Matthew put down his tea and took Molly's from her hands. He slid up next to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Molly, I'm sorry...sorry for all of it." By now Molly was sobbing uncontrollably, the tears running down her face. Matthew pulled her into his lap and held her, rubbing her back and making soothing sounds.
He knew there was more to come, Molly wouldn't fall apart like this if there wasn't more to this. But the ending could wait, or so he thought. Molly pulled away from his chest to look him in the eyes. "There's more..." she whispered, he nodded, he knew that, could feel it.
"One day when 'e was in the middle of one of 'is depressions, 'e...'e did the unimaginable." Matthew searched Molly's face. "Oh God, no!" he breathed. Molly nodded, getting ready to tell Matthew the next bombshell.
"I found 'im...I was the one who found 'im. I'm so thankful that it wasn't Sammy." It can spilling from her lips. "Charles 'ad timed it so Sammy was at 'is mother's." Matthew pulled Molly to him again, trying to protect her from the memories. It was impossible, she walked with them every day.
"'E left me a note, tellin' me that none of it was my fault, not 'im bein' shot or Smurf, or what 'ad 'appened with 'is life. That 'e 'ad loved me from the moment I'd treated 'is blisters an' that 'e never stopped loving me in all the years we 'ad together. An' that 'e loved Sammy beyond words but we were better off without 'im."
And with it all there, out in the open between them, Molly was broken again. She buried herself in Matthew's warmth, seeking comfort and ease from the burden, if only for a moment. Matthew held her while she sobbed, his heart breaking for her and Sam. He now knew why she wasn't quite the Molly of old.
She'd had to deal with so much, much more than any one person should in only a short space of time. He knew it was irrational but Matthew was angry with Charles for what had happened to Molly and Sam. He understood that Charles must have been had the very darkest of places. Charles wasn't the first soldier that Matthew knew of, who'd suffered with PTSD and had ended up taking their own life.
Matthew knew that stats showed 1 veteran in 5 suffered with mental health issues. And there were often the added problems of substance abuse either alcohol or drugs, painkillers for the mind and body. Then there was also the factors of disability from injury often from active service, family breakdown and homelessness. But none of those facts or figures helped those that were suffering, their families or for those who were left behind after the the worst possible thing had happened.
The sobbing finally started to subside, Matthew wasn't sure how long Molly had been crying but he knew it had been awhile. The front of his shirt felt damp and Molly was left hiccuping, her face shiny with tears and her eyes puffy. Matthew drew back from her, "My God Molly, how the hell have you kept going? You have got to be the strongest person I know and I'll help you and Sam if I can."
"I've never told anyone all of what went on. The boys and Jac know some, my parents other bits, Charles' parents even less. Sammy lived most of it but I tried to protect 'im when I could. But it's 'elped just tellin' the whole story to someone. Thanks for listenin'. " Matthew knew that Molly would have tried to protect Sam as much as she could of, it was that protective streak in her. The one that made a her a brilliant medic and an even more exceptional human being.
Matthew looked at her, she looked completely wrecked. He wiped the trail of tears from her cheeks, "Right! I say a strong cuppa and bed for you Captain."
"I'm not a very 'ostess am I?"
"I would say we're friends Molly, so you don't need to be looking after me. Plus I'm a bloody Army Major and a grown man! But I think you need to let me look after you right now." Molly shook her head, denying she needed to be looked after, even after what she had revealed and the toll it had taken. "No Molly, I'm serious, I'll pull rank if I have too! Now to bed with you and I'll bring your tea."
Molly opened her mouth but the look from Matthew made her snap it shut. She stood up and headed meekly up the stairs. Not the Molly Matthew knew, so she must feel wrecked as well, to give in so quickly.
Matthew went to the kitchen to make her tea. While the kettle boiled, Matthew looked for something to give it a kick. He couldn't find the mouthwash Sambuca but he found the bottle of brandy. Matthew made the tea and gave it a good hit with the brandy.
By the time he got upstairs Molly was in bed, wrapped up and still looking exhausted. "Here's you tea, make sure you drink it. Then have a good sleep, you need it. I'll be here if you need me."
"Thanks Matthew," said Molly yawning just a little "We'll talk later, yeah?"
Matthew flicked the light off. "Yeah, we'll talk Molly."
Matthew spent the rest of the day relaxing. He rang his parents to let them know he was back for RnR. They told him that they'd organise everyone else and they'd have a family dinner when he came home.
He put away the rest of the shopping the best he could, tidied the kitchen and did the dishes. He looked to see what he could cook for dinner that night and decided to wait to see what Molly felt like when she woke up. He could always go to the shops later.
He had leftovers for lunch and spent some time reading. He listened out for Molly but it was all quiet upstairs.
Matthew spent some time out in the garden. To be surrounded by the cool greens of an English garden and the soft blue of an English sky gave his body and mind some rest from the swirl of emotions over what Molly had revealed and the job he was going back too. He could see that some work needed to be done out there. He did some weeding but there was some heavy duty trimming, some raking, a lot more weeding and digging to be done. It felt good to be out in the crisp air, doing some manual work and enjoying the peace and quiet.
He grabbed a shower after his work outside and he waited for Molly to appear.
He ate tea alone. And waited for Molly.
He finished his book. He waited for Molly.
He went to bed.