The force (Force?) unleashed:
Well? Much to my surprise / shock, trepidation and / or (possibly) utter consternation the captain actually went for my crazy scheme!
Now Nakam what'd you go do that for?
Oh I don't know? God what did I get myself into?
Now look what you done there, gone and done! Just like Adam. You gone and screwed up the entire universe; you big idiot!
Somehow, I don't think that's exactly what the Lord had said. Fitting though; (in my opinion) but I guess that's why He's God and I'm not: (good thing too). I chuckled to myself as I followed Katook down to the training room. Get a little exercise. Clear the mind a bit. Sweat the clutter out - you know: (and God knows I got a lot of it up there). Lack of sleep, too much coffee, all that good stuff. It really makes for wonderful brain fog. I hate brain fog. I snickered with a tad of self-abating amusement.
Ode to brain fog, beloved brain fog. One hundred and five ways to rid one's-self of brain fog! I chuckled as I meditated upon that a moment or two. If I'm really so tired, I ought to go sleep. Well?...Errr...uh - that isn't exactly what I want to do either. My mind began to drift a bit as I plunked myself down on one of those funny looking stationary excuses for a bicycle. Thoughts of my hours in Hopewell's medical lab began to wander through my memory: (as I commenced to peddle myself into oblivion). Oh, the days of that luxury are gone now. Long gone now.
I used to hide in one of the quarantine rooms and... 'take naps'. Well, sort of. Our dorm was oft too boisterous to warrant any sort of privacy; and the battalion barracks prior? No need for such personal solitude. Neuro-transmitter blockers eliminate the necessity for a lot of things. I sighed rather dispirited. Oh how for what ever urgent reason I seemed to be struggling with all of this at this particular moment? I don't have the foggiest clue! I paused to wipe my face of the grief and sweat that was beginning to accumulate.
I miss the comfort I found in the isolation of those rooms. My thoughts stopped for just one brief moment to loose themselves in the memory. Just me, the reflections in my head, sensations in my body and the God I prayed to for understanding of this all. I rested well on some of those days, drifted off contented and awoke in a quiet joyful calm. I miss that. I sighed rather sadly as my attention floated toward Katook: (who was now engaged in an array of rather childish dance steps with the treadmill). Juvenile clones! I quietly giggled before my mind sank back down into it's muddy despair. What is there to be so sad about? I often wondered, but never really understood.
"It says it right there; that the Lord was wroth with - because he spilled his seed!" I suddenly snickered as the ill-fated advice I'd overheard one student give to another came to mind. Sentury, Japah, Katook and myself were standing behind two fellows in the cafeteria line who were engaged in thus weighty debate.
"The good graces of being sterile." Katook whispered with a smirk, while I only cast back an amused cringe.
"What?" Japah just looked curiously at both of us.
"That M word they all whisper about." Katook quietly indicated as he twirled his finger in the air.
"Oh yeah." Japah replied with a reaction that was about as serious as a heart attack. "That came up as a topic of conversation in one of my psychology classes." He tapped his chin, nodded a bit and than just shrugged. "What's the big deal anyways?" He looked inquisitively at Katook and myself. "What's it feel like?" He queried.
Katook and I just peered at each other. Alright, who wants to tackle this one? We both giggled a bit.
"Oh well, what the hell." Katook muttered with a shrug. "It's kind of hard to explain." He went on to answer. "Not exactly like anything I've ever experienced before." He folded his arms and rubbed his face as he tried to come up with the words.
"It's like the rush of running into a battle, but feels a lot safer." I suddenly popped out with an explanation that was unexpected, even to myself. "Safer and comforting." I mumbled thoughtfully.
"Yeah!" Katook suddenly looked at me and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, good one." He wagged his finger.
"Hum." Was Sentury and Japah's only observation.
Odd topic of conversation, I know. I giggled quietly as my recollections now drifted to a memory of one of Shazam's lengthy expositions on clone candor. I think in his mind, he was constructing some future imagined doctoral thesis he planned to write about us. Anyways. "If you don't really want to know, than don't ask because theywill tell you." He'd chuckled as he gave his fellow sparring partner a good rattling.
"Tell him what?" I cracked one of Katook's goofy smiles.
"That there's no topic of conversation that's off limits amongst you all." Shazam answered. "You guys probably don't even realize how close you are; do you?" He cocked his head and looked at Katook and I.
"No!" We suddenly sung in unison as we both took exactly two equal steps in the opposite direction of the other.
"Damn!" Shazam's companion muttered under his breath. "It's like talkin to a single dude."
"Life in and army of one." Shazam grinned. "You get used to it."
Yeah, safety and comfort. My thoughts wandered back to the present. Two things we all could use more of. I sighed in half- hearted sorrow and half-hearted amusement as I watched Katook commence a good argument with the elliptical machine.
"I feel so rotten." His words wafted through my recollections of the old racquetball cubicles back on campus.
"Katook what's wrong?" I inquired when he began slamming the little rubber balls into the wall.
"I hate them! I Hate Them!" His yelling digressed into raging screams. "Just like the cronkies! I'm Glad Their Dead And I HOPE THEY ROT IN HELL!" He raged on, as he beat the racket against the cinder block wall.
"Katook. KATOOK!" I hollered when he began pounding the bricks with his fists.
"WHAT!" He screamed as he whirled around and glared at me with a wild rage I'd never seen in him before.
"I know." I whispered soberly. "I'm glad they're dead too."
We stood momentarily staring at each other; my soul sunk in grief, while Katook's body shivered with the rage he fought to contain.
"How? HOW?" The screams came welling up and bursting forth. "They killed those girls! Killed them and I couldn't stop it!" Katook clawed at his own head as if he could somehow scrape it all away. "I wake up in the middle of the night and all I see is Jenny splattered all over her sorority house wall!" He began to choke on his own remembrances. "Even after I get out of the shower; I, I can't wash the guilt away."
Yeah, I know. I remember sighing. I know.
You're different now. My mind suddenly flashed to the present as I watched Katook who had found another apparatus to either train on, or pick a fight with. We are all different now. I began to reflect. Different from what we'd been, as well as what we will be. I let out a sigh as the whizzing of the stationary cycle's wheel faded into the stillness of time. It feels like 100 years have passed. I muttered to the solitude of my own conscience. Different yeah, I smiled in half relief and half satisfaction. The 'I feel like I've been dropped into someone else's life' sort of... different.
Well, speaking of someone else's life! I chuckled as the door slid open and Jester stepped in, followed by Joel.
"I think we got all the adjustments taken care of." Joel announced as he waved me over to come check out the adapted head gear that had once belonged to... someone. "We cleaned this one and it was the most functional of all of them." Joel went on. "Ray helped wipe it's memory, than Professor Drake and Dart reprogrammed our current navigation into it." He explained as he handed me the helmet. "There's also a fail-safe auto encrypt; just in case you get separated from it." He cocked his head and grinned.
"Well good." I nodded. "What about the armor?"
"Dr. Salachika is putting it through the ion stretcher as we speak." Joel chuckled.
"Right after she took it out of the molecule bender; eh?" I eyed Joel.
"Yeah, something like that." He swivelled his head in feigned agreement.
"And don't worry, I did remember to pack the left handed monkey wrench." Jester followed with all flawless sobriety.
"Good!" We laughed as we gave him a hearty slap on the back.
"Seriously though, another 15 to 20 minutes." Joel indicated as he commenced to excuse himself, while we just seemed... stuck there for what ever reason.
"You nervous?" Jester inquired, his voice sounding a bit tense.
"Yeah, a little." I reluctantly confessed.
"Coward." He snickered sheepishly.
"Shall we go hide?" I countered in like banter. Jester smiled.
"You remember your first battle?" He suddenly questioned, seeming a bit lost in his own thoughts, as he peered around the training room. "We had spaces like this on Kamino." He mumbled. "Too many bright lights though. It's kind of dark in here."
"Yeah well, we like comforting light." I replied with a bit of a sigh.
"It never changes does it?" Jester's thoughts spilled out.
"What never changes?" I looked at him.
"Battles." He replied. "They're always the same. They get stuck in your brain the same. Kind of like they never really happen, but they did. You sort of get used to it too; don't you?" He glanced over at me.
"Yeah." I paused a moment and nodded in credit to his markedly accurate description. "You're right, battles do get stuck in your brain and they don't ever seem real; but you know they are."
"War is like walking that strange world; somewhere between a place like Alderan and the dark side." Jester mumbled reflectively.
"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.." I reiterated in a phrase I was more familiar with. "I will fear no evil."
"The valley of the shadow of death." Jester looked straitly at me and just stood there, as if I'd suddenly smacked him across the face with some profound truth. "But there's so much death in that valley." He whispered.
"Yeah." I sighed. "I know."
We stood for a few more eternal moments just sort of... peering at each other.
"Well come on, let's go." He finally said.
"Yes, let's go get this over with." I mumbled quietly to myself.
We wandered back toward the medical lab and I took a quick detour to the shower. Jester occupied himself that few minutes by playing cards with Japah. Afterwards we spent the next three quarters of the hour harassing Dr. Salachika with endless stupid jokes about ion stretchers and molecule benders. She took it well; (she usually does) and we concluded with the task of perfecting the retrofitting on the Jango clone armor.
In that time though, I did find out another thing about Jango clones that I hadn't already known. They apparently like the sound of Savawarhian voices; as both Ray and Jester had actually made a few requests for Dr. Salachika to... sing. Now it's not that my army had never heard, or known of this Savawarhian talent. I guess the best description I could give, is that they almost sound like a cross between a human child and a crystal bell. It's a very distinct tonal quality and one I'd often heard in the cloning facilities while I was growing up. What ever the reason being? Whether it passed the work day faster, or for the pure sake of entertaining us; the researchers did a lot of singing.
Hum? I thought to myself. The things we take for granted.
"I made You promises a thousand times." The good doctor continued the request with a familiar verse.
"I tried to hear from heaven, but I talked the whole time." I joined in.
"I think I made You too small." Dr. Salachika swung around in her chair and looked directly at me. "I never feared You at all. No, oh. If You touched my face would I know You?"
"Looked into my eyes could I behold You?" I returned.
"What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion." We joined in unison. "Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean? Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful? What do I know? What do I know of holy?" We started to chuckle as we looked at each other and than glanced over at Jester, who was simply staring at us in enchanted fascination.
"Holy?" He paused a moment and mumbled curiously.
"What do I know of Holy?" Dr. Salachika burst into a subsequent verse as she threw her hands in the air, stood up and began walking toward Jester. "What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame and the God who gave life it's name!" She poked him in the chest. "What do I know of holy, of the One whom the angles praise, all of creation knows Your name, in earth and heaven above, what do I know of this love?"
"The Kaminoans never got it!" Ray giggled innocently as he continued talking to Shadow, while Jester just kept looking peculiarly at the doctor. Finally his attention drifted to me.
"That was a common song they would sing to us." I answered as I gestured toward our medical officer. "I guess it served to remind them that manipulating DNA does not give life; God does."
Jester only cocked his head at me as an expression of profound sadness suddenly swept across his face.
"Cloned you have been, but in the image of God you are!" Dr. Salachika reiterated as she pointed from me to Jester. "And damned I be, if that I forget." She suddenly paused a brief moment as she gave us both an odd look. "What the hell just happened?" She muttered. "I don't talk like that!"
"Yoda." Jester mumbled.
"The force be with you." Dr. Salachika declared, a bit shocked by her own words. "The Force with capital F that is." She corrected herself a moment as she looked at me. "Did you feel that?" She asked.
"Yeah." I nodded. "Welcome to the strange world I live in."
"Fight the dark side!" We all jumped at Ray's sudden outburst; his hand now thrust in Jester's direction. "It was the chosen one." He yelled as he pounded his fists on the table and stood up. "He did this to us!" He screamed in rage while bounding up to Jester. "The dark side fight you must, or consume you it will!" He commanded as he rattled Jester by the chest plate. "Resist the devil and he shall flee." Ray suddenly paused a moment seeming a bit mystified by what he'd just uttered.
"I DID!" Jester hollered in response as he smacked Ray in the chest. Ray took a couple of steps back while Jester clasped his hands over his ears, obviously still trapped within his own torment. "Yoda never fell to the dark side." He yelled at Ray. "If he had, he wouldn't have mind f-ff-flupped you guys." Jester gasped and sputtered and coughed as he dropped to the floor and put his forehead to the deck. "I even prayed to this God of theirs for help." The fury began to mount. "It never was Anakin." He railed. "Palpitine gave the order." Jester gasped again as he pushed himself back to his feet and looked Ray in the eye. "It didn't work though!" He decreed as he poked at Ray. "Kanobi is still alive and so is the one who will restore balance!"
"What?" Ray mumbled as Dr. Salachika just looked curiously at me.
I don't know? I shrugged. Weird. She mouthed.
"How do you know this?" Ray squinted suspiciously at Jester.
"I don't know?" Jester coughed. "I think it was their God?" He wiped his face as he doubled over and began to shudder. "Helped me, figure it out - maybe? I..I guess?" He panted a few times between breaths in his best attempts to keep from vomiting all over himself. "Balance will come." Jester declared through his heaves. "But kind of like their Revelation; a time of darkness, a great tribulation will fall upon us." Jester looked up at Ray as he sucked in a deep breath and forced himself to stand strait. "After that, balance will return."
"A reign of righteousness?" Dr. Salachika looked at me questioningly.
"No, not righteousness." Jester turned to her. "Just balance. Light doesn't balance out darkness. It conquers it." He mumbled, just before he shook his head; as if he was suddenly coming back to his senses.
"That's true." I commented while Ray's attention also now floated toward me.
"What?" He shook his head in confusion.
"Is it not the dark side into their world, wishes to seep?" Jester continued in this odd arrangement of wording that seemed to be randomly following our conversation. "Or the light of their world that pierced our darkness... has?"
"Jester?" Ray asked directly. "Where is Yoda?"
"I don't know." Jester replied. "The force would never tell me that; and..." He paused a moment. "I don't think their God would either." He pointed to us.
"Who is Yoda?" Dr. Salachika inquired.
"I've heard of him; but I don't really know." I responded.
"I'm not sure either." Jester shook his head as he put his hands over his face and began to rub vigorously. "Wish he'd get out of my brain though!" He mumbled.
"He's a Grand Master Jedi." Ray suddenly broke in. "He was the head of the council. I think he's the only one who's really sure of the identity of lord Vader; except maybe Kanobi?"
"Who's Kanobi?" Dr. Salachika asked.
"He's another Jedi." Ray answered. "The one Cody tried to kill. We have to find him too." Ray began to mutter to himself. "He's tormented; tried suicide."
"Kanobi?" Jester attention shot over to Ray as he shook his head in disconcertion.
"No! Cody!" Ray glared at Jester as if Jester should already know what he was talking about. "The mind violated you know." He cocked his head."Or you should know?" Ray paused a moment looking somberly at Jester. "Palpitine raped you too." He whispered.
Both Ray and Jester stopped and just stood there. It was like the pieces of some mystical puzzle had suddenly materialized. Is that what they all equated this order 66 too? I mulled this over in my brain a moment. How disgustingly scary is that!
Hum. Dr Salachika glanced over at me.
"How do you know... what, what...happened to... Kanobi?" Jester gazed at Ray while tears began running down his cheeks.
"I was standing behind Cody just before the order came." Ray looked compassionately at Jester. "Shadow was going crazy. I kept saying what's wrong Shadow. This is good, Kanobi just killed Grievous. It's over! Shadow though, kept saying: no, no and kept trying to pull me; than everything inside me changed and I saw Cody with the rocket launcher. He shot the rock ledge, but I know he's a better aim than that. He could have hit Kanobi if he really wanted to."
"You think Cody tried to resist?" Jester whispered to Ray.
"Don't you think we all did?" Ray replied.
Dr. Salachika and I just stood quietly watching these two. Jester wiping his tears and Ray resting an empathetic hand on his shoulder. Than the door slid open and Captain San Wan came in.
"Is everyone OK in here?" The Captain queried in a solemn tone.
"Yeah, I think so, but something strange just happened." Dr. Salachika relayed.
"Yes, I know." The Captain replied. "Yoda, contacted... me."
"It is true!" Ray suddenly got excited. "He is alive. How did he reach you?" He inquired of the Captain. "Was it a halo communication or did he touch you with his mind?" Ray suddenly turned to Jester. "I hate it when they do that. Jedi give me headaches."
The Captain let out a trifling smirk. "They give me headaches too." He replied. "In more ways than one." He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "He wants me to come to him." The Captain sighed. "He's concerned about your mission." He suddenly paused to correct himself. "He's concerned about our mission."
"What?" Dr. Salachika just looked at the captain.
"But do we know if he's trustworthy?" I suddenly broke in. "I mean if these Sith can play these mind tricks too. How do we know this really is Yoda; or even that Yoda is who he says he is?"
"Well." Captain San Wan sighed as he gave the hem of his uniform top a tug, folded his arms and looked at all of us as if he wasn't sure he should tell us the next thing on his mind. "He told me to ask my Lord." He nodded in skeptical confirmation before he began to quote what Yoda had said to him. "This Jesus of your Force. He who is not against me is with me. He has said. Only of the dark side beware." Captain San Wan let out a sigh. "He also told me to tell Jester... that my Lord forgives him."
We all paused a moment at Jester's obvious reaction to this. He sucked back a sob and quickly wiped his face.
I just turned and peered strangely at the Captain. "How would Yoda know who God forgives and who He doesn't?" I whispered with one raised eyebrow.
"He believes the force told him." The Captain whispered in return. "And he said he knows it wasn't the dark side, because the dark side knows no forgiveness."
"Well, he's right there!" I nodded in agreement as we both stood quietly pondering that a moment. My eyes drifted toward Jester. Devine forgiveness, how liberating that would be. I smiled at him. He glanced over at me and smiled back.
"So are you ready?" The Captain finally inquired of me.
"Fear not, for I am with you withersoever you go." I quoted.
"Even unto Coruscant." Captain San Wan nodded with a chuckle.
"Even unto Coruscant." I affirmed.
"And?" The Captain subtly indicated in Jester's direction.
"He who has began a good work in you is faithful to complete it." I quoted another verse.
"And if we are wrong?" He looked seriously at me.
"Well than?" I sighed. "Into Your hands I commend my spirit."
"Well than, I guess it's Amen." The Captain gazed thoughtfully at me.
"In the end, that's all any of us can really say." I nodded in return.
"We were made to be courageous." The Captain smiled as he grasped my arms and gave me a reassuring clench.
"We could be the generation that finally breaks the chains." I attested to Jester as I continued the Captains quote.
"God speed and know we will be praying for both of you." The Captain glanced at Jester.
"I know; thank you Sir." I smiled before I turned to my cohort. "Let's roll." I said.
Song lyric segments:
"What do I know of Holy" by Addison Road
"Courageous" by Casting Crowns