My hands cradle Monica's head as she writhes on top of me, moaning in to my mouth. I could listen to her make these noises all day; she's on the verge of orgasm and words have escaped her, leaving her only with high-pitched noises of satisfaction.

I thrust myself into her, trying to prolong the sensation. Her thighs grip at my sides as she moves quickly over me, and I feel myself tingling in response. I slide one hand down her side and over her hip, holding on to her leg.

Nothing in my life has ever felt better than being with her. Nothing has ever been this intense, either. No other woman has ever made my head spin the way she does, or made my heart so full that it feels like it could burst at any point. And I can certainly say I've never enjoyed sex this much in my entire life.

Her hips slam in to mine, her pelvis grinding against me a little each time. Her arms wrap around me, fingernails digging in to my shoulders. I know I'll be right behind her.

Suddenly, she tears her lips away, her head falling back a little as her mouth drops open. Soft noises escape as she struggles to be quiet, mindful of Rachel in the next room. As a result of holding back vocally, her body responds by slamming against me furiously, almost painfully, as she finds her release. She finally buries her face in my neck, releasing a few mostly-soft wails, ones that couldn't be contained.

It's all I need to feel my control slip; I grab her hips and pound in to her, struggling to remain silent myself. It's not easy—sex this good wasn't meant to be quiet. I feel myself groan anyway, unable to completely contain myself as my hips start to slow. We lay there for a while, gently thrusting against each other, the aftershocks of what we just did filtering through us, breathing heavily in to each other's ears.

She lifts her head and gazes down at me, her pupils dilated, her lips swollen from kissing me. I stroke my thumb against her cheek. "Jesus Christ, you're sexy."

She smiles at me—a smile that says she owns me and she knows it—before pressing her lips to mine, kissing me slowly, deeply.

Finally, she slides off me and lays next to me, pushing her hair away from her face, her expression dreamy. I reach down and pull the sheet over us, then wrap my arms around her, kissing her shoulder.

She can own me if she likes. I have no problem with being a kept man, with no other purpose in life but to do her bidding.

"You think I'm sexy?" she asks quietly. I look at her incredulously for a moment before I realize she's teasing me.

"Stop fishing for compliments, woman."

"It's always nice to hear, that's all."

I kiss across her collarbone, making my way slowly up her neck until I reach her lips, kissing her for a few moments. "Yes; I think you're sexy. I think you're hot, and beautiful, and stunning—"

"Careful," she warns. "My ego can't take an influx like that. I won't be responsible for the consequences."

"I'll take my chances." I lean up and kiss her again. My hand slides down her stomach and comes to rest on her hip, and she turns in to me, throwing her leg over mine.

Our kisses gradually slow down until we're just wrapped in each other's arms, smiling at each other contentedly. "Know what?" she asks softly.

"What's that?"

"I really like kissing you."

The way my heart jumps when she says those words is a reminder that this is so much more than just sex. What we have together is really like nothing else I've ever known. "I really like kissing you, too."

She tucks her head under my chin, her body relaxed against mine, though I can tell by the way she's breathing that she's still awake.

"So…you mind if I ask you something?"

"Not at all," she answers, her voice a little muffled by her face pressed into my neck.

"It's kind of personal."

At that, she pulls back from me far enough so that she can look me in the eye, her expression quizzical. I feel my pulse quicken, a little surprised that I'm bold enough to even ask. "Okay."

"And you can totally say no if you want, but just hear me out first."

"Should I be worried?"

"I don't think so."

She remains silent, waiting for me to continue.

I clear my throat. "Before we got together, you said you were in a bit of a dry-spell, right?"

She nods slowly, but says nothing.

"I'm guessing that, in the meantime, you had some…other 'methods'?"

"'Methods?'"

"You know…" It's pretty interesting how uncomfortable some conversations can be, even when you've spent the better part of three months naked with someone. "Like, a battery-operated boyfriend?"

She blinks at me in confusion for a few moments until I see understanding dawn in her eyes and a blush start to spread across her cheeks. "Uh…"

"I'm not asking to judge," I hurry to reassure. "Believe me; I'm not judging. I'm just curious."

Her body tenses beneath my hands and she tilts her head down, avoiding eye contact. "I…well…yeah."

I feel a surge of relief—if she's willing to answer me, I haven't completely overstepped by bounds. Then I realize what she just told me and feel another sort of surge; it's pretty hot, after all.

"Well, that brings me to the really personal part, and remember—feel free to shoot me down."

She's still avoiding my eyes, worrying her lower lip between her teeth, but she nods her head, telling me to continue.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. "Would you show me?"

Her head flies up, her eyes opening wide, her body pulling back from me a bit. "Excuse me?"

"Would you…do it for me? Sometime? Maybe?"

Her eyes blink rapidly, her cheeks turning a darker red. "You want me to get off in front of you?"

I nod enthusiastically, trying to encourage her. "Yes! That's what I'm asking."

"Why?"

I shrug, not sure how I'm really going to explain myself. "Well, curiosity, for one. I'd kind of like to know what you do to yourself to cause pleasure, maybe pick up a few tips."

"If I'm not mistaken, you haven't really needed any help in that area."

"Still—couldn't hurt to keep learning. Make it better."

Her eyes close for a moment and I wait, really unsure of what she's thinking right now. "What's the other reason?"

"I just can't think of anything much hotter than watching you do that to yourself."

"Really?"

"Really. I don't know; maybe it's a guy thing. We're usually very visual, hence why porn is so popular."

"Don't you think it'd be a little…awkward?"

"Only if we let it be."

She's quiet for a few moments and I hold my breath—I can't believe that she might be considering it. "It's just that, I haven't had to do that since we started. I haven't even thought about it."

I smile at her softly, reaching out a hand to stroke her cheek. "Hey, I'm honored that being with me makes you forget about master—"

"Don't say it," she exclaims. "I know; it's natural, it's nothing to be ashamed of, but I can't think of a less-sexy word for it. It's just so clinical."

I hold up my hands in surrender. "That's fine. I won't say it. But it's still pretty cool that you haven't felt the need to fly solo since we started seeing each other."

"'Fly solo.' I can handle that, or any other adolescent euphemisms we can come up with."

"Fair enough." We fall silent again; her cheeks are still pink, but she doesn't look upset with me, which I take as a good sign. "Like I said, Monica, all I wanted to know was if it was something you'd consider maybe doing at some point. No pressure, no judgment, just something for the two of us to share."

She's silent for a bit longer. "You really think it's hot?"

"God, yes."

"Why?"

It seems I should have prepared for this better; I just never expected to get this far in this conversation. "I don't have a good answer for that."

"I don't need a good answer; I just want to know your reasons."

"Well, I guess if you could see your face while we're having sex, you'd understand. You're just so…wow. And this is something that is ridiculously intimate, and to be able to share that with you, to have you put that sort of trust in me…it's a major turn on. But, if you don't want to, don't think that I think you don't trust me, because that's not what this is about. It's a different sort of trust. What I'm asking from you is really personal, and you don't have to be comfortable with it. I promise that I won't be offended."

"I've never done that in front of someone before."

"If it makes you feel any better, I've never asked anyone before."

She's quiet again, so I keep still, not wanting to push her. A few minutes later, still silent, she sits up, pulling a throw around her body, then stands. I close my eyes, mentally berating myself. I don't know what possessed me to ask; of course I freaked her out. I open my eyes and see that, instead of leaving or getting dressed, she's moving over to her dresser and pulling out a drawer.

For whatever reason, at that moment I realize I'm still wearing the condom from earlier and grimace. I make sure she's not watching while I snatch a tissue off the nightstand and dispose of the offending article, rolling my eyes at myself as I realize if I'm still having issues with condoms, how fair is it to ask her to do this for me?

She turns to face me, a clear plastic shoe box in hand. She takes the few steps over to me and sits down again, placing the box between us.

"What's this?" I ask as I sit up.

Still avoiding eye contact, she says, "Open it."

I feel my heart start to race, and I'm almost reluctant now, hard to believe this could be happening. I move my hand to the lid and pop it off. Inside is some soft material I can't identify; I go to move it out of the way, but look up at Monica first. Her face is buried in her hands. I sigh and put a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump. "I'm serious—you don't have to do this. Especially if it's stressing you out this much."

She moves her hands and really looks at me for the first time since I started this conversation. "No. I trust you, Chandler. With everything. If you want this, then I want this. It's just going to be a little difficult for me at first. I don't want it to be embarrassing, though; everything we've done together has been wonderful and amazing and beautiful, and this could be, too."

I lean over and kiss her softly and, thankfully, she responds to me. "Thank you." I look down at the box between us. "What am I going to find in here?"

The corner of her mouth lifts in a smirk and I feel relief. "The battery-operated boyfriends."

"More than one? Wow—should I be intimidated?"

She leans in to me, breathing in my ear. "Nothing compares to real life."

I feel shivers shoot down my spine. "I'll keep that in mind." I gulp, moving the material, and try not to react to what's underneath. A small variety is in front of me, in an array of sizes and colors. "So, uh…which is your favorite?"

Her hand slides down my stomach suddenly, resting on my only-partially limp member. "I think you know which one is my favorite," she whispers just before attacking my lips. I let her do what she needs to do for a few minutes; I know she's being aggressive to hide her embarrassment, and I'm okay with it. When she releases my lips, she presses her forehead against mine, her hand moving up to my shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"No judgment," I remind her. "I mean it."

She wraps her arms around me, the blanket she used earlier finally coming loose. I hold her tight, waiting; waiting to see which direction she'll take. Eventually, she sits back on her heels and points in to the box, avoiding my eyes. "That one."

I follow her finger and give the device a nudge. "Ah. My competition."

Her head comes up as she chuckles, surprised. "Not even close," she assures me.

I grin at her. "So, why is it your favorite?"

"It's waterproof," she answers immediately. "And it vibrates. Plus, it's about as close to anatomically correct as one of these can get, at least without breaking the bank."

Now she has my attention. "These things can get expensive?"

She nods sagely. "Over a hundred dollars for a good one."

"Geez," I breathe. "Self-love really does come at a price."

She smacks my shoulder and I shut my mouth. I gently pick up the device, feeling a little awkward holding it. She grabs the box and puts it on the nightstand, settling back next to me. "I don't even know if the batteries are still good."

I give the knob at the bottom a little twist and drop it to the bed as it hums to life. She snickers at me, but says nothing.

"How do you…I mean, what do you…" I pause, trying to gather my thoughts. I really didn't expect this to happen, especially not tonight. "When you use this…do you fantasize?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes it's not about a fantasy, though; it's about release. But I'm sure you know that."

"Who do you fantasize about?"

"You really want me to answer a question like that?"

I pause for a moment, considering. "No. How about this; have you ever fantasized about me?"

Her face lights up in a smile. "I have."

I swear my heart stops for a moment. "Really?"

"Once or twice. It was nothing compared to reality, though."

I lean over and kiss her, only to be interrupted by the device's happy buzzing between us. I give it a nudge again, and she finally takes it in hand, picking it up. She looks at me out the corner of her eye, her cheeks pink again.

"How do you…get started?"

She slides down on the bed until she's on her back. I prop myself up on my elbow next to her, waiting.

"So, before we start this…when you said you want to watch, did you mean, like, sit at my feet and watch?"

"That's kinda what I was picturing, yeah."

I see her swallow heavily. "I don't know if I'm ready for that," she whispers.

"That's okay."

"But…could you lie next to me?"

Without hesitation, I put my head next to hers on the pillow, my hand coming to rest on her stomach, the muscles twitching beneath me. "What do you need me to do?"

"Kiss me," she breathes. I gently place my lips on hers and she kisses me back hungrily, eagerly, her free hand gripping my arm. My hand slides up her body, and she whimpers as I graze her breasts before cupping her cheek. I'll give her this as long as she needs.

She moans softly in to my mouth and I kiss her harder for a few moments before kissing my way down her neck, breathing in her scent.

I'm so wrapped up in her that it takes me a while to notice that I can feel her hips moving against me. Cautiously, I look down and see that she has the vibrator between her thighs, moving it slowly back and forth. Instantly, I feel all of the blood rush out of my head and go south. Just this one glimpse is more of a turn on than I ever imagined. I do my best to keep my breathing steady, not wanting to make her self-conscious. Her hand still grips my arm, but her fingers are kneading my skin in time with her other hand.

I'm completely fascinated; this is unbelievably erotic. Without my noticing, my hand has slid down to her breasts, squeezing them rhythmically. I lean down and take one my mouth, keeping my eyes directed south. Her hips lift off the bed, the vibrator disappearing in to her, and for a moment, I'm completely jealous of an inanimate object. She moans as the humming becomes muffled, and I swear I start to salivate.

My lips release her breast and I push my forehead against her shoulder, captivated. The amount of trust she's putting in me right now is tremendous.

I notice she still looks tense—her brow is furrowed, her eyes screwed shut—so I lean up to whisper in her ear. "You're the one in control, Monica." Her head turns to me, her eyes opening a little, confused. "All I did was ask; everything else is all you. You're in charge of everything happening. Everything."

I see a glint form in her eyes, and I know I've said the right thing. Anyone who spends five minutes with Monica knows that she has control issues, especially when it comes to relinquishing it. It's not surprising that she thought this would be about giving up something, but it really isn't. She does own me, and if there's anyone in charge of tonight, it's most definitely her.

Her free hand releases my arm and takes over where my mouth left off, moaning louder now. She's biting her lip as she moves the device in and out, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, her hips rolling gently against the mattress.

Carefully, I slide away from her, slowly scooting myself down the bed. She cracks an eye open at me, and I pause, waiting for permission. She gives me a slight nod as another low, "ohhhhhhh" leaves her lips.

I kneel between her feet and watch, captivated. The hand that's been paying attention to her breasts slides slowly up to her hair, where I can see her fingers flex and release, the hand controlling the vibrator moving it steadily in and out, in and out, and once again, I'm jealous of this toy.

"God, Monica," I groan, my hands itching to touch her, to hold on to her in some way.

"This how you imagined it?" she asks, her voice pitched low.

"So much better," I whisper, my throat dry. "Can I touch you?"

Her body spasms for a moment at my question, her soft moan answer enough. I slide my hands gently up her calf muscles, up to her knees, down to her thighs and back again, pulling her just a little closer to me, my body straining toward her, crying out for her.

She pauses for only a second, turning up the dial on the device before her movements continue, faster now. I lean forward and press a kiss to her knee, desperate for the contact. Her body jerks again. "Oh, Chandler," she breathes, and I think my head is going to explode.

"What, baby?" I whisper, watching her body vibrate faster.

"Ohhhhhh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

I don't know that I've ever been this hard in my entire life. I can't believe she's doing this for me, letting me see it; it's a heady sensation.

I see her eyes are open slightly, watching me, her chest heaving as her breath comes in short gasps. The angle of her hips and the position of her hand are extraordinarily provocative, everything positioned perfectly so I can see. "Wait a second…are you showing off now?"

She grins at me lazily; the flush now snaking down her chest has nothing to do with embarrassment. She lifts her hips off the bed a little, moaning.

"You are! You're showing off!" I'm completely stunned; I didn't know if I'd ever be able to convince her this was okay. She went from being embarrassed by just the thought of me watching, to willingly giving me more of a show than I ever anticipated. Power does very interesting things to this woman.

I honestly don't know if I can take this; this whole experience is so much more than I bargained for. My hands flex against her legs, my arms tense as I try to hold myself back. "I need you so much," I tell her, the words falling out of my mouth without thinking.

In an instant, she pulls out the vibrator and tosses it on the bed next to her. She grabs my arms and hauls herself on to my lap and slides down on me, both of us groaning. She moves against me quickly, rocking back and forth as she kisses me fiercely.

Suddenly, my eyes fly open and I grab her hips, stilling her movements. "Condom," I breathe as I fight for control, and her eyes grow wide.

"Oh, God," she whispers as we stare at each other in wide-eyed shock, neither of us daring to move. Almost three months and this is the first time we've ever forgotten a condom. I feel my heart start to race as she looks at me nervously. "What should we do?"

I have no idea; it's taking everything in me to hold still right now. Despite the panic I know we're both feeling, I'm still so incredibly turned on that I can't think very clearly. All the blood usually designated for my brain has relocated and all I want is sex. I feel her inner muscles clench around me and my body starts to shake. I close my eyes and take deep breaths. "Ohhhhh, don't do that," I moan.

She clutches me tightly, burying her face in my shoulder. "Sorry."

We gasp in air, neither of us saying anything, trying to form cohesive thoughts. "Is this a good idea?" I finally ask.

"Probably not," she answers. I can hear her softly counting under her breath, her fingers tapping along against my back. "Oh, definitely not."

I grit my teeth as she shifts slightly, my fingers digging in to her hips. "We should probably get a condom."

"I don't think I can move," she tells me. "I'm so close right now."

I feel my body start to shake, causing her to moan. "Oh, my God."

Using every ounce of strength I have, I pull myself out of her body. She whimpers at the loss of contact, and I still feel like I'm about to lose it. She twists around for a moment, reaching over to her nightstand for the box of condoms, bringing it back with her. I watch her hands shake as she opens the foil. I want to reassure her, to calm her down, but I know that I wouldn't be of much assistance in that department.

All of a sudden, she groans in frustration. "What?" I ask, feeling frantic.

"I tore it," she growls, throwing it in the general direction of the trashcan. I would laugh if the situation didn't feel so desperate at the moment. Instead, I wait as patiently as possible as she grabs another, opening It more gently this time. She reaches out to put it on me and I grab her hand, taking it from her.

"If you touch me right now, I will literally explode," I explain, rolling it on. She barely waits for me to finish before she impales herself on me again, moaning loudly. In the back of my mind, I know I should remind her to be quiet, remind her that Rachel is right next door, but I just can't bring myself to care. I grab her hips and guide her movements, grunting through gritted teeth every time she slams against me. It's only a matter of moments before she's moving against me urgently, her nails clawing at my back, a chorus of, "Oh God, oh God, oh God," falling from her lips. I look up into her face, and it's my undoing. I thrust into her quickly, sloppily, groaning as I watch her. Her face contorts almost into a look of pain as a yell tears out of her mouth, long and wordless, as her body unwinds around me.

I hold on to her for as long as I can until I feel my body collapse, and we fall back against the pillows. Our heavy breathing and soft residual moans fill the now quiet room. I feel completely drained in the best way possible.

I hear a low humming sound, then Monica's groping around behind her on the bed. As the noise stops I realize that the vibrator had been buzzing away all this time, completely forgotten.

"That was…intense," she says softly, still trying to even out her breathing.

I nod against her hair, wrapping my arms more tightly around her. "Yeah," is all I can manage to say.

"Turns out that a little bit of exhibitionism is fun."

I feel a grin spreading across my face. "I agree. You almost killed me, but it was so worth it."

We're silent for a while, still collecting ourselves; a lot happened in a very short amount of time. "I'm going to have to get up and wash that thing," she finally says, and I can't help but chuckle—it's such a Monica thing to say, to think.

"If you think you can walk right now, by all means," I tell her. "I think I'm going to be stuck right here for a while."

I feel her shift around a bit, and I think she's trying to get herself into a sitting position, until she goes still once more. "Yeah, it can wait." Her hand sweeps across the bed, knocking it to the floor, not caring where it lands, and that's when I know I've done something very right tonight. When Monica doesn't care about things out of order, when her first thought isn't to organize something, I know it was good all the way around. "Just don't forget to throw away the condom," she mumbles as she turns in my arms, her back now against my front.

I groan, this time because it requires more physical activity than I think I'm capable of right now. Still, I manage to shift my hips away from her long enough to throw away our second condom of the night—another good sign in my book.

"Is the alarm set?" I ask as I settle back next to her, grabbing a pile of blankets and covering us over.

She cranes her neck up for a moment. "Yeah; I think it's supposed to go off around five. That okay?"

I shrug, lacing my fingers through hers. Placing a kiss on her shoulder, I say, "Okay as it can be."

She squeezes my fingers, understanding exactly what I mean.

"Hey," I whisper.

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you for tonight."

Her head tilts back to mine; her eyebrow is raised and the corner of her mouth is quirked up in a smile. "My pleasure."

"Leave the bad puns to me, babe," I tell her and she chuckles. I give her a quick kiss before she settles down next to me again, her breathing evening out within minutes, her body relaxing against mine.

I feel sleep pulling at me, too, and as I tighten my arms around her once more I can't help but be amazed at how lucky I am; most guys are never fortunate enough to have their actual best friend turn into their girlfriend. And no one else is lucky enough to have Monica.