I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to wake up from the dream I seemed to be living. The one man I had always dreamed of being with was on top of me, in a bed, his lips on mine. There was no way this was real. I wasn't going to chance waking up and losing the dream, so I kept my eyes tightly shut. Jeff's tongue parted my lips gently, sending electic waves throughout my body, something I'd never felt or experienced before. Our lips moved almost in sync with each other, as if we were singing a song to one another, the same song. He pulled away, ending our song. He pressed his forehead to mine, our breathing labored.

"I'm sorry." he said, breathless.

"Wh...please don't apologize..." I said, pulling his face back to mine, kissing his lips once again.

He pulled away once more.

"Nixon..."

I pressed my lips to his once more. I liked how they felt against mine. His kisses were soft and sweet, gentle, and comforting. He smiled and kissed my forehead, then my cheek, my lips, my neck. That was a new feeling all over. It made my toes tingle and curl. He kissed up a bit further on my neck, close to my jaw, then behind my ear. He was driving me insane. I decided to return the favor. I couldn't let him know that I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't want this to end before, and I sure as hell didn't want it to end now. I kissed his cheek, jawline, and down his neck.

"You...might not wanna do that." he whispered in my ear.

"Why not?" I asked, kissing his neck again.

"I don't want something to happen that we both regret." he replied.

"Jeff, I wouldn't regret anything that happened with you...." I told him.

His green eyes met my blues.
"Sweetheart...I....I can't." he said.

Jeff rolled over on his back beside me, running his hands over his head. I turned on my side, facing him.
"You can't just leave me hanging like that,either." I told him.

Jeff smirked and shook his head.
"What about Phil? What if he found out?"

"Jeff, how the hell is Phil gonna find out? Are you gonna tell him? Am I? Blake? Randy? Their dog? Their unborn child?" I asked.

Jeff's expression changed. It was that caring,protective look he gave me that night in the locker room.

"Nixon....are you sure?" he asked.

"Jeff...I'm positive...I regret losing my virginity...I lost it to Phil...it wasn't sweet,or romantic,or anything. It was sloppy, and we were both high...he was drunk...it lasted all of ten minutes, and I've never even been remotely close to orgasm with him...don't be such a damn tease." I said.

..?! I thought to myself.

"Nixon..."

"Jeff,please...make love to me..."

Jeff brushed my cheek with the back of his hand, and in the low light of the lamp on the bedside table, I could sense a look of passion in his eyes. It was almost as if he wanted this as badly as I did, but he was almost afraid to hurt me. Was I afraid? Of course I was afraid, but that didn't mean I didn't want it. I lived in fear every single day, but I didn't let it stop me. Fear wasn't going to stop me now, either.

Jeff's lips touched mine, but it felt different this time. I wasn't dreaming, that was certain now. I felt like crying tears of happiness, but I closed my eyes, losing myself in the moment that I never wanted to end. Jeff's hands were gentle as he caressed my face, arms, sides, thighs. I wrapped my arms around his neck once more, breathing his scent in. It reminded me of summertime back home, sultry and warm, and that was comforting to me. Suddenly, I felt more relaxed than I ever had in my entire life. It was like I was home again, in the comfort of a familiar place...somewhere I belonged.

I allowed Jeff to remove my shirt. I wasn't exactly comfortable with him seeing all the bruises and scars Phil had left behind, but he knew where my deepest scars were, and they weren't on the outside. He stopped for a moment, staring me in the face.
"What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing..."

"Jeff..."

"You're...just...beautiful is all..."

Once again, I found myself fighting tears. No one had ever called me beautiful. Ever. Jeff's lips gently kissed every bruise and scar, sending chills all over once more. He kissed up my body, between my breasts, until his lips met mine once more.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

"Yes." I replied, breathless.

"I feel like I'm taking advantage of you." he said,hesitant.

"Jeff, don't feel like that...I want this...please." I stared deeply into his eyes, giving him a pleading look, so he'd know for sure that I was serious. He nodded and kissed my forehead. He unbuttoned his shirt and threw it off to the side. He kissed me again, unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them off. He kissed down my sides, and across the tattoo that wrapped around from my lower back to my pelvis.

"I didn't know that was there." he whispered.

"Mhm..." I said, my eyes closed.

He kept kissing me all over, moving from my torso to my thighs. I was starting to shake, nerves and adrenaline taking over.

"." I whispered.

Jeff stopped once again, and I felt his hands on my face. My eyes opened to see his eyes locked on mine.

"Nixon you deserve better than that...I refuse to give you anything less than what you deserve."

"Jeff what are you talking about? Quit teasing me."

"No...you deserve to know how beautiful you are....you are perfect in so many ways...you deserve to be loved, Nixon. That's what I'm going to show you...love...."