10. Epic love is for fairytales, not for us.

He walked carefully inside the room. He hated hospitals. They were so hollow and creepy. There was nothing warm or welcoming with them at all and it felt wrong that she had to stay here. Then he saw her, she lay peacefully in the bed, she looked like a princess he thought.

"Blair?" he asked quietly, worried that he would scare her.

"Chuck? Is that you?" she asked, as if she couldn't really believe that he actually was there.

"Yeah, it's me Blair. God, I've been so worried. How are you?" Chuck let out a relieved smile. And the moment he did, it was as something snapped inside of Blair and she remembered who he really was and what had happened.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with no hint of emotions at all in her voice.

"I-I wanted to see you. Make sure you're okay", he said hesitantly.

She let out a laugh, a hollow one that gave him chills.

"Make sure I'm okay?"

"Yeah." Damn, why did he have to be so lame?

"I just tried to kill myself and you think I'm okay?"

"No. I know you're not and I know I'm the one to blame. Please forgive me Blair."

"No, you don't get to be the hero here. It was my decision; I was the one with the razorblade cutting through my own flesh. Not you Chuck. You left me. You don't deserve to be in my life anymore." The words were harsh but the girl that said them was weak and tired which scared the hell out of him. She might think she was strong right now but he knew better, he knew her better than anyone and he could tell that this just was a show she put on.

He could deal with a Blair that hated him, that wanted to slap him, but a girl that was too exhausted to care about his existence? That he couldn't handle. It reminded him too much of his childhood when he got used to the empty feeling you got when someone constantly ignored you.

"Okay, Blair. If that's how you want to play it, fine. I know I don't deserve you, everyone keeps telling me that but for Christ's sake, I love you! You know I do. I know I shouldn't have left you, I shouldn't have been so insecure but I was and I've regretted that since the day we broke up. But that's me. I can't change who I am, I can try to be better and for you I will. I will be better." He bended over carefully and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek, he shouldn't have done it, even if it wasn't much, for them it were and just as he expected she flinched and it broke his heart. She had never flinched when he had touched her before but now she did, even though it was such a simple gesture.

"It's not enough." She didn't dare to meet his eyes because if she did she might break down completely and she couldn't do that. Not now and not in front of him. She didn't need more pity or people who told her that she looked weak and needed to rest.

"You told me that you wanted all that. The house and the kids, don't you still want that?" He was pleading to her now, he was desperate. Grasping for every little straw that could hold them together because they were slipping through his fingers and he didn't know what he would do if there was no 'us' anymore.

"Maybe I do. Maybe I just don't want it with you", she knew she was cruel but it was the only way to protect herself from him and the words she had been dying to hear from him since she was seventeen.

"I don't believe you. You said our love was epic." She had said that, and she still believed that but she wouldn't let him know that. Maybe there were a reason that fairytales was just fairytales? They weren't true and epic love was never meant to end happy. It was meant to be passion, painful and bigger than life itself. She was sure they had that, but it didn't mean anything right now. Just more pain and destruction.

"Epic love is for fairytales. We were never that and we never will be."

"Two years is a long time. I've grown up and I will not give up on us." He was so serious that it scared her. Because she knew that she could break him down if she wanted to, with her coldness and cruelness. She could make him suffer the way she'd suffer for the last two years.

"I should know. I'm the expert of judging exactly how long time two years is." Her words stung but he knew he deserved it. She might be cruel and cold towards him but he knew that she was more fragile than ever right now and he would be there for her. Whatever she wanted it or not.

"How are you feeling?" Serena asked with a smile. She was so happy to finally see her friend, for a moment she hadn't been sure if she ever would get the chance to look into those hazel brown eyes and now that she did she couldn't be more thankful. They might have had their indifferences but they were best friends and as close to sisters that you can be when you're not related by blood.

"I'm okay. My arms aren't but I can handle it," Blair joked.

"You know what, it's not funny. We thought we would lose you. Why, Blair?" Serena said and the smile was gone since a long time.

"I rather not talk about it."

"But we have to! You tried to kill yourself!"

"I'm aware of that! And I failed, exactly the way I've been failing my whole life," Blair said with resentment in her voice.

"Failed? You called surviving, failing? You're not a failure, you're my best friend, you're Blair Waldorf."

"Tell Chuck that," she said quietly, the words out before she could stop them.

"So, it's really what this is about? Because I can't imagine you wanna die for someone else than my step-brother," Serena said coldly.

"Please, Serena. Try to understand me!" Blair begged her blonde friend.

"How can I do that? You're strong Blair. You can't let another man define your life or you for that matter."

"I'm strong? Chuck used to say that a lot. And still it's me who ended up in the hospital with her wrists sliced up," Blair said with sarcasm, even though it wasn't anything remotely funny with the situation at all.

"You are. I know what Chuck meant to you but he's not worth killing yourself over."

"Maybe he's not. But it's not worth living without him either," Blair answered quietly as the tears started to stream down her face.

A/N: Yes, it seems that Chuck's very lame and all that and sure, he might not be begging so much but after all this is Blair, the love of his life, she just tried to kill herself and with Chuck's issues when it comes to taking the blame for everyone and everything that's happening it would just be natural that he felt very much guilt over what happened to Blair.

I kind of wanted to explore the desperate and very vulnerable side of Chuck and the fact that Blair shuts him out is not new and neither is it weird because face it, Chuck has done his wrongs too. Next chapter will explore what happens when Blair comes home and if Chuck will be able to be the nice guy that does everything to win the girl of his dreams heart or if it will be too much to handle, even for a Bass.

Sta tuned!