AN1: Beginning of this chapter is in Tony's POV as well. It's incredibly fun to write! Sorry if there are mistakes or things that don't make sense. It's late and I'm supposed to be asleep, and if my mom finds me, I'm dead.
AN2: On a lighter note, thanks so much for the support! Your reviews continue to inspire me. I really hope you enjoy this chapter!
Tony
Heavy…Everything feels so…heavy.
Damn, I did die. I died and now I'm in some crazy Greek mythological hell. And I'm Atlas. Great, The whole freaking world on my shoulders. Awesome.
Although -and yes, I do realize how philosophically self-reflective this is- the feeling isn't all that unfamiliar. Who am I even talking to? I'm Atlas for God's- or gods' rather- sake. Does Atlas have any friends? Or is that part of his punishment? Most likely. I know how that is. All alone…no other gods to talk to…
But wait, no, that's not right. Atlas wasn't a god. Atlas was -is- no, was…Oh, who cares. Point is, Atlas was a Titan. McGeek told me that once. I can't believe I remembered. Wow, that's impressive, even by my standards!
Hmm…now there's other stuff, too…tingling…pressure…burning. Ow, there's burning! Ugh, my throat feels like it's on fire! Now this is a lot more like I envisioned hell…What put me in hell anyway? I think I've been a generally good person. I try to be nice to people…unless they're assholes. Then I can be kinda rude. But in the words of Team America, 'there are three types of people in this world!'...Ok, we won't go into that speech…It's thinking like that that got me into hell in the first place.
Wait a second, though…I was alive! Wasn't I? I was dead…at least I think I was…then I was alive. I was looking at Gibbs, I remember. I was scared. I was so scared…Why was I scared? Hmm…how did I even die?
Of course. I can remember some random, trivial fact McGeek spits out, but I can't remember the circumstances of my own death. Ain't life grand?...No response…Ah well, it was a rhetorical question anyway.
Ok, focus now, DiNozzo. Death. Dead. Dying. No life. Dead. Hmm…nope, nothing. Ok, maybe if I don't focus on it, it'll come to me.
But what else do I have to focus on?
I could always just think about the strange burning sensation coming from my throat. That should be fun. It's weird, though…As much as it hurts, I feel as if it's helping at the same time. Man, I finally feel like I can breathe! Breathe…breathing…I couldn't…I couldn't breathe…
The burning is getting worse. So is the other stuff. There is definitely someone or something squeezing my hand. I couldn't breathe…That's why I was so scared. I couldn't breathe…Why couldn't I-
Oh, shit. Maybe ignorance really is bliss.
. . .
Gibbs and Ziva both held their breath as they watched their friend return to consciousness. His eyes shifted back and forth beneath his lids and the heart monitor picked up its pace minutely. His fingers continued to twitch against Ziva's hand, which began softly caressing them.
"Wake up, Tony. We are here. Wake up for us," Ziva said softly. Tony's face slackened at the calming voice. Then his brow furrowed slightly.
"Come on, DiNozzo. You know I don't condone sleeping on the job. Wake up," Gibbs said sternly, trying to disguise the tremor in his voice. Please open your eyes, Tony.
Slowly but surely, the darkened eyelids began to lift, revealing sparkling hazel eyes. They took a moment to absorb his surroundings and the faces of Gibbs and Ziva. Tony's eyes flitted around the room before finally resting on the tube protruding from his mouth. His eyes widened in terror and pain, and his hands shot up to the offending object, moving to expel it.
"No, you don't!" Gibbs said strongly. He grabbed Tony's bandaged hands, pinning them to the bed. "Ziva, talk to him! You need to calm him down before he rips his vent out!" he cried fiercely.
Ziva knelt right next to Tony, her face mere inched from his. "Tony…," she whispered tenderly. This got no response, as Tony continued to thrash against Gibbs's hands. "Tony," she said a little louder, but with the same soft tone. Careful to avoid the ventilator tube, she delicately laid her hand on his opposite cheek, turning his face gently toward hers. "You are safe," she stated firmly. "You have a ventilator to help you breathe. It is helping you, Tony. You mustn't fight it." Deep brown penetrated fearful hazel as Ziva gazed intently into Tony's eyes. "Don't fight it," she repeated softly.
The thrashing ceased and the heart monitor slowed once more. Tony's hands gave up the fight against Gibbs. He cautiously released his grip.
Tony turned to look at Gibbs, who raised his eyebrows and smiled.
"You can never do things the easy way, can you, DiNozzo?"
Tony attempted a slight smile around the ventilator tube, but failed miserably. Gibbs shook his head. "Don't try to do anything. They're keeping you on that vent for a few more hours, and then they'll see how your lungs are doing. So don't be difficult. You think you can try that for once, DiNozzo?"
Tony nodded slightly, his eyes slipping closed. He shook his head back and forth as they reopened. Then, they began to close again. He blinked hard and opened them, restlessly fighting against his body's exhaustion.
"You can sleep, Tony," Ziva said quietly. "Your body has been through a lot and needs rest. We will be right here when you wake up again."
Tony turned his head toward Gibbs, silently asking permission. Gibbs smiled and nodded. Without further ado, Tony fell into a deep sleep.
Ziva and Gibbs settled into their positions, relaxed, but ready for the moment Tony awakened again.
. . .
Several hours later…
Abby stretched and yawned before looking upon the pale face of her friend. Her bright eyes immediately darkened with sadness. Unable to stand watching the motionless figure, Abby averted her gaze toward her other friends. Gibbs was sitting straight up, his eyes locked on Tony's prone form. Ziva was dozing, her head and arms resting on the bed. Even in sleep, her hand firmly gripped Tony's. McGee was pinned beneath Abby, seated in the chair he had pulled over from the room next door. She grinned sheepishly and tried to adjust her position to make McGee at least slightly less uncomfortable. It didn't appear to be working, as he released a muffled groan.
"Sorry," she whispered. McGee just grinned tiredly in reply.
"Is Ducky back yet?" he asked quietly. Abby shook her head. As soon as Gibbs had told everyone that Tony was asleep, Ducky decided his time would be best spent autopsying Ryker, so the case could be closed for good. He and Palmer had come in to check on Tony briefly before driving back to NCIS. Ducky had assured Abby that it wouldn't take too long to complete the autopsy, and he'd be back in no time.
Like clockwork, Ducky walked through the door. Abby beamed at his arrival, but her smile quickly faded when Ducky asked about Tony's condition.
"He still hasn't woken up yet, Ducky…Is that bad?" She asked concernedly.
"My dear, his body has suffered through terrible trauma. It's good that he's resting soundly. Give him a bit more time. He should be waking up very soon," he replied calmly.
The sound of voices woke Ziva from her soft slumber. Her eyes immediately shot to Tony, but reassured by his sleeping form, she turned her attention to the others in the room. They were all standing, eyes fixed on Tony, yet the tension in the room was not overpowering.
Gently pushing Abby off his lap, McGee stood up and said, "I'm getting some coffee. Anyone want anything?"
Gibbs simply looked at him, blue eyes boring into McGee's.
"Right, of course. Um…Anyone else?" he stuttered awkwardly. Palmer raised a hand.
"I'll go with you. I could use some caffeine.
Abby also perked up.
"I'll come, too!"
The three exited the room, leaving only Gibbs, Ziva, and Ducky gathered loyally around Tony's bed. They kept silent vigil for a few moments before a low groan emitted from the weakened figure on the bed. Tony's heart monitor quickened its pace and without warning, Tony's eyes flew open, wide and terrified. He was obviously in great distress as he moaned and writhed in the bed.
Gibbs was first to respond. He was up in a flash, hand running through Tony's hair soothingly. He whispered softly to Tony before turning to Ducky, allowing his vulnerability to show momentarily as he asked shakily, "What's going on, Duck?"
"I believe Anthony's body is fighting the ventilator. Just keep him comfortable. I'll get a doctor."
With that, he was out of the room. Ziva shook the sleep out of her mind and busied herself whispering to Tony and rubbing his arm comfortingly.
Not a minute later, a man in a white coat, accompanied by Ducky, shuffled into the room. Disregarding the visitors, he turned his focus immediately to Tony.
"Mr. DiNozzo, can you hear me?"
Tony whimpered quietly and nodded slowly.
"You're probably experiencing a burning sensation right now, is that correct? Do you feel as if you need to cough?"
Tony nodded emphatically, bringing a small grin to Gibbs's face. Ziva and Ducky both stared intently at the doctor's motions.
"Ok, on the count of three, I'm going to ask you to cough. You must cough hard, Mr. DiNozzo. That is the only way to safely remove the ventilator. You understand?"
Another tight nod from Tony, and the doctor firmly grabbed the ventilator tube and began easing it out of Tony's mouth.
"One…two…three!"
With one swift motion, the doctor pulled the tube out and placed it with the rest of the machine, out of the way.
Tony's body was tensed as he went back and forth between coughing and gasping. The doctor sat him up, placing a strong yet gentle hand on his back.
"That's it. Come on. Slow and steady, Mr. DiNozzo."
Tony continued to gasp for air. His chest heaved uncontrollably as he desperately attempted to oxygenate his lungs. The doctor's brow furrowed and he looked anxiously at the rapidly increasing heart monitor. Gibbs's eyes shot to the jagged lines on the screen before looking at the crestfallen expression on Ziva's face. Her eyes locked with his, wild with worry. Ducky rushed solemnly to assist the doctor, who was pressing an oxygen mask over Tony's nose and mouth.
"What the hell is going on?!" Gibbs shouted at the doctor. He couldn't stand this. It was bad enough when Tony was hacking up a lung in Isolation. It had been 5 years since that happened, yet Gibbs still had nightmares. He would wake up in a cold sweat, with the image of blood and blue lips blazing in his mind.
Gibbs shook the unpleasant memories from his mind and threw a piercing glare at the doctor.
"I'm not sure, but if he doesn't start breathing properly, he'll go into respiratory arrest!" the doctor said desperately.
Gibbs bent down, putting his face directly in front of Tony's. "DiNo-" he began. His words died on his lips as he looked into Tony's eyes. The lively hazel was completely deadened and clouded with inner turmoil. The gaze was unfocused, a million miles away. It was a look Gibbs had seen in his old Marine buddies many times. It was the look of someone trapped in a flashback.
. . .
Tony was vaguely aware of persistent beeping somewhere. But the annoying sound was muted by the pressure of the world around, collapsing in on him without mercy. Everything was so dark…so tight…
He desperately tried to open his eyes, but when he did, no sight met him. The blackness was all-consuming, closing in on every fiber of his being. He moved to lift his limbs…to fight against the unknown presence. But to his horror, he found nothing to lift. The Blackness had already devoured his body, and now he was left, nothing but a terrified consciousness.
He could feel the void rapidly approaching, threatening to consume everything he knew. This terrifying reality shocked him into submission as he felt the Blackness grab him. Somehow, even without a body, Tony could feel its decrepit hands gripping him. He had no choice but to give in…He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think…
"Tony!"
A voice pierced through the dark desperation. A familiar voice. Who was that?
"Come on, DiNozzo. You need to come back to us. Now, Tony!"
Whoever it is seems quite insistent…
"Tony…" This was a different voice. Softer…I like this voice…Actually…I think I love this voice…
"Come on, Tony. Look at me. Look into my eyes. I need you to snap out of it now, Tony. We need you to snap out of it."
There's that voice again. So beautiful…So intoxicating…Ok, I'll try! I'm trying…I'm coming…Don't go…
. . .
Everyone sighed in relief as Tony's heart monitor converted to a regular pace. Slowly, Tony blinked his eyes, focusing on the concerned faces of his friends. His mind hardly registered the oxygen mask on his face. He felt a painful throb in his hands and fingers, and a slight headache.
"Took you long enough, DiNozzo," Gibbs snapped, disguising his relief with impatience.
"S-Sorry, Boss," Tony whispered breathlessly, his words muffled from behind the mask.
Gibbs just shook his head, allowing Ducky to begin his fussing.
"That was quite close, my boy. You gave us all a scare. I think it would be appreciated if you refrained from doing that again," the M.E. chattered. He continued his conversational monologue as he checked Tony's vitals and adjusted the bandages.
Ziva and Gibbs exited the room to find their friends and tell them of Tony's awakening.
As Ducky blathered on, Tony let the events of the day and their repercussions wash over him. A tidal wave of irrational guilt slammed into his thoughts. He'd make them worry. He'd put them all through pain and discomfort for hours. No one deserved that, especially on his behalf.
"Anthony?"
Tony's head shot up to Ducky. "Sorry. Um, what did you say, Duck?"
Seeing the conflict and sadness written on Tony's face, Ducky spoke gently. "I was asking about your pain levels. But I sense something is bothering you, perhaps not in the physical sense?"
Tony silently cursed his weakness. "Oh, nothing much. Just tired I think."
Ducky stared down reproachfully at Tony. Under his scrutiny, Tony couldn't keep silent.
"I just feel bad that everyone was so upset. I shouldn't have put them through that…Isn't fair to them."
Ducky was at a momentary loss for words. As he studied the face of the younger man, Tony averted his gaze shamefully.
When he finally found his voice, Ducky simply asked, "Do you carry this with you every day? This guilt? This burden?"
Tony blinked and looked away. After a moment, he looked down and nodded.
Ducky was shocked. He shook his head sadly, disbelieving. "How?"
Tony lifted his head, softly meeting Ducky's gaze. A bitter smile hardened the handsome features.
"Easy," he said. "I'm Atlas."