Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.

I update sporadically, so do take note that updates will not be often. It can be as short as a month, to as long as seven months, but the series will not be discontinued unless stated. Do add As Your Lover to your story alert. Thank you.

Revised 2015, August.

Recap:

"Yes, yes, and it's our job to record the history. I get it." Lavi said that words that Bookman drilled into his brain as he mumbled under his breath, "It would be fun if she was really one of them. Then maybe this job wouldn't be that boring."

As Your Lover – Nightmare

"Why are you here too?" Kanda asked in annoyance directed towards the redhead that tagged along with their mission. Them, being him and that Momonga. He came up with nickname after their second mission, when Guren was in the process of being crushed by a fairly large AKUMA, he couldn't help but noticed her similarity with the same animal, small, jittery and fluffy, he meant her hair by the way, they were completely the same. He sighed, first the nosy Usagi, and now the useless girl, was the Black Order running some sort of a zoo?

"Yuu, I just wanted to spend time with our new member!" The redhead replied with the use of his first name. Kanda really hated it when someone calls him by his first time, acting familiar; first that old man and now this rabbit. He watched how Lavi was hanging himself over Guren and she was trying really hard not to fall down from his weight.

Kanda couldn't quite understand this new member yet, even after they had gone on a few missions together already. She was still weak, and her ability fluctuates a lot, sometimes she could take down an entire army and other times, she could not even finish singing a phrase. Weakling. And then, she would always put others before her, like that Finder. He was just a Finder, why did she give him so much attention? And that Finder addressed Guren differently like they knew each other. But that wasn't his business. He wasn't interested in her affairs anyway. "Shut up before I kill you, Usagi." Kanda finally snapped after the redhead continued pinching the younger Exorcist's cheek, causing her to make annoying noises. The two kept quiet immediately and sat up straight in their seat opposite him. Good, at least she listened to him.

They were in the large field as the Finders had already barricaded the area where the Innocence was. Some of them were injured, while others had died from the AKUMA virus. A large number of Level Ones were still in the air, even though the Finders had tried to lock them down using the talisman. But this shouldn't be a problem. There were two of them today. As usual, Kanda never counted Guren in their fighting force. "Momonga, go retrieve the Innocence. Lavi and I will handle them." He instructed while drawing his katana as Lavi invoked his anti-AKUMA weapon, causing the hammer to expand. He headed straight for the AKUMA confidently, watching from the corner of his eyes at Guren taking flight into the air with her glowing Innocence wings. He heard snippets of conversations regarding Guren, talking about how her Innocence made her looked like an angel. Bullshit. More like a flying squirrel.

Guren circled around in the air, seeing how the remains of the Finders littered the ground. She had been seeing this on every single mission, and how it reminded her of the fact that she as an Exorcist, was unable to save these people. It always tore her heart to arrive too late at the scene. Guren dived into the dark tunnel, as her boots made echoes in the wet cave. She reached the end of the cave, where the Innocence was supposed to be located at, but instead she found two sets of the white attire on the ground as a voice suddenly spoke up. "I've got the Innocence~"

Guren whipped around to find a few AKUMAs, not like the ones that appeared in masses, these were Level Twos. They were the same as the ones she saw in the church back then, her level of Seraphic Melody currently wouldn't affect them much, and she couldn't make one of them into her soldier to fight, the cave would collapsed on her. "Where is the Innocence?"

One of the AKUMA, with a dirty, grey, top hat and a creepy smile crooked his head, as he picked up the green shard from under his hat, "Here, here! And I will be giving this to the Millennium Earl!" The AKUMAs cheered, completely disregarding her presence, as another AKUMA spoke while laughing, "We know you, the winged Exorcist. Your songs are useless on the evolved ones!"

Guren bit her lips, at the disgrace felt and also her own impotence. 'At least, I should try to get the Innocence to Mister Kanda,' Guren thought as she stared at the hat-wearing AKUMA that had the Innocence. "Hey," she called as the AKUMAs looked at her, one of them was starting his cannon, ready to end her, "Will you believe me if I say I can fly the fastest?" Guren suddenly opened up her wings as she charged at the AKUMA, using all her strength to hold it still and pushing him out of the cave. She could hear the other two AKUMAs sticking close behind her as she shouted loudly to Kanda, while diving down, "This one has the Innocence!"

Kanda looked up at her voice, only to find a surprise coming down at him. An AKUMA was flying in his direction at a velocity that he would consider that Guren fired a canon at him as he positioned himself for his attack, "Underworld Creatures, First Illusion!"

Guren didn't have time to watch how the battle went on ground after she threw the AKUMA, as she headed straight for the group of Level Ones that were closing in on the Finders, 'Divine Canary.' She directed her captivating hymn towards one of the Level Twos that were behind her back as its eyes turned an eerie white with a glowing cross etched onto its forehead. Guren landed on the ground as she continued singing, working the AKUMA that had become a soldier of God under her enchantment as the AKUMA began attacking the lesser AKUMAs. Maybe it was because of her lack of practice with this skill because of its devious nature, her control was broken by the AKUMA's will as it turned at her, eyes gleaming in red, ready to kill. She screamed when its claw was coming down on her as she shut her eyes, but a familiar annoyed voice spoke, "Committing suicide after trying to kill me?"

She would have shouted his name happily at being rescued, but standing before her was a Finder with blood spreading on the back his white cloak. Kanda didn't arrive in time as he was the person supporting her back now. Someone else was going to die for her. The man collapse on the ground as he smiled at her, tears were running down her cheeks as she watched the black pentagons forming on his body, "No, no, no… I'm sorry, please don't die!"

"Stop it, it's over for him." Kanda said as he pulled the crying girl up by her wrist roughly. He really hated it when people got overly emotional, and they had to bring back the Innocence before more of the AKUMAs came. Both him and Lavi were tired out and covered in scraps and cuts from the fighting. Guren refused to release the Finder from her arm as she snatched her wrist away from his tight grip. He hadn't seen that much strength in her since they first met when she scolded Komui. Kanda stood there, glaring at her figure, well, he could wait for a while, just for the Finder's body to integrate to dust. Probably in about five more seconds.

Guren hugged the Exorcist, as every pentagon appeared on his skin, it made her despaired more. 'Innocence… I know I can do this, I am the user of Genesis. You chose me for a reason. Please let me save this man with the powers I have deep in me, I know you can change my Dark Matter to something used for saving lives.' Guren prayed as she hugged him tightly, she didn't want an innocent man to die for her, it just wasn't right, as she sang a calming tune. Her voice was shaking, but it didn't matter, as long as she could stop it, to stop the man from dying, as tears only increased at every second.

"Stop," Kanda jerked her shoulder, facing her as worry was evident on his face. Guren looked at the man in her arms as a smile broke on her face. He was alive, the shapes were gone from his skin, she did it. Kanda didn't want to celebrate at her success, that the girl herself didn't notice when she was singing that tune, indeed the poisoning process was reverting, and he felt his wounds recovering slightly as well, but as she sang, the feathers from her translucent wings were falling off. It's as if her Innocence was in pain. He hasn't seen anything like that before.

"Yuu, I didn't know that chibi-tan's Innocence could heal people…" Kanda turned to look at Lavi when he approached, his wounds were also mostly healed. Guren was smiling at the Finder that was awakening slowly as her eyes went fuzzy again, her body suddenly felt jaded with her mind shutting down. She felt her eyelids closing as she fell sideways, into a pair of hands that caught like her the first time.

"Mhm~" The Millennium Earl, also known as Adam by his closest, hummed a tune while knitting a new toy, sitting on his rocking chair. It was somewhat of a regular routine for the maker, to be seated in his chair, waiting for phone calls. Calls from the stupid humans that would take the bait he laid for them. He heard the ringing sound of phone numbered hundred and sixty-three, one of the many lines dedicated to his precious pawns. "Hello," the Creator's sickly sweet voice sounded from his end of the phone as he nodded at the information passed over. "I see. Thank you very much, dear AKUMA."

An Exorcist with the power to heal… Fascinating. Have the wrenched Innocence involved to this stage already? What an irony it was, for those mere humans to try and go against the will of their God, trying to defy how things were supposed to be. To be able to reverse the effects of the AKUMA poisoning, what else can this little human do? This new piece of information tickled his interest as he resumed his knitting.

If the Black Order had such a trick under their sleeves, then where was his little pet? Maybe he should have a meeting with his family soon, to see the face of the Noahs he doted on. Especially little Tyki. It must be troubling him, to be missing his other half. The Millennium Earl sighed as he reminisced on the past. Ah, the children that always gave him problems. But it seems like they never do grow up, especially the twins.

World domination is hard with all those kids constantly fooling around.

Guren was flying in the wind as she searched for the locations of the Finders' team. Since the mission last time, she was never called to a mission alone, and she was to serve in a backup team. Komui said that her healing powers were something to be protected, and to be kept away from the eyes of the Millennium Earl. But at the moment, all other Exorcists were away and Komui had no choice but to send Guren out to the field to aid the Finders in retrieving the Innocence.

Her heart sunk at the sight of the numbers of casualties as she sung her tune of death, Seraphic Melody, causing the weaker AKUMAs to be broken down into dust by her Innocence. Guren was getting better with exorcism, and her synchronization had improved, corresponding to her will to protect people. She landed at the base where there were only a handful of Finders alive, while their hoods littered the ground around her. One of the Finders quickly attended to her as he took her to the hiding spot of the Innocence. Guren took the Innocence from the barrier and secured it onto herself, "Mister Finder, could you get the remaining Finders to evacuate?"

"But Lady Kreszenz, we'll have to ensure your safety first!"

"I will be alright." Guren said reassuring with a small smile, as she waved her hands at the other Finders, motioning for them to leave. "I'm an Exorcist too." After everyone was evacuated, Guren finally dropped the smile on her face as she reactivated her Innocence to Level Two, forming the pair of wings behind her. She breathed into sharply, as all the emotions she had been suppressing begun to surface.

She was terrified. Her entire frame was trembling as images flashed before her eyes, the memories she had from her previous lives, the memories of suffering, not just her own, but others as well. Throughout this life, she was always protected, by Cross, Allen, Lavi, even Kanda. And her lover too… But this time, it was entirely up to her. So much more people would be hurt if she were to fail, as she looked away from the remains of the Finders that were sacrificed in the mission of retrieving the Innocence. She had to be strong. Her translucent wings glowed as she flew into the air, activating her abilities as she sung her purging tune. She was like a torch in the dark sky, attracting the Level One AKUMAs to her instantly as they were purified upon the hearing range.

But the AKUMAs seemed to be never ending as she went further and further from the location, towards the plain fields where there would be little chance of casualties, expect for herself. Just when Guren was getting tired from the use of her abilities, a Level Two AKUMA joined the mix in attacking her as her Seraphic Melody was useless against the higher ranking AKUMAs. She could barely swivel away from the incoming bullet as it hit one side of her wings, causing her Innocence to deactivate from the disruption as she plummeted onto the ground roughly. Her vision was blurry from the fall as she held her side painfully, 'Innocence, activate.' The mask returned to her face as she changed the tune, singing the song of a marionette, Divine Canary. The Level Two AKUMA went under her control as its eyes turned an eerie white with a cross etched over the black pentagon, as it began attacking the other AKUMAs.

Her voice was quivering from the pain of her broken bones and the loss of blood as she tried her hardest to remain conscious. If she were to stop singing now, who knows what would have happened? Another stray bullet came in her direction as she tried hard to leap away but the impact caused her to fall as she coughed out blood from her drowning lungs. The AKUMA that was originally under her control broke free when her song stopped, causing it to fade into dust, rendering her defenseless. Guren shook in fear as her shield was now gone and she knew she was in no condition to fight the entire army on her own. Her paled lips trembled as the first word that came to her lips was, "Ty-Tyki…" She shut her eyes when she saw the virus-filled bullets coming towards her.

"Underworld Creatures, First Illusion!" She heard his fierce voice as she opened her eyes to see the back of the dark haired Exorcist. She heaved a sigh of relief but before she could say anything else, Kanda shouted at her angrily while going on to attack the remaining AKUMAs, "Don't you dare move from that spot and increase my workload!"

Guren stayed rooted to the spot as she watched him fight. She was getting lightheaded from the blood loss but her mind refused to shut down. If she was ever competent, she really wished that she could be able to do something now. At every AKUMA then Kanda slashed down, it only bit into her pride and self-worth more. Kanda said that she was weak, and looking at the situation now, she was really useless. All those years she had been with Cross, and she had failed to become a true Exorcist. A tear slid down from her crimson eye as she fisted the dirt on the ground.

The horrifying memories of being alone and ostracized raced through her mind. She had already lost her place beside him by choosing to leave, and if they were to relieve her from the organization, she would go back to being alone again. She didn't want to be just protected anymore, she wanted to be of use and never wanted to be abandoned anymore.

"Innocence," she tried to sit up weakly as Kanda turned to look at her for the briefest of the moment. Still holding her side, her eyes closed as she could feel the Innocence resonating within her. "Activate!" The stud on her tongue glowed green as the mask on her face shattered into white glowing orbs, but instead of fading into the air like when she deactivated Ethereal Songstress, one by one, the orbs became feathers attached onto her back as they became a pair of real wings, tearing through the fabric that covered her back. 'Heaven's Judgement,' she screamed with all her strength, in the highest pitch she could sing as her voice echoed in the night. The ground shook from the force of her scream as the gravity around the entire area increased, forcing the AKUMAs to wreck onto the earth and exploding. But the sudden change in the synchronisation of her Innocence and the use of its power took a toll on her already injured as her body gave way. Her eyes were becoming unfocused as Kanda came running in her direction.

"Tch," he muttered as he tried to pick her up, "You did well for a momonga."

She smiled at the compliment that was rarely given out, as she wanted to reply him but there was a sole surviving AKUMA fired its bullets with its last breathe in their direction. Guren did the only thing that she could do at the moment, as she pushed the older Kanda aside, and took the hits. The last thing she heard because she blacked out was a strange ringing in her ears, like the sound of a piano from her true home…

The trained eyes of Bookman observed the unconscious Exorcist whom was lying on the hospital bed, while the Black Order's Supervisor, Komui Lee was reading the medical report of his subordinate. Just few hours ago, she was in a critical stage with a high fever and suffered life-threatening damages that would have ended with Guren simply fading into dust. But something had prevented that. Not only was the AKUMA poisoning gone from her bloodstream, her wounds had also healed mysteriously at an amazing speed.

"What do you think of this, Bookman? Could it be her Innocence?" Komui asked curiously. Guren had gotten injured before and it healed normally like any other beings, minus the Exorcists in certain programs. But just this time, her body had healed without a scratch, and in an unbelievable speed that almost seemed inhuman. White Angel, was the name given to her newly enhanced anti-AKUMA weapon, a name fitting for the form and prowess of her Innocence. She no longer held just a defensive type of anti-AKUMA weapon, but why would her weapon go through so much changes in such a short time; it was something unheard off.

"It's the first time I've seen such occurrence. It doesn't seem like the act of her Innocence was deactivated the moment she became unconscious. The fever she was under was probably the effects of the dark matter within her body. But strangely, the skin around her wound turned gray when they were regenerating."

"Gray?"

"It reminded me of something from the past." Bookman stated, as Komui understood the look in his eyes, that this topic had ended and Bookman was not going to revealed what the strange occurrence was about. "Her body is exhausted, and the accelerated healing would likely cause her to be asleep for a few more days. But she should be fine now."

Bookman left the room, his footsteps heavy as he walked on. During the operation, he saw something in her crimson eyes that shouldn't be there. Through her slipping through conscious and unconsciousness, her eyes only met with his once, a glimpse of gold and it inflicted fear into the elder. It was filled with killing intent, something foreign from the kind-hearted child he first saw several months ago. And it was in that moment that she started to heal, it was like something was trying to keep her alive. Lavi mentioned that Guren was also able to reverse the poisoning process, just like she did with injuries.

Could Noah Clan that was never ever documented properly, including the phantom Fifteenth member, one with the powers of God truly exist?

Guren was sitting alone in a dark room, with no door or windows. She couldn't see what was before her eyes, and all she heard was the buzzing silence. She laid on the ground, curled up into a ball as she closed her eyes, trying to believe that this was just a dream. He said that he'd always rescue her, that he'd never abandon her. But where was he now when she need him?

On the days when I didn't know how to fill up the hollowness in my heart
I'd think it must be a lie that the world I see now with my eyes is all there is

Tears flooded out from her eyes as she cried silently. She was scared, lost and above all, she was alone. In her mind, she tried to remember the name of that person, or even his face, but it was just a blur in her memory. She wanted so much to know who he was, that person who loved her. A bright light shone in her face suddenly, as she tried to open her eyes. A figure appeared through the bright light as she immediately recognised him. Guren stood up with all her strength as she ran towards the figure, hugging his waist and burying her face into his chest. It was the smell of his cologne and tobacco.

If we were to become estranged
If we were fall in love then
That wouldn't do
The painful memories
I wouldn't be able to stand them

She looked up at his face with a smile, finally being able to be together with her love. But what she met with was not a face filled with love, it was the exact opposite. He pushed her away harshly, as Guren fell onto the ground in pain. She looked at him, not understanding why there was so much hatred burning in those ferocious golden eyes. "Traitor." He stated simply, as he stepped on her fingers, causing her to scream in pain as she shook her head at the accusation. "You are part of them now, the Black Order," the beautiful man before her spat out venomously, eyes not leaving her even once. "And we are enemies. You are no longer with me, or the clan."

Every time you go
I'm in the shadows
Every day you know
The pain inside grows

She tried calling out to his retreating figure, but her voice was lost in her despair. 'Don't go, don't leave me!' She stood up to run after him, to reach for his warmth again, but the light in the room disappeared as she was thrown back into darkness again as all her fingers could grasp was just nothing… She had lost him again.

I cried all night
And I called out to an unresponsive you
I've kept avoiding the world
Because I've been dying the moment you left

She fell back onto the ground as the words he last said played repeatedly in her mind. She had remembered what she did. She was the traitor. She was the liar. She was the evil one now. She betrayed his trust. She betrayed their love.

Everything is over for my hopeless self
Just like a slowly sinking ship

If she couldn't have him, then what was the meaning to her existence? Tyki. He was the man she loves and would never stop loving him. He was her everything.

Kanda was staring out of the window on his seat, bored. Why did he have to wait for that girl to be well before returning? She was always pulling him down. But she took the hit for him without hesitating. 'Tch,' his annoyance came out subconsciously. He tensed when he heard a murmur, quickly looking at Guren, worried if he woke her up. Wait. Why was he worried? Was he suddenly animal-friendly? Kanda rolled his eyes at his thoughts as he took a step nearer to the resting girl. He noticed how her eyebrows were furrowing together and her small frame was shaking. Do people sleep like that normally, or was this an animal thing?

Maybe he should wake her up, from whatever she was dreaming about. The older Exorcist reached his hand towards her, but before he could shake her awake, her eyes snapped opened, shocking him. Just a little. She didn't make any motion nor spoke, but stared at the ceiling above her as though in a trance.

"What?" Kanda snapped at her. Like a frightened child, her crimson red flickered to him, staring into his dark blue eyes as she pulled her legs closed to her chest. For a split second, Kanda almost wanted to comfort her. But that idea got scratched out when tears started flooding out of her frightened eyes.

The only sound in the room was her sniffing, while Kanda stood awkwardly, not leaving his spot. Why the fuck was she crying? What? She only noticed that she almost died a few hours back?

"Why am I alive?"

Kanda heard her mumbling the words as he stared at her incredulously. Was she seriously looking for death now, after all the effort he used to save her? Kanda scoffed in reply, thinking about how the crying girl had wasted his time. His irritation only made Guren cried harder that it made him leave the room, to get away from her crying.

Guren looked up at the sound of the door being slammed shut as her frame was still shaking from the vivid memory of her dream. It was so real. And it was the truth that she had been trying to ignore. She's a Host, but soon, she would become part of the Noah clan. She could hear it. She heard her inner Noah speaking, and the other mysterious persona, asking for her not to die yet, for there were greater plans. She was going crazy. Her eyes closed tightly, as she covered her ears with her palms. Why wouldn't time stop? Would things be better if she died? She didn't belong anywhere. The Noah would never forgive her betrayal, and the Black Order would kill her if they knew the truth.

Rummaging through the ends of my soaked memories
I tell myself I can live just as well without you
Even if I try to chill my troubled heart throughout the night
A day without you is so long

No matter how hard she tried to fit in, it always didn't work. Why? Is it because she chose to leave him, to leave this destiny that she was being punished? How she longed to be with the person she loved, but it scares her that he'd hate her for what she had done. She could never forget how he looked at her in her dream. The pair of golden eyes drowning in overwhelming hate.

The atmosphere was tensed within their cabin. It was clear that Kanda was still pissed about Guren's previous emotional outburst. Once in a while, Kanda would glance at the whitehead from the corner of his eyes, just taking note if she were going to cry. She hasn't said a single word since they got on the train. Although he didn't want to admit it, it did worried him as of why the usually bubbly, no, annoying would be the correct word, girl was being so melancholic.

"Do you have someone that you can never forget?" Guren broke the silence first, as she leaned her head on the window, eyes closing slowly. The older Exorcist stared at her, knowing it was merely a statement that didn't required his answer. Kanda thought about her words, as he watched the lotuses bloomed around Guren, something only he could see. He was once loved by a woman, and he vowed to find her back no matter what. Did Guren have someone important to her too? But she was said to be an apprentice of General Cross… Could she have been taken away forcefully by the general like how they did to Lenalee?

I'm in torn in pieces
Will you fix me
And wake me from this bad dream

He watched Guren picked out something from her pocket, a magenta and black butterfly pendant as she stared at it longingly. It wasn't the first time Kanda had seen that pendant. Many times, he had caught her playing with it whenever she was alone. But it was the first time he's seeing such a mature expression on her childish face. For some reason, he really wanted to know who it was that could make her feel that way.

Author's Rant:

Please review so I can know where to improve on. Constructive criticism will be great (: Even though my updates are slow, are really slow, but I can assure you that I won't be giving up on this story unless I state as such. Ah, this chapter was really boring for me, I hate fighting scenes and they seemed so crappy to me. Please accept my apologies.

Third set of Japanese terms used! Momonga means Flying Squirrel, and Usagi is Rabbit!