Ianto opened his eyes. Everything was blurry, and he had no idea where he was. It was bright, and fairly white, so he knew it wasn't the Archives. Was there an afterlife? He breathed, his throat feeling dry, the sterile smell filling his nostrils. Then he noticed the pain in his chest. He winced, but that seemed to make the pain worse. He heard movement, and someone talking. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but he recognised his name. The room came into focus and he saw Jack, standing over him.

"Yan, Yan? How do you feel?"
Ianto blinked a few times. What went wrong?

"Jack..." he rasped, not knowing what to say or wanting to say it. All he could feel was an overwhelming dread. He was stuck here now... there was no way he'd be let out of here any time soon after a suicide attempt. Wherever here was.

"Just relax, Yan. You're safe. I'm going to take care of you, ok?"

He wanted to be angry, but Ianto just felt defeated. What was the point of anger? A whole lot of energy on something getting him nowhere.

Story of my life.

"Why?"
Jack looked at him, tilting his head, not understanding the question.

"Why am I going to care for you? Because I love you, Yan."
Ianto snorted. He knew was that was a lie. But that wasn't what he meant.

"No. Why did you save me?"

"Same answer."

Ianto looked grumpy. Jack knew this was going to be hard for all of them, but it still hurt to hear Ianto believe Jack didn't care for him.

"How...how..."

Ianto was having trouble getting the words out. Jack sat beside him and stroked his arm, looking very upset.

"I'm so sorry Yan."

Ianto raised an eyebrow at him.

"It was Owen who noticed. He'd been keeping an eye on you, since he was worried. He saw your suicide methods list, and ran to get me. I'm ashamed, Yan, I didn't want to believe it. I've gone over it a thousand times in my head and I know that if I had just ran to you like he said, I could have stopped you... but I didn't. I argued. I didn't believe. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Ianto. I'm sorry I was so blind, that I didn't support, and that I was too late to stop you."

Jack was crying. Ianto just watched. Jack looked very sincere in his pain. Ianto noticed the dark circles around his eyes, and the redness that showed he'd been crying a lot lately. This unsettled Ianto... even though he knew better, he couldn't stop feeling that Jack was being honest, and was actually hurting. Doubt started creeping in. His love towards Jack was still there, and he wanted to hug Jack to ease his pain. But another, more sinister and hurt voice spoke to him, saying that Jack didn't do that for him.

"I don't want you to forgive me, Ianto. Not yet. I need to make it up to you."

Jack didn't deserve forgiveness, so he told himself. He'd wanted to kill himself as punishment. He'd settled for cutting himself instead. He'd felt that it was a more fitting punishment: death brought a silent peace, but cutting he had to feel the pain the whole time. Ianto still remained quiet. But then he started crying.

"Ianto?"

"I failed."

"No no no, my love, no. I failed you. And surviving this isn't a failure. If it makes you feel better, you did give us a hell of a scare. It looked like you weren't going to make it for a moment there."
Ianto still wept. He rolled onto his side and curled up. He looked so pitiful. Jack moved to sit beside him, and stroked him softly.

"I'm trapped."
Jack didn't say anything. He knew it was true, and he knew what that felt like. He knew what it was like to want nothing more than to just die and have it over, but to not have that option. Well, not for very long at least in his case.

They sat like that for a while. Jack didn't know how to talk about what was going to happen with him. Maybe it was better he didn't know. He already knew enough that he was going to be trapped, adding anything more might not be the best idea.

Owen walked in, announced himself, and moved over to Ianto. The man rolled over to face him, and gave him a deadly scowl. Owen knew enough to expect as much, and so didn't react.
"Hello Ianto, good to see you."
"You were the one."

Owen looked at the paperwork on the clipboard he was holding.

"Yep. I know you're angry now mate, but you won't always be. If you want to hate me for saving your life, so be it. But I will do it as many times as I have to."

Owen seemed to be emotionally distant, a method taught in medical school, but he couldn't help feeling a little upset. Ianto gave up trying to make him feel bad. That wasn't going to accomplish anything.

"Now, you're going to be a bit sore for a while, Ianto. I dislocated some of your ribs in resuscitation. We've done what we can now to repair that, but you'll have to take it easy for a bit. As you might have guessed, I'm going to be looking after your primary care, physically at least. There's going to be a psychiatrist here to deal with the mental and emotional side of things. But don't think that you can't talk to me either."

Owen sighed and lowered the clipboard.

"I care about you mate. If you'd come to me I could have helped... put you on some meds that might have helped at the very least. Oh yes you're going to be starting antidepressants now, by the way. Seriously though, I know I seem a prat, but I do want to help."

Ianto just looked at him. He didn't know what to say, or feel. Owen sat in the chair Jack was on before.

"I don't know if I did the right thing, when I was there in your office. I saw your list. And I panicked. I... I wasn't running away from you. I keep wondering if I should have talked to you then and there, gotten you to come with me. But ... honestly... would you have come? Knowing we'd be in your way?"
Ianto lowered his gaze, and gently shook his head. Owen seemed to loosen some tensed muscles. It had been eating him up inside, wondering what might have been. It had been too close a call.

"The psych will be in here later on. He's been given clearance, and told a little of the backstory, so don't worry. You can tell him anything you want to. Just... please try."

Owen left, leaving just Jack sitting on Ianto's bed.

"Ianto, I have to talk to you."
"Do you now?"

"Please, look at me."

Ianto obliged. Jack pulled out a bag from his pocket, and inside was the stone.

"Ianto, I know what happened. But... I don't think you do."
"Don't tell me what I do and don't know, Jack." Ianto growled.
"You wrote me that letter. I know you misunderstood. This... this doesn't show you the past, or the truth, or whatever you think you saw. It's called a Fear Stone. A race called the Altracti use them to show oneself their deepest fears. It's not true. It's just you... you saw what you feared the most."

The pit of Ianto's stomach dropped. Was that true? Had he broken the one reason he had to live?

"How do you know?"

"I've seen them before."
"Did you use it?"
"No. Ianto, I didn't need to... you showed it to me. I'm living it now. And it's worse because it's real."

"Like what I thought."

"Hey, I'm not blaming you ... of course you thought that, you didn't know what it was... I just wish you said something, then I could have explained."

Sure, Jack. Keep piling the guilt on. That's not going to keep me wanting to die at all.

Ianto was crying again.
"'Doesn't change everything else, Jack."

"I know."