I had a lot of trouble with this chapter. I don't particularly like rewriting bits from the show, but in this case it was necessary to try and show how this Kate is affected differently than canon Kate. I'm not very fond of it but I hope you enjoy it regardless.

"Hey Pumpkin, I was just calling to check in, see how you're doing."

"Well Dad, since I last spoke to you an hour and a half ago, I've finished the paper that I was starting when you called me three hours ago, and started a last minute review for the chemistry test that I'll be taking when you try to call me in another ninety minutes."

"That's great, Sweetie. Proud of you!"

"You should be; I almost threw my phone into the toilet after your last call. But I didn't!"

"Castle, leave her alone," Beckett huffs, dropping back into her seat and pushing his mug across the desk.

"But I-"

"No buts. I'm going to throw your phone in the toilet," she threatens.

"Thanks, Detective!" she can hear Alexis call out. "I'll talk to you later, Dad. And by later, I mean at home. In a few hours. Face to face."

"Is this some subtle-"

"Not subtle, Dad. Please stop calling me; I am safe and sound within school grounds. I promise."

"Okay, Sweetie," he sighs. "I'll see you soon."

"At home," she pushes.

"Yes, at home," he confirms, rolling his eyes.

"Okay. I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Kid."

"Castle, you have got to calm down," Beckett shakes her head as he hangs up. "You keep this up and she's going to block you."

"Can she do that?" he gasps, looking up in horror.

"Probably not without your account information, but the point still remains. Trust me, I know you worry about her. Nobody knows better than I do, but this is beyond ridiculous. She's going to be fine, Castle; Tyson would not have stuck around. He's smart, and besides that Alexis isn't his MO! She's safe. Tyler, on the other hand… He's probably not, and we need to find him. Now."

He recognizes the slight waver in her tone, sees the resolve in her eyes. "You're right," he nods, meeting her gaze. It astounds him how quickly their rolls can reverse, she the strong, resolute one in one moment and the barely held together mess the next. "We will," he assures her, grabbing her hand and squeezing. "We'll find him."

xxx

"Ace. Ace… A C E. Bus lines? Subway? …Subway. They're holding him in the subway!" Castle shouts, spinning away from the murder board and jumping back when he sees Beckett standing right in front of him.

"What?"

"The subway. That's why there was an eight-minute delay between creating and sending the video! They had to come up to find a signal… Where do the three lines cross?"

"Ah… give me a second," she mutters, waking up her computer and pulling up the map. "Looks like they all dead end at the same place…." she muses. "Let me try and get the address…. Oh my God."

"What? What's wrong?"

"That station isn't in use, and it's right under Dean's building. If you're right, they're holding him right under our noses."

"I'm right," he says. "We have to go."

xxx

"Where do you think they're holding him?" he whispers, looking across the tracks at the door to an emergency exit. "There're hideaways all over the place."

"They'll have him out of the way," she thinks out loud. "It won't be off the main track, they wouldn't want to risk running into anybody or having anyone hear them. They'll be towards the very end of the tracks, or off in one of the service tunnels. Service tunnel is most likely, I think. Which way?"

"One sec," he requests, struggling with the blueprints to the station. "Uhm…. This way," he points down the side of the track they're already on and then hooks his finger, "and to the left."

She creeps off in the direction he'd indicated, listening carefully for any signs of life, stopping a few doors into the tunnel without warning, causing Castle to crash into her and knock her over. "Jesus Christ, Kate," he swears, reaching out in a vain attempt to catch her. "Are you all right?"

"Shh!" she orders, accepting his hand and letting him haul her up. "Listen."

He does, straining to hear anything in the silence. "Pacing?" he whispers, picking up on the faint repetitive footsteps.

She nods, hurrying to find their source. "Wait!" He grabs her, pulling her back into his chest and running his hands down her sides gently, moving towards the wrist she'd caught herself with. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Castle," she huffs, suppressing the shivers that his hands are trying to evoke. "C'mon."

He lets her go, trailing a few steps farther back incase she stops again. She does, putting her hand out behind her to stop him this time, and presses her ear against the door. He stops her just before her heel makes contact with the heavy metal.

"Are you insane?!" he mouths, holding up a finger as he pulls out his phone. He opens the camera app, shuts off the flash and leans down, snapping a picture through the crack.

"One," he lets her know, pointing to the left side of the door. "Gun," he makes sure to enunciate clearly. "Tyler," he adds, pointing to the right. "Wait!" He ignores the glare she sends his way as she throws her hands out to the side in frustration. Now is not the time for waiting.

Castle steps back a few feet, gently prying open the cover of a circuit breaker. One, two, three, he motions, shutting down the power to the entire tunnel. The door crashes open, bang, bang, bang, and everything is silent.

"Beckett?" he whimpers, heart pounding as he runs to the door, completely forgetting everything he'd ever learned about covering his own ass. He sighs as he sees her kneeling in front of the boy, gently untaping his hands and feet.

"Hi, Tyler," she says quietly. "My name is Kate, and I'm a detective with the NYPD. I'm so glad to see that you're all right."

"Is my dad okay?" he asks immediately. "They said they were going to use him to get to the top of his building, and it didn't sound like they were going to just let him walk when they were done. Did you find him?"

"Our people are in the lobby of the building right now, but I don't know if they've got your dad," she says honestly. "I do know that they're doing everything they can to help him."

He nods bravely, jumping out of the chair as soon as he's free and throwing his arms around Kate. "Thank you," he cries, though he quickly steps back in embarrassment. "Can we get out of here?"

"Yeah," she laughs, slinging her arm over his shoulders and tucking him into her side. "Let's get out of here."

They take him back to the precinct, feed him as they wait to hear about his father; it only takes about an hour for the other group to make it back to the precinct. "Hey Tyler," Beckett calls, coming into the break room where he's playing cards with Castle. "Your parents are here."

"My dad?"

She nods, holding out her hand. "Thanks, Rick," he grins, high-fiving Castle before grabbing Beckett's hand. "Thank you, Kate."

She smiles down at him, squeezing his hand as she swings it between them. "No problem, kid."

"I hope you find whatever you're looking for," he says, giving her one last hug before running into his family's arms.

She stands there in shock, watching him hug his mother and stepfather before tackling his dad. Castle sidles up besides her, touching her shoulder tentatively. "Kids are perceptive," he notes, watching Tyler head home. "You were too good with him, the situation too familiar to you. He noticed."

"I… I don't…"

"I know. And I know you don't want to do this here so I'm going to distract you. Guess what."

"Castle…"

"Humor me," he grins, a suspicious twinkle in his eye.

"Fine." She bumps her hip into his. "What?"

"Hey Mom!" Ryan calls across the bullpen, interrupting.

"Dad!" Esposito adds. "You wanna hit up Remy's?"

"What d'ya say, Detective?" he asks, not-so-casually avoiding quoting Ryan. "Up for a burger?"

"I could eat," she nods, looping her arm through his without even thinking. "Meet you there?" she calls to the guys.

"You got it!"

xxx

What on Earth was I thinking? Kate berates herself a few weeks later. This is a nightmare.

Her arm is propped up on her desk, her cheek mashed into her palm as she tracks Natalie Rhodes' progress across the bullpen, an exaggerated swing in her hips that Beckett most certainly does not have.

"Ugh," she grumbles, dropping her head to her desk as Natalie stops in front of the murder board, crossing her arms, tapping her fingers, and tapping her foot as she throws her hip out to the right.

I do not do that, she sulks to herself, reliving the entirety of Natalie's presence. She's not getting into my head at all.

"Chin up, Beckett!" Castle sings cheerily, placing a ToGo thermos in front of her.

"Oh, thank you," she moans when she finally looks up, snatching it up in both hands and bringing it to her lips, sinking back into her chair as she tries to relax.

"Hey, where's mine?" Natalie smirks, stepping up to the desk. Not today, Rhodes.

"Whoa!" Castle jumps back, knocking the stack of paperwork on the corner of Beckett's desk to the ground.

"And again; thank you," she groans this time.

"You, and she…. And you!"

"Mmmhm," she nods, watching in amusement as Castle works himself into a fluster over Natalie's Beckett persona.

"Crazy, right?" Natalie asks, thoroughly pleased with herself.

"Yeah," he agrees, jaw on the floor.

"Gonna catch a fly, Castle," Kate teases him.

"Oh, speaking of catch," Natalie turns to Kate. "Do you think we're going to catch anything new today?"

"There's really no way to know," she shrugs, clasping her hands in front of her. "We could locate our suspect in a few minutes or a few days."

"In that case, I think I'm going to head home for the day."

"It's three o'clock."

"I know, but I decided to take Castle's advice," she grins flirtatiously, meeting his eyes. "The book is so much better than my script, and I want to finish it!"

"You're reading it?" he asks, clearly shocked.

"It's so good," she nods, reaching over to grab her delivery box.

"Oh, let me!" he requests, grabbing it off of the desk before she can. "I'll walk you out."

Beckett rolls her eyes as the two make their way to the elevator, chatting as they wait for it to arrive. She kneels down to pick up the paperwork that Castle had knocked over, dropping it all over again when a thump catches her attention.

Natalie's pressed her entire body up against Castle, shoving her thigh between his, the box at their feet and his arms open at his side. She grabs his face as the doors slide shut, yanking him down to her level and pressing her lips to his.

Kate lets herself drop, feet splaying out as she lands hard on her ass. "Ow," she whimpers, leaning her head against the side of her desk as she stares mournfully at the elevator.

xxx

"Can I ask you a question?" She comes out of nowhere, causing Kate to jump. She stops herself from spilling hot coffee all over her lap just in time.

"What?" Kate asks in defeat. What more could you possibly want from me?

"Is Castle gay?"

"I'm sorry, what?" she chokes, wiping her face on her sleeve. "No. No."

"That's weird," Natalie muses.

"What?" she asks disinterestedly, trying to mop the coffee off her desk with a tissue.

"Last night he told me something I've never heard from a man before…" she trails off. When she doesn't continue, Beckett turns to look at her, raising an eyebrow in irritation. "He told me no," she whispers.

"What?" Her interest piques, her attention devoted entirely to Natalie.

"Yeah. I asked him back to my place, and he said, 'No.'"

"Really?" Kate asks breathily, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"I know, right? It was the weirdest thing."

"No, that's not what I…" She rolls her eyes. Natalie would never understand. She doesn't even understand. "Never mind."

"Wait a second… it's you."

"I'm sorry?"

"You're the reason he turned me down. You guys do have a thing, don't you?"

"No, no absolutely not," she denies, shaking her head a little too adamantly.

"Well then you need to tell him it's okay!"

"Excuse me?"

"Give him permission or something!" Natalie insists.

"Okay, I need to go. Over there." She grabs her mug and shoves away from the desk, hurrying towards the break room and far away from Natalie Rhodes, who sighs at her abandonment and moves over to peruse any additions to the murder board.

Beckett moves to refill her mug, glaring at Natalie as she paces in front of the murder board, seemingly talking to herself. "Do I really do that?" she asks, feeling Castle creep up behind her.

"Yes you do, and it's adorable."

"If it's so adorable why didn't you sleep with me?" That's not right, she thinks, completely missing Castle's aghast gape, eyes raking up and down her backside. "Her me," she clarifies.

"Eh, too meta," he dismisses, once he gathers his wits. Not you, he thinks.

xxx

"All right girl, what's your deal?" Lanie asks, handing Kate a glass of wine and sitting down on the other end of the couch.

"Castle," she says slowly, swirling the drink in her hand.

"I'm going to need a little more than that, Kate. He's your problem ninety percent of the time."

"I know," she laughs humorlessly. "But I wasn't supposed to like that."

"Now we're getting somewhere!" Lanie grins, her smile as big as her face. "You're finally opening up to it!"

"Opened up to it a while ago," she admits. "Right around the time my apartment blew up."

"Sweetie, that was months ago! Why haven't you said anything?"

"I don't know, Lanie…" I'm a coward. "At the time there was just too much going on, and he's been so awesome about everything but he hadn't really made it clear either way whether he'd be interested, and then Josh asked me out and I guess I just…"

"Are you kidding me? He couldn't be more interested!"

"He didn't sleep with Natalie Rhodes," Kate agrees softly, sipping her wine. "He told her no."

"And you didn't jump on that?!"

"I'm kind of with someone!"

"Well how serious are you?"

"I don't know," she shrugs. "Not as serious as he seems to think we are."

"Then why are you with him?" Lanie asks dumbly.

"I don't know! I guess…. I guess he just feels safe. Like I know he won't hurt me."

"How could you possibly know that?"

She doesn't say anything.

"Well?" Lanie prods.

"Because I don't care enough. Because I don't see us going anywhere and it won't hurt when it ends."

"That's-"

"Horrible, I know!"

"Why are you dragging it on, Kate? He obviously thinks this is going somewhere it's not! If this isn't what you want you shouldn't lead the poor guy on."

"I told him when he first asked me out that it wouldn't turn into anything serious," she defends herself weakly. "I really liked him. Under other circumstances I might've even seen us going somewhere."

"But you're not. You don't see a future with him."

She shakes her head.

"So lemme ask you this. What made you realize you could have that… that you want that… with Castle?"

"He makes me feel safe." She doesn't even have to think about it. "For the first time since my mother was killed, I feel safe. And important. And…" loved.

"He's the first person to push me when I close myself off, but he knows when to back off. He shows up right when I need him and he knows when to talk and when to just sit with me.

"He lets me vent and he spouts off his stupid theories to cheer me up and he knows when he's said something wrong and he doesn't just ignore it, he tries to fix it.

"He knew what a hard time I had with the kidnapping case a few weeks ago and he just stood there and held me for what felt like ever, talking me down…" and when he found out why I was off my rocker about it he didn't judge me for it. He hugged me and held me and made me feel better.

"Then why aren't you with him?" Lanie shouts, trying to knock some sense into her.

But she can't afford to lose him; she's lost too many people in her life and if it doesn't work out with him, which it inevitably won't because she ruins every relationship she touches, she'll not only lose the man she's potentially falling in love with, she'll lose her best friend. Her solid ground. She'll spiral out of control and this time she won't come back from it.

"Josh can't hurt me," Kate repeats, her eyes glazing over. "But Castle can destroy me."