Till I'm Gone
Sora Matasuki
Chapter Ten
Tadashi glanced up at the clock and bit his lip in his concentration. Just one more minute until time would be up and he couldn't change any of his answers anymore. Was he certain that he'd gotten the right ones? The meticulous sixteen year old glanced over his answers and nodded contemplatively to himself then paused. He'd triple checked twice, so he was pretty sure that they were all good but still… maybe one more check would ease his rushing mind…
"Time's up! Pencils down, flip your test over!" Their science teacher called out, breaking Tadashi out of his trail of thought.
Groans floated up around the classroom as the rustle of papers flooded the sixteen year old's ears. Tadashi breathed out slowly through his nose, settling his rapidly beating heart as he closed his eyes for a brief moment. A sharp prick at the back of his neck caused him to reopen his brown eyes and glance back, confusion clear on his face.
Eve grimaced behind him with an apologetic air and the thin stack of tests she had used to poke him flopped towards the ground in her hand. With a soul deep sigh Tadashi turned around and grabbed the papers from her and placed his own test on top before sending the stack onwards.
That done and over with, Tadashi flopped back in his seat and put his head in his arms, trying to block out the murmur of his fellow students talking about the test and how they did. Dread churned in his gut and the sixteen year old bit his lip. Had he gotten his answers right? He didn't know, he hadn't been able to check his answers one last time!
Internally, his mind was screaming. What if he got them all wrong? He'd studied so hard but what if it was all for nothing?! Then he wouldn't be able to find a great college and be able to change the world of medical science!
Tadashi knew these thoughts were irrational but it didn't stop the anxiety from resurfacing. Just like what happened after every test ever since he figured out that his GPA affected his career later on in life. How it figured into his acceptance into a college at all.
"Hey."
Tadashi looked up and glanced over at Eve who was giving him a serious look.
"Yeah?" he tried to act all casual but by the expression on her face, he knew she wasn't fooled.
"You okay?" Eve asked and Tadashi gave her a weak grin.
"Yeah, I'm okay." he sent her a thumbs up in conjunction with his words.
She stood up with a groan, leaning back. Tadashi heard several vertebrae pop and fought back a wince. As soon as she straightened, Eve gave the sixteen year old an unconvinced look. "You're over thinking your answers on that test. Stop it!" she flashed him a grin right after. "You're the top of the class, you don't need to have a panic attack."
Tadashi choked.
"Anyways, I found this in the counselor's office, and I thought of you. You're into technology right?" she continued, grabbing something from her binder and sliding it onto his desk. From the sound of it, it was some sort of sleek paper. Tadashi glanced down and felt his eyebrows crease.
It was a brochure for a college. It was of a black, green and white color scheme and in the corner was the crest. Tadashi's breath caught in his throat. San Fransokyo Institute of Technology.
"Unbelieveable…" he murmured, deft fingers flipping through the pages. "But it's super exclusive, Eve, I don't know - "
Eve slapped a hand over his mouth. "Nope! Not gonna let you talk yourself into doubting yourself! You - " Here she poked him in the chest. "-are a great inventor. Look, there's a science exhibition where anyone can enter and the ones with the most impressive tech get in on scholarship!"
Tadashi opened his mouth to speak but bit on his lip when Eve glared at him, hands on hips.
"Tadashi, look. The whole school is in awe of your tech. Think of where you could go with your gifts if you went there!"
"I… I'll think about it." Tadashi finally hedged, eyes traveling back down to the brochure. "I'll definitely think about it."
Eve nodded, a grin spreading across her face. "Good! Because I'm sick and tired of seeing you implode whenever there's a test!"
Tadashi tossed what he knew to be an impressive puppy dog face at her. "I don't implode!"
"Yeah, Tadashi, you do." Eve deadpanned.
Tadashi pouted.
The thought of entering the science exhibition wouldn't leave his mind. It had opened the doors of his mind and had strolled right in. The Idea perfectly at home with his chaotic thoughts and had planted itself firmly in an unused corner of his brain, refusing to budge.
It poked and prodded at him while he was driving his strangely silent little brother home. It threw stones at the field of grazing science equations and caused them all to run around in a noisy ruckus, had run through the markets of his random ordinary thoughts and had screamed at the top of it's lungs "LET'S DO SCIENCE, YEAH!" and caused the thoughts dealing with hunger and thirst to throw up their hands and leave in a huff, heavily offended.
But now, when push came to shove, the Idea had become perfectly mute when enquiring thoughts asked it what it wanted to do. Sometimes it would cough up a sliver but was mercilessly pounded by the thoughts of Reason and Practicality. The Idea couldn't be unrealistic, it had to be something that would both WOW the judges and be able to function in it's role.
So the random Idea for giving Mochi rocket shoes was out. Wasn't practical enough, though Tadashi knew Hiro - if given the chance - would pounce on the idea and claim it for his own. Reason and Practicality alongside a healthy dose of Protective Older Brother Instinct made him erase it entirely.
The same process occurred with a shrinking ray, this time the thoughts screaming at him that it was a Bad Idea. Maybe he could try a portable healthcare robot? The thoughts paused and considered the Idea. They Shrugged.
Tadashi wanted to pull out his hair and slam his face into his keyboard. Or tablet. Even the desk would suffice so long as it got the frustration out of his system. Why was brainstorming ideas for inventions so hard?! And exhausting?
A yawn escaped his mouth but Tadashi stifled it with a scowl. No. He had to come up with something! Especially if he wanted to beat this year's deadline! He had to go to this school.
He'd researched it up and down and sideways till kingdom come and the overarching consensus was that the Sanfransokyo Institute of Technology was his kind of school.
Tadashi had never felt such a drive to go to something before in his life and this was from the kid who spouted out that college was a gateway to everything. He had to go here. He had to! He had to go to-
"Tadashi? I need to tell you something, do you have a mom-" Hiro stopped in the doorway, eyes trained on the slumped over form of his older brother, who was - despite the glare of the monitor - deeply asleep. "...Oh." the twelve year old finished, not even bothering with finishing the word he'd started as a dark feeling stirred in his stomach.
Brown eyes darkened with the tint of depression took in the sketches on the screen and all of the crumpled up papers scattered on the desk. They took in the rise and fall of broad shoulders as the elder Hamada breathed softly, deeply, and how sleep softened the stressed lines on the sixteen year old's youthful face.
Then the youngest Hamada turned away and started searching. After a few minutes had passed, Hiro found what he was looking for and tip toed to his older brother's side. Standing about a foot away, the youth found himself hesitating, the tan blanket clenched in his hands dangling and really touching the floor. If he put the blanket on, would he wake up?
Did he really want his brother to wake up? After a few moments of consideration, Hiro shook his head in reply to his own question. No… he didn't really want to wake up Tadashi. But still… he wanted… he wanted his older brother to hug him. To cuddle him like when they were both younger and when just a scraped knee would be enough to get hugs and kisses and a special hair ruffle, despite all the squirming he'd put up.
But… the twelve year old didn't want to be a bother… Tadashi probably hated him anyways. Why would he want to give his pathetic little brother a hug? Freaks didn't deserve hugs. They didn't deserve anything. Any yet… and yet…
Hiro put the tan felt blanket over his big brother's shoulders, smoothing it gently when it folded up on itself. Taking a deep breath, Hiro rested his forehead on Tadashi's back.
"Tadashi… I need you…" he whispered, tears welling up in his eyes as he spoke, "I can't… I don't know what to do. Or what to feel. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to not have to breathe. I just… I need… I need help. I know I do but I can't ask for it. I don't know why but something stops me everytime I try. I can't…" his voice cracked as the tears fell down his cheeks. "I'm not strong like you, Tadashi. I'm not strong at all and I don't know why you and Aunt Cass can't hear it when I'm just screaming inside. I'm screaming and I don't know how to stop it. Everything hurts and my heart hurts the most. I need you Tadashi. I'm so alone."
Hiro slowly moved away, hands over his mouth as the tears streamed down and his shoulders shook. "I'm so alone and no one notices." he sobbed in a whisper. "I can't… I can't… I miss you Tadashi. I… I miss you so much even though you're here right infront of me."
Tadashi didn't move, his shoulders rising and falling with each gentle breath and Hiro sunk to the floor. Tadashi hadn't woken up. Hadn't heard anything.
Hiro was still so alone in a crowd. And it hurt. His heart hurt. The tears wouldn't stop falling.
Tadashi slept on.
AN: Hey guys! Sora here! Happy holidays if you live in the USA (and if there's any other holidays occurring within the readerbase~)! I pushed and prodded at my muses until the relented so you'd get this chapter before I went on vacation to see family for Thanksgiving (hallelujah for Fall break! A whole week off school and away from evil PE! *steadily ignores evil book we have to read for English*), and since I'm uncertain if I'll be able to have access to a computer to type up the next few chapters, I wanted this one out STAT. XD
OH! Also, since there's some confusion on if Eve is an OC or not, let me clarifiy that Eve IS an OC (she was suggested/sorta requested by Highcrest Tomoko and the Muses liked the idea of a friend for Hiro and ran with it) and NOT GoGo. Even though she has spunk like GoGo. They're different characters. Completely different characters.
Anyways that's out of the way, onto thanks! Big thankyous go to:
waterlilly49, pychedelicLights, Atariel Tsukai, LadyWendy202, MimosaWisteria, Purpalz Miner, GBuscusDouglass, DreamweaverAki, KanaMac, Crystallized-CloudCatcher, Highcrest Tomoko, seems-pretty-legit, Guest (#1), wellthen44, teengens, Guest (#2), Third Comment, LordCameronAndTheFlamingPoops, regularshow565, ArianandXia, Wheee, Disneynerdbh6, LizzyAnnG, SilverKitsune1, TheShyShadow, Madness Shared, TheShyShadow (hello again yes I know that feeling, here's an update for you :3)
Happy Holidays everyone! *hands out tissues and turkey shaped sugar cookies covered in orange sprinkles*