Lost Before The Dawn
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter Playlist: 'Tower Prayers' from 'Snow White and the Huntsman', 'Elizabeth Arrives At Court' from 'The Tudors: Season 3' and 'Arthur and Gwen' from 'Merlin: Series 2'.
"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
- Abraham Cowley
The debriefing room was a cold, sterile, steel box ten foot by eight, and Jane hated it. With no windows and the kind of uncomfortable, cheap plastic furniture you saw in documentaries about life in prisons, she felt as trapped as the criminals on the television screen.
Agent Coulson and a female SHIELD agent Jane didn't recognise sat opposite her, eyes fixed unmoving on her face as they questioned her over and over again about her incarceration.
Her answers were the same as the first time. No, she hadn't gone with Loki willingly. No, he hadn't harmed her. No, he hadn't forced her to work on the Tesseract. No, she didn't know what his plan was. No, she didn't know where it was.
Jane was tired and cold, shivering slightly in her flimsy silk gown as she answered Coulson's questions.
"One last time, Miss Foster. You're really expecting us to believe that Loki didn't harm you, didn't threaten you and he didn't try to extract information about the Tesseract from you?" he raised an eyebrow, clearly incredulous. The female agent sighed impatiently.
Jane lost her temper slightly. "No, not a damn thing. He didn't need me," she told them irritably. "Loki knows more about the Tesseract than we could ever know."
"Then why'd he take you?" the woman spoke up, and Jane turned to face her coolly.
She shrugged. "I suggest you ask him," she replied tersely. She didn't mention the parts about Loki wanting her as his Queen.
She hadn't seen him since they'd landed on the helicarrier. He had been marched off, surrounded by armed guards she knew he could destroy in nanoseconds if he wanted to, and she had been ushered in here, away from Thor and the others.
"Director Fury is questioning him," Coulson told her. "Now, one last time and we're done here. Do you have any idea what Loki's plan is? Where he has taken the Tesseract?"
Jane shrugged again. "I haven't got a clue. Why would he tell me anything anyway?" she replied, as the female agent snorted slightly. "What?" she demanded, narrowing her eyes.
"The CCTV would suggest otherwise," the agent replied, folding her arms. "You two looked kind of…cosy."
Jane bristled, losing it once and for all. "Look, I've got a pretty good idea what you're insinuating here, and it doesn't take an astrophysics degree to work it out either. Loki told me nothing, and I know nothing!"
"Ok, ok, Foster," Coulson raised his hands, in a conciliatory manner, but she could see the doubt lingered in their eyes. "I think we're done here."
"Hallelujah!" Jane rolled her eyes sarcastically. "I would really appreciate a shower and a change of clothes."
"That can be arranged," Coulson replied, before his communications unit sparked into life, and Jane could hear the tinny voice of Director Fury demanding Coulson's presence. He looked at his companion, and she nodded. "Agent Bryce can show you to the locker rooms and get you a change of clothes."
"Thanks," she muttered, as he left with a slighter warmer smile in her direction that she didn't trust as far as she could throw, and left her with Agent Bryce. Silently, the agent led her through the helicarrier and left her in a bathroom. Jane stripped out of the silky gown and her other things with delight, glad of the shower as she stepped into it.
As she washed herself as quickly as possible, the spray darkening her hair as it grew heavy with water, she felt the events of the past few weeks catch up with her. Before she had just felt angry at SHIELD's treatment of her, now she felt tired. After weeks of captivity, she was free. So why did she feel just as trapped as before, if not more so?
As she finished her shower and grabbed a towel, she wondered where Loki was, and if he was alright. She'd stopped bothering to catch herself when she felt concerned for Loki. Yes, he had hurt and killed a lot of people but that didn't justify SHIELD ill-treating him.
She needed to talk to Thor.
She sensed her only real ally on this thing would be him. There was more to Loki's plans than domination or madness.
When she stepped out into the changing rooms, she found a pile of clothes waiting. Fresh underwear, combat trousers, a t-shirt and jacket, all embossed with the SHIELD emblem. She slipped them on with a sigh of relief, leaving her damp hair down.
As she did up her boots, her thoughts drifted to the golden-haired God. It was obvious that Thor had only come back because of Loki, and the threat he posed, and hadn't she told herself she wasn't waiting for him? What did he expect of her?
And when this was over, he would return to Asgard. One of the things she had realised, as she remembered what the Tesseract had shown her, was that Thor was a creature of duty. His duty would always be to Asgard and she admired that but…it didn't keep a girl warm at night. She couldn't wait for him, didn't want to.
She'd had a life, before Loki and Thor, and magic and aliens and Bifrosts. It was pretty boring but comfortable, and it had a purpose. She'd been fine with it, and although she didn't delude herself into thinking she would be allowed to go back to that life, she needed more than a life of duty, of waiting, of only having half a person.
So, she would gently but firmly tell him no. Besides, she had a funny feeling the dark-haired warrior goddess had a far greater bond with him than she'd ever had, or that he realised. Three days wasn't long enough to destroy that.
Whatever happened, she would tell Thor no.
Nodding to herself, she finished lacing her boot up, and opened the door of the changing rooms, expecting to find Agent Snooty on the other side.
Instead, Thor waited outside the changing rooms. Jane stopped dead, eyes wide.
"Crap," she muttered. Thor's brow creased as he stood from the bench, the leather of his clothes creaking with the movement.
"Jane? I do not know what 'crap' means but I sense from your face it is not something good. What is wrong?" he asked, holding out a hand. Jane gathered herself and shook her head.
"Sorry, I didn't mean…nothing's wrong. I just wasn't expecting to see you so soon," she replied truthfully. "I thought they'd have you in briefings for hours yet."
He inclined his head. "Son of Coul told me where to find you. Your scientists have gone to their work. For now, there is no work for me," he explained, and for a moment he looked unsure. "Jane, may we walk?"
"Sure," she murmured nervously, stepping out and falling into step beside him. "Where's your brother?"
A strange smile passed across Thor's features as he eyed her curiously, and she fought not to fidget.
"You show concern for him," he murmured, as they walked along the corridors of the helicarrier. "I am not surprised. You were ever compassionate, Jane."
"He is…damaged," she continued, carefully, aware there might be cameras listening in. "Thor, I need to ask you something."
"Anything, my lady," he assured her with a warm smile.
"When you destroyed the Bifrost," she began cautiously, not seeing the amazed look that crossed Thor's face. "When you and Loki were hanging off the edge, did you throw him over or did he let himself fall?"
"How do you know of this?" he began urgently. Jane smirked wryly, glancing down at her boots as they stopped just before they had reached the bridge.
"Loki's got quite a temper, hasn't he? Especially when he's losing an argument," she muttered. "He made me look into the heart of the Tesseract. I think he thought it would…I don't know… 'sway' me to his side or something. It showed me everything that had happened to him. About the Frost Giants and Jotunheim. Please, Thor, tell me what happened," she faced him, a pleading look crossing her face as he stared.
He had not been certain what he would find when he came back to Earth. Heimdall had told them Loki had taken Jane. Reminded of his brother's malicious promise to him during their battle on the Bifrost, he had feared for her then.
Until he had seen, through Heimdall, how Loki cared for her as he cared for no one else. He could barely credit it, but Jane had reached his brother, somehow. Beneath the layers of madness and pain, she had reached the remnants of his brother that remained.
"He fell," he finally spoke, his voice strained as he remembered the bridge and that terrible day. "He called out to our father. Father said no, and then he let go."
Jane nodded to herself. "I know. That's what I saw too," she told him, as he frowned. "But that's not what Loki remembers."
Thor frowned harder, as his brother's words from the mountaintop echoed again in his mind.
"I remember you tossing me into an abyss! I who was and should be King!"
"It is the madness talking, and his jealousy," he continued, but Jane shook her head. "Jane?"
"I don't think so, Thor," she argued, folding her arms and looking so defiant, it made Thor smile. She had never been afraid of standing up to creatures with strength ten times that of her own. But within her, she held a strength that could overcome any obstacle, no matter how indefatigable. "I know he's a liar by reputation, but the look in his eyes…he believes what he's saying. He truly believes you threw him off that bridge."
"But I would never…he is my brother!" he snapped and Jane glowered. He immediately felt ashamed and looked away.
"I wasn't saying it was true," she retorted softly. "Sometimes when I watch his eyes, they change colour. Sometimes they are blue, the same colour as the Tesseract-"
"My brother's eyes are green," Thor frowned, as Jane waved her hand at him impatiently.
"I was coming to that," she muttered. "They change, Thor. And sometimes, when he isn't quite so insane, they're green again. I think…I think something has warped his memories, Thor. Or someone."
"He would not tell me who his ally was, nor who had showed him the power of the Tesseract," he admitted.
"Do you know what happened after he fell?" Jane asked, as they resumed their walk, into the bridge, standing on the main control deck and looking out over the cloudy, night sky.
"I know not. He passed beyond even the sight of Heimdall. We thought him dead until he showed himself on Earth," Thor sighed, glancing down at his clenched fist, sorrow rising up as he thought of his brother, changed beyond all recognition. Jane's soft hand curled over his bicep, and he glanced at her. She was smiling gently, encouragingly at him, her eyes warm.
"Hey, we can get him back," she told him softly. "We just have to stop him first."
"He plans to lead an army against your people. They are named the Chitauri," Thor told her quietly. "He wants to open another portal."
"He can't, not without it collapsing again, like it did at the base," Jane frowned. "Unless he found some way to stabilise it-"
"That is what your scientists said," Thor chuckled. "Something about iridium and stabilising such a collapse."
"I'm guessing that was what we were in Germany for," Jane mused. "Or Barton was, at least."
"Perhaps you should consult with the Iron Man and Doctor Banner," Thor suggested, and she nodded, eyes far away. He watched her with a sad smile, and sighed. She glanced to him, and he watched a guilty expression wash through her all-too expressive doe eyes.
"Thor…I -" she began awkwardly, but he held up a hand.
"It is alright, Jane. I am sorry I could not keep my promise to you," he told her gently. "But you have moved on, as I knew you must. Your life was never made for waiting."
"It is kind of short," she looked down with a wry grin, but he caught her chin, gently pulling her eyes back up to his.
"No, I did not mean your mortality," he told her. "You, Jane, are not made to be the wife of duty, to always wonder if your mate is coming home or not, to stay behind while others go forth. You should be the one going forth, and you have. I do not doubt you always will."
She looked away, and he let her, both looking out at the night sky as they glided through the clouds. "Maybe once I could've waited," she breathed. "But not now. Everything's changed. You changed everything, when you showed me I had something to go forth to, Thor. Thank you for that."
"Perhaps it would be better if they had not changed," Thor sighed. "We pretend on Asgard that we're more advanced, but we come here, battling like bilgesnipe!"
"What?" Jane laughed as Thor looked at her incredulously.
"Bilgesnipe. You know, huge, scaly, big antlers." He pantomimed the creature, and Jane struggled to hold back her laughter.
"Kind of sounds like Loki's helmet actually," she muttered, and Thor laughed this time, a short bark that startled several of the SHIELD agents working at their stations.
"Perhaps. Well, they are repulsive and they trample anything in their path," he continued, his eyes growing haunted and Jane herself heard again the explosions and the screeching of metal from Puente Antiguo. "When I was first sent here, Loki's rage followed me here, and you paid the price. And now again."
"It's more than just jealousy this time," Jane replied. "There's something else, something more driving him. And anyway, it's not your fault, Thor. Loki's hang-ups are his and his alone."
"I fear what may happen, Jane," he admitted. Jane watched him, feeling pity swell as he looked so lost and uncertain, reminding her of that time in Puente Antiguo, before the Warriors Three came, and all hell broke loose. "You saw in the Tesseract how I was before I came to Earth. In my youth I courted war, and now I feel only despair that it may come here, at my own brother's hand."
"You were pretty arrogant," she told him. "But you've changed, you've grown up. The fact you no longer see war as a game shows that, Thor. We can do this, we can stop this. It doesn't have to come to war."
Fury's cold, commanding voice broke into their private conversation, and Jane stiffened as she met the eye of the Director for the first time since the attack at the base. "War hasn't started yet," he told them, standing above them on a step, watching them intently, Coulson by his side. "You think you could make Loki tell us where the Tesseract is?"
Horror froze Jane to the spot, as she stared at the Director, anger growing inside her.
She could see it in Thor's eyes too, as he murmured evasively. "I do not know. Loki's mind is far afield. It is not just power he craves, but vengeance. Upon me. There's no pain would prise his need from him."
"A lot of guys think that, until the pain starts," Fury muttered, as he slowly walked down the stairs towards them, and Jane snapped.
"What are you suggesting? Torture him?" she spat, and Fury's eye flicked in her direction impatiently.
"Take your morals elsewhere, Miss Foster. This is an alien hell-bent on taking our world. I'd have thought you'd be the first to see the need to stop him, at all costs."
"Then you're no better than him, and everything he's said about us is true," she snapped heatedly. He glowered at her, and shook his head.
"This is war, Foster. There aren't any ends that can't be justified," he told her icily, and she tensed, ready to retort when he looked to Thor, ignoring her. "The question is, what are you prepared to do?"
"You can't ask Thor to torture his own brother!" Jane snarled, just as Thor protested as well.
"Loki is a prisoner."
Fury sighed impatiently. "Then why do I feel like he's the only person on this boat who wants to be here?" he asked, as Jane remembered her suspicions from earlier. Loki had a plan, a reason for being on the helicarrier.
They needed to find out what. In desperation, she spoke up. "Let me speak to him," she offered, as both Thor and Fury froze, eying her like she'd gone mad. "He trusts me a little. I can handle him, just please, let me try before you put him on a goddamn rack!"
Fury stared at her implacably for a few seconds, before nodding. "Alright, Foster. We try the easy way first. You have ten minutes."
Uneasily Jane wondered what she had got herself into, as Thor stared at her in wonder. As she turned and followed Coulson towards the detention area, Thor at her back, she steeled herself.
She could do this. She could beat him.
And in the process, possibly save his probably ungrateful skin.