On Sunday morning, Jane finds Maura gardening in the courtyard. Jane stands in the doorway of the front door in her pyjamas and smiles as she watches Maura dig up soil on all fours.
"Are those my jeans?" Jane asks, her voice gravelly, and Maura looks up at her, surprised to find Jane awake so early on her only day off of the week.
Maura rolls her eyes and fights to hold back a smirk. "No, these are not your jeans. I do own jeans, Detective."
Jane feigns surprise. "I had no idea, Doctor."
"You're awake early," Maura comments.
"Well, I rolled over and you weren't there, and then I thought maybe you'd been called in to work…"
Maura raises her eyebrows. "Without waking you? Hardly."
"Okay, I was curious where you'd gone to. I didn't feel you get out of bed." Jane releases a heavy breath. "So, you going to get Korsak to come over and help you plant your beets?"
Maura misses the joke. "I prefer to garden by myself. I have recently found it to be quite calming."
Jane grins at Maura's focused determination. "Am I interrupting your planting zen?"
Maura shoves a spade into the dirt and leans back on her heels. She focuses her attention on Jane. "Not at all," she assures Jane, and her genuine smile is so sweet and pure that Jane can't help but wonder how this woman has overcome everything.
Jane retreats to the kitchen, and stands in a trance as she watches the espresso machine steam. She thinks about the letters she found months ago, and how she accused Maura of writing to Ian. She considers how distant she was with Maura last week when Daniel showed up out of the blue. She remembers Maura sliding down a snow-clad hill with TJ in her arms, and briefly thinks that Maura would be a glowing mother. When Jane returns to the sun-drenched courtyard with two cups of coffee, her mind is still wandering, lost in a world of concern. At what point in recent time did Maura need to find solace in digging up the earth?
Jane places Maura's mug on the upraised concrete rim of the flower bed. Maura smiles her appreciation, wipes her dirty hands on her thighs, and brings the lip of the cup to her mouth.
"You look good in my jeans," Jane playfully remarks as she takes Maura in, blue denim jeans, a grey v-neck shirt that this time Jane is sure belongs to her, and long, blonde hair tied high upon her head.
Confused, Maura narrows her eyes at Jane. "These aren't your…" Realisation dawns. A joke. Jane made a joke. Jane smirks. "Thank you, Jane."
Maura takes a break from standing and sits beside Jane on the outdoor bench. The denim of Maura's jeans press against Jane's bare knee and Jane subconsciously shifts closer to Maura.
"Mmm," Jane continues, the potential humor of the impending joke she's about to make harmless in her mind. "I sure could have done a lot worse."
"Excuse me?" Maura asks.
"For a girlfriend. I mean, at least you look better than I do in my jeans, right? I scored with you."
Maura turns her body on the seat, and blinks twice at Jane.
"I'm joking," Jane clarifies. "It was just a joke."
"It's a joke that I'm attractive?" Maura states rather than questions.
Jane cringes. She blames hindsight for always keeping its mouth shut until after the fact. "No, I…" Jane scratches at the back of her neck. "Forget it."
A shy, confused silence settles between them.
"So what are you planting?" Jane asks.
At least awkward silences with Maura don't run on and on when the woman can fuse science with everything. Maura runs off into a long rant about the Boston climate and soil particulates, and Jane nods as she watches a bead of sweat run down the valley between Maura's breasts. Jane tears her gaze away, albeit subtly, and tries to block the memory of covers shifting as Maura laid beside Jane and brought herself to orgasm a week ago. Things have changed, Jane realises. Things have changed in a very big way. Maura is no longer Jane's best friend, or Jane's person. Maura isn't the sister Jane never had, and she's not just a source of comfort for Jane to protect with a mighty fist. Maura is the object of Jane's devotion now, and Jane has no idea what she wants to do about it.
"Anyway," Maura carries on, "I always wanted a large backyard as a child."
Jane watches as Maura bends her knees and swings her calves up to rest beside her on the bench. "You didn't have one growing up on the Isles Estate?"
"The Isles Estate?" Maura rests her head on Jane's shoulder. "We lived in a very small chateau in Nice until I was seven, and then my parents purchased a modest home in Heathcote before I went to boarding school." Maura runs a fingernail over the stitching of the hem of Jane's boxers, and Jane tries not to shudder or squirm. "You knew that, Jane."
Jane releases a troubled breath as Maura stands and returns to the garden. She watches as Maura pinches the cotton of the t-shirt between her cleavage and puffs at a fallen piece of hair across her cheek. "God, it's getting warmer."
Jane leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "Yeah, well for also being in the northern hemisphere, Paris was a hell of a lot hotter than Boston."
"Did you enjoy Paris, Jane?" Maura wonders.
"I did," Jane assures Maura. "I enjoyed Paris a lot."
Jane watches as Maura bites at her lip, and Jane doesn't miss the way Maura's expression clouds with worry, either. "You okay, Maur? I thought gardening was supposed to relax you?"
"My mother phoned this morning from Paris." She hesitates before continuing. "She'd like to visit when she's in Boston next."
"When is she coming here?" Jane asks.
"In two weeks."
Jane raises her eyebrows and grins. "I'm surprised that you're not already running around like a mad woman preparing fancy meals, but you don't have to be nervous. Constance isn't all that terrifying."
Maura huffs and comes to sit next to Jane on the bench. Jane ignores the quick thrill that shoots through her when Maura pulls her gardening gloves off again and grasps Jane's hand in both of hers. It's nice to feel needed after all…
"If you're still not ready, we can wait." Jane shakes her head in confusion, but also dismissal of the consideration that she's not ready for whatever Maura's talking about. "I want my mother to be proud of me," Maura emphasises with a shake of Jane's hand. "I want her to see that I am loved." Jane raises her eyebrows. She watches the battle in Maura's eyes. 'It's all or nothing' is the thought that wins."I need it to be very apparent to my mother that you are more than just my friend, Jane. If you're not ready to do this yet, then I would appreciate it if you stayed elsewhere while she's here. I'm sorry if that sounds…"
"No, it's fine," Jane is quick to assure Maura. "I told my ma, Maura. I can tell yours."
There's a flicker of doubt in Maura's eyes, and Jane's blood boils. She doesn't trust me to keep her happy and safe and loved.
"Hey," Jane whispers, and her voice drops so low that Maura looks up, startled. "I know we came pretty far with this and things have recently…gone a bit downhill. But no more backtracking, okay? I'm done with going backwards. I promise. Are we on the same page?"
Maura breathes a sigh of relief, and Jane feels the heat on her chin. The impulse to pull Maura into her arms is strong. But how can she hold Maura and see her eyes light up at the same time? "We're on the same page," Maura laughs, clearly overwhelmed by relief. "It's just that… well, my mother is very susceptible to lies, Jane."
"And my mother isn't?" Jane chuckles.
"Withholding information from your mother doesn't give me hives."
"You haven't exactly lied to her."
Maura raises an eyebrow and her eyes focus on the darkness of Jane's. "I'm just suggesting that maybe it's time to begin being more obvious with our intimacy."
Jane looks down to where Maura's fingers trail over her wrist."You want me to be all lovey- dovey with you in front of people?"
Maura nods.
"Okay," Jane breathes, and rubs Maura's thigh, just above her knee, with a reassuring touch. "I can do that."
Jane had planned to go into work alone after lunch, but just before midday, Tommy is at the door with TJ in his arms, the little boy with one sock missing and his t-shirt on backwards. Jane has never seen her brother so flustered.
"Janie, Lydia's ma…the cops from Provincetown showed up his morning and they said they found her lyin' dead on the beach. You gotta come out there with us. Ma's at home with Lydia now, but I can't drive out to the Cape with just Lydia and Ma. They want me or Lydia to identify the body."
While Jane is on hold to the department in Provincetown, Maura is quick to point out that perhaps it is best Tommy travel alone with his wife. Had Lydia asked for Jane to go with them? Maura questions Tommy, and he hesitates before admitting that Lydia had asked for Jane not to go with them, that he simply drop TJ of with Jane and Maura, and come back to her.
"Tell Ma to come and pick TJ up later if she wants, but Tommy, don't ask her to go with you," Jane instructs him. "You can do this, and it's what Lydia would want. Don't take our Ma when she hasn't got hers."
TJ fusses all day. He is cranky at lunch, he throws a tantrum in the park, and he bites Jane when she tries to feed him dinner. After the waterworks and the screaming fit in the bathtub, he cries himself to sleep in Maura's arms. It is seven pm when Jane decides to call Angela's cell to ask where she is, to no answer. It is ten pm when she receives a text.
Almst in PTown wit Tommy. Call tmrw. Lv u.
"Freakin' Tommy," Jane whispers angrily when she steps into their bedroom and finds Maura sitting up against the headboard, eyes closed, with TJ in her arms. Jane holds her cell phone out for Maura to read the text.
"Jane, Tommy isn't like you and Frankie," Maura reasons as she pulls at the fallen shoulder strap of her satin nightgown. "These kind of things are really difficult for him."
"Everything is hard for him!"
"Shh, please! I just got him to sleep."
"I sat with him like that for over thirty minutes and all his did was throw his fists around!"
"I think he likes the softness of my body," Maura whispers proudly.
"What?" Jane counters. "I'm not soft?"
"Your frame is much more muscular than mine!"
"Hand him over."
"Don't wake him!"
"You think I wanna wake him? He is the devil's freakin' spawn today."
"Jane! Don't call him that!"
Jane carefully begins to lift her nephew from Maura's hold. "Watch his hand…his fingers are caught under my shirt."
"Just like his father. Rizzoli boys have a way of trying to get under your clothes one way or another."
"I don't know about that," Maura whispers, "but it's not just Rizzoli boys who like to fall asleep in my arms."
Jane looks up sharply, and Maura's penetrating stare is dark. Playful, but dark. Maura likes to tease, she knows this. The thing is that Maura appears to know what she wants, but Jane can't read the darkness in Maura's gaze.
"I'll put him to bed," Jane whispers, and averts her eyes from Maura longing stare. "You…you've had a longer day with him than I have. You should get ready for bed."
"You seem to always know what's best for me, don't you, Jane?"
Jane swallows. "I like to think so."
Twenty minutes later, they are standing before the en suite basin, brushing their teeth, Jane in her BPD t-shirt and panties, and Maura in the skimpiest nightgown Jane is aware that Maura owns. Jane can feel Maura's eyes on her, but Jane doesn't dare look up. She doesn't know what the threat is of meeting Maura's eye. But it's something. Something dangerous. Something tempting. Jane doesn't know if she wants to be tempted when it's not real. Because although he body may react to Maura sometimes, it doesn't mean a single thing. It's just…touch. Touch can blur everything, heighten everything, ruin everything…
"Kiss me."
Jane looks up sharply to meet Maura's gaze in the reflection. She reaches over the blonde's shoulder, and drops her toothbrush next to Maura's in the holder. "What?"
Maura turns, inches between her body and Jane's. "Kiss me."
Jane swallows, and licks her lips. Maura is wearing a coy smile, a devilish smile, and Jane just knows this is how Maura looks at the men she wants, the men she fucks. Anger burns through Jane. Like acid, it flows, and leaks.
They stand there for so long, stilted and stunned, that it becomes so awkward and humiliating for Maura that she loses her nerve. She drops her gaze.
Relief is Jane's.
And then panic becomes her.
Maura watches with focused fascination as she brings her hands to Jane's shoulders. Her fingertips rub over the soft cotton of Jane's t-shirt, and she bites her lip.
"Maura…"
"Shh…" Maura breathes as she moves closer to Jane. Her fingertips trail over Jane's shoulders, and her hands link around Jane's neck. "Just pretend for a moment…that you want me." Maura leans closer, tilts her head up, and Jane watches as her eyes fall closed.
Jane reaches out and places her hands on Maura's waist. She dips her head. Do it.
The first thing that Jane registers when her lips press against Maura's is the way that Maura's clasped hands pull down, almost afraid that Jane is going to run away. As though helping Maura to keep herself there, Jane pulls Maura tighter against her. Their lips barely part in a kiss, but the firmness of Jane's mouth, confessing all that she is holding back, all that she is taking, is so entirely pleasant and delightful that Maura whimpers softly.
Jane pulls back at the sound.
"Mmm," Maura breathes, hungry for more. "Keep going. That was barely a kiss," she challenges.
Jane breathes a shaky sigh. "Okay."
Jane bends again, and this time, when their lips touch, Maura captures Jane's bottom lip between her own. Jane tries to regulate her breathing as Maura sucks on Jane's lip, runs her tongue over the flesh, and tilts her head to deepen the kiss.
Maura's lips are hot and…soft. Jane can feel the heat on her cheeks as Maura's hands slip around her neck and take Jane's face in her hands. Jane's thumbs press firmly into Maura's abdomen, demanding and dominant, and Maura steps back twice before she grunts at the touch of the rim of the basin against her lower spine.
Jane begins to draw back, but Maura whimpers at the loss of heat and softness of Jane's lips. Maura follows her, tugging at her lips so eagerly that Jane's only response is to keep nipping and nipping at Maura's full lips. She slows, trying to draw it out and not make it anymore than it is, but something stops her. It's the need to just pause and feel the intensity they've just met, to just…feel.
Surprisingly, it is Maura who pulls back first. She watches the expression on Jane's face change imperceptibly, and sees the flicker of matching desire smoldering in her eyes.
"Was that okay?" Jane rasps.
"I think so. I think you liked it."
"Don't tease me." Jane drops her hold on Maura's waist. She reaches around the blonde for a glass on the basin, and fills it with water. She gulps down half a glass before she turns to Maura and takes her in, eyes wide and lips swollen. "It's not going to be terrible, alright? Kissing is kissing."
Maura does not miss the implication of Jane's words. Kissing is kissing. Whether I'm kissing a man or a woman.
"Really?" Maura asks with genuine interest. "It didn't feel at least a little bit different for you?"
"Maura, why you gotta ask so many questions? We did it, okay? We can do it without getting weird. Now we know."
"I'm just interested," Maura admits.
She startles when Jane slams the glass on the marble surface of the basin.
"Well don't be."
AN: Hey, everyone! Thank you so much for your lovely reviews for the last chapter! They are very, very appreciated! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you have the time, let me know what you thought of their first kiss!