I wonder if he knows it was date?

Penny had been pondering this all morning, as she got ready for work. Was he aware that the time they'd spent together as newly single friends had sparked something? Probably not, it would require a megaphone and a tee-shirt with the words, "Sheldon I want to go on another date with you," printed in huge letters, before he'd know where she was coming from. It was worth considering.

She had returned Leonard's ring. They ran into each other in the foyer that Friday, when she got home. He was just leaving his apartment to go downstairs to pay the pizza man.

Awkward.

"I won't give up," he had told her, and she feared that this was true.

"I hope we can be friends, Leonard. You still mean a lot to me. I'm sorry it didn't work out."

She waved him off as he went for the stairs but as she turned towards 4A, she saw his pleading eyes. The eyes which had swayed her to pity in the past and she wanted to run. There was nothing more for either of them in rekindling this relationship. She knew deep down that it was as toxic for him, as it was to her.

"I am sorry," she said stepping towards the door of 4A and raising her hand to knock. Leonard's expression changed suddenly, "Sheldon's not in," he snapped. "He's on a date!"

If he was looking for a reaction, to see if Penny would care, she didn't offer him one. She was very good at hiding her feelings when necessary. After many years in the dating game she had developed some fairly decent survival skills. So, as they parted she returned to her apartment, opened the door and pushed it gently closed with one hand before her legs went out from under her. Floundering towards the couch she collapsed, her eyes filling up before she realised what was happening.

No…

One hot tear rolled down her cheek. Quickly wiping it away with the back of her hand, another came and another down the other cheek. They wouldn't stop.

Not Sheldon, I need him.

This was the last thing she'd expected to happen. Her lanky neighbor was single, just like her and she never dreamed that he would start looking. They were dreamers, together, both in the same boat. There was no one else. A dark cloud descended on Penny that evening and she pictured a new uber-nerd, science brain sweeping him away from her. Because she knew that she could never compete with that. She would be forgotten. Retrieving a box of tissues and the comforter from her bedroom, she wrapped it tightly around and settled down on the couch to have a good cry. And cry she did, long buried emotions resurfacing with every tear.

If the truth was finally going to come out, at least in the privacy of her own head, then Penny had to admit that it had always been Sheldon. From the first moment they met but she'd decided very early on that trying to establish anything with someone like him would be too challenging and after that terrible breakup with Kurt, challenging was out of the question. Sheldon was handsome but complicated, he seemed to push away and pull her back in at the same time, almost subconsciously. She was tantalized by this, in a way that was so unfamiliar to her but the more she got to know him, the more work she knew it would be. He was too disconnected, too distant and she pushed her feelings into the deepest recesses of her mind and forgot they were even there.

Until now…

Penny welcomed those thoughts back in, remembering them for the first time in years and knowing with a feeling of cowardly shame that Leonard had always ever been the lesser version. She'd settled for him because he made it so easy but it wasn't him who she really wanted. Lying to herself and everyone else because no would ever suspect the truth and she would never admit it. She could barely it admit now, this wicked secret. All these years they dismissed each other and she could never tell anyone any different. Ever!

"It really doesn't matter," Penny said, dabbing her eyes. Nothing had changed. Sheldon was still too far away, too clever and too difficult for her. The most they could have with him was a friendship and that was going to have to be enough.

Early the next morning she went for a run, needing to blow out the cobwebs and to switch off her brain, which relentlessly kept returning to the news Leonard had delivered about Sheldon's "date". After 45 minutes she felt a lot better and was making her way up the stairs, when she came across Mrs Gunderson outside her front door with several garbage bags.

"Hi, Mrs Gunderson," she said, removing her earphones.

"Hello Pammie."

"Penny," she corrected.

"Oh yes," she muttered, peering inside one bag, frowning and then opening the top of the next. She was wearing rubber gloves a nightgown and slippers and looked very intent on what she was doing, so Penny passed on by but Mrs Gunderson then spoke.

"Tell Sheldon I'd like him to take my rubbish down early this week. I've sorted it all out as he instructed and I have his special gloves," she said, waving a pair of white disposables in Penny's direction.

"Sure, so he's taking down your trash?" she replied, stopping to take a better look at what she was up to. The older woman nodded. It had been over a week since Penny had seen Sheldon and welcomed an excuse to visit. "He's got you sorting things, I see," she said with a knowing smile.

"Yes, recyclables, kitchen waste and general. I never bothered with any of this nonsense but you know how Sheldon insists."

Penny nodded back.

"The only thing I'm not too clear on is why this questionnaire is so long." She disappeared into her apartment briefly and remerged with a stack of paper, which looked very similar to the Friendship Questionnaire, Sheldon had issued Penny some years back.

"Wow, that's a lot of pages for garbage collection," but the old lady was back digging around inside another bag and didn't seem to hear so Penny went on her way, wondering what Sheldon was up to this time. Deciding to strike while the iron was hot and pass on the message immediately she approached the door of 4A, with a tiny flutter in her belly. It was unlocked.

Sheldon was there, dressed in an orange tee of some description, on the couch with his laptop.

"Hey."

"Ah, hello Penny," he exclaimed. "I was just coming to see you," he said placing the laptop on the cushion next to him and rising out of his seat.

"You were?"

"Yes, to give you this," he picked up an identical stack of papers and handed them across to her.

"Oh, I get one too?" she said, feeling pleased. "I've just seen Mrs Gunderson. She asked me to tell you that she needs her garbage taking down early this week."

"Oh, thank you. I will follow that up." He picked up his laptop once more and a light tapping sound began.

"Would you like some tea?" she asked.

Sheldon tilted his head and looked at her with a curious expression and replied. "Yes, thank you Penny." And then tapped something into his laptop. He was acting weird. She placed the questionnaire on the countertop and filled the kettle.

"What ya doing?"

"Readjusting my dating spreadsheet after last nights disaster."

Penny wasn't sure she had heard this correctly and stuttered out an reply. "S-sorry what?!"

He glanced over, eyebrows raised. "An Xcel document collecting the information from my social engagements with women."

Penny really didn't need an explanation of what a spreadsheet was and after a few seconds, she realised she didn't need to know why he was making one either. This was Sheldon. He enjoyed that sort of thing so she just replied. "Right, best to keep notes."

"Ohhhh, this is more than notes Penny."

Of course.

"This is a detailed algorithm whereby I can assess possible matches in the most efficient way."

"Don't you just want to see how things go?" and she knew as soon as she said it, that he would protest. Penny wanted him to protest, to feel that old banter between them once more, to be back in her friends' life again.

"Unlike some I would like to eliminate the messy affairs that other people get themselves into." She pursed her lips at him and he gave her a pointed look, as she set the cups down on the counter.

Penny was dying to know what he was typing as she poured the tea. "So… has Leonard seen this spreadsheet?" she asked.

"No, it's private," he said.

"Oh sorry, it's none of my business…" she flushed.

"No, you're permitted to intrude."

She broke into the widest smile ever. They were still friends and he still treated her the same way. "Oh sweetie that's so kind," she placed her hand on her heart, "You're letting me see the spreadsheet because I'm your friend!" she gushed.

"No."

"Ugh!" Penny curled her lip in disappointment and plonked the mugs down on the table with a clunk.

"Not because we are friends…" he said, eyeing his mug with a frown in case there had been any spillage. "…because you're on it."

Penny instantly sat down on the couch in shock. "I'm on it?"

"Of course, we went to the conservatory so…"

"You thought that was a date?" she said rather loudly. Sheldon stopped and being unsure how to read her expression replied very carefully. "I'm not sure," he said, "I've had several conversations about the definition. They wanted me to delete you but then they also wanted me to delete Mrs Gunderson. Even though they must know I need a test group of at least four…"

Penny grinned. "Lemme see..." she leaned over his shoulder and read the names. Amy was top of the list and seemed to have a clear lead, then came Mrs Gunderson, then her own name and at the bottom of the list was Jenny Sanderson.

"Jenny Sanderson," she said, amazed that someone was beneath her. "Why so low?"

"That one took a disturbing turn."

"How come?"

"Well, I went on my scheduled date last night, arriving at her apartment at 7pm as arranged. She ordered the requested pizza and we sat down to watch the Sci-fi channel and half way though 'Marvels Agents of Shield,' she…" he paused, closed in eyes in anger and then regarded his composure to carry on. "…she put her tongue in my mouth. Right in! Can you believe it? Amy never did such a thing."

Penny couldn't contain her giggle. "That's how some people kiss," she said.

"Not you, surely?"

"Sometimes, yes."

Sheldon's eyes flicked back to the laptop and his shoulder made a slight movement. "Did you just mark me down?" she teased, laughing inwardly. He gave her a sheepish glance and Penny checked the screen again.

"Oh, I'm still above Jenny Sanderson, why's that?"

"I've known you nine years, which does give you the advantage."

"Wait a minute, how can Mrs Gunderson have more points than me?" she sulked.

"She scores very highly due to her post-menopausal state. Although not being able to provide a progeny is a negative, I reason a woman of her advanced years will not require coitus."

"I wouldn't count on it," Penny said, "I've seen the way she looks at your backside. She's probably got you taking the garbage down, so she can watch you wiggle down the stairs."

Sheldon paused to consider the new information and tapped in the data accordingly. "Oh look," Penny squealed with delight, as her name moved up the spreadsheet. "I'm going to sweep this. What do I get if I win?" The statement sprung out without due consideration and she certainly never meant it to sound so loaded. So when blue eyes, which have no right to be quite that blue turned on her, she felt a flush of attraction.

"Me, of course."