~Enjoy
Amy woke up with a groan. She didn't appreciate being thrown from her warm haven. She looked up and realized that he had been her place of warmth and comfort. She felt like she was going to be sick. Hours tossing in the ocean and then a while longer in the beating sun with this repulsive young man was enough to turn anyone's stomach.
"Well, look at us now," said the boy, letting a hint of his annihilating smile peep through. "Alone on an island with just the sea and our steel hearts. We should celebrate our surviving the devastating wreck of The Jade Serpent." he put his hands on her face, and stroked her cheek, then planted his lips on hers. Amy's eyes widened, then fluttered shut.
Everything was perfect.
Amy hacked up her stomach contents and a gallon of sea water all over his lap.
"Oh, that's just delightful." He glowered, standing up, and examining his soiled trousers in disgust. "These are custom made, by Mr. Ar. Mani!"
"Ohhhh," Amy groaned, clutching her sides. She buried her face in the warm sand, not daring to change positions, lest she should feel the need to throw up again.
Wait...sand?
She forced herself to sit up, and stared in shock at the long expanse of sand that stretched out before her. As far as Amy could tell, they were alone on the beach.
That, in itself, was rather daunting.
What had happened to the ship?
"Quit staring stupidly like that. Isn't it obvious we've been rendered shipwrecked?" the boy beside her muttered, fingering the locket around his neck.
Suddenly, a second boat randomly crashed onto the shore. A boy tumbled out who looked just like Amy.
"Allo cuties!" said Dan. "Ahoy and all that rot. I'm here to save the world!" He looked at his sister and the hot guy beside her. He wrinkled his nose in obvious disgust. "Seriously? Seriously? Amy, I thought you'd have aimed higher than sailors. Our poor mother would be mortified." Amy blushed and stood up. Her brother was becoming Aunt Beatrice.
"Right! Of course!" she said and kicked the hot guy in the stomach.
"Ow!" cried the hot guy. "I hate all of you. I really do."
"Good," said Dan. "Please keep doing that. In the mean time...I have a sudden urge to try out the rope I got below deck (on my non-existent ship). Let's go climb that cliff over there in the distance. Last one up has to kiss a monkey!"
"I already did that," said Amy, glancing sideways at the boy beside her, who was rubbing his stomach angrily.
Later, at the top...
"I brought you some treasure, Amy." Dan held out a box of rather disheveled chocolates, squished after the long climb. "They washed up on the shore after my master, the candy maker died. Poor Willy Wonka."
The other teen looked down at the candy in disgust. He was not here for any old sweetmeats. He was here for chocolate cake with sprinkles.
"Be gone," he growled, eying the cake. "I've got business to discuss with your doppelganger." He turned to Amy, pushing Dan aside. "We need to be alone. Why are you even HERE?"
Dan popped a chocolate into his mouth.
"To prevent you ever being alone with her. Besides, there is no way my sister would kiss an ape like you."
The teen's mouth curved into a smirk. "She has already." Dan's face turned pale and he dropped his precious box.
"You...you...you...Evil hottie McHotterson!" He looked from Ian to Amy in horrified shock, then promptly passed out on the rockface. Ian took the chocolates and tossed them cooly over the cliff.
"Amy," he said, turning to the shocked and embarrassed girl standing beside him. "I need that locket." He changed his voice to sound gentle. "We need the cake...I mean locket. For the sake of our love."
Amy made a sound like a giraffe giving birth, and punched him in his already injured nose. "Yowza and Mary Jane shoes!" he yelped, doing a jig while holding his nose.
Amy used this opportunity to snatch the locket from his neck and make a run for it. If she could just get to the cave...
She felt something grab her ankle. The bane of her existence had decided that she was more important than his nasal cavity.
"You aren't getting away with this!" he shouted. The young Kabra felt a tug. Dan was awake and grasping his waist so that he couldn't pull Amy any further.
"Give it up!" Dan said as menacingly as he could. The Kabra narrowed his eyes.
"Small annoying child, you do not scare me," the teen replied, pulling Amy with all his strength.
"No, but this might," Dan said craftily, pulling a small hamster out of his pocket. The young Kabra's eyes widened as he tried to keep his calm.
"Let's not be hasty," he reasoned. The maniacal hamster eyed his enemy with a death glare.
"Let her go," Dan insisted, prodding the back of his rival's neck with the furry, cute mammal. The young Kabra quickly calculated his chances of surviving should he get pierced in the jugular by the rodent's sharp teeth. He came to the conclusion that they were fairly slim and decided to let the little monster known as Amy go. He did it as roughly as he could and Amy nearly lost her balance She kicked at him, clawing for the rock ledge. The fall was hard-at least fifty feet down with rocks all the way. (Houston, we have a problem)
He yelped as the ground suddenly came closer- he was going to die. "No!" Air rushed around him, it was in his ears, his eyes- he couldn't breathe! In mid-air, Amy lunged, grasped his hand. "I hate you," she gasped.
She hauled him back up the cliff face, where they lay, panting for breath, trying to regain a semblance of calm. But it was impossible because he was SO. HOT. Keep calm and carry on means nothing around this boy.
"Look at the scenery!" said Amy, looking directly into the boy's eyes. "Such beautiful colors! And is it hot out today? Boy, I think it's hot out today."
He stared at her, a sense of awe rushing over him. She had...saved him? But she was just an unsavory little girl who smelt of rotting chicken...how? She stared back at him, fear, and a soft knowing look written on her face. She hated him, but she had saved him anyway. He felt guilty- if they had switched places, he would have let her fall rather than risk his own life saving her.
Amy turned and limped away from him without a glance back.
"Are you alright, Amy?" Dan jumped up and down like a hyperactive dragonfly, stomping on the boy's hand in his excitement. He jerked it away with a scowl, sitting up to take in his surroundings. Amy had managed to drag him-and herself-to the top. The cave appeared before them, along with Vikram. The man stopped digging, and straightened up in shock.
"You..aren't dead," he whispered. "Who are these people, Son...is that our cabin boy? He looks...like...well, food for sharks." "Not quite," Ian smirked. Amy blushed and straightened her shirt. Vikram narrowed his eyes in concentration, but then shrugged. "I need your help, my lad. Hamilton had an...er...unfortunate accident, so now I need you to shovel this dirt!"
Ian shook his head.
"Absolutely not, Father dear. This treasure is mine and mine alone." He looked down meaningfully at Amy.
(Wink, wink)
Vikram laughed nervously, "Treasure? There is no treasure!" His son rolled his eyes and strolled over to where his father was digging. He grabbed the shovel and clomped it onto Vikram. Amy screamed. The boy wiped his hands and offered one to Amy.
"Shall we explore the cavern, my sweet doberman?" he asked. Amy balled her hand into a fist, "What is wrong with you?" she hissed, "Why did you do that?" Her eyes darted to Vikram's still form. "He's your father."
The boy's expression grew hard. "Oh, believe me, he deserves far worse than that. Come, we don't have much time, Angel of music."
.
"Havvvve you seeeen the marvelous breadfishhh?" Dan sang. "Swimming through the ocean waterssss!" Ian turned around and grabbed Dan by the scruff of his neck.
"Sing that one more time and you'll be meeting a breadfish- whatever that is," threatened the black-haired teen. Dan yelped and broke free.
"Breadfish breadfish breadfish!" he hollered as he ran out of the cave. Ian ran a hand through his hair as he watched the annoying kid leave.
"Alright Amy. What do you say we head back to the beach?" he asked. Amy trembled at the sound of his voice and hurried forward.
"Wait," she said, holding up the piece of paper again.
"BREADFISH BREADFISH BREADFISH," called Dan from the opposite side of the island. He circled back around and offered Amy some cheetos. But Ian didn't get any. Muscular people don't get cheetos. So Ian threw himself off a cliff.
The end.
Dis is the stuff of legends.
Dude, we are going to win a pulitzer for this. *Nods* Can't touch dis.
Alternate ending:
He had hammered it open with a rock, and had found the final piece of the puzzle.
Finally.
Symbols of an arrow, cave, and 'X' engraved on the metal inside of the heart stared back at him. He had followed the arrow, and now the cave was almost within his reach as well; it loomed overhead on a steep precipice.
He didn't notice the large snake curling about his legs, until it was too late.
"Agh!" Suddenly he was fighting a giant cobra (Oh, the irony)
A random native man came up during the struggle, and claimed Amy as his bride. Amy is torn. Should she run away with the random headhunter? Or Nameless hottie angel?
The obvious choice is, of course, HEAD HUNTER FTW.
Ian got upset. (And the cobra magically disappears) He ripped his shirt in anger, and then went swimming. (He also has anger management issues which add to his charm.)
The headhunter was going to marry Amy. BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE.
Ian was GOING to swim, but he loved Amy too much for that, so he stormed the wedding with Hamilton.
"STOP THIS MADNESS!" he squealed, grabbing Amy, and throwing her over his muscular shoulders. "See you later, non-British suckahs! Peace out."
"I love weddings," Dan sighed contentedly.
Ian left with a disturbed Amy bouncing up and down on his shoulders. "Staaaaaahp! I want my Heady Poo!" she screamed, but no way was Ian stopping now. He had his love, and chicken.
They were married in a cave. With chicken.
Unfortunately they never found out what the young Kabra's name was (Even though we've been using it this whole time...), so when Vikram married them, the vows went somewhat like this:
"Do you, Unnamed Hot Guy, take Amy Trent as your waffle wife?"
"Why, yes. *Ahem* /Of course/."
"Okay well that's good enough for me. I'm hungry, let's go eat Hamilton..."
"Oh, of course. Let's go eat Hamilton." (Commas really do save lives, kids.)
"...Ready the feast of sea-chicken and coconut water for my love!" the young Kabra exclaimed. Amy smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I think Hamilton made us a hardtack cake...before we ate him!"
After the wedding, Amy and Ian linked arms and helped each other climb a cliff. When they got to the top, they decided to build their private beach mansion there and get married and have little children who didn't know their names, either.
"GIVE IT BACK!" Amy cried. She tackled the hot, lying scum and wrestled him to the ground, using her last bit of strength from the climb up to wrench the locket from his muscular fingers. He had really great finger muscles. Amy imagined he must have done snazzy expensive celebrity finger workouts to pass the time.
"You are ruining my shirt!" the young Kabra exclaimed. Amy narrowed her eyes.
He was so struck by her stuttering, awkward beauty that he dropped the locket at once - off a cliff. Amy dove after it (Wee) before she realized that she had made a terrible mistake.
'I have made a terrible mistake," Amy said as her body plummeted three floors. He looked over the side of the rock face and mourned secretly. Then he laughed maniacally and went into the cave and figured out that his name was Jethro.
'Tis perfect. 'Tis. That's great. Keep it right there. Your followers will be very happy. :) Also coming at you with swords but happy :)
(A N)
Happy April Fool's Day, Darlings. ;D *Hides from sword-wielding fans*
This chapter was co-written by me, and my lovely friend! We had a ton of fun with it. *Evil laughter*
(A new, shiny, real chapter is coming for you guys. Never fear!)
Have you ever been pranked before? What are some pranks you have pulled on people, or people have pulled on you?
Who actually read this entire chapter?
Please review! I have already written the real chapter, so you won't have to wait long to read it. :)