CHAPTER TEN
McCoy was stretched out on his bunk, hands tucked behind his head and staring at the ceiling. He had flopped on the bed as soon as he entered his cabin and began to consider what options he had in front of him.
One: He could admit that it was all a big joke meant for one hearty laugh at their expense. He scratched that one as soon as he thought of it, realizing it would mean the opening of simple country doctor hunting season. And granted he was skinny and wrier, but there was only so long he could out dance phaser fire.
Two: He could claim temporary space insanity. Then declare 'Fred' was a concoction from mental fatigue of dealing with a Star Fleet Captain who would rather deal a ship full of bureaucrats than show up for his physicals and a First Officer who refused to ever lose even the smallest arguments. No, that wouldn't work either since he'd probably wind up puling out his dancing shoes anyway if he actually said that out loud.
Three: Pack his gear, sneak down to the transporter room and bribe the kid working the shift to beam down to the first planet within range they came to, after the rest of the crew had retired. The only problem is it would be recorded into the ship's computer and they would track him down like a pack of black and tan hounds on the scent of an escaped chain gang crew in the middle of Georgian backcountry. Then there was matter of facing a dishonorable discharge for desertion, if he mad it back to Star Fleet Command. His southern pride, not to mention middle-aged heart, couldn't take it.
Four; The truth. The whole unvarnished, bizarre sounding truth. That should get him a few days of mental evaluation if not seriously discussed as a nominee for early discharge paper from Command as well as swearing never to mention his service in Star Fleet to anyone ever.
Whichever one he finally succumbed to, he knew his nearly untarnished record in Star Fleet would be down, out the window, down the toilet deleted permanently from existence. The point was the only way he'd probably ever practice medicine or anything else again, would be in some sleazy dark alley, behind a liquor store.
The door chimed abruptly and McCoy was forced to grab the side of the bunk to keep from rolling on the floor in his nervous state. Glaring at the ceiling then toward the door, he mumbled a few befouling phrases in Latin under his breath.
"Come." He called, swinging around to sit on the edge of the bunk, solid in the knowledge that it definitely wouldn't be 'Fred' this time.
Standing just outside the cabin door, Spock and Kirk gazed speculative at the Doctor sitting glumly on the edge of his bunk, with all the despondency of a boy awaiting his punishment. It was a pitiful sight, to the Captain's thinking especially if anyone ever else ever witnessed one of his officer's behaving in a manner that would reflect on himself. On the other hand Spock saw it as another tragic aftermath of what kind effect the Captain had on his senior officers, at times.
"What're you two waiting for? Gold embossed invitations? Or do you just like gawking at an old man who's a crystal short for a full load of dilithium?" Snorted McCoy, as he stood up from the bunk and struck a defensive stance folding his arms in front of him while giving the two a jaundiced look.
Brushing passed Spock, Kirk took the first step into the cabin taking up his "We come in peace', posture, but made sure he could dive back out if the Doctor did make any sudden moves toward him.
"Listen Bones; Spock and I have been discussion you're…situation, at length." Began Kirk, trying to come up with some words that wouldn't hint as his insistence of removing the Doctor from his ship.
"Oh really?" Was the cynical response from McCoy, with a matching arched eyebrow as he shifted his stare over to Spock as the Vulcan entered the cabin behind the Captain. "I can't wait to hear what the two of you came up after putting your heads together. What is it? That if you both put in a good word with the board, I might be able to get a short stay at a low security mental hotel? Then when I get out I'll have a chance at a position dumping bedpans at an inferior Star Fleet senior care center?"
"The Captain has informed me of the conversation that transpired between the two of you in sickbay earlier, in reference to the 'leprechaun'." Spock said, making a point of coming up abreast with Kirk, an eyebrow twitched when the Captain gave a slightly piqued glanced.
"Thanks, Jim. I appreciate that. Really." Grunted McCoy, poison dripping from the words and filled the pale blue stare aimed at Kirk. "Believe me, I'll remember this when you're next physical comes up. If I'm still here."
Scowling at the obvious threat, Kirk shot his First Officer a 'See! Let's dump him.' look. "Actually Bones, we've decided that there might possibly be some truth in what you said."
Eyes darting from Kirk to Spock and back again, the one eyebrow sank and the other rose to a level never before seen as McCoy fixed an irascible stare on his Captain.
"Let me get this straight. Because 'he' said that it's possibly got an iota of truth to it, then it's probably so." As he spoke, McCoy stabbed a finger in Spock's direction with thick amount o vehemence. "But when it was coming outta my mouth you're ready to throw my gear not to mention myself, on the first stagecoach for the nearest banana farm. That's a real confidence builder, Jim."
"You have to admit Bones, it did sound just a tad peculiar even for you. I mean, you have come up with a few that were more fiction than truth in your time, just to see if you can drive Spock or me or half of the entire crew a little on edge." Kirk pointed out, trying to control his temper.
"Come on. A few harmless April Fool's jokes over the years?" Was the waspish reply from the Doctor. "God, Jim, why do you have to take everything so personally and then over react on top of it?"
Stiffening, Kirk pursed his lips tightly until they were nearly invisible in an attempt to curb his first reaction the McCoy's retort. He probably would've gone with his first reaction if Spock hadn't been standing right there easily preventing any physical harm coming to the Doctor, even if the skinny quack deserved it. If Spock wasn't going to let him ship McCoy out, he could have the decency to look away for at least fifteen seconds.
Instead, Kirk counted to ten, actually seven, before pressing on and growling through clenched teeth. "The point is Bones; we're giving you the benefit of the doubt and are willing to listen to an explanation, if you have one, as to how and why this…'leprechaun' is meddling with the operation of my ship."
Face clouding over again with thoughtful suspicion, McCoy realized he had very little choice if he wanted to get out of this mess with some sanity and still be able to collect his pension. For several minutes he went through what had happened when they had separated back at Kilindarbi, finding 'Fred' hanging from a tree and mistakeningly letting the sawed off hooligan loose. When he was finished he felt as if someone had lifted Mount Rushmore off of his shoulders and could help but grin in a giddy fashion at Spock who had taken the whole tale in with a single rationally barbed comment.
"Did this 'Fred' give you an explanation as to the reason for his imprisonment?" Inquired the Vulcan after a few seconds of nodding to himself in his silent rumination.
"Well, yea. Said that whomever it was, was after his treasure. I'm assuming he meant pot of gold, when he said it." Replied McCoy with a shrug of his shoulders, while lightly perching on the edge of his bunk again. "I guess they left him there planning to return later to force him into showing where it was. I was going on what I remember from childhood stories Spock. It's not like I meet pointy-eared, smart mouthed hobgoblin everyday of my life."
All three men hesitated as Kirk and Spock regarded the suddenly ill at ease Doctor, once he realized what had tumbled out of his mouth.
"You know what the hell I meant!" He finally snapped, with cantankerous huff as he rubbed the back of his neck in an embarrassed gesture.
"Indeed." Murmured Spock, with a shake of his head that unnoticeable by the humans. "Have you considered the plausibility that he may have only said that to gain his sovereignty?"
"Meaning what?" McCoy said, frowning as he already had feeling he didn't like what it implied.
"Meaning that your little friend played on your gullibility so you would set him free Bones." Explained Kirk, coming out of the Doctor's bathroom once he had finished going though his medicine chest. "In other words, it's more than likely that 'Fred' was hanging from that tree for another reason than what he gave you."
"Other than the fact the guy is a royal pain in the derriere, why would anyone go out of their way to find him and then hang from a tree in a sack? After meeting the twerp, I wouldn't think there would be too many that want to try and find him to begin with?" Asked McCoy staring down at the toe of his boots before glancing up expectantly at Spock.
"Recalling the reason for our assignment to Kilindarbi to begin with, one would conclude to prevent any further disruption's on the planet." Rationalized Spock as he shifted his gaze over to Kirk who was tugging open one of the drawer's of McCoy's worktable. "Wouldn't' you agree Captain?"
Knowing he was caught, Kirk let a half smile slip on to his face while slowly closing the drawer back up. "I was just about to say the same thing when you started to speak, Spock."
Both Science Officer and Doctor raised an eyebrow before exchanging glances.
"However, I would be interested in listening to the rest of your insight on the matter." Kirk continued, nonchalantly stepping away from the desk a look of gravity finally making an appearance on his face. "Such as why 'Fred' would find it necessary to infiltrate my ship?"
"Apparently the inhabitants of Kilindarbi have discovered he is the individual behind their quandary as well as finding a resolution that kept him from any further interference. If this is so, our infiltrator needed to find a new place to take up residence. The 'Enterprise' would proved both a source of travel as well as a small diversion for the creature until he has chosen a place suitable." Answered Spock, deciding to focus his gaze on a spot on the wall behind McCoy instead of looking in Kirk's direction. "Which may take considerable amount of time, if he has found the 'Enterprise' agreeable to his needs."
"You mean we might be stuck with this Irish toad for weeks?" Stammered Kirk, not liking the implication of what that mean, especially when it came to his sagging love life of recent.
"Possibly longer. Months to even years, if we're unable to contain him." Spock said, a nerve twitching a fraction along his lips.
"Oh God." Lamented Kirk, sagging down in one of the empty chairs.
Ignoring Jim's flagrant overreaction, McCoy gave Spock highly uneasy look. "And how do you propose we contain him, without him knowing about it?"
"I suggest you, with the assistance of the Captain, keep him entertained while I research the situation further."
"In theory Spock, that sounds easy enough. However, remember we're talking about a guy who can be invisible at will and is seemingly untraceable when he does so. If he is on the 'Enterprise', how do you suggest we locate the breathing garden accessory?" Asked McCoy, just as his intercom buzzed to life.
Moving over to the desk, McCoy flipped the intercom on while his eyes scanned the top of the worktable to see what kinda of mess Kirk had made in his rummaging.
"Doctor McCoy here."
"Doctor this is bridge. The Captain is needed down in the lab's." Uhura's voice was a mix of bemusement and anxiety.
Rolling his eyes toward the ceiling, Kirk lean toward the intercom. "What's the problem Lieutenant?"
"It's been reported the animals have either escaped or been set free, before the communications was disabled. I haven't been able to reestablish a link to them. However, it is also being reported in other areas of the ship of a high quantity of liquor has been disappearing in the same time allotment." Uhura sounded more embarrassed than anything else as she made her report, as if she was unsure what she was saying was going to be believed by the Captain or not.
Both the Doctor and Kirk gazed at one another, then slowly looked over at the ever precise and serious Spock who returned their gazes stolidly as he spoke.
"I believe Doctor, that it may be advantageous to begin locating your 'garden accessory' in the ship's laboratories."
The Doctor snorted quite audibly as he glared from the Vulcan down at Jim. "You know I don't mind the fact that he has a superior intelligence to ours. But I hate it when he knows his being a smartass."
TBC