AN: Some dialogue towards the end taken from S04E16. Bumped the rating to M for this one.

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Waiting for Salvation
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The weeks passed painfully slow for Sam. Nothing in his research was helpful. He found hundreds of ways to solve his problem had it been a demon. He had seen firsthand how to take care of an angel. But Seraphiel? Castiel had explained how Seraphiel was able to work past devil's traps and angelic seals. The spell Anna had used wouldn't work. Seraphiel was a mix of angel, demon, and human.

Sam thought about it and came to the conclusion that Seraphiel was the perfect weapon. Whichever side won his loyalty would have an edge. He could go anywhere.

But none of it mattered. There was no sign of Seraphiel. Castiel was showing up more frequently, each time a little more distressed. Sam didn't know if Castiel's worry was for Dean or for Seraphiel. Every time he confronted the angel, Castiel would give Sam a sad look and not answer.

Then one day, Castiel brought up some disturbing news.

'Someone is killing angels,' Castiel said as he sat on a chair.

'What?! How? Who's doing it? Is it...is it Seraphiel?'

Castiel refused to look at Sam. 'I don't know. Uriel is insisting a demon is behind the deaths. But...' He sighed as he shook his head. 'I do not believe that Seraphiel is the cause. He is capable of a great many things, but not the deaths of his brothers and sisters.'

'How can you be so sure?' Sam asked.

Castiel met Sam's eyes and replied 'Because I know him. I've felt his Grace.'

Sam looked away, thinking. 'I...I can ask Ruby if she knows anything,' he offered.

Castiel grimaced. 'You should stay away from her, Sam.'

'Do you have any better ideas?' Sam snapped.

'We have been interrogating Alastair, but...' Castiel trailed off and looked away. 'Part of the reason I'm here is to ask Dean to assist.'

Sam stared at Castiel. The angels wanted Dean to help them interrogate Alastair. Why would they—oh. 'You want him to torture Alastair!'

Castiel hung his head. 'No. I do not want this. These are my orders.'

'God wants Dean to torture a demon for information?' Sam asked, disbelief heavy in his voice.

Castiel didn't answer. He didn't want to believe that his Father would want this. That his Father would let Seraphiel dirty his Grace further with torture. But...the orders...they made no mention of Seraphiel so far. Just Dean Winchester. Nothing about the fallen angel. There were no rumors about Seraphiel. Surely, someone besides himself knew? God knew where all His children were...so He had to know that Dean Winchester and Seraphiel were one and the same. If that was the case, then who was giving the orders?

Castiel suddenly stood, making Sam jump. 'I must go,' he said and left with a soft flutter.

Sam ran his hand through his hair, looking around the room. He decided to speak with Ruby before heading to the local library. The books he had requested had come in, and he hoped they might hold some sliver of information.

.-.-.-.-.

Sam returned from the library, still feeling a deep touch of disappointment from meeting with Ruby. She didn't know anything about demons killing angels. He didn't want to tell her about Dean, fearing that she might push the demon blood subject even harder now that Dean wasn't there to bully her away.

He placed the bag of library books on Bobby's desk as Bobby offered him a beer. Sam gratefully took the bottle as he sorted through the books. Near the bottom of the bag was a worn paperback. He pulled it out and raised his brow at the cover. Supernatural. The cover made it look like some sort of homoerotic thriller. He turned it over and read the back, wondering how it ended up on his list.

'Along a lonely California highway, a mysterious Woman in White lures men to their deaths...a terrifying phenomenon that may be Sam and Dean's first clue to their father's whereabouts.'

Sam reread the text several times. He opened the book at random and began reading. Everything written had happened just as he remembered it. For a brief moment, Sam completely forgot all his other problems.

Some quick research revealed there were more of the Supernatural books, much to Sam's dismay. He needed to find this Carver Edlund. Unfortunately, it was just a pen name, so he went to the publisher.

Convincing the publisher that Sam was a fan of the Supernatural series was nowhere near as difficult as convincing the writer that he really was Sam Winchester.

Chuck Shurley wanted nothing to do with Sam. Sam was obviously a crazy fan. A crazy fan who happened to look exactly how he envisioned Sam, just happened to know Sam and Dean's surname, and knew about Seraphiel. He had never even hinted at Seraphiel's existence in his books. He didn't say anything as he reluctantly let Sam into his home. He was deeply regretting writing himself into his own story. Maybe, maybe the angel wouldn't show up.

Just as the thought passed through his mind, he heard the fluttering of wings. He cringed and made a beeline for his fridge. He was much too sober for this.

Castiel appeared behind Sam. 'Sa—!' he stopped mid-word and stared at Chuck.

Chuck had just returned with a bottle of Jägermeister in his hand. He miserably returned Castiel's stare. 'So it's true then. I'm a prophet.'

'W-wait. A prophet?!' Sam looked between Chuck and Castiel. 'Cas, did you know?'

Castiel ignored Sam's question and approached Chuck. 'It is an honor to meet you.'

Chuck gave Castiel a dismissive nod and hurried to his recliner.

'What's going on?' Sam asked the room in general.

'I went Vonnegut on my latest book,' Chuck replied. 'I never should have written myself in. And as a prophet?! What was I thinking? That's..that's M. Night levels of doucheyness.'

Castiel looked up from the book he was reading. 'Changing the words you write would have no effect,' he explained. 'Luke tried.'

Chuck glared at Castiel. 'You're more annoying in person,' he said testily.

Castiel frowned and picked up another book to look through.

'Okay, so you're a prophet,' Sam said, focusing on Chuck. 'You know everything about Dean and me. Do you know where he is right now?'

Chuck opened the bottle and looked up at Sam. '...Yeah.' At Sam's relieved expression, he continued. 'But...look, I don't know how to say this...' He got up and went over to his desk. He sifted through the piles of paper then pulled out a set that had been paper clipped together. He handed them to Sam. 'You're not gonna like this,' he said as he went back to his chair and took a deep swig of his drink.

Sam's brows furrowed in confusion. He glanced at the first page and recognized it as the night Seraphiel had disappeared with Dean's body. He read through it several times, shaking more with each read through. Sam dropped the papers and ran his hands down his face, trying to calm down. He angrily knocked a pile of books to the floor. 'How long? How long has Seraphiel been inside Dean?' Sam asked, voice tight.

Chuck took another sip before answering. 'The soul that would have been Dean Winchester was born in the next available body,' he explained. 'Seraphiel took over the, uh...corpse at birth.'

Sam stared speechlessly at Chuck. He wasn't expecting that. 'He's...'

'Seraphiel has always been Dean,' Castiel said. 'He has always been your brother.'

Sam's legs gave out and he collapsed against the wall for support. 'But...Dean's always...he's always been there for me. He went to Hell for me. This whole time...' He looked down and let out a bitter laugh. 'And I shot him.'

A bottle entered Sam's field of vision. He looked up at Chuck's sympathetic face.

'Looks like you could use this more than me,' Chuck offered.

Sam looked back at the bottle. He took it from Chuck's grasp and swallowed a mouthful, making a face at the bitter burn. 'Where is he?' he asked.

'Uh...that crystal cave place?' Chuck replied uncertainly. 'It's in Mexico,' his finished lamely.

Sam and Chuck turned their heads at the sound of wings, only to find the room empty.

'He'll be back soon,' Chuck said, slightly uncomfortable as he headed back to his chair. 'I think I should tell you...Dean knows.'

Sam gave Chuck a confused stare.

'About the blood drinking thing,' Chuck elaborated. 'He hasn't said anything about it to anyone.'

Sam didn't know what to think. Seraphiel, Dean...whoever he was, hadn't said anything. Hadn't told the angels. Hadn't even confronted Sam about it. He was keeping Sam's secrets without ever being asked. He should be mad at Dean for keeping this from him, but he was keeping secrets as well. Maybe if he'd been more open and honest with Dean, Dean would have been more open with him as well.

.-.-.-.-.

Castiel landed in Cueva de los Cristales and reached out with his Grace. After some wandering through the sweltering heat, he finally caught a slight tingle. The oversized crystals were throwing his senses through loops. He followed the tingling sensation and finally caught a glimpse of Dean curled up in a corner staring lifelessly ahead, his wings wrapped tightly around himself. Dean didn't make any movement as Castiel approached.

Castiel stood in front of Dean, staring down at the broken angel. He reached out to Dean's Grace. He felt such sorrow and self-hatred there. It was so overwhelming that he gasped as he pulled away.

'It's true, isn't it?' Dean asked, still unmoving.

'Is what true?' Castiel asked. He wanted to comfort Dean, but he didn't think he could stand to mix with the sorrow again. So he sat next to Dean and hoped physical comfort would be enough. He wrapped an arm around Dean's shoulders as he had seen humans do.

Dean leaned into Castiel. 'I started the apocalypse. I broke the first seal.'

'Yes,' Castiel replied. 'When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to Hell, and we fought our way to get to you before you—'

'Jump-started the apocalypse,' Dean interrupted.

'But we were too late.'

'A technicality. I started the apocalypse on a technicality,' Dean said bitterly. 'When a righteous man spills blood in Hell, or something like that? I'm not a man. I'm not righteous.'

'Dean Winchester is,' Castiel pointed out.

'Yeah. I saw the contract. I was bound to this body for my stint in Hell. Never really questioned why until now,' Dean said. 'So why save me? Why not let me rot down there?'

'It's not blame that falls on you, Dean. It's Fate,' Castiel said. '"And the Righteous Man who begins it is the only one who can finish it." You have to stop it.'

'Lucifer?' Dean questioned shakily. 'The apocalypse? I can't do it, Cas. Face it, you're all screwed.'

'Our Father chose you for a reason.'

'Yeah. Right,' Dean bit out. 'All part of the stupid, fucking plan, I'm sure.'

'I believe in you, Seraphiel.'

Dean stiffened at his name.

'Please come back with me.' Castiel placed his free hand on Dean's thigh.

Dean shied away from Castiel, but was still being held tightly.

'Sam is worried. He knows who you are now, and he regrets his actions,' Castiel said.

Dean sighed. 'I don't know, Cas... I just...don't know anymore. I don't think I can do this.'

'If not to stop Lucifer and the apocalypse, then do it for Sam,' Castiel said. He wanted to say more, to show his selfishness, but he shouldn't. But, it was probably what Dean needed right then. 'W-will you do it for me?' he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Dean twisted in Castiel's hold and stared at him. Castiel was looking straight ahead, a slight look of apprehension on his face. 'O-of course,' Dean softly replied.

Castiel turned to face Dean. He slowly brought his hand up and lifted Dean's chin in an imitated movement. He leaned in and softly kissed Dean.

Dean let out a soft moan. Oh, how he wanted this. Needed this. He grabbed at Castiel and deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue out and teasing at Castiel's lips. He pulled back and groaned loudly when he felt a hand caress his wings. 'Fuck, Cas...,' he panted. He let out another moan when Castiel gripped the base of his wing.

Castiel gasped as Dean tore open his shirt and began kissing his chest and sucking on his nipples. He had never felt anything like this. It was better than their first kiss. It was so...physical, so taboo. He risked touching Dean's Grace again. The sadness was still there, but it was drowned out by love and passion. He cried out as Dean thrust a hand into his feathers.

Dean positioned them so that Castiel was lying down and he straddled Castiel's hips. He sucked at Castiel's neck and whispered into his ear, 'Don't stop, Cas. Don't let go.'

Castiel bared his neck, allowing Dean better access. He had both hands entwined with Dean's wings, gripping tightly. Something was building up between them. The world had dropped away and all he could feel was Dean stroking his wings and grinding their hips together. 'D-Dean...I...' His whole being was tingling and suddenly, he felt a release. 'Seraphiel!' he screamed as he came, gripping tightly at Dean.

It was just enough to push Dean over the edge and he groaned, slowly riding out the pleasurable tingles.

Castiel breathed heavily, staring at the large crystal that loomed overhead. He took a moment to admire its beauty, but was jerked back to reality when he felt a pinch on his wing.

'Stop that,' Dean said, voice gruff.

Dean's gruffer voice sent a shiver down Castiel's spine, and he soon found his vision filled with Dean's smug grin.

'Oh, you like that, huh?'

Castiel could feel his face heat up. Was he blushing? He didn't have time to worry because Dean was distracting him with soft, loving kisses. 'Dean,' he tried to say in-between kisses, 'we...we need to...oh...mmm...please, Seraphiel...ahh...Dean...your brother's...hmm...waiting.'

Dean huffed out an annoyed sighed. He sat up, but didn't remove himself from Castiel's lap.

Castiel propped himself up on his elbows and stared at Dean questioningly. 'Dean?'

'Yeah, yeah.' Dean stood and held out a hand and helped Castiel up.

Castiel glanced at the wetness that had formed at Dean's crotch. 'Are you able to restore your clothing, or do you require assistance?' he asked.

Dean closed his eyes and bit his tongue. 'Cas...you are, without a doubt, the worst mood killer ever.' And within a blink of an eye, Dean's clothing was clean. Still rumpled, but clean. 'Now clean yourself up and lead the way.'

.-.-.-.-.

Sam shot up when he heard the soft flutterings. 'Dean!' He turned to see his brother hiding just behind Castiel. 'Dean, Seraphiel...I-I'm...'

'Just...Dean,' Dean said. 'I don't... I'm sorry.'

Sam stepped up to Dean and pulled him into a tight hug. 'Why didn't you tell me? Did...did Dad know?'

Dean pulled out of the hug and looked away. 'Dad would have probably tried to kill me if he knew. I...I didn't tell you because, well... I thought you'd freak out.'

'Oh, believe me,' Sam said, 'I'm freaking out.'

Dean shrugged and gave a little grin. 'Sorry.'

Sam watched his brother and noticed something. The little movements, the way he held himself, the way his eyes kept darting to Castiel... 'Oh, come on! Dean! Really?'

'Hey,' Dean exclaimed defensively, 'it's been a while, okay? And wings are kinda sensitive.'

'But he's an angel!' Sam gestured to the angel in question, and Castiel shifted uncomfortably.

'So am I,' Dean pointed out.

Sam's mouth snapped shut. In that brief moment, he had completely forgotten. Dean was acting exactly as he always had. The only difference was that, now, Sam was privy to more information. His shoulders slumped and he stared down at Dean. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to the idea that his brother was a fallen angel. But, he could try to adjust.

'A-are we good?' Dean asked, uncertainly.

'Yeah... We're good,' Sam confirmed and hugged Dean close. He closed his eyes when Dean wrapped his arms around him.