Another chapter for my loyal readers! It would have been out two days ago but I scrapped it and basically started over again. The characters were sounding off to me. The chapter spans 3 nights mostly because what happens during the day is really of no consequence to the story. I am already at 10 pages lol. We have some Mergana fluff but no sex yet. Perhaps next chapter ;).
Oh and the rabbit thing is a pregnancy test: A woman's urine gets injected into a rabbit. If one kills the rabbit then one is pregnant but the rabbit died regardless of pregnancy because they had to dissect it to find out if its ovaries were enlarged. And there is your school lesson for the day.
Disclamer: I do not own Merlin, but I will play liberally with the characters.
XxOxX
Merlin felt uneasy about leaving Gaius alone with Morgana, but he assured Merlin that he could keep her asleep for as long as he needed, although she would have to wake soon because she was dehydrated and needed nourishment.
Merlin entered the throne room silently and without notice as Arthur and a tall dark haired man were in a rather heated debate.
"The tariffs need to be lowered." He heard the tall man demand.
"The tariffs have already been lowered for your master. They have been cut in half." Arthur replied.
"Do you not wish this alliance? The Saxons dart across your borders even as we speak. They are going to invade your land." He looked up and saw Merlin standing near a pillar.
"We can hold our own. I merely wish for Sarrum to be an ally instead of a neutral party which can backstab me later."
"Even if we ally, there is always the potential for betrayal. The son of Uther Pendragon should know that."
"Fine. Let me discuss it with my advisors and draw up new terms."
"Fine, King Arthur, but these will be the last terms. Sarrum will expect me in less than a week and he is expecting results."
Arthur scowled at the smirking man then nodded. "Fine. Dismissed."
The man bowed and exited, giving Merlin a brief look before disappearing behind the door.
Arthur slammed his fist down on the table. "Damn him! He knows that we need this alliance more than his master does. I was hoping that he would send someone less weasely."
"You two have been going at it for 5 days now."
"He demands lower and lower tariffs. If they get any lower I will have to be paying the farmers to keep their bellies full and their crops coming in." Her brushed his hair back and sat down. "I need to speak to my advisors and Gwen. Was she still with Morgana?"
"No. She was going to go and feed Elliana."
"She still isn't feeling well. Did Gaius tell her anything?"
"Nope, nothing." He managed to keep his face from revealing anything.
"Damn. Well, what did you come here for anyway?"
"To see if you needed anything."
"Just to have these negotiations done with. If Sarrum is anything like what he has been described this will be an interesting alliance."
"You are treading into dangerous territory, Arthur."
"Aren't I always neck deep in danger, Merlin?" Arthur joked.
"Always." You have no idea.
"Did you know that there is a rumor that Sarrum had Morgana imprisoned?"
"No, I didn't." this was news to Merlin.
"Well, it's only a rumor, but I would like to know if he did it and how it was done. There is something in her eyes that there wasn't before, a kind of madness that can only be caused by torture."
"I've noticed."
"There isn't anything I need, Merlin, but come and get me when she awakens fully. I want to talk to her again."
"Yes, my King." He bowed and left the throne room.
####
Merlin had gone about town delivering medicines to all of Gaius's patients. When he returned to his room, night had fallen and Gaius had been nearly falling asleep at his post watching Morgana. Merlin ushered him to his bed while he watched Morgana. She was still sleeping soundly when Merlin closed his eyes for a brief second and then promptly lost consciousness.
Merlin's eyes opened at the sound of thunder echoing off the castle walls. He silently cursed himself for falling asleep and slowly lifted his head. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw a slim figure at the window, watching the rain fall. "Hello, Merlin."
"Morgana." He eased up slowly and reached for a knife, wondering why he wasn't dead yet and why she was still here.
"I can practically hear your thoughts, even over this din. Why is she still here? Why hasn't she left yet?" Morgana paused and took a deep breath. "Because, Merlin, I have nowhere to go. If I left now I would still be hungry, thirsty, and deprived of my magic."
"But you would be free."
She turned to him, pale in the darkness, "Free to do what exactly? You and my brother have chained me here as surely as I was chained by…nevermind. I cannot get this collar off and I cannot find out how because all of my volumes and tomes of magic are hidden by magic and can only be accessed by magic, so you see my problem."
Merlin had eased closer to her, knife in hand, "And why haven't you killed me or Gaius?"
"What possible advantage would that give me at the moment? Are you really that idiotic, Merlin? Yes, kill two people that Arthur values and have no hope of freedom, or let you live and have use for you later."
"Why are you standing there by the window?"
"Enjoying the illusion of light and fresh air."
"What?"
"Being imprisoned in Camelot is actually quite nice, you know. I get food, conversation, a warm bed, care for my wounds and fresh air and sunlight. It is so much different from my earlier imprisonment. It was cold, my hunger nearly killed me. It stank and I sat in my own filth. The darkness was maddening, but I got used to it. I preferred it to what happened when the lid of my prison came off and I was hauled up..." Her eyes were haunted, her skin got even paler, and she shivered lost in a memory. She looked so tiny, so small and defenseless in that dress. It was almost normal again. He helped her the last time she looked like that and sought to give her comfort but then it had backfired horribly.
"I'm sorry."
She ignored him for a moment, turning back to the window and watching the rain fall. "I used to be afraid of storms, you know. The thunder would send my crying to my father…Gorlois… and he would hold me and quiet me and tell me stories about the thunder. He used to tell me that the thunder was the beat of horses' hooves in the sky where dead warriors fought great battles and the lightning was the clash of their swords. I used to imagine those battles in my head after that and the thunder did not scare me anymore. Then my father died. The storms still unsettle me. HE knew that. Sometimes he left the lid of my prison off and let the rainwater start to fill up my prison until it came up to my neck, when I had to lift Aithusa up to keep her from drowning."
He stopped moving towards her and stilled, listening to her speak. It was odd to be privy to her thoughts again. "I was never afraid of storms."
She turned back toward him, "Why am I even telling you this? Leave me be."
"You know I can't do that. You can't be trusted."
"Oh. I can't be trusted? Might I remind you that you were the one to breach trust before I ever did. Thrusting that water pouch into my hands and telling me to drink it knowing full well that I would die if I did so. I remember looking into your empty eyes and realizing that you knew exactly what you were doing." She took a deep, trembling breath. "Do you know what it feels like to not be able to catch your breath, to have your throat close up and know that you had done nothing to deserve it?" Her voice caught, like she was about to cry.
"You were in league with Morgause. Arthur was going to die. I had to do something."
"At that time I was NOT in league with her. She used me as a vessel for her spell and didn't tell me about it. I would have given my life for either one of you, but instead of talking to me, you poisoned me. It must have been such an easy thing for you to do."
"No It wasn't. It killed me."
"Then we are even." She turned back away from him. "My innocence died that day." She turned back away from the window walked over to the bed. Merlin noticed how she swayed and nearly stumbled and fell on her way back to it.
"You need to eat and drink."
"I don't need to do anything. And as if I would drink or eat anything you offered me," she lay down and turned her back to him.
Merlin walked back to his room, satisfied that for the moment Gaius was safe, his mind churning at this newer more vulnerable side of the new Morgana. Perhaps this was all a dream and he would wake up and she would still be in the dungeon. He lay down in bed and closed his eyes, dreaming of Uther's young and beautiful ward.
###
During the day Morgana was in and out of consciousness with Gaius at her side almost the entire day, leaving Merlin to deliver all of his remedies. Each time she awoke he gave her water and a thin broth and each time she asked, "Why are you helping me?" then fall back asleep. When night fell, however was a different story.
Merlin woke up to the feeling that something was off. He got out of bed and opened his door to see Morgana at the window again, looking up at the sky. She did not acknowledge his presence in any way as he came closer to her. "Do you get up in the middle of the night often?"
Her voice made him jump and hit his leg on the table. He managed not to cry out but she did turn around and darkly chuckle a little. "You've always been a clumsy servant." Then she turned back around. "Now answer my question."
"Not often."
"I've always been a night owl. The stars at night are calming, like tiny fires in the sky."
"Why are you talking about this?"
"Lack of better things to talk about I suppose. The better question is: why do I keep talking to you of all people. You thwart my plans, killed my sister and poisoned me, yet I am speaking to you and I don't understand it." She seemed frustrated, but not about his presence. "It is a chore to walk over here and stand, even now my knees are trying to buckle under me. Why am I so weak? I wasn't this weak during my imprisonment before." She paused and brought her hand up to her collar, "It's this damnable thing. My magic keeps me strong and this is keeping me weak. How can Arthur possibly expect me to get better? I'll make him take it off. He has to take it off. I can't stand it!"
"No, Morgana. You know he won't do that."
"Don't tell me what to do." She hissed at him, then walked slowly back to the bed, "Since you won't leave me alone then I must go back to sleep. This is the second time you have intruded upon my thoughts."
"This is my home, you are the intruder here. Don't think about leaving and don't think about hurting Gaius."
"Too late." She lay down in the bed and turned her back to him again.
"Why have you become such a monster?"
"I am what you have made me. Now, leave."
Merlin went back to his room and lay awake in bed. Women were confusing. Her mood swings were going to kill him long before she pushed a dagger between his ribs. He had never been an insomniac before unless it was Kilgarrah speaking to him so he had to wonder why. It was almost an hour before he closed his eyes and fell asleep again. He dreamed of the day when he poisoned Morgana. Her eyes haunted him even after he awoke for the day.
####
The next day was much the same with Morgana being awake for a longer period of time, silent but watching the both of them with a predatory gaze. When Gwen came to check on her Gaius sent her away telling her to come back tomorrow. Morgana did not speak the entire day but took the water and broth that Gaius offered to her and even ate a piece of fruit. Merlin's skin crawled the entire time he was in her presence, because her eyes followed him even more closely now; watching his every move. He was glad to leave Gaius alone with her again and visit with Arthur and Gwen and little Eliana. The little girl was learning words now. She had called Arthur, "Dada," in front of Merlin and the other knights which naturally made him even bigger-headed than he already was. Gwen still had not told Arthur about her pregnancy and they had not had a chance to talk about how they were going to surprise him. The ambassador had gone back to Sarrum with the terms of their alliance and they were expecting to see the Lord in about two weeks' time. Merlin continued to think that this was a mistake in the making. Someone like Sarrum could not be trusted.
That night was different than the rest. When Merlin awoke this time he nearly jumped out of his skin and reached for his knife when he saw the thin, slender figure in his doorway. She stepped forward into the light and he relaxed but did not drop his knife. She looked down at him, her eyes lost and vulnerable. "Am I a monster?" she asked him in a small voice.
"Yes. You have become a monster, Morgana."
She took a deep breath and nodded as if she expected that answer, "At least I know that you will never lie to me to spare my feelings anymore. I can trust that if nothing else about you."
"Why are you in my room?"
She looked uncomfortable for a moment as if realizing exactly where she was. "I was cold and I do not know where blankets are."
"We don't have any extra."
"Can I stay with you?" the question was blurted out before she could catch herself.
"No, you can't stay with me," his voice came out harsher than he intended.
Her eyes hardened in an instant and she turned around. "Fine. I don't even know why I asked."
He felt guilty and instantly curious, "Wait." She hated him or so he thought so why would she seek him for comfort?
She stopped, "What?"
"Why? You could have taken the blankets off of me while I slept, why wait until I woke up?"
"Forget it."
"Please tell me. I'm curious."
He heard her take a deep breath, "Aithusa." She ground the word out.
"What?"
She sighed and shifted in the darkness. "I'm used to sleeping next to her. She is warm and soft and her presence makes me feel safe again." Her words were halted as if she didn't wish for him to know yet wanted to tell him.
Merlin's lips curved into a small smile at the confession. Who knew that Morgana Pendragon High Priestess of the Old Religion was a cuddler? "Come here." He scooted over in bed and lifted his covers. "You don't have a dagger hidden anywhere?"
"Hardly. Where would I put it in this dress?" She turned around and almost eagerly got into bed with him. She turned her back to him and he covered them both up. "If I meant to kill you, you would be dead, like I told you before. Right now, your body heat is useful to me."
Merlin was nearly overwhelmed with the scent and feel of Morgana. Her skin still smelled of flowers even though she had not had a proper bath in days. She was thin and bony still but her curves had remained and her ass was nestled against his groin and her hair along his pillow. He watched as she closed her eyes and the soft light in his chambers hit her skin in just the right way to make it glow. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer because this moment was one that he would never get again and for tonight he could pretend that she was the old Morgana and that they loved each other. Tomorrow morning she would go back to hating him again. "Glad to be of use."
She snorted and relaxed in his arms, she felt her magic that was still just out of reach calm at his embrace. The powerless sorceress felt safe in her murders arms. Maybe she really was insane.
##
The next morning Merlin woke up to find Gaius tending to Morgana, who had gotten back to her own bed before the physician awoke and was awake but was still very weak. Her head wound looked much better but she refused to look at Merlin, even when he stood right in front of her. She was afraid that he would use what she told him the last few nights as leverage and look down upon her for her momentary weakness. "It looks like your wounds won't need stiches, but you must drink. It won't do you any good to waste away and die, will it?" Gaius began in his lecturing voice.
"Why are you still trying to make me better? Wouldn't it make your job easier to leave me to rot?" Her voice was laced with suspicion and hate.
"Because you are injured, and my king has commanded it. As well as for the fact that I have cared for you since you were a small child. You can trust that I won't kill you."
"Unlike some." She commented. That stung Merlin especially after last night, but he ignored it.
"Don't bother sending for the king, Merlin. I have already done so. Guinevere has gone to fetch some water for Morgana." Gaius told Merlin over his shoulder.
"You sure she should be doing that?" Merlin asked, concerned about his friend's condition.
"It is perfectly fine for her to be doing that. Now, take that basket and deliver those remedies. I won't be able to do it again today."
"But Gaius," he motioned towards Morgana, who snorted.
"Do it now, Merlin."
Merlin sighed and picked up the basket and walked out the door, Morgana's eyes following him until the door shut firmly behind him.
Morgana's eyes moved back up to the ceiling. "Your head is healing well. Would you like something to eat?" Gaius's hands left her head and she shivered from the cold. Her body was not generating the heat that it should to keep her skin warm.
Morgana sat up and a wave of dizziness crashed over her, making her vision darken. She swayed and hands were immediately placed on her shoulders to keep her steady in the bed. "You need to move more slowly. Your body is very weak."
"Tell me something I don't know." She put the heel of her palm against her forehead kept it there, trying to ward off the beginnings of a throbbing headache.
She heard the door open and Gwen's voice, "Morgana? Is she alright, Gaius?" The side of the bed depressed with her weight. She resisted the urge to tell them to shove off. She was fine.
"I've been worse off than this before." She picked up the apple and lifted it to her lips, which was more difficult than it should have been. As her teeth sunk into the flesh of the apple the taste filled her mouth and she almost moaned. The sweet meat of the apple was tender and she chewed and swallowed it quickly. Her next bites were faster as she ate. The week's hunger came roaring back with a vengeance and she finished off the apple in record time, and then started in on the cheese. She wasn't paying much attention to the other two in the room, who had been talking in low voices. When she was done she reached for the water bucket and drank half of it before taking a breath.
Gwen was smiling at her, "Hungry were you?"
Morgana scowled and Guinevere, "What does it look like?"
Gwen grabbed the water bucket from her. "I have sent for a bath for you. I had a feeling that you would probably want one."
"You would be correct, Gwen."
"I will take care of you, Morgana, believe me. I will visit you every day until you are better."
"Why?"
"Because I want to earn your trust back. I want to mend whatever rift Morgause tore between us. And so does Arthur."
"Arthur isn't doing very good job of it."
"He is doing what he was taught to do. Uther was a very stubborn man who was set in his ways."
"You don't need to tell me that." Her eyes closed and she swayed again.
"Don't fall asleep yet. Your bath should be getting here soon and I must be going. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were." Gwen reached out for Morgana but then retracted her hand with a look of resignation then rose from her seat on the cot and walked out the door, leaving her alone again with Gaius.
"Do you need my help to get to the bath?" Gaius asked her.
"Is it not here?"
"That one is not suitable for you. Merlin and I have used it far too much and there isn't any soap here right now that is suitable for a lady."
"Yes then. How far is it?"
"Just down the hall."
Morgana turned and swung her legs around to the side of the bed and was helped up by Gaius, who steadied her. "Do you honestly believe that I will magically be absolved for my 'crimes' against Camelot and be a good little girl again?"
"No. I do not." Gaius opened the door and led her out.
"Why?"
"Because you do not wish to, therefore you will not." He motioned for the guard to follow them and turned right.
"What if I did?"
"Anything is possible."
"Why is it so important to him?"
"Family means the world to Arthur. He wants his sister back."
"Well so do I."
"Morgause was never good for you, Morgana. She used you."
"She loved me."
"She knew you for two years of your life, and yet the people in Camelot knew you for longer and they loved you too." Gaius responded.
"Do you think that he will kill me?" Morgana was unafraid of the punishment. She knew exactly what she did and what the punishment was if she was found out. This treatment was not quite what she expected.
"If it meant protecting the kingdom, then yes. But I believe that if you really wanted each other dead you would have killed him long ago. The fact that you kept him alive means much."
"I could have killed him. I should have." Now that she thought about it, why hadn't she killed him all those other times? Did that make her weak?
"Perhaps. Now, I will leave you here. You should not need my help to get back. There are clothes and a towel within. Think about what I have said. There are other ways to get what you want rather than the ones that you have employed. Remember that."
XxOxX
We will begin the next chapter with some Morgana introspection. This one was rough to write for some strange reason. It wasn't even a bad chapter. I just had trouble getting all the words where I wanted them. And no, merlin is not going to walk in on her bathing. That would be too easy :D