take Draco from the world of the living.
Suddenly Draco had found a new satisfaction in Harry's kiss- really a satisfaction in his presence, his existence. He realised sex doesn't matter; only having Harry by his side did. He was happy with however little Harry was willing to give. As long as they were together, Draco had no qualms.
Harry, on the other hand, had realised how much Draco was willing to do for him, and it worried him. He didn't want to be responsible for Draco giving his life for someone else's. Particularly if it would be for Harry, when it was clear he was going to die at Voldemort's wand sometimes soon. Harry had no doubts about Draco's feelings, or his own. This was love, as pure as summer rain. But it was more important that Draco had life than that he had love.
Then again, Draco seemed to just want sex up until now. Maybe this was all he was interested in. Maybe, by pretending it doesn't matter to him, Draco was allowing him to enforce it. That way Harry would think it was his idea. Not to mention that if Harry didn't love Draco enough to have sex with him, maybe he didn't really love Draco. Maybe Draco loved him more than he loved Draco, so he was being unfair.
It was too hard. This was too much. It was time to let go.
***
Shaking with terror, Harry walked into his and Draco's private chamber. He entered their bedroom, knowing Draco would be waiting for him, as always seemed the case. Draco waiting, Harry unwilling. Hollow breath filled him, not filling the emptiness of soul.
Draco was standing, head lowered in the middle of the almost completely dark room but for a streak of light pouring out of the window onto the floor, lighting the pathetic-looking blondes body. Harry felt nothing for the darkness, and he went to light the fireplace. Draco snuffled miserably.
"No. Please, let me keep the darkness. Let me keep something. I know Harry. I know what's about to happen. I know what you are about to do to me."
"Draco, you wrote a song before we got together. You told me about it after we kissed, and even sung some to me. 'Love Don't Last for Long'. We agreed then that our love would last. But we did not know what love was then. That was so long ago, it seems like it."
A chillingly beautiful voice filled the room. It was a sarcastically cheerful tune, light and carefree with depressing lyrics. Draco was singing the first verse of Love Don't Last That Long.
"Love don't last for long,
Soon things will go wrong.
For just a while things seem,
Like a perfect fairytale dream.
But you know that soon,
You must farewell the moon.
Say goodbye to your heart,
Coz love will tear you apart."
By now, tears were coursing down Harry's face. Tears falling because the song was true. Tears falling because those words were so right. Tears falling because that voice was so beautiful. It stirred his mind, dragging long passed moments of love back to the surface.
"Draco," Harry choked. "I love you so much. But I can't do this anymore, Draco. We aren't meant to be. I don't know how I can live without you, but I do know that as much as I care about you. I cant live with you either." Overcome, Harry hunched over, the tears killing him with pain so strong it made Draco's embrace seem comforting again. "It was bound to happen. We wouldn't have lasted, no matter what." Harry sighed his words, and they were mangled by sobs.
Draco made no reply, no sound at all. Harry knew that Draco was acting strong, that inside him the beautiful boy was screaming, weeping, dying. His upbringing, his entire world would be calling to him, telling him not to let on that he was hurt. However, Harry felt that pain Draco must have been feeling eroding at his sanity, making him go crazy.
"Just remember that even though we are finished, I will always, always, always, always and forever love you Draco. Never forget that I love you."
Harry had half expected Draco would plead with him, or at least say he loved Harry too. But the blonde made no attempt to speak. Once again, Harry knew it was Draco self-protecting nature that silenced him. With that, Harry knew there was nothing left to say. He couldn't bear to be in that room anymore, ever again. A multitude of memories were flared as he surveyed the room one last time, as his eyes leapt across Draco's body. In his head, a promise rang potent and flowed into his blood. Never forget.
He turned, threw open the door and ran, hearing it clatter shut behind him.
Draco felt tears gathering in his eyes. One slid down his face. He wiped it away. Another followed it. He wiped that one away. Another, then another, then another rolled casually down his skin. He wiped them away, spreading their saltiness across his face. That's saltiness reminded him of Harry's tears. Some of them, most of them, had been Draco's fault.
Draco pondered what the FUCK he had been doing for the whole relationship, now ex-relationship. Pushing Harry to have sex with him. Pushing the subject, asking when and why not. How could he have done that to Harry? He loved Harry. Now that he had realised how much Harry meant to him, Harry had broken it off.
Draco was furious. Not with Harry. With himself. How could he not have seen this coming? All he ever did was bring up the subject of sex. It had been clear that Harry was still too naïve to even think about it. He had been scared and he had told Draco so. Draco had kept at him, ushering him onward. If only he had just shut up and let Harry do what he wanted to, instead of driving him on before he was ready. He hated himself. He really wanted to hurt himself. Harry deserved better than him.
In an instance, Draco went from feeling sad and wistful to depressed and hateful. He just wanted to hurt himself for what he had done to Harry. Nothing could ever make him believe he could repair his own broken heart. He had caused its injuries, so it would stay like that until the day he died. A broken heart was what he would endure because Harry too had a broken heart. A broken heart was what Draco deserved.
***
Harry collapsed on his old bed in the Gryffindor dorms, sobbing. 'Like a little girl,' Draco would have said, 'Like a pathetic, cry-baby little girly girl.' Harry's tears stopped abruptly. He sat up violently. Just to hear Draco say that, or even to hear him yell insults at him would be wonderful. That's all I want. Draco. I want Draco back. I'm an idiot for letting him go.
He stood to go back to their room, and realised that Draco would not have stayed there. He would have left. To where? Only one thing for it. Harry produced the Marauders Map from his trunk and unravelled it on his bed. Quietly he recited, 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good'. To his surprise, after scouring the map for a moment, he realised Draco was by the lake, stationary, doing nothing, it seemed. Harry threw the map down on his bed, not bothering to clear it, and began walking quickly down to the grounds.
It had been a mistake to think he could live without Draco. Such a stupid mistake. He hoped it wouldn't cost him too dearly.