A/N:
Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is MichelleMMarie—the Avada Kedavra to my Voldemort.
CHAPTER TEN
*Just Someone You Saved*
I got in around two in the morning, after a draining evening. Edward had left the door open for me, thankfully, so I went in quietly, knowing he was probably asleep on the couch, which he was. Half of me wanted to wake him up, so we could talk things through, but another part of me was just exhausted. And not just from the night I had. He was exhausting.
We'd almost kissed. He'd pulled away. Why? I just wanted him to be as honest with me as I was being with him. Was that too much to ask?
The next day, I awoke sometime in the afternoon, not feeling reenergized at all. Once I'd gone through my morning routine, I finally emerged from the bedroom.
Edward stood at the sink, drinking a glass of water. As soon as he saw me, however, he dumped the liquid down the drain and set the glass in the sink.
"Are we going to talk about last night?" I asked, folding my arms.
"You can. I'm heading out," he replied hastily, and attempted to pass by me.
I grabbed his wrist, and he stopped without a fight. "Why do you act like you hate me?" I questioned, hurt by his constant dismissal of me. "What did I ever do to you? Since the moment I came into your life, you've done nothing but yell and be rude to me. Would you have preferred if I died?"
He spun around to me, anger marring his features. "I wouldn't wish death on anyone," he said. "I saved you because you needed to be saved, but that's it."
"So, to you, I'm just someone you saved. And that's it," I concluded, trying to warrant some sort of genuine response from him.
He swallowed thickly, but his face remained a stony mask. "That's it."
I knew he was lying, after he promised he wouldn't. He broke that promise. "You know what? I can't live like this anymore," I admitted solemnly, shaking my head and looking away. "I just can't." With that, I went back into the bedroom, leaving him standing frozen in his spot. I retrieved the Target bag I'd stored in the closet and began placing my belongings in there—dresses, my book, my toiletries, and the money I'd made from the tavern.
When I went back into the living room, he hadn't moved an inch, staring down at the spot I'd been in.
"I'm leaving," I said, pulled open the front door, and made my way to the path that would lead me to my destination.
I didn't want to leave, but at this point, I had no choice. I couldn't continue to stay with someone who disregarded me at every turn. He had no respect for me. He didn't seem to trust me, either. And the thing was I had both of those things for him. It was unbalanced, and I didn't like it.
"You remind me of her," I heard called out somewhere behind me, causing me to half turn around.
Edward stood on the porch, looking out at me like I'd just ripped his heart in two. He stepped off the porch, walking tentatively toward me, but wound up stopping several feet away.
"You remind me of her," he repeated, more quietly this time. "The way you are with Sadie. The way you like daises; she liked them, too. How awful a cook you are, yet you're always wanting to cook. And…even how you look." He dropped his gaze to the ground. "It all reminds me of her."
He hated his ex-wife, and because he saw a resemblance between us…he forced himself to hate me. In a way, I could sympathize, considering how much the divorce screwed with him, but in another way, his words hurt me beyond reproach.
I closed the distance between us and dropped my bag to the ground. "I'm nothing like your ex-wife, Edward," I said softly. "I could never have done that to you. I would've fought for us, until there was nothing left in me."
He didn't respond, so I took that as my cue and began to turn around. "Don't go," he breathed, and grabbed my arm to stop me. His hand slid down to my wrist, causing goose bumps to erupt.
My heart was beating in a league of its own. "Why not?"
"I can't wake up knowing you won't be here," he admitted.
I shook my head. No, Edward. That's not what I want to hear. I knew he liked me being here. His actions in the past proved that. I just wanted him to admit why. "That's not a good enough reason for me to stay," I said, and reached up to his somber face. I held it between my hands, my thumbs brushing over his cheeks. "Tell me why I should stay."
His mouth parted slightly, making me think he was going to say something, but he didn't.
"Edward, tell me," I whispered, and raised myself on the balls of my feet, bringing my face closer to his.
His eyes seemed hypnotized as they seared into mine. I wanted him to lean down and kiss me, to let me know I wasn't the only one feeling something. I was giving him the advantage.
"Tell me how you really feel," I pressed.
He wasn't doing anything but staring at me, his stance rigid, as if I was torturing him. Slowly, my face mirrored my emotions. I was crushed. The sting of rejection hit me full force, and I pulled back, bending to pick up my bag.
"I'm going to Alice's," I said, and began walking away, but then stopped as water collected in my eyes. I couldn't turn around. I didn't want to see if he was looking at me. "And don't you dare come after me this time."
Every step I took further, it grew harder to leave him…but what was worse…what hurt me more than anything…was that he actually let me go.
X-X-X-X
The next several days went slowly, probably because I was so conscious of how much time was passing. Once I'd left the cabin, Alice took me in. She was very hospitable and pretty much treated me like a guest in a hotel…but it wasn't what I wanted.
I knew I'd told Edward not to come after me, but I'd only said that out of frustration and hopelessness. I wanted him to come get me, tell me how he felt, and then we'd go back to normal.
But that didn't happen.
I waited all that first night for him, my eyes glued to the front door of the tavern, yet he never showed. Then I realized that it was a Sunday, not a Friday. If there was any time he'd come, it would be on his chosen day. So, I tried to be patient and look at my situation as a sort of opportunity.
Maybe it was best we had time apart. Maybe I was starting to have feelings for him just because he made me feel safe—sort of like when female comic book characters fell for the superhero. Edward was no superhero, but in many ways, he was my hero.
Even so, perhaps we just weren't compatible together. It was most likely that he'd gone back to his routine and simply forgotten me. I was a burden to him, after all.
In the following days, I grew closer to Alice. She was a fantastic listener and let me spill my guts to her about Edward and me. She told me to hang in there and not to go searching him out, to let him come to me when he was ready.
Jasper warmed up to me much more. If I learned anything about him, it was that he pretty much just liked to run the tavern and play poker. He didn't talk much, and he didn't like being talked to much, either. He and Alice seemed like they bickered all the time, but every now and then, I'd catch sweet moments between them—a brief kiss here, a secret smile there. It made me want what they had.
Since I only worked on the weekends, I didn't have to be in the bar during the week. I took up watching a few poker games whenever they'd happen. The game itself was fascinating. Though I mostly had no idea what was going on, I could tell how skilled Jasper was. By the end of the night, he'd always come out of the game with more money than when he went in.
On a whim, I asked him to teach me some basics about the game, and that was when we started to bond more. Aside from teaching me the rules, which weren't hard to pick up, he also clued me in that the game was more about bluffing than anything. You could have the worst hand, but win the entire pot just by confusing the other players.
I'd gotten the hang of it fairly quickly. Jasper told me I had a flair for it and should try my luck with the locals, so I did. The result was almost comical, since Jasper told me to play up my naivety of the game. Worked like a charm, too. I walked out of there with the amount I would've made in two weeks working the bar. For hours afterward, I finally felt in control of something. Powerful.
Now, today was Friday—the day I'd been anxiously awaiting. While I served up drinks, five minutes wouldn't go by that I didn't check the door.
Was he going to show?
God, I hoped so.
I'd thought maybe the separation would lessen my feelings for him, but that was far from what happened. I missed him. I missed the dogs, too. I hadn't even gotten a chance to say goodbye to them.
"Don't worry, sugar. He'll come," Alice assured me as she poured two shots of whiskey and gave them to Cheney and Newton.
"Who's coming?" Cheney asked, looking me up and down.
"None ya business, Cheney," Alice scolded. "Now, drink ya whiskey and shut ya mouth." Alice stalked off, leaving me with a smug look.
Newton snorted, and Cheney groaned.
"So, where you from?" Newton asked me conversationally.
"Uh, just around," I answered vaguely.
"Hmm," he hummed in thought, and tossed back his whiskey. "You've got something going on in your accent. I can't place it."
"Sounds Canadian," Cheney remarked.
"No, not Canadian," Newton said. "Sounds southern."
"Southern?" I questioned, giving him an incredulous look. "Alice's is southern."
"No, I mean Southern California," he explained. "My sweetheart is from the south, and you sort of sound like her."
I smiled. "Are you married?"
He nodded proudly. "Going on five years now," he said, taking out his wallet and showing me a picture of an attractive brunette holding an infant. "That's Jessica and my son, Griffin. He'll be six months come next week."
"Aw, he's cute," I cooed.
"Very," Cheney remarked sarcastically.
Newton rolled his eyes, but ignored him. "Anyway, she's from San Bernadino."
"Where's that?" I asked curiously.
He stuffed his wallet back in his pocket. "About an hour out from the city."
"What city?"
"Los Angeles."
"Ah," I said, and pursed my lips in thought. I wondered how far away Los Angeles was from here. I knew San Francisco was just a little ways up, so I was assuming LA was pretty far. I couldn't be from Southern California. I mean, why would I be up here if I was from there?
"So, you got a boyfriend?" Cheney asked me brazenly, interrupting our conversation.
I sighed and crossed my arms. This guy had done nothing but hit up on me since I started working here. "Yep," I lied. "He's big, too. Got piercings and tattoos all over his body." Maybe that'd fend him off.
He chuckled, shaking his head. "Don't forget I played across from you in the game yesterday. You've got an easy tell."
Damnit, what's my tell? "You're saying I'm lying?" I questioned, trying to keep an even face.
He leaned forward a bit to me. "I think you don't got a boyfriend, and you're just a little shy."
I snorted. "I'm not shy."
He smiled devilishly, staring at my chest. "Wanna prove it?"
"Sure," I said enthusiastically, grabbed his shot of whiskey, and tossed the liquid into his face.
He winced, clearly not expecting me to do that. Newton and some of the other guys sitting at the bar burst into laughter. Cheney wiped his dripping face with his hand and glared at me.
"Proof enough for you?" I asked with a smirk.
"Petal!" Alice called from down the other end of the bar, and motioned for me to go to her. She looked mad. Great…
"I'm sorry, Alice," I said as I approached her. "He's been hitting on me for days now, and I got sick of it."
"I know," she replied. "You want him out of here?"
"You're not mad at me?"
Her expression softened. "No, hun," she assured. "He's a real sleaze. I could do without him. Just give me the word and Sam'll take care of him."
I glanced over my shoulder, seeing that Cheney had left. "I don't think he'll bother me anymore."
"Alright, then. But if he does it again, you let me know." She turned her head slightly. "Don't look now, but your man is here," she informed, causing me to attempt turning to look at the door. She quickly grabbed my shoulders to stop me. "I said don't look!"
My pulse was quickening at the thought of seeing Edward after several days. Did he look any different? Would he even want to see me? God, I was nervous. "What's he doing?" I inquired quietly to her.
"He's walkin' to the bar," she replied. "He just took a stool. Pulled out his wallet." She paused. "Jasper's talkin' to him now."
"Why's Jasper talking to him?" I questioned with a furrowed brow.
"Beats me," she said, and cleared her throat, turning away from me. "Jasper's comin' over here. Shh, act like ya busy."
All I could do was grab a dishrag when Jasper approached us.
"Masen needs a beer," Jasper spoke pointedly to Alice and me, and then he walked into the back.
"Well, duh," Alice remarked to herself, her eyes narrowed. "Get on that, will ya, sugar? I'm gonna go have a chat with my husband."
I nodded and dispensed beer into a mug, looking out of the corner of my eye at Edward. He wasn't even checking to see where I was.
When I approached him, he regarded me with a blank expression.
"Hey," I greeted softly, and set his beer in front of him.
He nodded at me in acknowledgment and brought the mug up to his mouth.
So, he wasn't going to say anything? After days of not seeing me, this was what I got?
My heart fell to the pit of my stomach. He didn't care. Whatever I thought he felt for me wasn't even there. Had I imagined everything? Maybe I'd wanted him to like me, so I convinced myself he did. More than anything, he probably just liked the companionship, but now that it was gone, he wouldn't bother chasing after it. He'd been alone for years, so why change now?
I spun around and went through the back door to get away. I could hear Alice and Jasper arguing in the office.
"Yeah, well, I would've liked to have known!" Alice yelled.
"Alice, keep ya voice down," Jasper ordered.
"You hush up! I ain't no fool, ya hear? Four years, Jasper! You know what? You don't get to sleep in my bed tonight, so you better get comfy in here," she berated, and stomped out of the office. As soon as she saw me, her expression dropped. "Oh…hey, sugar."
"Hey…," I spoke warily. "Everything okay?"
She sighed, frustrated. "Don't even get me started," she muttered. "Anyway, you all good with Masen?"
I frowned and shook my head. "I don't think he wants anything to do with me."
She pouted. "Oh, hun. I don't know what to tell ya. Maybe he just ain't fit to be startin' anythin' new."
My eyes dropped to the floor sadly. "Yeah, I guess."
"Ya know, you're welcome to stay with me as long as ya want to," she assured. "Even until ya eighty years old."
I chuckled, my mood lifting, and wrapped my arms around her. "Thanks, Alice. I'm glad I can count on you."
She hugged back. "No problem, darlin'," she said, and pulled away. "I hate to be a boss, but you should head back out."
I spent the next fifteen minutes trying to ignore Edward as I made my rounds, taking people's meal orders and working the bar. I knew I just needed to suck it up and forget him. He'd helped me get out of a few rough spots, and now it was time to move on. I had to figure out who I was. That should be the most important thing to me, not some guy I barely knew.
At some point, I realized Edward was gone, a ten dollar bill left on the counter where he sat. He'd gone without saying goodbye. I could feel the tears start to come, and I tried with all my might to keep them at bay. I was stronger than that.
"Petal," Alice said, coming to my side as I placed the money into the register. "Why don't you go 'head and take an early break."
"That's okay," I assured. I was due for a break in another hour. I'd last until then.
"I insist." She steered me out of the bar. "Now, go on straight through the exit and don't come back until you've figured everythin' out."
"What?" I asked in confusion.
"Just go on, sugar," she urged.
I sighed and reluctantly did as she said. The air was cold as I pushed the door open and went outside. I rubbed my arms up and down, trying to make the goose bumps disappear. Instinctively, I looked to the side, where I usually would see the dark green truck parked…and to my surprise, it was there.
And so was Edward.
He was leaning against the front of his truck, his arms crossed as he stared at me.
Fantastic. I shouldn't have listened to Alice.
"Don't mind me. I'm just here on break," I spoke, and looked away, hugging my body protectively.
"I know," he said, causing me to regard him again. His expression was solemn now, just like when I'd walked away from him the last time we saw each other. "I asked Alice if she'd let you have an early one."
I blinked at him. "You did? But…why?"
He pushed off the truck and stood straight. "So we can talk."
I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly through my nose. He seemed to be waiting for me to go over to him, so I did with hesitance, making sure to keep a distance between us.
"About?" I questioned, trying to keep my voice even and not show how nervous I was.
His eyes fell to the ground. "I know I haven't seen you in a few days," he started. "I needed time to think."
I frowned. "You just let me go…like I meant nothing to you," I spoke softly.
He lifted his sorrowful eyes to me. "I'm sorry," he said, and raised his hand to my face. He ran the back of his index finger down my cheek slowly, causing my lips to part. "I'm also sorry I said you reminded me of my ex-wife. In a few ways, you do, but in a lot of ways, you don't. First of all, she never mouthed off to me as much as you do."
I chuckled weakly. "You bring it out of me, I guess," I admitted sheepishly.
A small smile twisted at his lips, before he became serious again. "Second of all, you're stronger than she ever was. Maggie escaped when things got tough for her, but you're still pushing through after everything that's happened to you." He leaned in, his mouth by my ear, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from me. "I want you to know how much I admire you, Petal."
I was taken by his thoughtful words. "Really?" I asked in a whisper.
He pulled back slowly, his cheek rubbing against mine. I could feel how coarse his beard was. "Really," he said, and paused with a sigh. "But I'm also scared."
"Scared?" I asked, surprised. "Why are you scared?"
His eyes searched mine. "You'll remember…and I won't matter."
Those words nearly shattered me. He thought I'd remember my life and leave him? Just like that? His dejected expression told it all, and I now understood why he'd been so apprehensive with me.
I pressed my hands against his hard chest, needing to comfort him with my touch. "Edward, whatever happens…whatever I remember…if there's anything I'm certain of, it's that you matter."
He shook his head, looking away disbelievingly.
I grabbed his face and forced him to look at me again. "Hey, don't do that," I said, impassioned. "You matter over everything in my life, and that won't change."
In his eyes, I could see he was starting to believe me.
"You matter," I whispered, and pushed my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck.
In the cold parking lot, there was no one but us, making this moment feel much more intimate. I could see the resolve on his face. There was a change in him.
His hands came up to my waist, bringing me closer to him. I could hear his breathing even out, as if he was suddenly at ease. He dipped his head down, our noses touching lightly. His breath was on my mouth, causing my eyes to shut of their own accord
The feel of his lips brushing gently against mine in hesitance sent shivers down my spine. He seemed reluctant to make the final move, so I knew it'd have to be me.
My fingers pressed against the back of his neck, bringing his mouth firmly onto mine, and suddenly, Edward was like a man who had discovered water for the first time in a scalding dessert. He groaned lightly in his chest and brought me fully into him, my body molding against his.
Our lips moved slowly, pushing and pulling. His beard was rough on my face, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I was swept up in this kiss, my mind completely blank as my senses overrode everything but Edward. I soaked up the feel of him, the taste of him, the smell of him.
Eventually, the kissing gradually stopped, and our foreheads touched, allowing us to think about what just happened. His hands came up to cradle the sides of my head, and he pecked my lips once more. I'd never felt more treasured.
He gazed deeply into my eyes. "Come home," he whispered.
A/N:
Hope you enjoyed. Harry Potter mania has begun, and I've already planned to go see the final film like 80 times with different people, so I won't be updating next week. Hopefully, by the following Tuesday, I'll be less of a nerd.
In the mean time, read some stories I've enjoyed recently:
The Roommate by MandyLeigh87 - BxE are exes and become roommates. The story isn't complicated, in my opinion, and you'll laugh at how much of a regular, chill guy Edward is.
Firefly in Summer by primarycolors - Great romantic buildup and interesting plot twist that'll have your jaw dropping. As long as you put your faith in the author, you'll like it as much as I do.