Hi guys! Hope you all had a very merry christmas! I know I'm on overtime with this one, but now I'm here!
Creds: Sex and the city, Mulan, John Green, To kill a mockingbird, Bob Marley and Henry Miller.
Chapter 10: Close the curtain
Sometimes you meet someone, and it's so clear that the two of you, on some level, belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you're in love or you're partners in crime. You meet these people throughout life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive.
I don't know if that makes one believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely made Naomi believe in something.
The glances that were cast became longer. The presence of the other were more openly wanted. The feelings were new, and at the same time not. They were just admitted. And that made it almost scarier. That this wasn't something they were in alone.
They never touched, though. It almost made them shy again, this. This knowing.
But there was also another knowing. A greater knowing. A greater fact. It overruled this that they had acknowledged. It created a battle.
It created a battle between what they knew and what they felt.
It was no denying it, they watched each other more now when they were around the cabin. It might've been going past all those oblivious to anything but themselves, or those who didn't pay attention, but admittedly they did. Emily would sit by the diner table, trying to read one of her books, and failing greatly at keeping the concentration. Her eyes strayed to Naomi almost by a default, wherever she was in the room. Whether she was making or cleaning something by the kitchen counter or lightly bantering with James somewhere else. She had always been good at shutting out the noise, getting lost in the world of words on a page, but this was bigger than anything from her past. Bigger than anything she'd known, really.
In return, Naomi was weighted down with the same urges, the same unplanned shifting of focus when Emily was near. She noticed little things she had either overlooked before or hadn't recognised before. Like how patient and caring she always was with Jonah. Listened dutifully to some of his ramblings, and stopped him when she saw it was getting out of hand. Naomi felt so stupid for once swapping it for anything else, because it was so clear to her when she watched them together. They were tied by many years together, establishing their understanding and love for each other, like siblings would do. Naomi couldn't be mad for Emily and Jonah's friendship. It was, after all, just another reminder to Naomi of the loving soul belonging to one Emily Fitch.
But watching Emily like this, also meant that Naomi further registered her exchanges with Katherine. She saw how Katherine had the tendency to walk all over her twin sister. Saw how bravely Emily took it. Saw how Emily obviously did it out of love. But despite it, Naomi couldn't help to despise it. Because it did put Emily down, put her down to something Naomi knew she was high above. And when she watched the interactions, Naomi appreciated who Emily was even more.
The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.
They still kept under the three, and that day was no exception. The exception was the time of day. The sky was cloudless, and the sun had set behind the mountains hours ago. Galaxies was lighting above them, where they laid side by side in growing grass.
As Naomi watched the patterns made by light balls hundred of thousands of miles away, she envied the picture she saw above her. Her thoughts were stars too, only she couldn't fathom them into constellations.
She looked sideways, to Emily. The smooth contours of her face in the soft moonlight glowed beautifully. And as she had felt Naomi looking, she tilted her head and smiled back at the blonde. It was alarming truly, how disarming she could be.
"How is it like being a twin?" Naomi asked. She was curious, because the only remotely close thing she had to a sibling were James, and still they were old enough to understand it when their lives were mashed together. Of course they had to share things, but Naomi held the impression that Emily had shared most of everything.
"I can't speak for all twins.." Emily started, her eyes marvelling in the magnificence the mountains represented bathed in starlight, "but being Katies twin can be challenging at times."
Naomi just kept her gaze at the small girl beside her, showing her attention. Emily licked her lips before she continued.
"She's quite demanding, and I find it easier to bend to her wishes. Her and mums, both. One should know what chaos would unravel if not."
"Your mum too, huh?" Naomi just wanted to keep Emily talking. It wasn't often she was so sharing with her personal stuff, but she had become more daring in trusting Naomi lately.
"Yes, especially her. I suspect Katie has inherited it from her." Emily shrugged. "They are both takers, and I guess that forced me to become a giver. I mean, I don't complain, it's not that big of a deal. A lot of people has it worse. And besides, I can always escape them if everything gets too much."
Naomi nodded at this, her eyes transfixed.
"JJ has always been a great reliance. He's not a taker, so he never expected anything from me. And since our parents were friends and neighbours, we naturally acquainted and eventually befriended. He's with us this summer because mum would never let us go alone, and so she and dad decided to tell JJ's parents about our situation and luckily they let him companion us."
"Huh," Naomi wondered out loud. "I guess I always wondered why people of your economical background suddenly decided to herd with us for a summer, but I never thought of asking."
"Yeah." Emily smiled. She always smiled when Naomi proved her right about her. She didn't make assumptions or judge. It was refreshing. It was astounding to Emily. "We really need the money we get of this, but it had to be kept a secret. So to everyone else of mum and dads friends we're off to a university overseas for the summer."
"Hmm." Naomi mused, thinking about how it would be going to a university. "I guess I should shut my mouth when we get back down, then."
"I guess." Emily shrugged, not looking like she would care whatever Naomi would say or not about the matter. She turned her head again, her sizzling eyes finding Naomi again. "I think Katie is the one that's most against this summer. I'm not so much."
"No?" Naomi felt her lips tug at the ends.
"No." Emily answered, self-satisfied. She turned away with a smug smile of Naomi's reaction, clearly done with the matter.
"What about Peter?" Naomi asked, and she instantly felt the girl next to her freeze.
"What about him?" came the shaky reply.
"He thinks you're at a university too?"
"Well, yeah." Emily shifted a bit, "like I said, they don't know about our situation. And it's not like it would hurt their heritage or wealth, this marriage. But they probably wouldn't go through with it if they knew how disadvantaged we've become. I mean, mum, dad and James will barely make it through with the income of this summer me and Katie are working."
Naomi thought of all the things Emily's fiancee seemed to not know about her. Not just about the position of their family, but her as a person. He seemed clueless to Naomi. So undeserving.
"How much time have you spent with him?" Naomi whispered, just a tad bit higher than the sounds the crickets hidden about behind straws and bushes made.
"With Peter?" Emily exclaimed a bit brash, before she maintained. "Um, quite a bit." It made Naomi gulp.
"Oh, yeah. I guess it's wise starting to play happy family before the wedding." she said offhandedly, looking away.
"It's not like that. The whole family visits, so me and Katie can spend time with them. But Peter's never interested in talking with me for a long time. He either disappears into his library or talks politics and business with the other men present. And as he's said many times, that's not something for me to indulge in." Emily shrugged. "So yes, we've spent time together, but it's more on his premises than anything else."
Naomi felt something ugly grow inside her of these words. She hated men like that, who put women down and declared some activities were not for them. She hated them like the plague. She out of everyone knew how resourceful and strong a woman could be without a man. She saw it everyday in her mother. And not to talk about how resourceful and strong James' dad was not.
And even though Naomi had seen it, maybe sometimes been on the receiving end of bits of the discrimination, she couldn't really know how this had affected Emily's core. You never really understand a person until you consider things from their point of view - until you climb into their skin and walk around in it. And even though Naomi made a pretty good job at it, she could never really be Emily and feel what she felt. But little did Naomi know then, that she would be the closest one would ever come to this beautiful girl.
They kept talking quietly to each other, whispers in the night. About Emily. About her family. About her future. In the background, Naomi knew it was misery in this. But she couldn't really make herself face it, when Emily was lying so close and listening to her pointing out distant constellations to her.
It's only once in your life you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that makes you special and even beautiful.
There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. The things that seem insignificant to most people, such as a note, word or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seem part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all.
In their presence, there's no need for continuos conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is special to you.
You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud in the horizon. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing she is a part of your life.
Thoughts like this swirled inside Emily's mind as she adoringly watched and followed Naomi talk about the stars. It was one old renter who had told her the crazy and probably slightly untrue stories which she was now retelling Emily. And while Emily looked at Naomi, and everything she represented in her life, it hit her hard. That this young girl with short unruly hair, wild blue eyes and a crooked half smile could set her insides on fire.
This was maybe the greatest damn thing about the universe. That we can know so much, recognise so much, dissect, do everything, and we can't grasp it.