Chapter 10 – A Conversation Between Swords
Kei
(Miki)
Hurry up, Kei-san! You're falling behind!
Chimes the pipsqueak who always ends up last place in exercises.
(Kei)
Why hurry?
(Miki)
Why not?
Come on—hurry!
(Kei)
Because she can't move on her own anyway?
Only Miki and I are together right now.
We parted ways with Sakaki and Mitsurugi earlier.
'Squad leader' said she'd visit later, after attending to her 'other duties'.
Mitsurugi, on the other hand, said nothing when she departed on her own.
As for Shirogane—I haven't seen him all day.
Not that I care of course.
(Miki)
*sigh*
I guess she gave up on hurrying, because she's now walking beside me.
I honestly don't understand why she has to rush at all.
We'll get there when we get there—so I'd rather get there at my own pace.
(Miki)
Kei-san,
(Kei)
? ? ?
(Miki)
You're the best! You beat your own record once again!
Oh. That.
Briefly closing my eyes and nodding her way, I say,
(Kei)
Six minutes, on the dot,
To add to her reference to this afternoon's activity.
Hmm...
I always get the urge to skip classes myself,
though I never follow through with those urges.
How gutsy of Shirogane to play hooky so soon after joining.
(Kei)
It's wasted on me,
Gun Master Miki.
Emphasis on the second line.
I pretend to bow down and worship her with a straight face.
Amongst all of us, she's the firearms connoisseur, even if she pretends to be modest about it.
As expected, she's giggling and blushing profusely.
I'm not really a fan of guns.
Ayamine Kei's weapons of choice: my left fist and my right.
(Miki)
But still! Being able to improve in such a short time—have you been practicing?
Her present admiration stems from how I managed to shave off 17 whole seconds from my previous record in field stripping.
I'm not too sure how I handled that, since the only time I practice is during class hours.
And yet I'm getting better by some means.
My fingers have a mind of their own—or something silly like that.
(Miki)
Hold that thought—here we are!
We've just arrived at the infirmary.
Miki and I are currently here to visit Yoroi.
I don't know about Miki, but I'm not here out of sentiment or concern or anything like that.
I'm just bored right now, hence why I followed her.
At first, I considered searching for Shirogane...
He didn't spend lunch with us at the PX earlier.
What sort of assignment did Instr. Jinguuji give him, I wonder.
But to look for him is to admit that I'm thinking about him,
and that's just absurd,
so I decided not to.
...
Okay—maybe I'm slightly concerned for Yoroi.
Nobody needs to know that though.
As we walk towards her floor,
Miki, in customary loud fashion, opens the door and greets,
(Miki)
Good afternoon, Mikot–!
Huh? She didn't finish her delivery.
Miki turns her wide eyes to look at mine.
(Miki)
Kei-san, there's no one in her bed.
(Kei)
. . .
What does she mean?
We do have the correct floor number, don't we?
Why yes, we do.
This is the third time we've visited Yoroi.
It's also the third day since she's been in the hospital.
I guess you could say we've been visiting her regularly.
But no—it's not out of concern, as I mentioned...
(Kei)
Let me see.
Miki steps aside to allow me passage to the room.
Hmm... She wasn't imagining things after all...
It's empty, as she says.
Looks like I was wrong earlier, when I said that Yoroi 'can't move on her own anyway'.
I thought she was supposed to be bedridden for at least one more week.
Although... the sheets are littered all over the mattress and the floor, which tells me it was vacated only very recently.
(Kei)
Short visit.
Okay—I'm leaving.
I wave a palm at Miki and start walking away,
but she blocks me in the middle of my tracks.
(Miki)
Heehh–? Don't leave yet! We have to find her!
(Kei)
Bath time.
(Miki)
Eh?
(Kei)
Nurses took her away for a scrub bath.
I pick on her with my sophistry.
(Miki)
Ehhh~?
But... it's her rest period...
Yeah... I know...
This time window is reserved for visitors;
this is Yoroi's scheduled free time.
I groan to myself.
Ayamine Kei is such a loser.
If only I had anything better to do than this...
It's sad that I don't...
Maybe—I should've searched for Shirogane in the first place?
Or–
Maybe I can... study?
'Don't kid yourself, Ayamine Kei.'
I wish I had Shirogane's delinquency skills...
Or his running skills—he seems to be a pro at running.
No choice—I'll tag along with Miki for now.
(Miki)
Let's go look for her.
I'm following Miki,
burying myself into the rabbit hole that is my thoughts...
I've been feeling mysteriously... calm... lately.
I think it started at the same time Shirogane arrived.
There's something about his center that suffuses in me an ambience that's so soothing.
When I'm right by him—like when we sit next to each other during meal times,
my heart feels warm and my head feels cool...
It's very... comfortable...
It makes me want to remain at his side for as long as possible.
I wish my feelings were a lot more simple...
following Miki...
The guy rarely speaks,
and I have no qualms with that,
because Ayamine Kei is not one for conversing, either.
If she had her way, she would rather keep to herself every single day.
I'm more of a deep thinker—less of a talker.
I've long been convinced that talking accomplishes nothing in the world,
not when only lies, lies, and more lies, are being told.
This I learned from the biggest liar of them all—my father...
I grew up under his wing,
held him to my utmost respects,
and listened faithfully to his every word.
But words are vain, actions cannot be feigned.
The only thing he truly taught me,
was that in the end,
he was a hypocrite...
He was a coward...
A deserter...
Nothing but a liar...
For my childhood hero to turn out to be the villain...
It devastated Ayamine Kei... Distorted her view of society...
So, as much as I can help it,
trusting in no one else but myself,
my true thoughts remain in here,
within the shelter of my own mind,
where I can keep my secrets safe and sound.
If I do have to voice them out,
I would only do so in the form of lies and jest.
In a world with a society full of deceivers,
the Great Pretender, Ayamine Kei, will fit right in with the rest.
I'll leave it up to the listener to decide whether they want to believe me or not;
or even the reader, if there are readers who are nosing around these private reflections of mine.
I can never be too cautious,
so in case someone out there is stalking my thoughts right now,
wouldn't it be more fun if I make them doubt all that they think they know about Ayamine?
Or if I make them question everything they're reading about me?
Like—I can think in my head that I care about Shirogane,
but do I really?
I'm asking you, by the way, O mind reader.
...
. . .
. . . .
Just kidding.
I don't know if there really are omniscient beings who are lurking in my introspections here and now,
but just to be on the safe side: I do not care about Shirogane.
I... do... not.
Whatever.
What others think of me makes no difference to me anyway.
But... Shirogane—he's inviting me to doubt my way of life...
He doesn't appear to be like the lot of them.
I never imagined that there could be someone so... honest...
I never imagined I would find another with little regard for society's opinion of him...
Another... who wants to be free... just like me...
All this I know, even if on the outside, Shirogane doesn't show.
...
It'd be nice to hear his voice more often, though.
But thinking about it–
Silence is just another form of language,
and it's a language Ayamine Kei can understand,
through his face, his gestures, his expressions...
and his—presence...
Shirogane... he must be hurting... on the inside...
The only reason I'm able to tell is because I am too...
still following Miki...
Mind you, there are things about Ayamine Kei that I would never, ever want to share with anyone else,
not even with my close friend Miki.
Things about my shameful past...
My family's dishonour...
And about the company I kept as I got older.
Even if those around me, at this moment, already know my history,
I would rather lie and tell myself that they don't know the real me.
But, I strongly trust—that if I talked to Shirogane,
he'd be the only one who would understand the life of Ayamine...
He and I are akin to two lost souls, rummaging our way out of this corrupted world.
As it stands, I don't know if his path of honesty is the answer to this fractured society.
It's naive...
Childish...
A fool's paradise...
It's against everything I've ever stood for.
And yet.
Maybe—just maybe... this world needs more fools like Shirogane...
For now, I'll have to sit back and watch him take this path.
I can even walk beside him... in case he goes astray...
...
. . .
. . . .
How did I unravel these profound impressions of Shirogane?
I've only known him for three days.
Well—two, not counting today.
Have I become an omniscient mind reader myself, able to see into him?
I'll have to double-check and find out if I have the same power on others.
Hmm... I'm getting nothing out of Miki...
Too bad.
And besides... I have a feeling—no, it's darker than a feeling... call it a premonition—
that staying at Shirogane's side will only result in my downfall...
But do you want to know a secret?
This sense of foreboding has no ill-effect on Ayamine Kei.
I've been waiting to see the god of death for a long time now–
...
Hold on—I have to deal with Miki in the meanwhile.
Her face is turning a reddish-pink.
(Miki)
You know, we have a better chance at finding Mikoto-san if we split up.
That simply won't do.
Splitting up would mean I'd actually have to start putting in some effort of my own.
Therefore,
(Kei)
Disagree.
(Miki)
Heh–?
(Kei)
If we split up and one of us finds her,
we'll still be separated.
(Miki)
So—we'll still have to find each other afterwards.
Uhh... I guess we won't really be saving time that way then...
Makes sense...
Alright, let's keep looking together.
(Kei)
Smart decision,
I pat her on the head as a reward.
Yup—you can't beat me, Miki.
Actually.
I just made that argument up. I can't believe she gave in so easily.
She really needs to learn to stand her ground–
*loud laughter*
(Miki)
Ah! Did you hear that, Kei-san?
I did too.
With all the foot traffic from the doctors and nurses bustling about,
even on top of the clamour of their medical contraptions and instruments,
I can easily tell apart the source of that booming laughter Miki and I just heard.
That childlike laugh can only belong to one person.
We run at the same time to where it came from.
It isn't too far from here; it's in the opposite direction we took from Yoroi's floor,
just at the end of this next corner if I had to guess correctly.
(? ? ?)
–you're so right, you do look like Chop-kun!
Your friends have good eyes!
That sounds like Yoroi,
and it sounds like she's talking to someone,
and it must be about something amusing.
Miki and I turn around the curve.
Sure enough, we find Yoroi lounging on one of the benches, but–
She isn't alone.
(Mikoto)
Hi Miki-san! Ayamine-san!
Feels like it's been three years since we've been together like this!
Mikoto
(Mikoto)
Please Nurse-kun! I'm so bored of these television shows!
I need some fresh air~!
I implore pleadingly.
(Nurse)
Sorry, Yoroi-san. Doctor's orders.
If you want to heal faster, I'm afraid the best thing for you to do is to do nothing.
Nurse-kun and I have been through this same routine every day since I got here,
where I ask her the same question and she always gives me the same answer.
It's like that saying,
'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.'
I know, right?
Nurse-kun is a ten out of ten on the insanity charts!
Don't get the wrong idea. I've only been here for three days,
which to me, feels like a year!
But I really can't stand it—being confined in my room like this.
I need to walk around before my legs develop muscle atrophy,
or else pretty soon I'll turn into a TV character in one of the shows that's always on the air!
Dad told me that that's what happens if I watch too much TV.
Except—this morning is a little bit unique.
There's something off with my daily routine.
Since just before lunch, there's been a strange guy on the waiting bench outside the floor next door.
Whoever is inside that floor must be someone very important.
There are doctors going in and out of there every five minutes or so.
Hmmm... The stranger looks—familiar.
I can't see him too well, though. He's barely in the field of vision through my window,
so maybe I should instead say that the stranger resembles someone I should know.
Oh well—I'm stuck in bed; there's nothing I can really do in my condition.
Back to watching TV for me.
(Mikoto)
This is so lame~!
I bellow into the empty room, knowing that no one can hear me anyway.
Returning to my routine, my thumb twiddles the buttons on the TV remote,
mindlessly flipping through the channels for the rest of the afternoon.
I wish there was something I can do to get better sooner.
If only I listened to Sakaki-san straight away back then,
maybe I wouldn't have fallen into the trap...
I did know about the landmines, though, and I warned her about them,
so she should've listened to me sooner as well.
Ehhhh~! I've wracked my brain around that scenario over and over again,
but it's spilled milk at this point.
I guess it's been a good way to pass the time, thinking about what could've been.
Oh well, I'll just have to try harder in the next exam!
Ahaha~! This comedian's jokes are too funny!
Awww~! That puppy is so cute!
*Sob*... Why did she choose to rescue him instead of his sister?
Oh look—it's Chop-kun.
I wasn't aware that they still aired this show.
The last time I saw this was when I was still young.
Or younger, rather. I don't think I can be considered old just yet.
Ahaha~.
Speaking of which, it's just about time for class dismissal.
That means my squadmates will be here shortly.
Hey—the stranger is stirring outside.
Looks like he's getting ready to stand up.
Has he been waiting there this whole time? I haven't really been paying attention to him.
The patient must be very dear to him, for him to spend his whole afternoon waiting.
I can't help myself; I have to talk to the stranger.
Sorry, Nurse-kun.
I crumple my bedsheets to the side and wear my slippers.
I'll have to hurry, though. It looks like the stranger is moving away quickly.
But my haste turned out to be unwarranted.
It just so happens that the stranger simply wanted to transfer to the common waiting area.
Although, there's no one in here but us right now.
That's lucky for me—I don't know what Nurse-kun will do if she finds me outside my floor.
(? ? ?)
Mikoto?
Wha–, how does he know my name?
(Mikoto)
Hello to you too, Stranger-san~.
Nice weather, huh?
I greet him back with nonchalance,
leaning towards him from my torso,
a smile carved on my lips.
(? ? ?)
Hard to tell, the weather is outside and I haven't been there at all today.
(Mikoto)
*laughs*
Stranger-san has a good sense of humour~!
I position myself to take the seat next to him.
(? ? ?)
I didn't realize you were in the same area as Kasu–
(Mikoto)
Eh? Do you mean in the Kanagawa Prefecture?
What a weird fellow.
Last I checked, we were all in the UN Yokohama Base,
so we're obviously in the same area.
Or can it be that—was I moved somewhere else without my knowledge?
Stranger-san stifles a snicker underneath his breath.
(? ? ?)
Sure, if you say so.
Uhmm, my name is–
(Mikoto)
–Shirogane Takeru.
It's nice to meet you, Takeru~.
I smile with even more satisfaction after seeing his reaction;
I love hitting the nail on the head.
Surprised? Don't be!
Information gathering is my expertise, after all.
Okay, you got me~. That was just a lucky guess.
The truth is, I was only able to guess correctly because,
yesterday afternoon, Miki-san would not stop talking about our new squadmate.
Seriously! On and on she went about him,
I feel like I've lived a whole lifetime with the guy before even meeting him myself!
While Ayamine-san didn't say a word, she nodded at just about everything Miki-san had to say about him.
Sakaki-san didn't sound too impressed, but that's just her being her.
The fact that she spent ten minutes complaining about him is a huge giveaway to her true intentions—if I read her correctly.
Mitsurugi-san sounded promising, saying that our squad will be a lot stronger once I come back.
I can't describe how excited I've been to get out of here and meet the guy they're all talking about.
I can't believe he's actually here, with me, right now!
Hmm—I have to ask, though,
because something's bothering me.
(Mikoto)
So Takeru, how do you know Mikoto's name?
I notice his eyes shift to his right.
I can't quite make out just yet if he's right-handed;
but that mannerism would normally tell me whether a person is fibbing or not.
Dad taught me to pay close attention to people's eyes when I talk to them.
He taught me that for most, looking up to the right indicates that they're trying to hatch up a creative lie.
That trick doesn't work on dad, though.
He can keep his eyes fixed on yours and not blink the entire time.
And—I'm not quite as good at reading people as he is...
Hmmm... But why would Takeru lie to me, I wonder.
(Takeru)
We're part of the same squad, right?
So Instr. Jinguuji told me all about you,
including your name, naturally.
Curiouser and curiouser...
I pause for a moment to ponder his reply.
His excuse is convenient. Too convenient, in fact.
From Instr. Jinguuji?
It can't be just that.
If he has access to that kind of information,
it can only mean–!
(Mikoto)
Ah! So you've already become close friends with everyone else.
That's why you know so much about me, right?
I'm glad we're in the same squad, Takeru~!
It's too bad that we have to meet this way.
Why didn't I think of it sooner?
My squadmates most likely miss me as well,
so they've been pouring that affection by telling Takeru all about me.
You guys~...
(Takeru)
Don't worry about it, Mikoto.
I'm actually glad we get to meet so early–
(Mikoto)
Hey—whom were you waiting for in that floor this whole afternoon?
Also, I saw them drag you out of there around lunch time too.
Ahaha!
(Takeru)
Uh, it's just Kasu–
(Mikoto)
Oh! And what's your favourite TV show, Takeru~?
I've been cooped up in here for a long time now,
I think I've watched every episode of every show on Earth!
You name it, I've seen it!
Whoa, I think his lips were about to smile,
but then he sighed out loud and erased all traces of it.
(Takeru)
As eccentric as ever, right Mikoto?
Err–, the others warned me about you.
He's saying sentences unrelated to our conversation now.
Hmm—I should point out that he's being rude,
but I'm not going to, because this is fun talking like this.
(Mikoto)
Your favourite TV show, Takeru~.
(Takeru)
You're out of luck—I don't watch any TV.
I thought Miki-san said that Takeru was 'so cool';
he's turning out to be just a weirdo.
I should take it upon myself to help out the poor guy.
(Mikoto)
In that case—let me tell you about all the shows I watched today~.
I'm not sure why, but he suddenly hunched his head.
(Takeru)
Don't leave out any of the details...
(Mikoto)
That's the spirit!
Now, there's this news segment I watched this morning–
(Takeru)
Mikoto, I was joking...
I think he said something but by this time I'm already busy enumerating every gig I've seen since this morning.
...
(Mikoto)
–and then I found out that this show about a puppet called Chop-kun is still on the air.
I haven't seen that show in forever!
(Takeru)
You know, I've been told I resemble this 'Chop-kun'.
(Mikoto)
Eh? Who told you so?
(Takeru)
Friends, I guess. Back in the day.
My tongue pokes the back of my cheek as I inspect Takeru's face.
(Mikoto)
Chop-kun, you say?
Scooting closer to his seat, I use both of my hands to stretch out his cheeks, nostrils, and even to pull on a few strands of his hair.
After finishing, I conclude that there really is merit in what his friends say about him.
I can't help but laugh at how true it is.
(Mikoto)
Ahaha~!
You're so right!
You do look like Chop-kun!
Your friends must have good eyes!
Oh! Look!
I just noticed Miki-san and Ayamine-san staring at us.
How long have they been at it?
They should've said something!
(Miki)
So this is where you've been this whole time...
(Kei)
Special assignment, right...
Eh? What're they talking about?
Are they talking about me?
They're making it sound like I'm a hoodlum.
I'm no hoodlum! I would be in class right now if the doctors allowed me!
And where are Sakaki-san and Mitsurugi-san?
(Takeru)
Spare me.
I had more important things to do.
Takeru scoffs to the side.
But thank goodness.
Miki-san and Ayamine-san weren't referring to me after all!
(Mikoto)
Takeru—what're they talking about?
(Takeru)
I wasn't in class all day.
I was watching over Kasu–
No way!
My emotions let loose before I could take hold of the reins.
(Mikoto)
What!? Did you skip class today, Takeru?!
That's bad, that's very bad!
I wag my finger in front of his face to emphasize how terrible it is to not show up for class.
(Takeru)
At least let me finish my sente–
(Mikoto)
You could get in serious trouble, you know!
Truancy, insubordination, court martial, you know!
(Miki)
Settle down, Mikoto-san,
Miki-san grabs hold of my accusing finger and returns it to its owner.
(Miki)
Instr. Jinguuji assigned him his own classwork today,
so he's been busy trying to get it done.
Isn't that right, Takeru-san?
He stares at Miki-san and blinks a few times before shifting his eyes to his right again.
(Takeru)
Yeah—I had field work from Instr. Jinguuji...
(Kei)
. . .
(Mikoto)
Oh! You should've said so in the first place!
Forget what I just said! I didn't mean any of those things.
The worst punishment Instructor can give you is a 100-click nonstop run.
Ahaha~!
(Kei)
That's right...
Ayamine-san affirms my redress while nodding her head.
In the meantime, Miki-san joins me in my laughter.
(Miki)
You can believe Kei-san when she says it.
I think that's the reason she's never skipped class after that one time–
(Kei)
–Not another word, Tamase.
Uh-oh! She called Miki-san by her last name, which means–!
Miki-san freezes as Ayamine-san seethes in her direction.
(Mikoto)
*laughs*
(Takeru)
*chuckles*
Ah! There it is—I finally got to see him smile!
Mission accomplished, Mikoto! We did it!
Even Ayamine-san cooled off instantly when she saw what I saw!
Miki-san is giggling too (nervously, I might add).
I know—I'm easily impressed.
But it's very tough for me to see that those around me are unhappy;
simple smiles like these can positively make my day!
I'm glad today didn't turn out to be just another one of my routine days.
(Mikoto)
Ah! Miki-san, Ayamine-san,
doesn't Takeru look like Chop-kun~?
(Takeru)
I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm afraid I must get going.
(Miki)
Wha–? We only just got here.
You don't have to leave just yet...
(Kei)
Yeah...
(Takeru)
It's—bad timing, that's all.
I would've wanted to stay a little longer,
but I have a prior commitment later this evening,
and there are some things I need to prepare before then.
That's too bad—I was really enjoying his company.
(Mikoto)
We'll see each other again shortly anyway,
so don't miss me too much, alright Takeru~?
(Takeru)
Get well soon, Mikoto.
See you in session tomorrow, Tama, Ayamine.
(Miki)
Bye...
(Kei)
. . .
As he stands up to leave,
so does the heavy air of melancholy that was surrounding him.
And although I made no mention of it,
this entire time, I was locked in an invisible struggle thwarting it away from Takeru.
Because I, Yoroi Mikoto, will never allow so much negativity to conquer my personality.
And it isn't Takeru's fault,
my intuition tells me that he's holding onto a burden too heavy for one person to shoulder alone.
That is why I must get well sooner,
so that I can help Takeru let go of that burden.
I turn towards Miki-san and Ayamine-san,
both still staring at the spectre of the late presence where Takeru was just sitting.
(Mikoto)
I bet we're all thinking the same thing.
They switch their attention to me,
and by the looks on their faces, I'm two for two with my guesses today.
So I smile my biggest smile at them.
(Mikoto)
I can't wait to finally get out of this hospital~!
Meiya
The nerve of him.
*slash*
Eschew for an entire day of class—
Does he think himself so high and mighty?!
*slash*
I am not branding the Instructor for a liar,
but the reluctance in her words was point blank,
I would be a fool not to notice it.
*slash*
Several threads of straw take to the air with every swing of my katana.
I began this session against a straw-man,
it has since been reduced to a straw-head.
Minaru Kamui—it ails me to diminish you to an outlet for my frustrations.
The blade slices through the remainder of the head before I return it to its sheath,
leaving no hint of the straw figure that used to stand in the way.
I shut my eyes to revel in the fresh air,
abandoning the opportunity to admire the setting of the sun.
I thought it fortuitous that I did not encounter Shirogane all day,
so what is the cause of my upset?
Numerous questions exist for which I have no answers to...
There is but one person who can offer me the answers,
and that one person is nowhere to be found...
Perhaps—I spoke too dourly... to Shirogane... in the midst of his apology...
Even though... it sounded... wholehearted–
Am I at fault for his nonattendance?
Did I do him wrong by judging him harshly?
'Tss.'
I find it difficult to believe that he is completely innocent of the affliction he imposed on me.
I only defended myself as I saw fit.
If today's absence is an effort to elude me, then Shirogane is no better than a dotard.
'This bridge must be burnt... There is no other way...'
I told myself so, hoping the suffering would withdraw...
But it has not.
The visions remain with me,
even harrowing my sleep for all of last night,
and I can say with growing certitude that Shirogane will be to blame for my demise.
How is it possible... that nightmares... can feel... so—real...?
Real enough that I can even dwell inside them?
At times, when I open my eyes, I find myself in a dim, faraway place...
In the pilot seat, inside a cockpit of sorts...
My body invaded by an alien lifeform...
Tears welling down my cheeks...
Shirogane's voice...
A blinding ray of light...
And when I return to my senses, I'm back in the classroom...
I haven't even left Yokohama base...
Am I being unfair... to Shirogane... by swearing myself to these mere visions?
What if these visions are instead fabricated illusions?
But...
Why would he want to kill me?
For what reason... do I beg of him... to end me?
I do not... understand... any of this...
My spirit can only endure so much confusion...
Yet, I'm thrown into even greater chagrin as more hallucinations have been emerging...
For these nightmares—they exist only as a layer,
and I've been able to peel back that layer.
I uncovered... dreams... biding underneath them...
I mean to say—
As I continued to clash and resist the terrifying visions surrounding Shirogane,
in the conflict taking placing inside my heart,
they gave way... for the dreams... to come to light,
like clouds parting after a rainfall so that the rainbow may arrive.
And in these dreams,
I can see myself...
in a distant world...
of a different reality...
One... where I am... happy...
One... where I find love... in Shirogane...
In...
Takeru...
These dreams...
This bliss...
I can almost touch them...
And they seem more tangible than the nightmares...
My heart strongly wishes for it to be so.
But in the same manner as the first,
at some point in my daze, I wake up only to discover myself in the present...
I cannot reject one while wishing for just the other.
I cannot live only for the dreams, while ignoring the horror.
Is it a sin to yearn for the touch of heaven's spell,
and at the same time deny the existence of hell?
My left hand lets go of Minaru Kamui and clutches at the flesh between my bosom,
foolishly trying to mend the wound in my heart, now torn asunder.
How has my insignificant life become entangled in all this tribulation...
In an attempt to distract myself, I tread towards the next straw figure to continue in my practice.
(? ? ?)
Meiya-sama–
(Meiya)
. . .
A commoner would've been taken aback by the abrupt arrival of this officer of the Imperial Royal Guard.
But not I;
I have long been accustomed to her clandestine maneuvers.
However, I cannot even find it in me to acknowledge the overbearing Tsukuyomi,
not in my present frame of mind.
(Meiya)
I have repeatedly advised you not to visit me in plain sight.
Without glancing at her, Minaru Kamui and I resume our routine on the innocent straw-man.
Shall Tsukuyomi decide to stay, her crimson red uniform will draw to myself unnecessary attention.
She appears to have approached me in solitary,
sans the usual accompaniment of Kamiyo, Tomoe and Ebisu.
So—what stops me from simply asking her... to just leave me be?
(Tsukuyomi)
Your kind words are wasted on me, Meiya-sama.
But I cannot stand by and ignore your transparent distress any longer.
Distress? She speaks as if I am unwell.
(Meiya)
How dare you–!
(Tsukuyomi)
The elegance and form of your strokes are short of your wonted finesse.
You have instead been hacking and smashing your target with neither rhyme nor reason.
Have you forgotten the heart of swordplay?
Meiya-sama, your grandfather did not leave you Minaru Kamui
only for you to dull it with your frivolity.
She says, her expression without guile.
I have not neglected my training–
But looking more closely at the lacerations on the straw figure, the ones delivered by my katana–
Is my annoyance not at Tsukuyomi, but rather at the truth she exposes to me?
Even so. The hubris–!
(Meiya)
Tsukuyomi, I will not forgive you if you insult me any further–!
(Tsukuyomi)
I apologize, Meiya-sama,
but if you believe me to be mistaken,
then I will gladly take the place of that straw-figure to accept my punishment.
Tension blocks my senses of the area around us,
but it only seems to be surrounding me,
for Tsukuyomi has yet to waver in her countenance.
She maintains her gaze in my direction, giving credence to her honesty.
(Meiya)
Tsk.
I... I will never ask that of you.
Blunt—as she always is.
She is never one to sugarcoat her words.
(Tsukuyomi)
Your judgment is most gracious, Meiya-sama.
I did not present myself to insult you.
I came here to listen, should you need someone to talk to.
That practice dummy can perform the role of neither.
She proclaims this while pointing at the crumbling shape in front of me.
I do not deserve her courtesy...
I have not been myself lately...
My judgment? I admit... is clouded.
My passions... they are misplaced.
I am... unwell...
I need someone... anyone... to talk to...
It is timely that I did not push her away, as was my primary intention.
Thank you, Tsukuyomi, for not giving up on me...
(Meiya)
Please, lift your head up when you speak.
Here, I am but a low-ranked cadet.
Treat me like you would any other.
(Tsukuyomi)
You ask of me a difficult thing.
I empathize as much, for I also keep failing to address her by her proper rank and title.
(Meiya)
I suppose old habits are hard to die.
Once again, strands of straw float about the surrounding air.
Upon Tsukuyomi's arrival, I have restrained myself somewhat,
regaining my composure in handling Minaru Kamui.
(Tsukuyomi)
Is it your newly-appointed squadmate who is troubling you so?
Then, it is my duty to inform you that there is disturbing information concerning Shirogane–
Enough—please...
(Meiya)
I have no want to hear about it.
I have heard enough of Shirogane Takeru,
I now want to go back to living the life of Mitsurugi Meiya.
(Tsukuyomi)
. . .
As you wish...
(Meiya)
Tsukuyomi, may I ask you a personal question?
(Tsukuyomi)
That in itself is already a question, Meiya-sama.
With one clean swing, I sever directly through the torso of the straw figure,
dividing it in half.
(Tsukuyomi)
Forgive my arrogance–
She must have felt threatened by my improving technique, but I did not mean anything by it.
(Meiya)
No, you said nothing in the wrong.
In fact, I believe that was her attempt at cheering me up.
I disgraced it by not returning her good will.
There was no need for her to apologize...
And truth be told, I am growing weary of listening to apologies.
(Meiya)
Tsukuyomi, there is no need for us to stand on ceremony.
If you are here to listen to me as you say you are,
then please, speak freely.
(Tsukuyomi)
I will try my best, Meiya–
I swing the blade once again, interrupting her before she mentions the honorific.
(Meiya)
I cannot speak my mind if I am confronted by First Lt. Tsukuyomi Mana of the Royal Guard.
I need to talk to only Tsukuyomi Mana... To the humane side of her,
unhindered by rank and authority...
(Tsukuyomi)
I understand clearly... Meiya...
That's more to my liking.
I decide it best to sheathe Minaru Kamui for Tsukuyomi to rest easy.
We start walking across the practice field, with no particular destination in mind.
The crimson-clad officer follows suit at a short distance behind.
(Tsukuyomi)
Were you not worried about drawing attention?
(Meiya)
You threw that out the window as soon as you revealed yourself to me.
Besides, everyone else appears to be retiring for the day.
(Tsukuyomi)
Ah... I'm sorr–
(Meiya)
–Tsukuyomi, do you believe in destiny?
The sounds of our feet falling on the dirt serve as the only noise in the background.
Orange dyes the field as the sun sits on the verge of the horizon, nearing its final setting.
Save for one or two others who are getting ready to leave,
only Tsukuyomi and I will be witnesses to the rising of the crescent moon.
Tsukuyomi's facial expression relaxes.
The stern lines at the edges of her eyes loosen,
and the pout she was wearing is replaced with what some may call a smile.
(Tsukuyomi)
I did not expect that you would truly ask a question that was so personal.
(Meiya)
. . .
I've been thinking to myself a lot lately...
(Tsukuyomi)
About all things unpleasant, I surmise.
(Meiya)
There is no point in hiding it now.
Well, what say you for an answer?
Tsukuyomi unsheathes her sword unexpectedly.
(Tsukuyomi)
Draw your sword.
Spar with me a little.
The light of day is growing thinner by the second, but I suppose we have time to spare for a brief duel.
The high pitch of my katana scraping the scabbard begins and ends swiftly as I draw out Minaru Kamui.
As fast as lightning, Tsukuyomi makes the first move and knocks it out of my hand rather suddenly.
(Meiya)
I am not yet ready–
(Tsukuyomi)
Destiny does not wait for you to be ready, Meiya-sama.
Tsk. This isn't going to be a mere swordfight, it would seem.
(Tsukuyomi)
Pick up your blade.
She says, while brandishing hers provokingly.
(Meiya)
So you do believe in destiny.
I parry her strike as she charges at me.
The scream of metal crashing on metal resonates into the sky above.
(Tsukuyomi)
Not bad.
She jumps backwards, allowing me to stand up and take my stance.
(Tsukuyomi)
Yes and no.
I believe myself to be a sword, and Destiny my wielder.
Tsukuyomi charges once more, and with experienced hands—again knocks out Minaru Kamui out of mine.
(Tsukuyomi)
Pick up your blade.
She's making a game of me.
What good has all my training been for
if I cannot even hold on to my own katana?
(Meiya)
Then do you submit that you are bound by your destiny?
Soon as I pick it up, I charge at her, this time taking the initiative.
(Tsukuyomi)
I submit to no such thing.
(Meiya)
But are you not in the hands of your wielder?
A few touches are exchanged,
our swords having a conversation of their own.
(Tsukuyomi)
Quite the contrary, Meiya-sama,
for the wielder needs me more than I need them,
because every wielder needs a sword–
To that, I can agree.
(Meiya)
I must also argue that a sword without its wielder is as useless as rock.
(Tsukuyomi)
You underestimate your own worth.
Even without its master, it maintains its value in purpose and metal.
Because a sword-bearer without his sword will not live for much longer,
but a sword, even without its wielder, can last forever.
What about you, Meiya-sama?
What good is this duel if you keep losing hold of your katana?
She catches me unawares by delivering a heavy blow,
Minaru Kamui nearly letting go.
I imagine an unarmed samurai would not be of much use in battle.
I tighten my grip on the hilt even more so,
then resume my onslaught on her over again.
(Tsukuyomi)
In the same way, as a sword,
I am merely an instrument that lets Destiny run her course.
Because Destiny, she needs me,
but I can continue to live my life without caring much for hers.
(Meiya)
And how do you manage to live like that?
Is it not your duty to protect your wielder?
(Tsukuyomi)
My duty is not to Destiny,
but to her course—our final destination.
And I already know the course she is taking me to.
Hence why I allow her to carry me.
(Meiya)
You know where it is your destination lies?
(Tsukuyomi)
Without a doubt, Meiya-sama.
I exist only to prepare for the day when the setting sun
draws the curtain of night on the capital.
(Meiya)
. . .
I pray that day may never come...
For aneue's sake...
And for mine...
(Tsukuyomi)
As do I.
I unleash a furor of strikes at Tsukuyomi, all of which she sidesteps and repels without difficulty.
Both of us jump backwards, posturing ourselves in waiting for the other's next move.
Tsukuyomi continues,
(Tsukuyomi)
Your hold is improving.
It's thanks to you,
(Meiya)
You honour me with words,
allow me to return the favour–!
I blitz forward and swing my katana upwards, hailing it down on Tsukuyomi.
She blocks it with her own sword by clutching it sideways, forming a cross locked against mine.
Her right hand is on the handle with her left hand near the edge, where it holds the blunt side of her blade.
This she did to support her guard.
(Meiya)
But Tsukuyomi...
(Tsukuyomi)
What is it?
(Meiya)
What if someone you do not like is your wielder?
What if your wielder is not whom you wish it to be?
(Tsukuyomi)
Does it matter dearly?
As long as they take you to your destination–
(Meiya)
Then—what if... you are being carried... to the wrong destination?
She looks at me questioningly.
(Meiya)
This has nothing to do with Shirogane–!
Placing her weight on her shoulders, she pushes me backwards,
but I immediately recoup my footing by stabbing the ground with Minaru Kamui.
(Tsukuyomi)
Be mindful, lest you dull that blade.
(Meiya)
That is not your worry to bear.
Tsukuyomi shakes her head slowly.
(Tsukuyomi)
Make no mistake, Meiya-sama,
for I alone decide my own Destiny...
My own destination...
Shall my wielder prove to be unworthy,
I will not let them lay their hands on me.
She says this while slicing the air around her.
I do not like my wielder, nor do I like the course he is taking me to.
But what authority do I have to say that this course is not the purpose for my existence?
(Meiya)
How do I know if the course we are taking is where I am supposed to be?
Questions, questions—my mind is filled only with questions.
(Tsukuyomi)
In that regard, I cannot help you, Meiya-sama.
I grunt soundlessly.
I expected too much, thinking she had all the answers.
If Shirogane dictates my destiny, and he's already revealed the end that's in store,
then I shall take Tsukuyomi's advice and seize back control of my own path.
Even if it means... pushing him away... tearing down our bridge...
However, the visions... still confuse me—for they still don't explain the actions of Shirogane...
Tsukuyomi lifts her blade up to her side, only to return it to its scabbard.
Are we finished here?
I do the same with my katana.
Tsukuyomi watches me intently.
(Tsukuyomi)
Are you familiar with the parable of two samurais?
(Meiya)
I have read many a similar tale.
(Tsukuyomi)
Allow me to render this one in particular:
Two samurais meet at a crossroads.
The first is going east, the second, west–
(Meiya)
–They cannot pass each other,
for whoever steps aside is admitting to be the weaker.
I have knowledge of this tale, although I do not see how this relates to our present conversation.
(Tsukuyomi)
No—that is a different story.
(Meiya)
Ah. Then by all means, continue.
Her iris-green hair flutters to her side, as does her robe.
The cool, evening breeze is replacing the mild breath of the afternoon.
Tsukuyomi places her sword-hand on top of her chest, returning to her tale.
(Tsukuyomi)
They know one another, for the loved ones of the samurai going east were murdered by the one going west.
They both run into the forest as the first samurai gives chase to the second.
After a long while, he finally finds the robed semblance of the wrongdoer, sitting in rest.
Holding on tightly to his sword, he pounces out of hiding and delivers a deadly blow that pierces right through the figure.
He follows it up with a second blow to verify his kill.
His blade, however, bends sideways.
Alas—it was not the second samurai underneath the hakama, but merely a stone.
The second samurai placed his garments over it as a disguise so that he may escape.
(Meiya)
He pierced—right through the stone?
I am unsure whether to be more impressed by the sword or the samurai wielding it.
(Meiya)
And how did he fail to notice upon the first strike?
She chuckles into her cupped hand.
(Tsukuyomi)
'Tis just a story, Meiya-sama,
albeit one I enjoy personally.
But if I were to take a gander,
I believe he was only able to do so because he devoted the totality of his resolve into the first strike,
to the extent that it felt much like cutting through butter.
I close my eyes and cross my arms, trying to understand the moral of Tsukuyomi's story.
(Meiya)
So the moment he landed his second blow, he no longer had the same measure of willpower,
thus being unable to pierce it a second time and bending his sword.
(Tsukuyomi)
Precisely.
(Meiya)
How does this tie into our talk of–
(Tsukuyomi)
You asked of me,
'How do you know if this course is where you are supposed to be?'
Indeed, I asked that...
How can I walk the path laid down by Shirogane?
How can I let him decide my destiny?
But—as Tsukuyomi says...
What if the destination he is leading me to is for a greater purpose?
What if... Shirogane... has no say in it, as much as I do not?
There is plenty I have yet to understand...
Or it may be that... I am preventing myself... from understanding...
(Tsukuyomi)
And to that I answer you:
That no one truly knows, not until they get there.
It may be parcel of the human experience.
The only advice I can leave for you is such:
If you are unsure of the path Destiny is taking you to,
then I suggest you walk with her a while and follow her through.
Up to the day, to reveal it to you, she decides,
remain steadfast in your resolve, so you do not bend on the second strike.
She says, placing a firm fist on top of her heart.
(Meiya)
Even if the second strike turns out to be for naught?
I see no purpose in staying true, only to strike a useless stone anew.
(Tsukuyomi)
Especially if it is for naught.
Because you see, so long as you do not falter,
Destiny, your wielder, can do her part and never stray from your course.
This is too overwhelming for me...
(Meiya)
You say all this with ease,
but only because you were fortunate enough that destiny aligned with your wishes.
I cannot say the same about mine...
(Tsukuyomi)
MEIYA-SAMA!
I grab the hilt of Minaru Kamui on reflex at her sudden change of voice.
(Tsukuyomi)
Is it death that you are afraid of?!
(Meiya)
Death? N–
(Tsukuyomi)
Let not the fear of death govern your fate!
The ground beneath my feet rumbles.
Tsukuyomi is once again rushing in my direction, both hands on the tip of her scabbard.
Quickly, I draw my katana just in time to answer the call of her sword driving down on my forehead.
(Tsukuyomi)
Any swordsman can never truly master the heart of swordplay
unless they release themselves from the distraction of death!
She continues to hit me relentlessly.
I can feel my guards grow weaker with every strike.
One of my knees drops to the ground—my arms remain busy blocking her every impact.
(Tsukuyomi)
Only then can you fight freely!
Only then... can you take control... of Destiny!
She speaks the truth...
I have been too enraptured by the fear of death...
that I surrendered myself before even fighting.
I surrendered myself...
to the visions brought by Shirogane.
But the visions brought by Shirogane—
The reasons for his actions, I have yet to see.
And until I see them, or when he reveals them to me,
I shall walk this path to find my own destiny.
For I am my own sword, and Shirogane, my—destiny, my wielder.
As long as they stay true, so will my edge never falter.
From this day onward, though my heart may be wounded,
my spirit shall never again be broken by the shadow of death!
Show me your path, Shirogane, so that I may judge for myself...
if giving my life up is worth going through hell.
Because... I would do it... I would gladly fight my way through hell,
if I can only taste... another glimpse... of heaven... where my heart dwells...
(Meiya)
Tsukuyomi–!
My heart is stilled, thanks to you...
(Tsukuyomi)
—?
Taking advantage of her brief hesitation,
I position one of my blocks to thrust her sideways.
In that moment when she's slightly off balance,
I use my right leg, already on the ground, to sweep under her feet, knocking her down.
Tsukuyomi's sword slides a short distance away.
I stand up and raise my katana as it glistens in the fresh moonlight.
Smiling at her from above, I declare,
(Meiya)
I just wanted to say to you,
Pick up your blade.
Her own smile was more of pride than it was of defeat.