So, yeah, here we go, new chapter, yay, celebration. And on a semi-related note, Microsoft Word decided to be a bitch and tell me my files were corrupted, so you came very close to getting a notice that the CSI/FMA fic is on hiatus because I lost a reasonably large chunk of the next chapter and I sunk into a depression somewhat like the one that came after chapter 76. Except this one would have had more rage involved.

But no, I retrieved it, and while it did something weird to the punctuation, that's much better than me having to rewrite the whole damn thing. However, this is shining light on the fact that I really, really need a new computer. It'd be nice to have more room for things, too. Hmm.

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"Gastroenteritis?" Roy asked, confusion evident on his face.

"You'd probably know it as the stomach flu," Foreman replied. "There was a misunderstanding when we were running tests, and this one was overlooked. Normally, he could be released now, but it would be better if he were under close supervision due to the amount of weight he's lost."

Roy's face remained emotionless as he nodded his consent. Ed had been sick enough lately, and he wasn't going to take any chances. Besides, the longer the alchemist was here, the longer they could protect this hospital. Once Foreman had left the room, Roy sat down next to Ed's bed, intent on spending at least an hour away from his paperwork-filled desk.

After a while, Roy heard a noise from the bed and looked over to see Ed rolling over onto his left side, his eyes screwed shut in what Roy recognized as sheer agony. Obviously Ed wasn't feeling much better.

"I have some good news, Fullmetal," Roy said.

"You're letting me die?" Ed mumbled sarcastically.

"No… they've found out what's wrong with you, and you'll be able to leave this hospital in a few days."

"That's nice…"

"You don't sound too happy, Fullmetal."

Ed let out a sound that sounded like a mix between a growl and a moan. "Where's Al?" he asked wearily.

"He said he'd stop by later today, but right now he's at the library."

Ed grunted in acknowledgement. "How long will it be again?"

"Just a few days. What you have isn't too bad on its own, but since you're underweight, they're keeping you here for a while."

"What is it?"

"The stomach flu."

Ed's eyebrow twitched. "It took them this long to figure that out?"

"That's right, Fullmetal, but look at it this way. Your presence here is what's allowing us to keep these people safe."

"I still hate you."

"Why me?"

"Because everyone already hates House. It means more if I say I hate you."

Roy snorted. "Yes, I am aware of his reputation, Fullmetal. Now then, I think this would be a good time to talk about your next mission."

"I'm going to be here for a while, bastard," Ed muttered.

Roy smiled. Ed seemed to be reverting to his old self. "Fine. I'll just tell you later."

It was quiet in the room for a while before Ed spoke again. "Why are you still here?"

"Paperwork back at the office," Roy answered simply.

"Get out."

Roy sat in the room for another half hour or so before actually leaving.

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Two days later, Ed could actually sit and eat without feeling the need to vomit. He still spent most of his time sleeping, but when he was awake, he could actually function like a normal human being.

And thus, every time House came into the room, he had a source of amusement.

"Hey, how's it going?" he asked the teen, who was currently poking at one of the hospital's less popular meals.

"If it weren't for the fact that I'm stuck here longer than I need to be, I'd be great," Ed snapped. "In fact, I'd feel so wonderful that I wouldn't punch you in the face once I get the hell out of here."

"Once you're out of here, huh? What, are you afraid to hit me now?"

"Concerned. Concerned about how Mustang would react to that news. There's no way I'd ever be afraid of you," Ed spat.

"Is that so?" House asked. "Well, you know what comes now?" he continued as he pulled on a pair of gloves.

"If you get near my rectum I'll forget what I just said about Mustang," Ed growled in a threatening tone.

"Ew. Why would I do that? No, little Eddie, I have something else in mind this time."

Ed raised an eyebrow at House before scooting back on the bad as far as he could go. House waited a moment to build up the tension before standing up.

"Stand up."

Ed gave the doctor a confused look. "Huh?"

"You heard me. Stand up."

Ed cautiously stood on the other side of the bed, watching nervously as House made his way around and stopped right in front of him. Ed's eyes were about level with his shoulders, and the alchemist was forced to look up to meet the doctor's eyes.

"What are you doing?" Ed asked.

"You're still short. Darn, I thought we'd gotten rid of everything wrong with you," House said, easily blocking a punch from Ed with his cane.

"Why don't you concentrate on yourself?" Ed snapped. "Bastard!"

"Hey, calm down, you're putting too much stress on your body," House said, and then glanced at the clock to see how long it would take for Ed to realize that he was right. Last time it was about a minute, but maybe he'd last longer this time…

"I'm not putting stress on my body," Ed growled. "If anything, you're stressing me out with your snide comments."

"Snide? Why, did you learn a new vocabulary word in my absence?" House asked. "Well done, Edward. Very well done."

"Shut up!"

"Whoa there, it was just a compliment," House said, glancing at the clock again. 20 seconds and Ed was still going strong. Not bad, but it was still too short to tell if it was an improvement.

"That wasn't a compliment," Ed replied. "It…"

House watched as Ed stopped. Okay, either he had lost his energy, or he couldn't think of a good comeback. House hoped it was both.

After a moment, Ed lay back down on the bed, and House watched as he rolled onto his side. Something wasn't right here…

"Hey, tiny, what's wrong?" House asked, walking around to look Ed in the face.

"Headache," Ed muttered.

"Oh, well, that's boring," House said, although he was intrigued. "Anything else?"

"Other than the fact that your voice is even more irritating than usual?" Ed snapped before clutching his head and screwing his eyes shut.

Yes indeed, this was very intriguing…

"Seriously. Anything else?"

"Dunno," Ed mumbled into his pillow. "Go away."

House quickly checked his patient's forehead and sighed. Sadly enough, the kid didn't have a fever, but hey, he could have some fun before he actually treated him…

"Hey, answer something for me," House said. "Were you in contact with any animals during your little trip?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Ed asked.

"Just answer the question."

"No. Unless you count the cows that I never went near."

"Okay, then. How about fangirls?"

"…What?"

"Fangirls have been known to be rabid," House stated.

Ed looked up at House through one eye. "Are you saying I have rabies?"

"Well, it seems you're suffering from encephalitis, which is common in people who get rabies, and at this stage… Well, once it gets to this stage… I'm sorry."

Ed was quiet for a good minute before looking up at House with an evil glint in his eyes. "You know, you're not very funny."

"Aw, you saw right through it? Damn, and here I thought I could make you have a greater appreciation for life."

"Stop being so loud," Ed mumbled. "My head hurts."

"Oh, fine. Hey, Foreman!"

Foreman folded his arms and watched from the doorway. "What?"

"The kid's got a headache. Help him out, would ya?" House ordered as he made his way out of the room.

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The next couple of days passed by without any large incidents, and finally the time came to release Ed from the hospital. There was much rejoicing as Chase told Ed the good news, except for one dark corner, where a pink-haired lad sat with his head in his knees.

"Why? Why was I only briefly mentioned?"

"What's wrong?" asked Cameron, who happened to be in the room with the lad.

"I'm Ed's official hallucination, and the only time Ed saw me was in the middle of a dream!"

"Uh… I'm sorry…?"

"It's not fair! I could have been brought up numerous times! Why did she choose not to give Ed a hallucination-causing disease?"

"Who?"

"Junodog! The master of us all!" Shuichi screamed. (It's true, ya know)

"Um… right," Cameron said. "Well, I'll just… go tell Ed how much you missed seeing him…"

Shuichi sniffled and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Thank you."

And thus, Cameron's sanity was questioned.

But that's a story for another day.

Meanwhile, Ed was slowly pulling on his clothes, testing his legs as he walked around in the small bathroom. They were stiff from having to lie in bed for so long, but they were still functional. Ed smiled to himself as he walked out of the bathroom, wearing his own clothes for the first time in two weeks.

"You ready?" Chase asked.

"For what?" Ed asked in return, giving Chase a weird look.

"The thing with the wheelchair and the elevator to make your exit more dramatic," Chase answered.

"…Huh?"

Chase pointed to the wheelchair. "You sit in that as we go downstairs, and then once the elevator doors open and we push you out, you stand up and walk proudly out of the hospital. It's some weird thing we do at random here."

"Uh…"

"But if you object to it then you can just do this the less dramatic and somehow less pride-bruising way," Chase offered.

"Yeah, I think I'll go with that…"

"All right, then. Let's go."

Once in the lobby, Ed noted that half the people seemed to be staring at him. He scowled and continued walking, completely ignoring the pessimistic bastard who was now walking beside him.

"What, no goodbyes?" House asked.

"Shut up. Just because you saved my life doesn't mean I have to like you."

"Not even a thank you? I'm hurt."

"Yeah, well, get over it."

"Ouch. Harsh."

Ed continued walking until he had reached Mustang before turning to House. "Just think about the fact that I haven't broken your nose."

House thoughtfully touched a hand to his face. "You're welcome."

At that, Ed turned to Roy. "Can we go now?"

Roy sighed. "Hawkeye's outside. However, I have some things to discuss, so you're going to have to wait a while."

Ed groaned. "Couldn't you have done this earlier?"

"No."

At this, Ed scowled and walked out of the hospital building. Hell, if Mustang wanted to waste his time, he might as well spend it with someone pleasant, or at the very least, someone who hadn't cleaned his vomit on a regular basis. He greeted the lieutenant and practically collapsed in the back seat of the car.

"You're not going to thank them?" Hawkeye asked, gesturing to the building.

"Not with every single employee in the building staring at me," Ed replied. "Besides, I get the feeling I'll probably see them again."

Hawkeye smiled and went back to polishing her gun. "It's good to see you out of there."

Ed grunted in reply and fell back onto the seat. He closed his eyes, and without realizing it, began dozing. He was about to fall asleep when all hell broke loose.

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And just when you think it's over… Sadly, though, we are coming to an end, so REVIEW! REVIEW LIKE THE WIND AND MAKE THIS THE FIRST FIC OF MINE WITH 100 REVIEWS! If you do so, then my self-esteem will rise and I shall be a happy writer and full of creativity and more posts. See? It works out for everyone that way! (and this also marks the first time that I can recall asking for reviews…)