Clarke returns to her apartment on autopilot. She wants Lexa but knows the clock sits near one. She does not even know if their relationship is there yet. She does not know if there even is a relationship. Though, Lexa allowed Clarke a glimpse into her past today. She does not want to analyze their relationship—she just wants Lexa.

Instead, she does the same thing she does every time the chasm in her chest swallows her heart. She grabs her keys, gets in her car, and heads to the Ark.

Monty looks resigned but not surprised when she takes her regular seat in her regular hunched position. All he says before handing her her regular whisky is, "Been awhile." So many thoughts crash in her skull, Clarke cannot even pull her eyes away from the regular wooden bar to acknowledge him.

Why couldn't she save them? How can she not try to save others? Lexa. Should she go back to med school? Can she go back to med school? Why couldn't she save them? Does she want to focus on just art? Lexa. Is she just surviving? Lexa. Why couldn't she save them?

Her thoughts fire in all directions never slowing to allow an actual answer. Instead, she revels in the burn of the whisky sliding down her throat. She is grateful Monty knows to bring another without request. Bellamy's conversation forced boxes open and she needs to numb them closed again.

Lexa walks into her apartment at 12:02 AM and an overwhelming exhaustion settles over her. All she wants is her bed and warm comforter. Moments later, her clothes are off and her now clean face is shoved into a pillow.

She believes it to be morning when she awakes to her phone vibrating. Grabbing it off the dresser, she sees more than a few texts from Clarke—and that it's 1:34 AM.

Right after she had fallen soundly asleep Clarke sent:

(12:30 AM) C: Thank you for the art tonight. It meant a lot. I loved experiencing it with you.

Lexa's heart thumps loudly and she smiles at the text. The rest of the texts were sent later.

(1:16 AM) C: I'm tired of running

(1:25 AM) C: Being weak
(1:25 AM) C: You're Stronger
(1:26 AM) C: Beautifuler too

(1:34 AM) C: You nake me fell normal

By the end, Lexa's smile slid into a worried frown. Something happened in the open time between the first and second texts. Lexa sees the three dots indicating Clarke's typing. She wants to respond before Clarke says anything more.

(1:35 AM) L: And thats a good thing?

Right as she hits send, Clarke's message blips through.

(1:35 AM) C: In sorry your asleep aweet dreams Lexa
(1:35 AM) L: No you're fine. I'm awake. Where are you Clarke?

By the time Lexa sees Clarke's next message pop up, she already had her clothes back on and is shoving her bare feet into combat boots.

(1:37 AM) C: Yes. Ark

Lexa's grateful Clarke has enough sense left to type the three letters. Better yet, Lexa can be there in less than 5 minutes. She sees three dots appear but texts back while running down the stairs.

(1:37 AM) L: I'm coming to pick you up

The next text comes as Lexa runs on the sidewalk nearing Grounders.

(1:39 AM) C: Hey Lexa. It's Raven. O and I are with Clarke. We'll make sure she gets home safe and awakens to water and aspirin.

Lexa comes to a complete stop. She's uncertain what to do. She already stands on the sidewalk next to Grounders, almost to the Ark. She wants to check on Clarke but, at the same time, they have not been together that long. If they even are together. They have been on one official date and out to drinks. But she knows how she feels about Clarke. She knows how she feels kissing Clarke. But Clarke never shared what brought on the panic attack tonight. Thinking about it, Lexa realizes she knows nothing of Clarke's past.

While lost in thought deliberating her next move, Lexa sees the door to the Ark swing open. Lexa watches Clarke be lead with her arm looped around Octavia's neck. She makes no decision and remains in her spot. Clarke's head and shoulders droops towards the floor and Lexa worries she drank herself unconscious. Her heart sinks when she realizes Clarke's positions results from lost hope.

Clarke stumbles over the small stoop and Lexa takes a reflexive step to help but Raven grabs Clarke's other arm to keep her upright. Clarke lifts her head slightly and Lexa sees her mouth moving without stop. Octavia and Raven's appear to offer soothing words. The two's actions seem almost routine.

Lexa strains to hear Clarke's words as they near her. She realizes she missed the opportunity to show herself and slips deeper into the shadow of Grounders' entrance. The group walks on the edge of the sidewalk by the road so Lexa remains unseen as they pass her. She still makes out Clarke's words, "them. I couldn't save them. I couldn't save them…"

Clarke wakes up to aspirin and water next to her pounding head (as Raven promised). She groans and chugs. Her phone vibrates showing texts from Lexa, O, Bell, and her mom. She opens Lexa's first.

(10:02 AM) L: Hey! I just want to make sure you are okay. And to thank you for a great time last night.

Clarke has no clue why Lexa thinks she wouldn't be okay. Then, she scrolls up. Her head aches as she groans louder.

And we've hit double digits! Sorry for the long wait and short chapter. I've been traveling and without much technology but will hopefully be back to regular posting next week. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.