Hello everyone,

here is already the next chapter. I know it's early and no I didn't get Reviews :(

It's that I am going on vacation for two weeks starting tomorrow. I am going to Italy and not taking my Laptop with me, so I can't update in this two weeks. That's why the new chapter is already up today.

I hope you still stick with me.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything; do I really have to write that every chapter?

Third Person's POV

The rest of the train journey is uneventful. Nezumi sleeps a lot due to the painkillers he is taking. Shion is busy with cradling him (basically the whole time he is asleep). Kanda doesn't talk much to begin with and so Allen lacks a conversation partner. Because of that the only talking done is when they want to go eat something, Nezumi and Shion are slowly getting accustomed to Allen's huge appetite. During the ride both Allen and Kanda sometimes steal looks at the couple, laced with different emotions (though Allen does much more often). Kanda also takes a lot of time off of them walking through the train or just standing outside in the wind. It's warm but since its autumn not too hot even in the long coats the exorcists wear. He thinks a lot then, about his past, what happened, why he helped Nezumi or Allen and the beansprout in general.

For Nezumi he is happy letting himself being looked after by Shion and after some time lets the boy caress him even when he is awake. As the end of the train journey approaches he has figured out his feelings. But unfortunately none of them is aware of the other's real feelings (both are a bit naïve or dense; depends). So after about four days on the train they arrive in the port city. Kanda is as grumpy as ever though his wound has healed by now much to Allen's relief. In the city they have to stay overnight because they missed the ship they originally had to take due to the akuma attack. So they have to search an inn to stay at. Unfortunately for them there is a celebration in the city right at that time so everything is crowded. It takes them long to even find a hotel which is not completely full. But when they ask for rooms for each of them…

"I am really sorry, but we only have two spare rooms right now. You know the celebration…"

Allen and Kanda blanch a bit at that while the other two look nearly delighted.

Allen asks a bit unsure," Err… Two rooms with separate beds I hope?"

The hotel man shakes his head, "No, one of them has separate beds, the other unfortunately doesn't"

The exorcists go white again at the thought of having the other closer than needed but luckily Shion saves them. "That's no problem. We will take that one! Nezumi and I are accustomed to sleeping in the same bed. We only have one in the west block anyway." He laughs, clinging to Nezumi's arm who only sighs but doesn't object. Actually both are looking kind of forward to be sleeping in the same bed again (or a bed at all, after four nights on the train). They don't notice the strange look they get from the receptionist. Kanda only grunts and Allen shrugs smiling a little.

Allen turns to Kanda, searching his agree, "Is this ok? If we go out and search again, it will take ages until we find new rooms and these may be taken by then."

"Che. Whatever."

Allen takes that as an approval. He tells them to send the bill to the Order, receives the keys and gives one to Nezumi and Shion. They walk to their given rooms, parting ways with the other two. The room itself is not big with two beds some feet away from each other, a small table with two chairs, two cupboards and a huge window with a possibility to sit in front of it.

Kanda shoves him aside to immediately acquire the first bed so Allen walks over to the one closer to the window. He puts his suitcase down, stretching from the long sitting and opens the window panels. Since it's already past ten o'clock in the evening and they have eaten earlier they start to get ready for bed. Allen has to turn around as Kanda puts down his shirt to not blush again. As he undresses he also keeps his back to Kanda and because of that doesn't notice Kanda's staring at him (he doesn't turn around and doesn't blush either; well a tiny bit maybe). After that they both go to bed without saying goodnight like it's normal between them.

Allen's POV

"He's a demon! Don't look at him!"

Where am I? It's dark? Am I not supposed to be in a hotel in Australia with Kanda? What is this? The voice, it sounds angry. It's like when I was young, people calling me demon.

"Get away from me!"

"Don't come near! I don't want that disgusting arm of yours anywhere close to me!"

Yes, exactly like back then. Now the sight is getting clearer. I can see the people. They look at me with that disgusted look. Well, a normal nightmare, as always. It will pass after some time. But suddenly I identify some of the people in the crowd. There is Mana! And my friends from the Order (except Kanda that is)! I try to run towards them. "What are you doing here?! You said my arm was something special! You said it wasn't disgusting!"

They just snicker evilly and Lavi is the one who answers, "We only said that so you would stay. We needed you for the war against the Millennium Earl. We needed you as our weapon. Because that's what you are, a weapon to use for us, nothing more, isn't it 14th?"

I freeze at the spot, "No! You said… You… We were friends!"

"Friends?" I recognize Linali's voice, "With someone like you? Never!"

I want to shout something back but I stop when I see the stone she is holding in her hand. As I watch she lifts her arm and throws it at me. I normally would have dodged, but I am frozen so it hits me on the cheek. I look at her shocked but she only smirks and other people start throwing stones as well. I snap out of my daze and start to run away, stones still flying around me and their haunting voices following me. I press my hands on my ears murmuring to myself, "NO! No! It can't be! You said we were friends!"

Suddenly a new voice over laces all of the other. "…yashi… ke up… Moyashi! Oi!"

Great, now Kanda has joined them as well! But his voice sounds different. Not angry (well, normal Kanda-tone) or disgusted but rather nearly caring but somehow urgently.

"Oi, baka moyashi! Wake up or I punch you!"

Immediately my eyes snap open. It was a dream! Oh god, it was all a dream! I exhale shakily. When I reopen my eyes I take in my surroundings. I am still in the room in Australia in my bed, it's the middle of the night. I am shaking because of the nightmare, covered in sweat, and breathing too fast. Kanda is sitting on the side of my bed. He is looking directly at me, shaking my shoulders, obviously to wake me up. As I look back into his dark eyes, I see irritation and confusion but also concern.

"What… What happened?" I ask him shakily.

"That's what you should tell me! I woke up to you trashing around muttering 'No! No! It can't be! You said we were friends!'. You looked horrible and were about to fucking fall out of your bed, so I tried to wake you up."

"Oh, I guess, I had a nightmare…" I whisper. He has released my arms so a pulls my legs up to my chest and curl up. He keeps looking at me intensely and I unconsciously try to somehow get my left arm out of his line of sight.

"Had it something to do with your arm?" he asks me after some silence.

I look up a bit surprised, but answer in a small voice. "Yes, everyone was disgusted of me because of my arm. Even the people from the order, they called me names and threw stones at me…" I hold my black hand up in front of me for a moment and then lay it down on the white sheets again. Even I think it looks weird, the contrast, the structure and all.

I am suddenly stopped as a pale hand is laid on top of my black one. It's only for a short moment, but it means a lot to me, to see that Kanda (especially he), who didn't even want to shake my hand in the beginning, is not disgusted by it. As I look up, surprised again, but also happy, our eyes lock and he speaks with a soft voice.

"In the Order no one is disgusted by that arm of yours, not at all, and neither am I. The idiots who shunned you just because you were different know nothing. So don't think you are not important just for that, okay?"

I look at him. At the moment I don't care that it is Kanda, I am just happy somebody is comforting me. Later I will ask myself whether someone changed the personalities or if that wasn't Kanda at the moment, but right now it doesn't matter to me.

"They said all I am is a weapon for them to use in the war…" I whisper with a sad voice.

"Che." He stands up and reverts back to his normal self. "If it helps you, you are more than a weapon. You are a normal human, born and raised. Other than me… I was only created to be only that, a weapon to win the war! Nothing more!" His voice is hard at his last words, but it also sounds sad.

"What do you…" I start but am cut off by him.

"Enough now, moyashi! Go back to sleep! Now!" He growls at me and lays back in his own bed.

Okay, understood, conversation over. Kanda is back to normal. Even so I can't go back to sleep now. So I stand up and sit at the window. I look over to the other side of the room where I can see Kanda's long, dark hair on the sheets. He has his back to me, but in the moonlight shining through the window behind me and falling on his long strands his hair gives it silverish highlights. I have to admit that looks just beautiful. I see the shadows on his back, around his muscles, and his pale skin nearly glowing in the moonlight. Okay, he looks good, no doubt about that. Okay, and maybe Shion was partly right about my crush on him. Especially now, that I saw that he can be caring if he wants.

But why did he do that? Does he care about me as well? Or did he maybe just want to continue sleeping peacefully (I think the second)? But why would he then say something like that at the end? He was speaking about himself wasn't he? But what did it mean? 'I was only created to be only that, a weapon to win the war! Nothing more!' All we exorcists are weapons to win the war to some extent. But 'created'? Why created? A human isn't 'created', he is born. Yeah, he said 'born' when talking about me. So why did he use the term 'created' for himself? You can't create a human! And nothing else but a weapon, a sad destiny. I had a life before coming to the Order, not an entirely happy one, but a life that belonged to myself. Like he is talking you could assume he's been in the Order since his birth. I kinda understand his personality, regarding this new information. But why? Again, this question. His past seems to be a constant 'why?'. Why would any parent chose such a fate for their child? (I have to talk; my own parents abandoned me!) Full of questions, everything that involves Kanda.

I ponder over these questions for a long time since I can't sleep either way. I look at the clock. 4:51 in the morning. I yawn and decide to call Komui, I can give him an update on the mission, we haven't reported the earlier attack yet, and in the process I can also try to gain some information about Kanda's past, maybe Komui knows something more, since I am pretty sure Kanda will not talk about it.

So I pick the sleeping Timcampy from my bed and walk silently outside, poking the golem to wake him up. After I found a phone a half-asleep golden ball connects me to HQ. Counting the time difference it must be somewhere in the afternoon there. So even Komui should be awake. And it works as I am greeted with the voice of my supervisor on the other end squealing a happy hello and something about Linali. I sigh and after he calmed down I record the akuma attack and our further journey. I leave the incident with Kanda's healing out, because I figure he would be furious if I told Komui that.

After the report I hear him grunt approvingly. "So stay focused then, Allen. Look after Nezumi and Shion. They have to get back to their world in one piece. And also watch over yourself and Kanda, we need you two return safely too."

I see my chance for information. "Speaking of which, Komui… I would like to ask you something about Kanda…"

I hear him sigh but say, "And what may that be? I thought, you didn't like him…?"

"And I still don't!" I speak back fast though blush again slightly, "But this is simply intriguing me… I want to ask something about his past. I…"

I hear a gasp and stop. But as Komui doesn't continue I speak back up. "Well, we all know about his incredible healing powers and I wanted to know if maybe you could tell me why he has them?"

A long silence follows and I am afraid that I don't get an answer again, but when I hear him it's not what I wanted. "I know this is intriguing, but it is for sure not my part to tell you that. It's Kanda's thing and his alone. I don't just refuse because I am afraid he would kill me if I did, but also because this is something really private and I for sure don't want to spout that."

I am quiet as well. This is getting weirder every time I learn something new. Then I remember the raven's words.

"Komui… He said something earlier when I was accusing myself as only a weapon for the war…"

He holds his breath, "And what did he say?"

"He… He said that, other than me, he 'was only created to only be that, a weapon to win the war! Nothing more!' What does this mean? It seems to me not even Lavi knows about that."

He inhales sharply. "He said that? Well, but even if you know that, I can't just tell you his life story. But I can assure you it's a very dark one. He did never get free from the Order. As long as he lived he was always bound to this place. And what he said… You know, about the experiments the Order did to get more accommodators, don't you? That and Kanda's past have to do with it. I can't tell you more. As for Lavi I am not sure whether he knows, Bookman does, but this story is seriously dark so maybe Lavi was not told either, also because he is pretty close to Kanda himself."

I nod after that, at least trying to process what I just heard. What could be so bad that even Lavi wasn't told? What experiments? The ones with the Fallen Linali talked about? What happened to Kanda in his past? But as no one wants to speak about it, there is only one person who could tell me and he for sure will not talk. Great. At that moment I hear some sounds coming from the stairs and I recognize the aura that surrounds the person. It's Kanda. So I decide to end the conversation with Komui.

"Sorry Komui. Thanks for telling me anyway. I think Kanda is coming down. I have to hang up."

"Yeah, sorry Allen. Thanks for the update. Keep everyone safe. Goodbye. And for your question, this is better left untouched, I promise you."

"Okay. Bye Komui."

Timcampy ends the connection and a second later I hear Kanda's voice behind me. "What were you doing, moyashi?"

"Just reporting to Komui about the mission. And it's Allen. Have you had a good sleep?" I try to smile at him.

He eyes me strangely, "Are you kidding me? I was fucking woken up in the middle of the night by some bloody idiot who could not even stand one stupid nightmare!"

Okay, after what I just heard from Komui I had some pity for him, but that vanished after this comment. He had a bad past, yes, but for goodness' sake, he is not the only one! So that doesn't excuse being such a bastard! I look at him, thinking about what to say. For once I want to thank him for what happened at night, but I also want to yell back at him for insulting me. I would also love to question him about his past (favourably press until he spills everything) but I know that would not be a great idea as it would result in my Mugen-induced death. I really don't want that.

While I have been thinking he already has scoffed, turned around and is walking away, Mugen in hand. It seems he is not a pleasant person (not that he is ever) after waking up. I stay still looking after him even when the door has already shut behind him. I am still wondering over far too many questions swarming my head. Nice beginning for a morning. I just hope Shion and Nezumi get up soon so we can eat, leave and head for our ship.

When the two come down for breakfast they look somewhat at peace. Kanda hasn't returned yet and I figure he is doing some kind of morning training, would be like him. We head over to the room where the food is served and I shock the waitress with my order. Kanda joins us about halfway through. His mood turns worse as the restaurant doesn't have his favourite soba. Of course not, we are in Australia here! He really needs to eat something else as well. After a bit cursing he agrees to some rice and vegetables. Who eats that for breakfast? Well the Japanese do I guess. Our ship leaves at 10 o'clock so we start to head for the port after our meal. Shion is in a good mood and we talk nearly the whole way and even Nezumi joins the conversation sometimes (mostly to correct Shion, but doesn't matter). The only one who doesn't speak at all is Kanda. I can't help but wonder if he doesn't feel lonely sometimes. I catch his gaze as it rests on Shion and Nezumi for a moment, something akin to sadness in it, and then on me. But when he notices me looking back he immediately turns and frowns worse than before.

We arrive around 9:40 and are lead onto the ship after showing our crosses and confirming that the other two are with us. We are given little rooms down in the ship. One for every one of us. Kanda and I are happy that we don't have to sleep in the same room with each other again, it would also be a bit awkward because of last night. After I have dropped my luggage I remember that I wanted to talk to Kanda about last night (thank him maybe). So I descend my room walking over to his. I figure that Nezumi and Shion are still in the rooms as I can hear their voices. No noise comes from Kanda's. When I knock there is no reply at all, so I figure he isn't in.

To find him I walk out onto the deck of the ship. I take a deep breath as the breeze hits me. I can't help but remember the last time I settled out on a ship journey like this, it was when we followed my master to Japan. I shiver, I really don't want to repeat that. I didn't make the journey in the end, but what happened wasn't pleasant at all. The Fallen, Suman, the Noah, Tyki, losing my arm and well, dying, isn't something I want to go through another time.

I spot the other exorcist standing some feet away close to the railing, arms crossed and looking in the distance. He seems somewhat absent-minded which is quiet unusual for him. I step closer and for some reason a bit nervous ask: "Ahem… Kanda… Are-are you okay?"

He snaps out of his daze, jerking around and looking at me with another frown. "What do you want, moyashi?"

"It's Allen. How many times do I have to tell you?" I scoff back.

He just growls and waits for me to say what I want to say.

"I… Eh… Well… I wanted to… Thank you for last night!" my voice gets down with every word.

"Che. Don't flatter yourself moyashi. I just wanted to be able to go back to sleep without problems. Waking you up was the most promising way." With that he turns around and starts to stomp off to the other side of the ship.

Yeah, I expected a response like this from him. But I am sure I saw some kind of caring in his eyes back then. Anyway, that's not the theme here. What he said after that is more important. So I gather my courage to ask him about that. "You… You said you were only a weapon who was created for the war… What did you mean with that?"

He stops dead in his tracks and I see him stiffen. I am kinda afraid that he is about to attack me, but he doesn't, which I am really thankful for. After some silence he speaks, but to me he doesn't seem as angry as I expected (maybe more sad).

"Che. It's the best if you just forget that! Pretend you never heard it! And never ask me about it again! Baka moyashi!"

And with that he is finally off. I again stand there staring after him. I don't know why he intrigues me so much. I want to know him better. Nonetheless his past is apparently something no one at all talks about, with a very dark secret behind it. Well, we have enough free time on the ship maybe I get the chance to give it another try. But on the other hand, being on a ship (a closed space) with an angry Kanda isn't the best idea in the world. Let's see what we can do. That is if no other problems occur. Unfortunately they do. One are minor akuma attack, luckily dealt with before they become a danger to the ship and the other is, you could say, it's Nezumi. Why? Because after not much time being out on the sea he gets seasick, terribly.

That's it for now. Thanks for reading

Long chapter today, but whatever.

So here it is: Kanda's past. Allen is really interested, but I think we all have been wondering about it before book 20 came out.

So see you in two weeks, bye.