Five Months Later

It was a rare warm night in La Push and the summer air was drifting through my window. It was one of the few nights when my house was empty and Paul would spend the night to keep me company. We had just got back from Paul's graduation and we were laying on my bed in comfortable silence. I still had my dress on and he still wore his tux. I know we should have been celebrating but it wasn't exactly a happy occasion. About a week ago he explained to me that the pack, the Cullen's, and him had to go fight against some vampires tomorrow. He also told me he might not make it back.

Even though Paul and I had been dating for five months I had never told him that I loved him, even though I did. He had gone from total asshole to the best guy I think I've ever met. Every time I thought about Paul not coming back I would squeeze onto him and he would squeeze back for a few seconds. I looked up at him to find him staring at me with sad eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked quietly. I knew that the fight had been on his mind since he heard about it.

"You. And what's going to go down tomorrow." He looked like this was going to be our last night together and it might be. I knew I had to tell him how I felt.

"Paul." I said, "I love you."

He picked me up and put me on his lap, looking me straight in the eyes. He said in response, "I love you more than anything."

I kissed him slowly and calmly though I could feel tears coming up behind my eye lids. I had never been a crier but I wasn't sure what to do. You know that feeling when you love someone so much that the idea of them being taken away from you by circumstances neither of you can control makes you sadder than anything you've ever felt. That was what I was finally feeling. And it fucking sucked. I missed hating Paul because my life was so simple then. I never asked to be thrown into this crazy world where everyday could be our last day but I was. Even though I missed my old days, the old me, I felt so liberated and part of something huge. As we kissed I was having a Titanic moment, when Rose says she sees her life like she has already lived it but instead of boring parties and shit it was awesome and filled with friends and laughter and love. Our kiss became more forceful and rushed and it was fucking awesome. I felt things for him right then that I had never felt before. Total want and lust.

The best part was that he felt it too.

In sync with each other he lifted my dress off so I was only in my underwear and I started to unbutton his shirt. When it was off I felt his chest as he kissed my neck. God, I wanted him so badly but, nothing was ever easy with Paul.

He whispered in my ear seductively, "You realize if we do this there's no backing out of our relationship. Till death do us part and all that good shit."

I pulled up to look him in the eyes and said, "Yes. I know."

With that we continued our fun. Touching and moaning and groaning to our hearts content. When the time came to, uh, go further he put a condom on and we went at it.

It wasn't at all what I expected. He was slow and sweet, telling me that he loved me and that I was beautiful. I don't know how long we lasted but when we were done we took a shower together. I pressed my head against his warm chest as the warm water hit my back, everything in my life felt so warm recently. I wish he didn't have to go tomorrow, that he could stay and we'd make breakfast together and continue on with our day.

I wish I hadn't been brought into this life, where everything can be lost at any moment. At the same time I was very thankful for it because it gave me Paul.

When the shower was over I put on some PJs and Paul carried me to bed. I was so tired from the emotions I was feeling. We didn't talk much that night but we stayed up all night until he had to leave, purely enjoying each others company.

When it came time for him to leave we didn't say 'I love you' to each other. All I said was, "be here when I wake up."

And he was.