Celibacy
by Aki Midori
autumn_wind04@yahoo.com
Author's Semi-Important Blahs:
Regarding the delay of this chapter: Sorry for that one. You see, school already started, and there are two things I can say about my schedule. Number one is 'Whoa...' and number two is 'Shit'.
Regarding Eeyore: *shudder* Let me tell you that this certain pony who cannot ever seem to find his tail anywhere has no place whatsoever here in my heart. I don't even know that I've been writing about him until after I re-read the chapter again! Honest! I was actually thinking of giving Sensen a Powerpuff (not mine, property of someone else, cartoon network, probably) tie. But Eeyore just occupies a large part of my cerebrum, sub-conscious, specifically. Why? You want to know? This'll take long. It's actually a traumatic experience. Hah. Let's not waste time.
Regarding Rukawa Shinri: *turns to Shinri Ayase and hits her with the revived red notebook of impending doom* Yarou, Shinri! Yeah, so you've got a role here in the fic. That doesn't mean you get to flaunt the fact all over the world! Hn. *turns to readers* And she actually asked me if she could have another piggy-back ride with Hana. *turns to Shinri* Don't get carried away, 'ahou. This is just a /fic/, dear pal. *grin* But I'll think about it. And oi... what have you been telling Reeza-chan? I swear, if you told her such non-sense about me, I'll poke your eyes out. Do remember the fact that you're seated right next to me five days a week.
Regarding LEMON REQUESTS: *grin* There would be /no/ lemon here. As I've promised, this'll be a PG-13 fic. But... I'm thinking of writing a lemon side story for Celibacy called 'The Celibate Hentai and the Horny Kitsune'. I'm still thinking about it, though. ^______________^ Inspire me. Threaten me. Rant for it. Whatever. I'll think about it.
That's it!
DiScLaimErS: Thhhheeeeeeyyyyy aaaaarrrreeeennnn't miiiinnnnneee. No suing. I'm but a college student with nothing but a bag of peanuts on the front pocket of my backpack.
---------------------------
Celibacy
Chapter Nine: No Strings Attached
"Rukawa-kun, I love you."
*Thump* *Thump*
"Shut up, Sendoh. I told you already, I don't want to see you anymore." It was a harsh snap.
*Thump* *Thump*
"I love you," Sendoh said again.
*Thump*
"I don't love you." It was a lie.
*Thump* *Thump* *Thump*
"Well, then... that's fine with me. I'm going to make you fall in love with me, then."
*Thump* *Thu-*
What in the name of hell?!
'MAKE me fall in love...'
Rukawa's heart has been thumping all those times, but the last remark really did him in. What did he do? Oh, nothing much. It's just that the infamous 'Super Barriers Around the Heart' system crashed down on him, and his sanity crashed with it.
What did he do?
Yeah... nothing much.
He just started to laugh his freakin' head off.
Sendoh couldn't *believe* the man. There he was, pouring out his heart and soul and /guts/ and what does he get? He was laughed at, right in his face. Damn, but life is so cruel. He couldn't do much at the moment, really. He just watched helplessly as the man of his dreams hugged his stomach tighter as he laughed and laughed and laughed. Tears fell from the Ice Man's eyes. It was a sight to behold. He was willing to bet that the man never laughed *that* hard before. Should Sendoh thank heavens that he could at least be a /comic relief/ for Rukawa? Should he? Should he?!
Sendoh couldn't help but think that maybe he pushed the man to the edge. He wanted to cry. He wanted his mommy. Help.
"Rukawa-kun?"
More laughter.
"Kaede?"
Even more laughter. "Y-you're g-going to m-make me... hwahahahaha!!!"
'Ohgoodheavens,helpmepleaaaaaase!' Sendoh prayed. What could a man do at such a moment? It wasn't everyday that the coldest man in the whole of Japan crack up in what seemed to be the loss of his sanity. Sendoh doesn't know what to do. Could little Inu-chan help him? Hn. Useless poodle. He shouldn't have brought him along.
"Come on, Kaede, get a hold of yourself!" Sendoh pleaded. "I'm serious!"
And then Rukawa just stopped laughing. Just like that. And then he gave Sendoh the chilliest glare he could muster before he stood up and walked away.
"Kaede!" Sendoh called out. No reaction from Rukawa, as expected. He stood up to go after the man, but decided against it. He slumped back down at the bench. He never felt so helpless before. He gathered his dog in his embrace and burrowed his face into the soft curls. "What did I do wrong, Inu-chan?"
"Woof!"
"Nothing? You think so?"
"Woof! Woof!"
"Yeah, I know. I didn't do anything wrong. But you see, I *do* love him. But was it wrong for me to push him that far?"
"Woof!"
"Really, Inu-chan? You think I did the right thing?"
"Woof!" was the vigorous reply.
"But Inu-chan... he laughed at me..." Sendoh said softly. He shook his head and almost laughed. He's talking to a /dog/, dammit. He couldn't blame himself, though. He had just experience the ultimate rejection of a lifetime. Damn, but he was heartbroken enough! Rukawa didn't have to *laugh* at his face! Castrating him would have been a better option.
*blink*
But then again... there are some other, uh, *milder* punishments. But certainly, being laughed at after a willfull, heartfelt, and sincere confession isn't Sendoh's cup of tea. Sendoh sighed. Rukawa have been harsh with him. He knew that there was an eensey-weensey possibility that Rukawa would reject him, but not like this, anyway.
"I guess I couldn't thaw the Ice Prince after all," Sendoh said in a voice above a whisper. Well, he tried, didn't he? It hurt, really, now that he thought about it. He really felt something special for Rukawa. Heck, he *loved* the man! He was willing to settle down. He was willing to love Rukawa for the rest of his life. He was willing to make the man happy for the rest of his days.
But he was rejected.
A mirthless laugh and an icy glare was all it took to break Sendoh's heart.
Heaven must /really/ hate him a lot.
He tried his best. He meant every word he said. Those words never reached Rukawa. He was a failure. Damn, but he's going to hide his face from civilization for the rest of his miserable existence. He's going to wither away like a... a... rose... in a... summer beach. He's going to die like the... knights of the circular table. Or whatever shape that table has. Ah hell... Sendoh wasn't really into that poetry or literary stuff. All he knew is that Rukawa left him all alone with nothing but a yelping poodle and a shattered heart.
"Gomen, ne, Kirei-neechan. I couldn't do it," Sendoh softly said. He stood up, gathered all that's left of his pride and dignity, and walked out of the court. "Come on, Inu-chan. Let's go home."
He didn't see Rukawa hiding behind a thick pole, watching him, both longing and confusion reflected in his deep blue eyes.
******************
And he tripped for the third time that day.
Is this what everyone calls 'karma'? Rukawa didn't believe in all those bullshit at first, but now, he was willing to change his mind. 'This is the worst day of my life,' he thought. 'I shouldn't have gone for a walk.'
So far, he tripped over a fallen twig, a lonesome crack in the middle of the sidewalk, and now, he tripped over an insignificant piece of pacifier. Whoever owned this suckling material should be decapitated for the sin of irresponsibililty. And oh! Not to mention that he almost got run over by an avenging warrior with a made-up Superman cape, a measly mask made of cardboard, and a pink tricycle.
He had to exert such self-control as to prevent himself from strangling the little superhero.
"Go back to where you came from, kid," he snapped a tad too harshly.
"But my teacher said that I came from my mama's tummy! I couldn't go back there, mister!" was the high-pitched, ear-grating reply.
"Go figure," Rukawa snapped again before he walked away. What, so he's been nasty? He doesn't give a damn. Ch'. Kids and their heroes.
"Dammit," Rukawa cursed as plopped down on a solitary bench. "Dammit, dammit, dammit."
*bonk!*
"Sorry, mister! Could you please throw the ball back?"
Rukawa fumed.
"Mi~ister! The ba~all!"
Rukawa wanted to shove the ball up that whiny teen punk's ass. Couldn't that kid see that he's brooding over the love that could not be?! Damn everything to hell and back! He grumbled as he picked up the ball and hurled it towards the group.
"Eat that," he muttered. He sat down on the bench again and rubbed his aching sides. Damn, but he never laughed that hard before. He never even *laughed* before! Rukawa wondered what has gotten into his mind. He didn't mean to laugh out loud before... it's just that... he was too shocked. Sendoh said he was going to make him fall in love with him. How was he supposed to react? He doesn't know. His 'Super Stupid Barriers Around the Heart' system left his out in the cold, yet *again*. He doesn't know what to do anymore. Those feelings are muddling his once organized thoughts.
Damn Sendoh for confessing. Damn himself for being soft. Damn Sakuragi for starting this whole mess in the first place. Damn himself for agreeing into that stupid bet. Damn the world. Damn the twig. Damn the crack. Damn the pacifier. Damn 'Superman'. Damn that punk and his ball. Damn everything that could very well pass for the 'damnable' catergory.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
Rukawa damned and damned until everything around him was beyond redemption.
But the very person he wanted to damn to infinity and beyond is the one and only Sendoh Akira.
"Why did you have to make me fall in love with you?" Rukawa whispered when he was too tired damning everything. "Why did you have to smile at me? Why did you have to make me happy with you? I was perfectly fine before. I didn't need you... but dammit. I need you now."
He scowled and kicked the dirt beneath him. He used to be okay. He doesn't need *anybody*. But now... dammit. He wanted Sendoh. He *needed* Sendoh. He fished in his pocket and pulled out the damnable shell.
"Make me happy, my ass," he muttered. "Yeah, it made me happy. But look what it did me. I'm a wreck. I love you, you bumbling idiot and I hate you so much for that. I love this shell for making me smile everytime I look at it, and I hate it for that. I'm perfectly fine with my mundane life. I'm perfectly fine being the cold bastard. It's better that way. I'm safe that way."
And damn, but he's starting to talk to himself a lot. Damn Sendoh indeed.
Poor Rukawa, talking to himself, all alone in a solitary bench with only a little shell for his companion. The damned barriers were gone. His sanity's gone. He wanted to be with Sendoh. He wanted to be happy again. But... he doesn't want to fall that hard. He doesn't want to fall and fall. It was scary. Nothing would ever prepare him for the hard impact of the fall. So it's safe to be away from the man who was the sole reason for his momentary -he hoped- insanity.
But he wanted Sendoh.
Damn.
Are there any solutions for this huge fuck-up?
*************
"You did- WHAT?!" Ayako shrieked. Rukawa ran towards his bed and hid behind his covers. What has gotten into him? Why, oh, why did he even *think* of going to his sisters? What, they suddenly became *close* or something?
Oh... he was /desperate/. Ch. Figures.
"Oh, no, you don't, you little pipsqueak," Megumi drawled as she pulled Rukawa by the leg and threw him on the floor. "Would you repeat that for dear oneechan once again?"
Pure torture. That's what it is. He got up and sat on his bed once again. "I said, I laughed."
"No fair!" Shinri pouted. "We never heard you laugh before, and you get to laugh at Akira-niichan when he told you he loves you?"
"Since when did you start calling that hedgehog 'oniisan'?" Rukawa demanded.
"Please don't change the topic," Miku softly said. But oh, that glint in her eyes made Rukawa long for the comfort of their mother's arms. "Ne, Kaede, why did you laugh at him, anyway?"
"I don't know, oneechan," Rukawa replied. "I just lost it, I guess. I must have looked stupid."
"Riiiight," Megumi sneered. "And it took you that long to figure it out?"
"Hush, Megumi," Miku reprimanded. "Kaede's trouble, and we should help him make things better, not worse." Rukawa fought the urge to stick his tongue at Megumi. He was tempted to do it, but he won't. It's *immature*.
"Hmp. Wait till Kirei-neechan hears about this," Megumi snorted out. "Oi, Aya-chan. Are you done gaping at this little wimp? Sheesh, and you're supposed to be what? The sanest person in the bunch, right? Somehow, I'm beginning to doubt that."
Ayako gave her elder sister a dirty look before shaking her head to clear her thoughts and resume to her former activity, namely, asking Kami-sama why she was given the stupidest brother that ever walked the earth.
"And you can give Kaede a piece of your mind, too, when you're done talking with Kami-sama," Megumi said with a snicker.
"Maybe I shouldn't have talked to you," Rukawa muttered as he started to walk out of his own room. He opened the door only to bump into his eldest sister.
"What's this I'm hearing about you laughing when Akira told you he loves you?" Kirei demanded. Whoops. One for the grand entrance. Clap, clap. "We didn't raise you to be like that, Kaede. That was pretty rude. You shouldn't have done that, honey. No go sit on that bed while we talk some sense into you."
More like drain what's left of his sanity, instead. Oh boy... one Medusa-lecture coming up!
"I said, I didn't mean to do that," Rukawa muttered as he plopped down his bed. "I just lost it."
"Sure, you did, honey," Kirei said.
"Kaede, I know it must've been a shock to you, but what are you gonna do now? You know you want him." It was Ayako, and damn her, too, for being too all-knowing.
"I don't know," Rukawa whispered.
"Baka oniichan," Shinri whispered beside him. "You always wanted to complicate things. Life is good. You love him. He loves you. It's that simple."
Easy for you to say, Rukawa wanted to snap. Shinri was naive. She's perpetually happy, and she loves everyone and everything there is to love. Her life and views are so simple. She wasn't jaded like him. But then again... when did he become so jaded, anyway? Was he born like this? Why was he so scared of love?
"Ne, oniichan, what do you say?" Shinri asked, pushing her face near his.
"Some things are complicated even though I wouldn't want them to be," Rukawa said as he ruffled his sister's hair.
"The only complicated thing about your situation is that you're too scared to be happy," Megumi snapped. "What's worse is the fact that even though we practically raised you, we don't even know why!"
"Ne, Megumi-chan, no need to be riled up about it," Miku said placatingly.
"But this is my little moron we're talking about here!" Megumi hollered. "He might be stupid and colder than Shinri's favorite popsicle stick, but he's still my baby, dammit, and I don't want him to be as miserable as I was on the day he was born!"
Geez, was Rukawa supposed to be flattered to death, or what? His heart was bursting with so much love for his sister, he couldn't wait to slash her throat ASAP. He wouldn't roll his eyes, though. His life is too precious. Messy, but still precious. Yeah.
"Very... heartwarming comment, neechan," Ayako said uneasily, "but you see, all of this is pretty much up to Kaede." They all looked at him. "Ne, otouto, what do you really want?"
Rukawa stared at all his sisters and for once in his life, he was actually thankful for their presence. That was enough proof that he really lost his sanity, but hell, it's true. Kirei was standing on his doorway with an authoritative look on her face, all traces of sexiness lost at this serious moment, giving him a sense of stability. The twins are sitting side by side on his beanbag chair, one of them looking at him with a concerned look and the other one giving him a look of frustration and a look which says 'I have a stupid brother', but it was giving him protection, nonetheless. Ayako was sitting right in front of him, giving him an encouraging look. One that says she'll always be by his side no matter what he does. Finally, the youngest one. That genki, smile-plastered-on-her-sweet-face Shinri who was sitted by his side, giving a look of pure happiness.
/Little things could make you happy./
And Shinri's smile could certainly make him happy. He wouldn't say that out loud, though. Not in a gazillion years.
"Ne, oniichan, what do you really want?" Shinri inquired, repeating Ayako's question.
/What do you really want?/
The question played itself over and over again on Rukawa's mind.
"I want to be with him," he replied in the barest of whispers.
All five women heaved huge sighs of relief. "That's it then," Miku said. "Go for it, brother."
He wanted to be with Sendoh... but in doing so... he'll get hurt. And he *doesn't* want that to happen. He doesn't know how to deal with pain. He doesn't know how to deal with people, other than the few friends he have... and will ever have. He doesn't know how to make other people happy. He's been alone far too long. He doesn't know how to reach out anymore.
They asked him what he wanted. How come nobody asked him what he *doesn't* want?
"Oi... tootle-brain," Megumi snapped. "Don't go cloudy-eyed on us now. We're talking to you, dammit."
Rukawa snorted and scratched his left ear. Damn, it's going to be a bad habit of his from now on. He only has one person to damn, and this person was sitting not too far from him with a look of oure impatience.
"What do you want me to say, neechan?" Rukawa asked.
"What are you gonna do now?" Megumi asked instead of replying.
"What do you suggest I would do?"
"Well, love, I suppose you could go talk to him and tell him that you didn't mean to laugh at his face when he poured out his feelings for you," Kirei suggested.
"Yeah, call him." It was a command from Megumi.
"I'll go get the phone!" It was an excited yelp from Shinri.
Really now... he's going to call Sendoh right in front of his *sisters*? Damn! He doesn't even know what he's supposed to say yet!
"Ganbatte, otouto." It was a warm encouragement from Miku.
'Ganbatte, my ass,' Rukawa thought. "Could you... you know, leave me alone while I'm talking to him?"
"And have you screwing up again? No way." A harsh refusal from Ayako.
"Go fix things now, honey," Kirei urged. "We're behind you all the way."
'Yeah, and you're getting on my nerves, too.' Rukawa grabbed the phone from Shinri who bounced into his room like the genki girl that she is and furiously punched Sendoh's number. 'Oh please, don't be home. I don't know what to tell you.'
What should he tell Sendoh? 'Hey pal, I love you, too, but I'm scared of getting hurt, so I kinda freaked out earlier?' Or better yet, 'Yo, my man. Fancy talking to you! Nice weather outside, ne? You see, I've been cornered by five bitches from hell, and they kinda bullied me into calling you to tell you that you know... I love you too, but you see, I'm kinda *icy*, so I don't know how to handle these warm, fuzzy feelings, so why don't we just date and kiss and go on with our lives?'
"Uh... he~llo!" the man on the line called out impatiently.
"Oh! Uh, hello?" Rukawa greeted uncertainly. Funny, though. The voice sounded funny. That wasn't Sendoh. It was another man... *blink* Oh, good heavens, Sendoh's cheating on him already! See?! See?! That was what he's afraid of all along! He made a motion to hang up the phone but Megumi balled her fist and inched closer to him.
"Oi... are you gonna tell me who you are, or do I have to hit you in the head with an anvil?" came the rude remark. Waitaminute.
"Hana?"
"Kitsune?"
For the love of- Damn, Sendoh's having an affair with his cousin... and best friend! Oh, the world is too cruel! He wanted to crawl in a hole and die a quick, painless death. Where's Megumi? Oh, right beside him. Megumi could punch the living daylights out of him now. He wouldn't complain. Na-a.
"What's the foulmouthed bastard doing over there?" Megumi demanded. Rukawa choked on his reply.
"You don't think he's having an affair with Sendoh, do you?" Miku suggested in her usual soft, velvety voice.
Rukawa blinked.
And fainted.
********************
"Oneechan, truth be told, I was only joking!" Miku protested. Kirei blew her bangs out of her face and rolled her eyes.
"Really, now, love. What a perfect time to show us that you've got some sense of humor, after all," Kirei said. She brushed Rukawa's bangs off his face and motioned for Shinri to keep on fanning him with a piece of cardboard.
"But I never thought that he's actually *considering* the fact that his cousin's having an affair wth Sendoh-kun! The idea was so absurd, I just joked about it," Miku said. Remorse was etched on her usually serene face as she studied her fallen brother. "Oh, I didn't mean to scare him like that."
Megumi only laughed out loud. "Didn't know you had it in ya, sis," she said as she cackled once again as she gave her twin a congratulating pat on the shoulder . "Who would have thought? Haha!"
"I didn't know Kaede has become that... paranoid," Ayako said thoughtfully.
"Really, he should get his head cleared of paranoia every once in a while," Megumi said. "Why's he so scared of being with someone anyway? It's not as if something traumatic happened to him when he was young. We grew up with him, and I'd say we all have a pretty normal childhood."
"Oh, Kaede-love, wake up now, honey. Please?" Kirei urged. Megumi rolled her eyes.
"Really, darling," she mocked. "Sometimes, you just have to use brute force."
"Brute force?" Shinri echoed.
"Yeah, brute force," Megumi said and positioned herself in front Rukawa's unsuspecting ear. "Like this. *inhale* OI! WAKE UP, YOU STUPID, PATHETIC GOOF!"
True enough, brute force works. Rukawa jerked out of Kirei's lap and blinked a few times before slumping back again.
"What happened?" he asked.
"What happened is that you swooned like a nitwit when your sweet sister Miku here decided to crack her first joke," Megumi said. It took Rukawa forty-three seconds to digest that short piece of information.
"Swooned?"
"Yeah."
"Nitwit?"
"Hell, yeah."
"J-joke?"
"Yeah!"
"You mean-"
"Oh, for crying out loud, oniichan!" Shinri suddenly cried out. "Hana-niichan's *not* having an affair with Sendoh-kun! Puh-lease! You should know better than that! Miku-neechan was just joking, so there's no need for you to go bananas. Now here's the phone and call Akira-niichan again!"
Hmp. Demanding litte twit.
Rukawa shuddered as he took the phone from Megumi and dialled Sendoh's number again.
"There goes one brave soul," Megumi muttered.
Ringing once.
Twice.
"Hello? Rukawa-kun, is that you? Sakuragi-kun's staying over with Nobu. I'm not having an affair with him, I promise! They just dropped by and I swear I'm never ever gonna cheat on you!"
Damn, so Hana also heard Miku? That redheaded ahou's probably snickering himself to death at the moment, that much Rukawa knew. Oh, wait till he gets his hands on that stupid cousin of his... But now... back to the matter at hand.
"Sendoh."
"Rukawa-kun?" It was the voice full of hope and longing, and it made Rukawa wince.
He wanted Sendoh. But he doesn't want to get hurt.
Are there any solutions for this huge fuck-up?
Sure, there is.
"Sen- Akira, about earlier. I'm sorry I laughed at you." Five women's faces broke into the most wonderful smiles Rukawa has ever seen. Well, next to Sendoh's that is. No doubt Sendoh owns the most beau- Oh, quit it with the waylaying already! "I- I didn't know what has gotten into me."
"Oh, it's okay *Kaede*" Sendoh chirped, obviously psyched at the idea that he and the walking popsicle are now on first-name basis. "I understand."
"I know you do," Rukawa softly replied. Repeat. He wanted Sendoh. But he doesn't want to get hurt. There is a possible solution. "Akira, would you like to go out on a date tomorrow? Pick me up after practice?"
"Ha~i!"
Five smiles radiated towards him once again. Suddenly, he found himself engulfed in the arms of his family.
"On one condition, Akira."
"Ne?"
"I don't want any strings attached between us," he stated calmly. "I repeat. No strings attached."
Perfect solution.
And five smiles vanished, five pairs of arms fell, and all that's left was a heap of five women splattered on the floor with huge sweatdrops on their foreheads.
He could hear Inu-chan yelping in the background.
"Kaede, you bastard," Megumi groaned.
*********
tsu.zu.ku
*********
Ah, how I missed writing this. Seriously, once again, I apologize for the delay of this chapter. I'll try my best to work faster, now that I've regained my momentum. I know that I've disappointed a lot of people and I'm really really sorry. I'm going to work on this fic now, and I'm going to try really hard. You see, school kinda shocked me, you know. I never knew that there's a huge difference between my first and second year at the university. School just kinda sucked my enthusiasm for Celibacy, if you know what I mean. But it's back, you see, all thanks to the picture of Rukawa fainting courtesy of Miku's joke. *grin* And he *still* has that silver hoop, let's not forget that.
I tried to make up for this blunder with my SenRu day fic, 'Oh... Uh... You See... Because...' It's up already, since the 11th. I hope you'll like that one, too. I've thrown in lotsa facts about... pardon me while I shudder, *love*.
And another thing... I miss you all.
Aki's back with a vengeance, you see... and we're gonna finish this ride if it's the last thing we'll do!
Ja!
by Aki Midori
autumn_wind04@yahoo.com
Author's Semi-Important Blahs:
Regarding the delay of this chapter: Sorry for that one. You see, school already started, and there are two things I can say about my schedule. Number one is 'Whoa...' and number two is 'Shit'.
Regarding Eeyore: *shudder* Let me tell you that this certain pony who cannot ever seem to find his tail anywhere has no place whatsoever here in my heart. I don't even know that I've been writing about him until after I re-read the chapter again! Honest! I was actually thinking of giving Sensen a Powerpuff (not mine, property of someone else, cartoon network, probably) tie. But Eeyore just occupies a large part of my cerebrum, sub-conscious, specifically. Why? You want to know? This'll take long. It's actually a traumatic experience. Hah. Let's not waste time.
Regarding Rukawa Shinri: *turns to Shinri Ayase and hits her with the revived red notebook of impending doom* Yarou, Shinri! Yeah, so you've got a role here in the fic. That doesn't mean you get to flaunt the fact all over the world! Hn. *turns to readers* And she actually asked me if she could have another piggy-back ride with Hana. *turns to Shinri* Don't get carried away, 'ahou. This is just a /fic/, dear pal. *grin* But I'll think about it. And oi... what have you been telling Reeza-chan? I swear, if you told her such non-sense about me, I'll poke your eyes out. Do remember the fact that you're seated right next to me five days a week.
Regarding LEMON REQUESTS: *grin* There would be /no/ lemon here. As I've promised, this'll be a PG-13 fic. But... I'm thinking of writing a lemon side story for Celibacy called 'The Celibate Hentai and the Horny Kitsune'. I'm still thinking about it, though. ^______________^ Inspire me. Threaten me. Rant for it. Whatever. I'll think about it.
That's it!
DiScLaimErS: Thhhheeeeeeyyyyy aaaaarrrreeeennnn't miiiinnnnneee. No suing. I'm but a college student with nothing but a bag of peanuts on the front pocket of my backpack.
---------------------------
Celibacy
Chapter Nine: No Strings Attached
"Rukawa-kun, I love you."
*Thump* *Thump*
"Shut up, Sendoh. I told you already, I don't want to see you anymore." It was a harsh snap.
*Thump* *Thump*
"I love you," Sendoh said again.
*Thump*
"I don't love you." It was a lie.
*Thump* *Thump* *Thump*
"Well, then... that's fine with me. I'm going to make you fall in love with me, then."
*Thump* *Thu-*
What in the name of hell?!
'MAKE me fall in love...'
Rukawa's heart has been thumping all those times, but the last remark really did him in. What did he do? Oh, nothing much. It's just that the infamous 'Super Barriers Around the Heart' system crashed down on him, and his sanity crashed with it.
What did he do?
Yeah... nothing much.
He just started to laugh his freakin' head off.
Sendoh couldn't *believe* the man. There he was, pouring out his heart and soul and /guts/ and what does he get? He was laughed at, right in his face. Damn, but life is so cruel. He couldn't do much at the moment, really. He just watched helplessly as the man of his dreams hugged his stomach tighter as he laughed and laughed and laughed. Tears fell from the Ice Man's eyes. It was a sight to behold. He was willing to bet that the man never laughed *that* hard before. Should Sendoh thank heavens that he could at least be a /comic relief/ for Rukawa? Should he? Should he?!
Sendoh couldn't help but think that maybe he pushed the man to the edge. He wanted to cry. He wanted his mommy. Help.
"Rukawa-kun?"
More laughter.
"Kaede?"
Even more laughter. "Y-you're g-going to m-make me... hwahahahaha!!!"
'Ohgoodheavens,helpmepleaaaaaase!' Sendoh prayed. What could a man do at such a moment? It wasn't everyday that the coldest man in the whole of Japan crack up in what seemed to be the loss of his sanity. Sendoh doesn't know what to do. Could little Inu-chan help him? Hn. Useless poodle. He shouldn't have brought him along.
"Come on, Kaede, get a hold of yourself!" Sendoh pleaded. "I'm serious!"
And then Rukawa just stopped laughing. Just like that. And then he gave Sendoh the chilliest glare he could muster before he stood up and walked away.
"Kaede!" Sendoh called out. No reaction from Rukawa, as expected. He stood up to go after the man, but decided against it. He slumped back down at the bench. He never felt so helpless before. He gathered his dog in his embrace and burrowed his face into the soft curls. "What did I do wrong, Inu-chan?"
"Woof!"
"Nothing? You think so?"
"Woof! Woof!"
"Yeah, I know. I didn't do anything wrong. But you see, I *do* love him. But was it wrong for me to push him that far?"
"Woof!"
"Really, Inu-chan? You think I did the right thing?"
"Woof!" was the vigorous reply.
"But Inu-chan... he laughed at me..." Sendoh said softly. He shook his head and almost laughed. He's talking to a /dog/, dammit. He couldn't blame himself, though. He had just experience the ultimate rejection of a lifetime. Damn, but he was heartbroken enough! Rukawa didn't have to *laugh* at his face! Castrating him would have been a better option.
*blink*
But then again... there are some other, uh, *milder* punishments. But certainly, being laughed at after a willfull, heartfelt, and sincere confession isn't Sendoh's cup of tea. Sendoh sighed. Rukawa have been harsh with him. He knew that there was an eensey-weensey possibility that Rukawa would reject him, but not like this, anyway.
"I guess I couldn't thaw the Ice Prince after all," Sendoh said in a voice above a whisper. Well, he tried, didn't he? It hurt, really, now that he thought about it. He really felt something special for Rukawa. Heck, he *loved* the man! He was willing to settle down. He was willing to love Rukawa for the rest of his life. He was willing to make the man happy for the rest of his days.
But he was rejected.
A mirthless laugh and an icy glare was all it took to break Sendoh's heart.
Heaven must /really/ hate him a lot.
He tried his best. He meant every word he said. Those words never reached Rukawa. He was a failure. Damn, but he's going to hide his face from civilization for the rest of his miserable existence. He's going to wither away like a... a... rose... in a... summer beach. He's going to die like the... knights of the circular table. Or whatever shape that table has. Ah hell... Sendoh wasn't really into that poetry or literary stuff. All he knew is that Rukawa left him all alone with nothing but a yelping poodle and a shattered heart.
"Gomen, ne, Kirei-neechan. I couldn't do it," Sendoh softly said. He stood up, gathered all that's left of his pride and dignity, and walked out of the court. "Come on, Inu-chan. Let's go home."
He didn't see Rukawa hiding behind a thick pole, watching him, both longing and confusion reflected in his deep blue eyes.
******************
And he tripped for the third time that day.
Is this what everyone calls 'karma'? Rukawa didn't believe in all those bullshit at first, but now, he was willing to change his mind. 'This is the worst day of my life,' he thought. 'I shouldn't have gone for a walk.'
So far, he tripped over a fallen twig, a lonesome crack in the middle of the sidewalk, and now, he tripped over an insignificant piece of pacifier. Whoever owned this suckling material should be decapitated for the sin of irresponsibililty. And oh! Not to mention that he almost got run over by an avenging warrior with a made-up Superman cape, a measly mask made of cardboard, and a pink tricycle.
He had to exert such self-control as to prevent himself from strangling the little superhero.
"Go back to where you came from, kid," he snapped a tad too harshly.
"But my teacher said that I came from my mama's tummy! I couldn't go back there, mister!" was the high-pitched, ear-grating reply.
"Go figure," Rukawa snapped again before he walked away. What, so he's been nasty? He doesn't give a damn. Ch'. Kids and their heroes.
"Dammit," Rukawa cursed as plopped down on a solitary bench. "Dammit, dammit, dammit."
*bonk!*
"Sorry, mister! Could you please throw the ball back?"
Rukawa fumed.
"Mi~ister! The ba~all!"
Rukawa wanted to shove the ball up that whiny teen punk's ass. Couldn't that kid see that he's brooding over the love that could not be?! Damn everything to hell and back! He grumbled as he picked up the ball and hurled it towards the group.
"Eat that," he muttered. He sat down on the bench again and rubbed his aching sides. Damn, but he never laughed that hard before. He never even *laughed* before! Rukawa wondered what has gotten into his mind. He didn't mean to laugh out loud before... it's just that... he was too shocked. Sendoh said he was going to make him fall in love with him. How was he supposed to react? He doesn't know. His 'Super Stupid Barriers Around the Heart' system left his out in the cold, yet *again*. He doesn't know what to do anymore. Those feelings are muddling his once organized thoughts.
Damn Sendoh for confessing. Damn himself for being soft. Damn Sakuragi for starting this whole mess in the first place. Damn himself for agreeing into that stupid bet. Damn the world. Damn the twig. Damn the crack. Damn the pacifier. Damn 'Superman'. Damn that punk and his ball. Damn everything that could very well pass for the 'damnable' catergory.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
Rukawa damned and damned until everything around him was beyond redemption.
But the very person he wanted to damn to infinity and beyond is the one and only Sendoh Akira.
"Why did you have to make me fall in love with you?" Rukawa whispered when he was too tired damning everything. "Why did you have to smile at me? Why did you have to make me happy with you? I was perfectly fine before. I didn't need you... but dammit. I need you now."
He scowled and kicked the dirt beneath him. He used to be okay. He doesn't need *anybody*. But now... dammit. He wanted Sendoh. He *needed* Sendoh. He fished in his pocket and pulled out the damnable shell.
"Make me happy, my ass," he muttered. "Yeah, it made me happy. But look what it did me. I'm a wreck. I love you, you bumbling idiot and I hate you so much for that. I love this shell for making me smile everytime I look at it, and I hate it for that. I'm perfectly fine with my mundane life. I'm perfectly fine being the cold bastard. It's better that way. I'm safe that way."
And damn, but he's starting to talk to himself a lot. Damn Sendoh indeed.
Poor Rukawa, talking to himself, all alone in a solitary bench with only a little shell for his companion. The damned barriers were gone. His sanity's gone. He wanted to be with Sendoh. He wanted to be happy again. But... he doesn't want to fall that hard. He doesn't want to fall and fall. It was scary. Nothing would ever prepare him for the hard impact of the fall. So it's safe to be away from the man who was the sole reason for his momentary -he hoped- insanity.
But he wanted Sendoh.
Damn.
Are there any solutions for this huge fuck-up?
*************
"You did- WHAT?!" Ayako shrieked. Rukawa ran towards his bed and hid behind his covers. What has gotten into him? Why, oh, why did he even *think* of going to his sisters? What, they suddenly became *close* or something?
Oh... he was /desperate/. Ch. Figures.
"Oh, no, you don't, you little pipsqueak," Megumi drawled as she pulled Rukawa by the leg and threw him on the floor. "Would you repeat that for dear oneechan once again?"
Pure torture. That's what it is. He got up and sat on his bed once again. "I said, I laughed."
"No fair!" Shinri pouted. "We never heard you laugh before, and you get to laugh at Akira-niichan when he told you he loves you?"
"Since when did you start calling that hedgehog 'oniisan'?" Rukawa demanded.
"Please don't change the topic," Miku softly said. But oh, that glint in her eyes made Rukawa long for the comfort of their mother's arms. "Ne, Kaede, why did you laugh at him, anyway?"
"I don't know, oneechan," Rukawa replied. "I just lost it, I guess. I must have looked stupid."
"Riiiight," Megumi sneered. "And it took you that long to figure it out?"
"Hush, Megumi," Miku reprimanded. "Kaede's trouble, and we should help him make things better, not worse." Rukawa fought the urge to stick his tongue at Megumi. He was tempted to do it, but he won't. It's *immature*.
"Hmp. Wait till Kirei-neechan hears about this," Megumi snorted out. "Oi, Aya-chan. Are you done gaping at this little wimp? Sheesh, and you're supposed to be what? The sanest person in the bunch, right? Somehow, I'm beginning to doubt that."
Ayako gave her elder sister a dirty look before shaking her head to clear her thoughts and resume to her former activity, namely, asking Kami-sama why she was given the stupidest brother that ever walked the earth.
"And you can give Kaede a piece of your mind, too, when you're done talking with Kami-sama," Megumi said with a snicker.
"Maybe I shouldn't have talked to you," Rukawa muttered as he started to walk out of his own room. He opened the door only to bump into his eldest sister.
"What's this I'm hearing about you laughing when Akira told you he loves you?" Kirei demanded. Whoops. One for the grand entrance. Clap, clap. "We didn't raise you to be like that, Kaede. That was pretty rude. You shouldn't have done that, honey. No go sit on that bed while we talk some sense into you."
More like drain what's left of his sanity, instead. Oh boy... one Medusa-lecture coming up!
"I said, I didn't mean to do that," Rukawa muttered as he plopped down his bed. "I just lost it."
"Sure, you did, honey," Kirei said.
"Kaede, I know it must've been a shock to you, but what are you gonna do now? You know you want him." It was Ayako, and damn her, too, for being too all-knowing.
"I don't know," Rukawa whispered.
"Baka oniichan," Shinri whispered beside him. "You always wanted to complicate things. Life is good. You love him. He loves you. It's that simple."
Easy for you to say, Rukawa wanted to snap. Shinri was naive. She's perpetually happy, and she loves everyone and everything there is to love. Her life and views are so simple. She wasn't jaded like him. But then again... when did he become so jaded, anyway? Was he born like this? Why was he so scared of love?
"Ne, oniichan, what do you say?" Shinri asked, pushing her face near his.
"Some things are complicated even though I wouldn't want them to be," Rukawa said as he ruffled his sister's hair.
"The only complicated thing about your situation is that you're too scared to be happy," Megumi snapped. "What's worse is the fact that even though we practically raised you, we don't even know why!"
"Ne, Megumi-chan, no need to be riled up about it," Miku said placatingly.
"But this is my little moron we're talking about here!" Megumi hollered. "He might be stupid and colder than Shinri's favorite popsicle stick, but he's still my baby, dammit, and I don't want him to be as miserable as I was on the day he was born!"
Geez, was Rukawa supposed to be flattered to death, or what? His heart was bursting with so much love for his sister, he couldn't wait to slash her throat ASAP. He wouldn't roll his eyes, though. His life is too precious. Messy, but still precious. Yeah.
"Very... heartwarming comment, neechan," Ayako said uneasily, "but you see, all of this is pretty much up to Kaede." They all looked at him. "Ne, otouto, what do you really want?"
Rukawa stared at all his sisters and for once in his life, he was actually thankful for their presence. That was enough proof that he really lost his sanity, but hell, it's true. Kirei was standing on his doorway with an authoritative look on her face, all traces of sexiness lost at this serious moment, giving him a sense of stability. The twins are sitting side by side on his beanbag chair, one of them looking at him with a concerned look and the other one giving him a look of frustration and a look which says 'I have a stupid brother', but it was giving him protection, nonetheless. Ayako was sitting right in front of him, giving him an encouraging look. One that says she'll always be by his side no matter what he does. Finally, the youngest one. That genki, smile-plastered-on-her-sweet-face Shinri who was sitted by his side, giving a look of pure happiness.
/Little things could make you happy./
And Shinri's smile could certainly make him happy. He wouldn't say that out loud, though. Not in a gazillion years.
"Ne, oniichan, what do you really want?" Shinri inquired, repeating Ayako's question.
/What do you really want?/
The question played itself over and over again on Rukawa's mind.
"I want to be with him," he replied in the barest of whispers.
All five women heaved huge sighs of relief. "That's it then," Miku said. "Go for it, brother."
He wanted to be with Sendoh... but in doing so... he'll get hurt. And he *doesn't* want that to happen. He doesn't know how to deal with pain. He doesn't know how to deal with people, other than the few friends he have... and will ever have. He doesn't know how to make other people happy. He's been alone far too long. He doesn't know how to reach out anymore.
They asked him what he wanted. How come nobody asked him what he *doesn't* want?
"Oi... tootle-brain," Megumi snapped. "Don't go cloudy-eyed on us now. We're talking to you, dammit."
Rukawa snorted and scratched his left ear. Damn, it's going to be a bad habit of his from now on. He only has one person to damn, and this person was sitting not too far from him with a look of oure impatience.
"What do you want me to say, neechan?" Rukawa asked.
"What are you gonna do now?" Megumi asked instead of replying.
"What do you suggest I would do?"
"Well, love, I suppose you could go talk to him and tell him that you didn't mean to laugh at his face when he poured out his feelings for you," Kirei suggested.
"Yeah, call him." It was a command from Megumi.
"I'll go get the phone!" It was an excited yelp from Shinri.
Really now... he's going to call Sendoh right in front of his *sisters*? Damn! He doesn't even know what he's supposed to say yet!
"Ganbatte, otouto." It was a warm encouragement from Miku.
'Ganbatte, my ass,' Rukawa thought. "Could you... you know, leave me alone while I'm talking to him?"
"And have you screwing up again? No way." A harsh refusal from Ayako.
"Go fix things now, honey," Kirei urged. "We're behind you all the way."
'Yeah, and you're getting on my nerves, too.' Rukawa grabbed the phone from Shinri who bounced into his room like the genki girl that she is and furiously punched Sendoh's number. 'Oh please, don't be home. I don't know what to tell you.'
What should he tell Sendoh? 'Hey pal, I love you, too, but I'm scared of getting hurt, so I kinda freaked out earlier?' Or better yet, 'Yo, my man. Fancy talking to you! Nice weather outside, ne? You see, I've been cornered by five bitches from hell, and they kinda bullied me into calling you to tell you that you know... I love you too, but you see, I'm kinda *icy*, so I don't know how to handle these warm, fuzzy feelings, so why don't we just date and kiss and go on with our lives?'
"Uh... he~llo!" the man on the line called out impatiently.
"Oh! Uh, hello?" Rukawa greeted uncertainly. Funny, though. The voice sounded funny. That wasn't Sendoh. It was another man... *blink* Oh, good heavens, Sendoh's cheating on him already! See?! See?! That was what he's afraid of all along! He made a motion to hang up the phone but Megumi balled her fist and inched closer to him.
"Oi... are you gonna tell me who you are, or do I have to hit you in the head with an anvil?" came the rude remark. Waitaminute.
"Hana?"
"Kitsune?"
For the love of- Damn, Sendoh's having an affair with his cousin... and best friend! Oh, the world is too cruel! He wanted to crawl in a hole and die a quick, painless death. Where's Megumi? Oh, right beside him. Megumi could punch the living daylights out of him now. He wouldn't complain. Na-a.
"What's the foulmouthed bastard doing over there?" Megumi demanded. Rukawa choked on his reply.
"You don't think he's having an affair with Sendoh, do you?" Miku suggested in her usual soft, velvety voice.
Rukawa blinked.
And fainted.
********************
"Oneechan, truth be told, I was only joking!" Miku protested. Kirei blew her bangs out of her face and rolled her eyes.
"Really, now, love. What a perfect time to show us that you've got some sense of humor, after all," Kirei said. She brushed Rukawa's bangs off his face and motioned for Shinri to keep on fanning him with a piece of cardboard.
"But I never thought that he's actually *considering* the fact that his cousin's having an affair wth Sendoh-kun! The idea was so absurd, I just joked about it," Miku said. Remorse was etched on her usually serene face as she studied her fallen brother. "Oh, I didn't mean to scare him like that."
Megumi only laughed out loud. "Didn't know you had it in ya, sis," she said as she cackled once again as she gave her twin a congratulating pat on the shoulder . "Who would have thought? Haha!"
"I didn't know Kaede has become that... paranoid," Ayako said thoughtfully.
"Really, he should get his head cleared of paranoia every once in a while," Megumi said. "Why's he so scared of being with someone anyway? It's not as if something traumatic happened to him when he was young. We grew up with him, and I'd say we all have a pretty normal childhood."
"Oh, Kaede-love, wake up now, honey. Please?" Kirei urged. Megumi rolled her eyes.
"Really, darling," she mocked. "Sometimes, you just have to use brute force."
"Brute force?" Shinri echoed.
"Yeah, brute force," Megumi said and positioned herself in front Rukawa's unsuspecting ear. "Like this. *inhale* OI! WAKE UP, YOU STUPID, PATHETIC GOOF!"
True enough, brute force works. Rukawa jerked out of Kirei's lap and blinked a few times before slumping back again.
"What happened?" he asked.
"What happened is that you swooned like a nitwit when your sweet sister Miku here decided to crack her first joke," Megumi said. It took Rukawa forty-three seconds to digest that short piece of information.
"Swooned?"
"Yeah."
"Nitwit?"
"Hell, yeah."
"J-joke?"
"Yeah!"
"You mean-"
"Oh, for crying out loud, oniichan!" Shinri suddenly cried out. "Hana-niichan's *not* having an affair with Sendoh-kun! Puh-lease! You should know better than that! Miku-neechan was just joking, so there's no need for you to go bananas. Now here's the phone and call Akira-niichan again!"
Hmp. Demanding litte twit.
Rukawa shuddered as he took the phone from Megumi and dialled Sendoh's number again.
"There goes one brave soul," Megumi muttered.
Ringing once.
Twice.
"Hello? Rukawa-kun, is that you? Sakuragi-kun's staying over with Nobu. I'm not having an affair with him, I promise! They just dropped by and I swear I'm never ever gonna cheat on you!"
Damn, so Hana also heard Miku? That redheaded ahou's probably snickering himself to death at the moment, that much Rukawa knew. Oh, wait till he gets his hands on that stupid cousin of his... But now... back to the matter at hand.
"Sendoh."
"Rukawa-kun?" It was the voice full of hope and longing, and it made Rukawa wince.
He wanted Sendoh. But he doesn't want to get hurt.
Are there any solutions for this huge fuck-up?
Sure, there is.
"Sen- Akira, about earlier. I'm sorry I laughed at you." Five women's faces broke into the most wonderful smiles Rukawa has ever seen. Well, next to Sendoh's that is. No doubt Sendoh owns the most beau- Oh, quit it with the waylaying already! "I- I didn't know what has gotten into me."
"Oh, it's okay *Kaede*" Sendoh chirped, obviously psyched at the idea that he and the walking popsicle are now on first-name basis. "I understand."
"I know you do," Rukawa softly replied. Repeat. He wanted Sendoh. But he doesn't want to get hurt. There is a possible solution. "Akira, would you like to go out on a date tomorrow? Pick me up after practice?"
"Ha~i!"
Five smiles radiated towards him once again. Suddenly, he found himself engulfed in the arms of his family.
"On one condition, Akira."
"Ne?"
"I don't want any strings attached between us," he stated calmly. "I repeat. No strings attached."
Perfect solution.
And five smiles vanished, five pairs of arms fell, and all that's left was a heap of five women splattered on the floor with huge sweatdrops on their foreheads.
He could hear Inu-chan yelping in the background.
"Kaede, you bastard," Megumi groaned.
*********
tsu.zu.ku
*********
Ah, how I missed writing this. Seriously, once again, I apologize for the delay of this chapter. I'll try my best to work faster, now that I've regained my momentum. I know that I've disappointed a lot of people and I'm really really sorry. I'm going to work on this fic now, and I'm going to try really hard. You see, school kinda shocked me, you know. I never knew that there's a huge difference between my first and second year at the university. School just kinda sucked my enthusiasm for Celibacy, if you know what I mean. But it's back, you see, all thanks to the picture of Rukawa fainting courtesy of Miku's joke. *grin* And he *still* has that silver hoop, let's not forget that.
I tried to make up for this blunder with my SenRu day fic, 'Oh... Uh... You See... Because...' It's up already, since the 11th. I hope you'll like that one, too. I've thrown in lotsa facts about... pardon me while I shudder, *love*.
And another thing... I miss you all.
Aki's back with a vengeance, you see... and we're gonna finish this ride if it's the last thing we'll do!
Ja!