Hey guys, again sorry! But a longer chapter requires a longer time, and this even more because I had to rewrite it, still I hope you like it.
Okay so, some people had told me that could be nice to read Rhett's point of view; now when I started to write this in first person I did it because of two reasons: the first it's that I wanted this story to be read like a memory being told. And the second; so you could be in place of the principal character, I mean that you can imagine yourselves in place of Blair, that's why I didn't give so much detail to her appearance. But of course this had some disadvantages because I cannot write what the others feel or think exactly, I only can say what she interprets and it could be wrong of course, she can alwys misunderstand.
So the point is that I want to know if you'd like some chapters being told by Rhett's point of view or maybe a general point of view, to know what other characters think too, or something like that. What do you think? Again thank you for waiting, I know it's not funny and I promise I'll try my best to upload faster. Thanks too for your support and your incredible reviews, I love you guys.
Chapter 10
No man of her own
Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
Now you've been talking in your sleep,
Things you never say to me,
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love
...
Somehow things were... complicated to say the least, those days. I didn't have a clue were I was standing with Rhett. And I realized everything changed after Christmas day... That day had been... perfect, at least the last part and I couldn't help but to revive it again and again; our kisses, our cuddling... We felt asleep together and didn't woke up until around three in the morning. I was really alarmed, Aunt Pitty would be furious! She wouldn't let me stay in her house anymore and would send me back to Tara, away from Rhett... I just panicked.
"Oh my God, Rhett! It's three in the morning, I'm so dead!" I cried frantically, jumping out of bed, searching for my shoes on the floor.
"Easy, Scarlett. You're going to have a heart attack."
"I'm having one, thank you very much! Where are my damn shoes?!" I groaned exasperated, bending to look under the bed and I heard him laughed.
"Right here," Rhett said and when I turned to him he was still chuckling, holding in one hand both of my slippers. How could he possibly find this funny? The bastard! Of course, it was my head they were going to chop off, not his. I glared at him, snatching my shoes and sat in the bed to put them on.
"Do you find this funny? Do you have an idea what Melly's family going to think about me when I came to the house at three in the morning?!" I stood and walked to his mirror trying to pull up at least half of my hair.
"I have a pretty good idea, yes," Rhett replied pretty amused, smirking at me on the mirror and I turned to him pretty pissed.
"Rhett! The people are going to think I slept with you! My father will take me home or locked me into a convent!" I shrieked and I had every reason to do it. In this time every tiny innocent thing was scandalous, thanks to him I had already a bad reputation, I couldn't imagine what Scarlett's parents would do to me if they knew I spent almost a night with Rhett.
"I could marry you to save your reputation," He responded sarcastically, giving me one of his white-toothed smirks and I narrowed my eyes, ignoring my heart pounding hard. He was only teasing.
"Oh, don't be funny, would you?" I snapped, sighing pretty stressed. I covered my face with my hands, counting to ten, trying to figure out what to do now. I couldn't wait until the morning to go home.
When I pulled down my hands I was surprised to see Rhett standing in front of me, handing me one of his coats.
"Just calm down, they won't know. Here, it's cold outside," he helped me to slid my arms inside his coat and then took my hand, guiding me to the door. "I'll drive you home in a carriage nobody would identify and you could sneak in."
He took me home as he promised in a carriage from the hotel and we stopped at Aunt Pitty's. Before jumping out I turned to him. It was dark but I could still saw the contour of his face, a very handsome one actually.
"Thank you, Rhett," I whispered leaning to him and hugging him warmly. I felt one of his large hands holding my back.
"Your welcome, darling," he said when I pulled back and before I could do anything, he cupped my cheek and gave me a soft but passionate peck on my lips, and that was enough to get my skin on fire and every fibre on my body electrified. Sweet Jesus, that man would be the death of me, I thought as I sighed opening my eyes. "Merry Christmas," he told me softly and I sighed, relishing on the warm of his hand against my cold cheek and his breath somewhere on my face.
"Merry Christmas," finally I said, extracting myself from his warm embrace to the cold morning and I ran through the dark lawn to the door. Fortunately everyone was sleeping and I could sneak upstairs but holding my breath with each step I took, and praying to God to keep everyone in their rooms.
Fortunately I reached my room without mishaps and I locked the door, letting myself fall on the bed and thinking about the wonderful night I had... I felt asleep wrapped in his coat and my phone in my hand with the picture I had taken of him.
I remember that I came down late to breakfast. I had dark circles under my eyes but I couldn't be more radiant that morning and after a cup of coffee I felt with a lot of energy and almost glowing. I was even kind with Honey and India which was not easy when the two sisters looked at me as if I had came down wearing a slutty cocktail dress instead of a neck to toes lengthened dress.
Later in the day we exchange gifts; I received a silver comb to my hair, two pair of gloves, several ribbons and a fan. I hadn't realized how much expensive was the fan that Rhett gave me until I compared it with this, because I had just assumed all fans in this era were made of ivory and silk or similar elements, but the fan was pretty anyway and I thanked Ashley fo the gift thought I couldn't hide the smirk at his blushed face when he opened my gift.
Rhett came the next day and took my out to a ball. We had fun all night, dancing and talking, everything seemed like other days but... it didn't feel like it. Rhett was like a little distant, he was kind but it felt like a measured type of kindness, I don't know if I'm explaining myself well... His touch was warm but cautious like he were restraining himself. At first I was really confused, what had changed between us? And then it hit me... those three words. I had thought I was dreaming but then I realized I had said them... or he had said them..., that changed us, that changed this... thing between us..., but why? Maybe he said them and he got mad or something because I didn't say them back... not, that was silly, he would have noticed I had felt asleep... Or maybe I say them and he freaked out... maybe he didn't want me that much... but, then again, I wasn't even sure I could say those words since Henry, that bastard. I couldn't say I love you convincingly. Ashley in the library was the proof, I could barely spit the words... No, he must said them, besides Melly told me so, that he was in love with me..., so why he acted distant now? Why he did everything like restricted with me? Why...? I had never been that confused, and I hated it! Boys were easily to read for me, open books I could understand and manipulate to my will... why was Rhett different? I was never sure what happened in his head, dammit.
I sighed and looked outside the train window as the fields passed quickly outside. Rhett wasn't the only one causing me trouble and making me feel sick. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples; Ashley..., oh, dammit Ashley!
The day Ashley and the boys left to rejoin the army was a grey one. Melly was upstairs with Ashley as I said goodbye to the boys.
"So this is goodbye, Miss O'Hara," Peter told me with a defeated sigh and I smiled sweetly to him. I shouldn't have tried to use the boy to make Rhett jealous, it didn't work anyway, I thought a little ashamed of my impulsive side.
"Not yet, when the war is over we'll see each other again," I told him placing a hand over his shoulder and squeezing it lightly, wholeheartedly, and he looked up smiling. I made no promises about waiting for him, no declarations of love, but I did hope they will come out of the war alive. I said goodbye to John and Daniel as well, hugging them friendly. They left the house as Ashley descended the stairs in his grey uniform.
When his eyes met mine his face lighted up a little and he asked me if we could talk in the library. I agreed immediately, thinking that maybe he would like to talk about Melly.
Ashley crossed the library as I closed the doors and when I turned I found him looking outside longingly. I approached him slowly.
"Are you okay, Ashley? What is it?" I asked worried thinking that maybe had to do something with Melly, something bad...
"Yes..., it's just—it's hard to leave now, my dear. It's hard to leve this house and... you," he said sighing and I felt awkward. What to say...?
"Well, I'll be fine... and Aunt Pitty and Melly and Wade... Honey...," the last name was more a spiteful groan.
"You have changed, Scarlett," he told me suddenly and I shrugged looking away.
He approached me until he was just a feet away and place his finger under my chin, lifting my face, his eyes searching mine.
"You have changed so much, my dear... I can't recall you liked to read," I huffed and looked at him frowning.
"I'm not as dumb as you think, Ashley."
"I never thought that you were dumb, Scarlett, but you're so spirited..., I thought that the books bored you," he commented still holding my chin and a shiver ran through my spine... Was my heart racing? Something about Ashley right now was disturbing me.
I breathed deeply trying to calm down. It was just Ashley.
"I do like read... very much," I responded almost challenging. "But it just that, Ashley—" but he interrupt me, shaking his head.
"No, you're—you're more like me than I though," and the way he said it sounded so much like Henry, the look that gave me then was like Henry used to looked at me. My heart ached, the wound opening again, and I felt my eyes burning.
"What's wrong?" Ashley asked frowning, and I just shook my head trying to move away but he placed his other hand in my waist.
"Ashley—" I tried to pull back but so weakly that it was useless. I had to get out... he was like Henry, not physically, but in his hold, in his voice... I was even smelling his aroma. He cupped my chin and made me looked at him again. I wasn't crying, but everything looked blurred and my eyes were moist.
"My dear, it's all right, I will be fine...," he said, not knowing, not understanding.
"Ashley—"
"I think—I think I made a hasty choice, Scarlett."
"What?" I frowned, confused by that. What choice? What was he talking about?
"I think I was hasty with my ma—" he didn't say it, I thought he just couldn't but we knew exactly what he wanted to say and despite everything I just got mad. Melly deserved better, but as the thought crossed my mind, Ashley leaned and his mouth crashed softly mine, his arms pulling me to him tightly.
I was shocked, more than shocked; I was frozen. The fact that he was kissing me wasn't reaching my brain... but again the thought of Henry came and I closed my eyes... and I wasn't kissing Ashley, I was kissing Henry... his smooth lips, burying my hands in his brown wavy hair... but something, something was missing... I didn't feel complete with that kiss like when I kissed Rhett... Rhett, he could swept me off my feet just with a warm look, or the right words. With a soft kiss in my hand he could make the butterflies in my stomach flutter... because I loved him... And then I realized I wasn't kissing Henry, it was Ashley, Ashley... Melly's husband...
Finally I pushed him away as I felt waves of rage and indignation shook me as well as embarrassment and guilt. How could he betray Melly like that? How could make me betray her like that?
"Scarlett—"
"Go," I snapped coldly, turning my back on him and walking to the other side of the room.
"My dear—"
"Don't my dear me, Ashley Wilkes!" I smarted angrily, "just go away, and let's pretend this never happen!"
I didn't know if he blushed or if he was embarrassed or angry or sad... I didn't know. After a few minutes he just walked away, without a goodbye.
Yes, I kissed him... and that thought ate me alive. I couldn't stand being in the same room with Melly anymore... I had betrayed her. Of course I didn't mean to kiss Ashley, I let myself go, thinking about my ex boyfriend, but Ashley won't think it was just because of that. He didn't know it wasn't him I was thinking of when he kissed me... and Rhett, oh, he hated Ashley so much! I couldn't imagine what he would do if he learned about that...
When I came out to the station Gerald O'Hara and Carreen were waiting for me. I almost ran to them hugging first Gerald O'Hara that during a few months had been a father to me, and then Carreen that had been like a sister and the only one knowing the truth about me... but she looked really pale and sad, despite her efforts to smile at me and I guess that it was because of Brent. I felt really sorry for her and held her close, wrapping my arm around her shoulders as we went to the carriage.
Gerald asked me about Atlanta and I started to tell them about the crowded city and balls, about everything I had seen with Rhett but not including his name or participation in the tale.
"So you did have a good trip, Katie Scarlett," Gerald said smiling, "we have missed you terribly."
"Thank you, Pa, I missed you too," and it was true. I had missed them and sometimes I wished they could be with me in Atlanta but I knew it was safer for them to be at Tara with the war coming.
I spent a very happy weekend with them, riding and walking through the plantation, even bearing Mammy's endlessly scold that a lady shouldn't ride a horse with a leg on each side, and frowning at my argument that I didn't want to break my neck yet.
I ignored Suellen of course, and she ignored me... part of the time, but I had gained a very dark humor thanks to Rhett, and I teased her as much as he did with me. The result; Suellen glaring at me, yelling that I wasn't her sister and that I should have stayed at Atlanta.
But Carreen was awfully quiet and kind of avoiding me. Finally I had the chance to find her alone in the fields as I returned with Scarlett's horse from a ride. She was sitting in the lawn, looking really broken. I tied down the horse to a tree before approaching her.
"What's wrong, Carreen?" I asked her sitting in the grass next to her. It was then when I realized she had been crying and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"Oh, honey..."
"I—I miss Brent, Blair. I miss him so much..., it wasn't fair," she sobbed burying her face in my shoulder and I patted her back. Knowing that both twins had died was hard for me too, but she had known him longer and she had been in love with Brent... I just couldn't imagine the pain.
"I know... that's all what the wars do, take out beloved away just for stupid reasons," I just said. I couldn't tell her that she mustn't cry, she should... she should cry all that pain away.
"They do..., I feel so lost, so hurt..., I don't want to live anymore," she mumbled, crying harder.
"Don't say that, Carreen," I responded tightening my hold.
"But Blair, he was the love of my life... I've been thinking of—of moving to a convent—"
"What? Now you're just being ridiculous!" I said pulling back and looking at her swollen eyes.
"Ridiculous?! How can you say that? I loved him—!" she cried.
"Yes, Carreen, loved! But he's gone and you need to move on. He wouldn't like to see you like that, Brent would like you to move on, to find a new love. I know you're hurt and you're lost, but believe me that the wound would heal. Maybe you would have a scar but you'll be able to love someone else, and when you do you'll be so happy Carreen because there's no another girl more sweet or kind, and you're beautiful. You will find a perfect boy and you will marry him and have a beautiful family."
She sobbed and looked up at me.
"Do you really think so?" she asked and I smiled at her kindly.
"Of course I do, I know you're strong and you deserve better than to cry on a convent."
She sobbed a little more but she looked calmer. I had no siblings but with her I felt like she was my real sister and I would protect her. I let her cry until she was better, tears still were streaming down her face, but she looked serene. Slowly she looked up to me.
"Have you lost someone, Blair?" she asked me suddenly. I looked at her sad eyes and nodded lightly feeling a lump in my throat.
"My dad... at first I though I will never be happy again, I thought I couldn't bear it... but then I realized that he wouldn't like me to do it, that he would like to see me happy."
She stared at me before smiled slowly.
"Thank you, Blair. I'm glad you're here," she told me and her warm and sweetness touched my heart. She reminded me of my best friend, and my cousin, even my mother. Carreen felt like family.
After a while I convinced her to return home and we walked back slowly, next to the horse.
"Don't you miss Scarlett?" I asked her when we were reaching the house, and looked at her with curiosity. I didn't know really how closed she had been with he sister.
"Sometimes, but then you fight with Suellen or Mammy and it's like she was here," she gave a little smirk and I laughed, pushing her softly.
"Oh, shut up."
It was almost night when I arrived to Atlanta the February 2nd and I was completely exhausted. I just wanted to come to the house, let me fall on my bed and sleep until the next day... but then a surprise awaited me in the station, making my need of getting to bed fade away immediatedly.
Rhett was waiting for me, handsome as ever in one of his grey suits using the ascot I had given him in Christmas and with a bouquet of peonies in hand. I was completely surprised and a smile crept on my face, suddenly forgetting his recently odd behaviour and the problems with Ashley.
He crossed quickly the station to me and handed me the bouquet.
"Here, my darling... Let me tell you that the bonnet you're wearing it's very lovely. Whoever gave it to you has a such good taste," I smirked at him chuckling because indeed, I was wearing the green bonnet he had brought to me from Paris.
"Yes he has a wonderful taste, in the gifts and in the people he gives them to... well, some of the people," I responded cheeky dragging a long laugh from him and he shook his head.
"Vanity and pride are in fact synonyms to you, right my dear?" he asked me, placing his hands in his pants pockets and raising his eyebrows, the corner of his lips curling up mischievously.
I opened wide my eyes, recognizing half of the quote, and smirked wider.
"I knew you will like Jane Austen!" I exclaimed with a knowing smile and he chuckled.
"Then I think I'll have to honor our wager and gave you that kiss—" he walked forward to me but I placed a hand in his chest, stepping back out of his reach.
"Very clever, you varmint. Why don't you do something useful instead and help me with my baggage?"
He smiled wider and made a bow chuckling all the time. Then took my luggage and offered me his free arm. I curled my arm in his as we walked away from the platform.
"How was your trip, my dear?" he asked me, as he crossed the crowd.
"It was great, Rhett. I missed my family so much," I responded and he nodded staring at me as he where searching for something.
"Rhett, did Aunt Pitty really sent you to pick me up?" I asked him, cocking an eyebrow and I saw his mouth twisting up in a smile.
"Well—"
"Miz Scarlett!" Uncle Peter strong voice called and I saw the old man walking to us, looking at Rhett suspiciously. Uncle Peter extended his arms and took my luggage from his hand a little rudely.
"Dis way, Miz Scarlett," he told me, eyeing Rhett with distrust and both followed him, holding back our laugh.
"I have the feeling he will not let you in the carriage with me," I whispered to him, teasingly and he widened his smile.
"I have my ways, my dear."
"Yes, sure. I want to see that," I responded sarcastically.
After a thousand excuses and Uncle Peter assuring Rhett he will hear everything going on, he let him in the carriage. We rode back to Aunt Pitty's house exchanging news and anecdotes. I was so happy because he acted like his old self not restraining and I was carried away easily.
After several laughs I saw a letter peeking out from Rhett's coat and took it.
"What is this?" I asked him but I opened it and started to read before he could say anything. For a moment I thought he would be mad or outraged but he just chuckled and let me read.
I scrunched my nose because the letter started with 'Rhett, darling...', but he seemed to read my mind because he added smiling:
"It's a letter from my sister," he said. Oh, right...
Apparently Rosemary was in Paris and sent Rhett her love and congratulations for his birthday.
I looked surprised at him, and felt something uneasy. Why he hadn't told me?
"It's your birthday?"
"Actually it was yesterday," he responded easily, taking the letter from my hands, folding it and keeping it on his coat.
"Why you didn't tell me?" I asked him, frowning. Did that mean he didn't trust me? He just shrugged, his blank and retrain expression in place and my heart constricted painfully.
"I couldn't wish you a happy birthday or gave you a present," I told him trying to not sound hurt but I was.
"You didn't need to do it," Rhett responded easily, cocking an eyebrow staring at me again.
"But I would have wanted to do it."
He stared at me and slowly smiled. That was the warm and sweet smile he had only used on Christmas, the one that melted my heart and made me look like a lovesick puppy. He lifted his hand caressing my cheek with the back of it and I closed my eyes, trying to keep some of the warm of his hand in my body as shivers ran down my spine at his touch. Suddenly and softly, his lips touched mine. It was brief, but erected every and each hair in my body, and spreaded something warm in my chest.
"Don't worry, my darling, this is better than any gift you could possibly have gotten me," he told me with his white grin, caressing my chin. He winked at me then and I rolled my eyes smiling, feeling my heart pounding painfully quickly.
"How old are you now, Rhett?" I asked with curiosity. I knew he was older than me; he had already some wrinkles but it was funny that I barely noticed them.
"I turned thirty-five, my dear," he responded cocking an eyebrow. "I hope you don't find me very old." Oddly, I didn't. For me he was younger than he actually was.
"No...,"I responded and then smirked at him. "Not so much, anyway," I teased him and he burst in laugh.
"You heartless woman."
March came and Melly found out that she was pregnant which didn't help to my nauseous feeling of guilt and anger towards Ashley. He had been with Melly... and still he kissed me and told me he had second thoughts about his marriage... that ass! There was no other words for him. Not even Rhett would do something so... no, I wasn't sure anymore what Rhett would do or not. It was like if suddenly, after he had put down all his shields, he had not only lifted them all again, but add new ones. The man was impenetrable for me now, I wasn't sure if he was really glad to see me or it was pretending or if he spent time with me because he wanted or had another reasons... On Christmas I hadn't any doubt he loved me... but I wasn't sure anymore.
However Rhett, Ashley and Melly suddenly turned the least of my problems as the war approached Atlanta with his cloud of death and devastation above.
The Yankees were fighting the Confederates only a few miles from the city and day and night we could hear the cannons rang in the air, shaking Atlanta's foundations. Nobody said it but everyone was scared to death, and had to act as they didn't hear any sound of the battle, praying for the Yankees to not win this battle.
The work at the hospital was more and more each passing day and I couldn't find excuses to not go. I knew they were men dying and despite my selfishness I made myself go with Melly, Aunt Pitty and Honey to help.
One night I came home really sick, the smell of death and blood still cringing to my nostrils and I went to sit at the porch to calm down my nerves. I close my eyes and tried to relax, but the boom of the cannons dressing the air made me feel more and more uneasy.
I didn't know how much time had passed when I heard the clack of a horse hooves coming from the street and when I opened my eyes, I saw Rhett jumping off his horse, coming to me. But he was not smiling nor smirking; he was serious and I could see bad news written over his face.
"Scarlett."
Instantly I stood up and walked to him.
"Rhett, what's wrong?"
"I'm afraid I have some bad news, my dear," he said taking off his Panama hat and I felt my stomach twisted.
"What is it?"
"It seems that Ashley Wilkes is lost in action," he said carefully. I looked up at him with widened eyes feeling now really sick. He stared at me carefully, his mask only showing seriousness. As I tried to digest the information I thought why Rhett had come to tell me that and then I realized he hadn't came for me but for Melly. But she couldn't know, she had been very fragile those days because of her pregnancy. I didn't it was a good idea let her know her husband was missing.
"You can't tell Melly, Rhett!"
"Is her husband, Scarlett. You can't keep this from her," he said matter-of-factly.
"She's pregnant, Rhett, and she's delicate... something like this could hurt her so much and the baby too."
"But if Ashley Wilkes is dead—"
"Don't say that Rhett," I cut him off frowning. "Melly and his baby need Ashley more than ever... Just let's be positive, let's hope Ashley it's just lost, or wounded in some hospital but getting better—"
"You're too positive, my dear," Rhett told me and for once he was not mocking about that, he just looked at me with an expression I couldn't identify.
"What options we had in these times, Rhett?"
A week later, after the third time I fainted at the hospital when I saw a sectioned arm, Aunt Pitty, Melly and Honey let me stay at home, taking Aunt Pitty's maid with them but letting me to take care of Wade.
I watched him as I would have watched any Yankee soldier coming into the town; with fear, with challenge and hate... well, hate wasn't the right word, more like disgust, or contempt. There was something about little kids I just couldn't bear; all always seemed so sticky, and dirty, and loud and silly, always running around, bumping into things and persons, being a danger to themselves and the ones looking after them. And for the same reason I had never been with Wade that long, or just the two alone, there was always Melanie, or Aunt Pitty, or Uncle Henry to save me from taking care of the toddler... but now, I was all alone.
I decided to stay on the library; it was safer than to risk him to fall down from the stairs since he could walk now. I tried to read but I was constantly putting down my book to see what he was doing.
After the fifth time I gave up, I closed the book and watched him bumping around the room making noises and holding up a wooden little cart that Uncle Henry had given to him. Suddenly the kid changed of direction and his blue bright eyes saw a China vase in the top of a table and decided it was prettier. He started to run to it but I was faster and took the vase placing it on top of the mantle piece, far and safe from his sticky and dangerous hands.
Wade stared at me with a pout and pointed the vase.
"Ta!" he demanded.
"No, way, little monster. Play with your cart, instead," I replied, crossing my arms but it was the wrong answer because his eyes started to fill with crocodile tears and started crying as if I had just thrown him from the second floor. His cries were so loud and got into my nerves quickly. I picked up his cart and tried to make him play and I tried to tickled him but he just cried louder if that was possible.
"Oh, please, hush!" I pledge him but he threw himself to the floor and I barely had time to catch him before his head hit the floor. Wade started to twist in my arms and I had to lie him down on the floor and watch him cry and roll over the floor, powerless.
"Come on, Wade. There's prettier things... hum, look!" I crossed the room to another toy that Rhett had bought to him and handdled it to him but he just knocked it off from my hand and cried louder.
"Shut up!" I cried, losing my temper and the kid gave a bloodcurdling loud cry. I stomped to the kitchen, looking for his disgusting slurry thing that babies and toddlers ate those days and added milk and lemon to it, scrunching up my nose.
I would never had kids, I decided there. If my husband tried to touch me without protection I would cut his fingers off.
I heard some steps and saw Wade stomping into the kitchen and almost dropped the bowl that I was holding. If a kitchen in my time was dangerous to little kids, a kitchen in that era was a deathtrap.
I placed the bowl in over the oven and rushed to him, but the kid thinking I was playing, ran to the other side pretty quickly to barely know how to run.
"No, Wade! Come back here!" I cried panicked when he stumbled to the spinning wheel. But before I could catch him, he went under the table and I had to surround the table as Wade collided with another table and a knife fell going directly to the toddler.
"WADE!" I stop thinking and threw myself, wrapping my arms around the kid and moved him barely in time. The wide butcher knife fell and stabbed the floor, barely scratching my arm.
"Oh my God! OH MY FREAKING GOD!" I cried instinctively because for a split of second I thought that thing was going to pierce my arm. But Wade startled from my actions and my scream, started to cry again.
"Yeah, you cry, it's not like you almost had your arm pierced!" I yelled at him, standing up without letting go the kid and picked him up. I took the bowl and a spoon with the other and left the damn room with the scare of my life.
I sat Wade on the couch as he cried again and took a spoon full of that gruel and lifted to his mouth but he turned his head crying harder.
"Come on, Wade!" but the toddler slapped at the spoon throwing at the couch, staining it with the pasty food.
"This is not true!" I was seriously about to cry when someone call at the door and I walked slowly, watching Wade carefully.
I yanked the door opened and scowling at the intruder.
Rhett, who else, was at the door with a bouquet of peonies in hand. Other day his image would be comforting and I would have thrown myself at his arms but tonight...
"What do you want?!" I snapped annoyed. His eyes roamed through my body and I realized I must looked disheveled. His surprised was replaced by amusement and a smirk curved up his lips.
"Has someone attacked you, my dear? Or you're trying to kill Wade?" he asked when his cries went louder.
I glowered at him and was tempted to close the door in his face.
"I'm not in the mood, Rhett," I snapped again, turning around and walking to the library. He followed me quickly, closing the door behind him. But when I came into the room Wade had turned the bowl into the couch and was smearing the paste into the cushions.
"Oh my...! No, Wade!" I yelled running to the toddler and picked him from the couch. I glared at him. "You cannot smear...!" but his tiny hands splashed that sticky and warm thing against my cheek and I just froze angry and disgusted.
Rhett coarse laugh filled the room and Wade started to laugh with him too. I actually was seeing red in that moment and thought I wouldn't mind if they hanged me for have murdered Rhett.
"Stop laughing, you jerk! You think it's funny?! Who do you think will have to clean all this mess?!" I yelled at him placing Wade down. The toddler once free of my arms ran to Rhett who picked him easily and I glowered at them.
"Scarlett, he's just a kid—"
"He's not just a kid!" I pointed Wade angrily. "I think the Devil just came to Earth in the form of that child and it's trying to kill me! Oh, don't dare laugh, Rhett Butler, you don't know what I'm capable of now!"
"And I don't intend to find out, my dear. Why don't let me help you?" He offered with a smirk, chuckling. I had the urge to kick him out of the house but on the other hand I will be free of the kid.
"Fine, anything to stay away from that kid!"
His coarse laugh rang again but Wade started to cry.
"Have you fed him?" Rhett asked me and I almost thrown the bowl at his head but instead I pointed the stained couch.
"That was supposed to be his meal... and I had to do it while discovering the kitchen is a deadly trap where he could easily kill me!"
Again his laugh finished my statement, turning my predicament into a joke.
"Well you shouldn't let him in, my dear."
"And how I supposed to know that?" I narrowed my eyes at his laugh.
"Don't the mothers supposed to teach all these things to their daughters?" He asked not caring at all that Wade had decided to paint with the gruel his ascot and I scrunched up my nose.
"No, they only teach you how to catch a husband acting like a stupid doll and fainting around!" I snapped turning around and started to remove the paste from the cushions with the spoon and put it back in the bowl.
Rhett chuckled behind me.
"You didn't attend those classes either, do you, my dear?"
I glared at him and without say anything I stomped to the kitchen leaving the bowl over the table and took a cloth. As Rhett played with Wade I tried to clean the couch in vain and when I gave up, I went upstairs to wash my face and fixed my hair.
When I was walking down the stairs, I heard a chirpy shaky laugh next to a deep coarse one. I stop in my tracks listening Rhett laughing with little Wade and despite my tiredness and my annoyance those simple sounds warmed my heart.
I entered the library and l smiled when I found the great Rhett Butler sat in the floor with his crossed legs, playing with Wade. He said things to Wade too excited but he always dragged out a smile or a laugh from the toddler.
Despite his recent behaviour and the pain that caused me, I couldn't help but falling yet again for the man. And in that moment, as he played with Wade as he would have played with his son, I found myself falling heels over head. God, I even imagined my eyes with heart-shaped iris, popping at him.
And in that perfect little moment I felt it. As Rhett played and laughed with Wade I felt it; the maternal feeling, for first time... And for lame it could sound, I actually imagined, instead of Wade, a pretty little boy with dark hair, a mini Rhett, in a different room, full of toys... a nursery.
"Hey," Rhett's voice startled me and I blushed, trying to erase all my thoughts about having a son with him. God, what was wrong with me? That was so lame...!
"Hey, why don't you came and play with us?" Rhett offered me and I almost said no, remembering the disaster in the kitchen...
"I'm not sure," I said but, incredibly Wade looked up with a bright toothless smile, reaching his arms to me babbling nonsense. Again that feeling return a little stronger and I almost, almost understood why people like babies and children.
"He wants you," Rhett told me and when I turned to him I saw that look in his eyes. The one warm and bright that made my heart gone wild and said yes to everything he asked. The look he hadn't given me in weeks, the one that pierced my barriers and pulled at my heart, urging me to enter the room and sat next to them.
Wade, after a time, of course, got bored with the toys and started to run around, but now with Rhett it wasn't a nightmare trying to catch him, but fun. On one occasion, on the hall Rhett's feet slid on the floor and his large body fell comically. Wade burst into a adorably laugh that made us both laugh. We played hide and seek, me hiding with Wade, trying that the baby didn't reveal our hideout with squeals, and even managed to feed him without ruining another piece of furniture.
At the end we ended sitting on the floor as the couch was smeared with baby caudle, completely exhausted. Wade nested in my arms, finally falling asleep with his little head resting against my chest, melting my heart. Who had thought that only a couple of hours ago I was thinking about killing him? The baby had stolen my heart.
"Finally," I whispered to Rhett smiling, who was sitting next to me so close that our arms rested against each other. "I thought he would never fall asleep."
"Hmmm," it was his only answer and I turned to him as he opened quickly his eyes. I supressed my laugh, stretching a smirk.
"Don't tell me a little kid worn out the great, Rhett Butler," I teased and he narrowed his eyes.
"I'm not tired," he protested and I chuckled, resting my head against his shoulder and he moved his arm to wrap it around my shoulders.
"Sure," I said, closing my eyes just for a moment... but before I realized it, I had felt asleep.
...
Later that day, after everyone was home and Rhett had left, Melly told me that she returned to the house early in the afternoon for something that she had forgotten and saw us asleep in the library.
I though then she would blush and tell me it wasn't proper but she was smiling and looked happy.
"What didn't you wake up us, Melly?" I asked a little embarrassed myself, I didn't want Melly to think wrong things about me.
"I couldn't possibly had done it, darling. You look so adorable, it was like... a little family."
But that peaceful day on February was the last.
Rhett left a week later to run another blockade and he didn't tell me until the same day he was leaving. I demanded him why he hadn't told me either and he just said that he hadn't to respond to me. He left so abruptly after that, leaving me so angry and hurt that I threw the bouquet of peonies he had brought me at his head while he was still walking away.
March came with even more work at the hospital. I had to learn to hold my breath and carry on each time I saw a dying man in pieces. I felt faint but I kept conscious as I had to bind up chopped arms and legs, cover bodies with blankets, and nurse the dying men with missing limbs.
It was like hell; an endless hell, but it was just starting.
As Melly grew bigger she had to stay less in the hospital and more in the house; she was so fragile and got ill so easily. I felt guilty to keep the truth about Ashley from her, for all we knew he might be dead... but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't when I saw Melly's bright eyes filing with tears, praying to God to keep Ashley alive... and because I was troubled by his kiss too. I still felt that I had betrayed her trust.
I didn't even remember my birthday until three days later. It was strange to turn eighteen twice, but I knew I wasn't returning to my era and Scarlett's body was eighteen so I was too. And even when I turned older, I felt younger and more naïve and helpless, I just wanted to return to my house with my mother, even to Tara with Ellen and Gerald and Carreen. I wanted Rhett back safe so I could kiss him and hold him again, despite his suddenly coldness... I wanted so many things and I could just have so little.
It was the last day of July and it was a black one; not only the explosions near the city sounded louder and closer but I received a letter from Tara. Ellen wrote to let me know that Carreen had fallen ill with Typhoid and my blood froze. I knew in this era diseases like that could be mortal and more because they didn't knew yet the causes or how to prevent it.
I felt the urge to run to the train station directly to Tara but Ellen begged me to not do it because Yankees were near of the railroad, so I had to stay in Atlanta with thousand thoughts running in my head of what could be happening there.
I was outside in the dark porch looking into the nothingness when a metallic click snapped me out of my thoughts and Rhett emerged from the shadows.
"What are you doing here alone, Scarlett?" he asked me climbing the stairs to me as if I had seen him about six days ago and not six months, and our farewell had been friendly. But I actually didn't care. I didn't care he had been an ass when he left and that he had grew cold to me, I was just so incredibly happy to see him.
"Rhett, you came back!" I said standing quickly and literally throwing myself to his arms. He froze for a moment and I was afraid he would push me away, but slowly his arms evolved me and I sighed out of relief. We stood like that for a moment, myself relishing on his company that had been gone for months.
"This mean you were worried about me?" Rhett responded, his mouth somewhere in my hair.
"Yes, you selfish bastard! I missed you," I responded nuzzling his neck and heard him laugh, tightening his hold on me. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered happily again with his kindness.
Softly Rhett pulled back and stared at my face for a moment as if I were an intriguing paper and I frowned worried, thinking he was going to be cold and distant again, but he lifted a hand and tapped delicately the frown in my face.
"What's wong?" he asked and I didn't answer immediately. He had been so changed that I didn't know if I could trust him with my feelings anymore...
"I'm worried about Carreen...," it was technically the truth, I was very worried about her too. "My mother sent a letter saying she's ill with Typhoid and urging me to not going because I may have fallen ill as well—"
"She's right."
"But she's my sister, she's my friend! I cannot let her when she needs me more... What if—something happens?" I asked weakly. I didn't even want to imagine something happening to her... and in the movie Ellen died... What had happened to my plan about fixing things? Suddenly I was powerless, even knowing what was going to happen, but sometimes things happened before or different.
Rhett surprised me again, taking me by my hand and pulling me against his chest for then wrapping his arms around me, securing me in his warm embrace and just that made me feel a little better and safe.
"Everything is going to be fine," he said tucking my head under his chin.
"How can you be so sure?" I pouted, resting my head on his chest, inhaling his essence; that soothing masculine and fresh mix of peppermint and fine whisky and cigar.
"What about being positive?" he teased me and I smacked his chest, playfully. He burst in laugh, pulling away and taking my hand to kiss it. The damned electricity current that ran through my body each time he touched me, burnt me again.
"Come on, let's get you inside before you fall ill too," Rhett said pulling me into the house. I knew it wasn't right to allow men in the house so late and without chaperone and blah blah blah, but I hadn't seen him in six months and I'd been scared to death about him, and I loved him, so...
I took him to the library after he left in the hall's hanger his coat and hat.
"Is Melly or Aunt Pitty in here?" he asked.
"Aunt Pitty's and Honey are at the hospital and Melly's sleeping. I stayed to check on her."
Rhett nodded as he sat on the loveseat and I sat next to him.
"Is she all right?"
I tried to gulp the lump in my throat.
"She's trying..."
"She's going to be fine. She has you," he assured me kindly and I smiled at him even if I didn't believe at all.
Silence felt but it wasn't awkward nor forced, but calm and soothing and I closed my eyes for a moment.
Rhett suddenly reached for my hand, startling me and turned it over, pressing his lips into my palm. That suddenly love-like gesture took me off guard and I fought back the urge to kiss him. Mesmerized I watched him kissing each inch of skin, his warm mouth leaving a trace of fire behind and his moustache tickling my skin deliciously. Why? Why?! What was wrong with him? Why he was sweet and in the next moment cold? Why he had to change so much?
His touch became too much to bear; it was so... so amazing, and mesmerizing, and sweet, and I would end doing it something completely unladylike if he didn't stop. I tried to snatch my hand but he held it tighter.
"Don't pull away, I won't hurt you," he told me looking up at me with a soft smile and warm eyes. I could barely find my voice.
"Hurt me? I'm not afraid of you, Rhett... or of any man in shoe leather, for that matter," I said sarcastically, smirking at him but the truth was I was really scared, because I loved him and now he had the power to destroy me just with one word, one action...
"Scarlett, you do like me, don't you?" I was taken by surprise and my heart started to pound and a deep blush creeping in my cheeks, betraying any refusal so I tried to make my response like a joke.
"Sometimes, when you're acting like you were a gentleman," I responded as easily as possible and smirking even when my heart was beating in my ears. Like you? Oh God, I love you Rhett, dammit..., but I couldn't say that. "But then of course, you do something that reminds me that you're really a varmint—"
He laughed again and held the palm of my hand against his hard cheek, not helping me at all.
"I think you like me because I am a varmint. You've known so few dyed-in-the-wool varmints in your sheltered life that my very difference holds a quaint charm for you."
"Your difference does hold something but I'm not quite sure it's charm," I teased, snatching my hand from his warm grip and raising my eyebrows at him smirking. He laughed, moving closer to me.
"I see you're not babysitting tonight," he commented, smirking sweetly at me and I smiled back.
"No, Wade's asleep, thank's God. Just... let's hope it'll stay that way until Honey returns...," I sighed dramatically and he chuckled. "I surely don't know what I'm going to do when Melly's baby is born... Ashley must hurry to return home...," I stopped death in the phrase, Ashley's name bringing bad memories and a embarrassed blush crept in my cheeks.
"You're still hoping he's alive?" his questions was sharp and when I turned to him I saw with horror that his mask had fallen in place.
"Rhett, hush...," I asked him, not wanting Melly could hear at any cost, it would just upset her.
"You haven't told Mrs. Wilkes yet? Scarlett, she deserves to know—"
"I know," I interrupted him sharply and his look turned hard, "but I can't tell her now. She's sick and pregnant, Rhett, and I would feel awkward talking about—," I stopped there and looked away quickly, furious with myself. I was used to be so honest with Rhett that I almost had told him...
"Pray tell, Scarlett," he said harshly, "why would you feel awkward talking with Mrs. Wilkes about her husband?"
"I didn't mean that," I said rasing from the couch and turning my back to him but he stood up too.
"Oh but you did," he continued ruthless, "and for that cowardly and guilty look you have, I would say something happen between you and Mr. Wilkes," he practically spat. I didn't answer or turned but that was answer enough to him.
"Why, you have some nerve, Scarlett! Fooling around with Mr. Wilkes with his wife around—"
"I did not fool around with him!" I snapped as angry as him, turning to him. His face was a blank mask but his eyes were burning. "He—he kissed me."
I responded looking at the floor, wrinkling my hands nervously.
"He kissed you, huh? And you didn't kiss him back?" my damn blush again spoke for me.
"I see, you kissed him back. Do you realize that still counts as adulteration, don't you?" his cruel mocked was a slap to my face and I looked at him furiously.
"It wasn't like that!"
"No? Didn't you enjoy the kiss?"
"I—," that tiny bit of hesitation betray me. I did, I enjoyed the kiss, but because I thought I was kissing someone else.
Rhett's laugh rang in the empty room but it sounded forced and mean.
"You little hypocrite, how can you face each day, Miss Melly?"
I looked away feeling suddenly very dizzy. He was not only hurting me but humiliating me too.
"That's what I like about you, Scarlett. You're practical and selfish like me, and don't give a damn about the others as well as you're fine."
I shook my head.
"No," I was selfish, all right but it wasn't like that. Rhett comment made me feel like... like a whore, a cold heartless one.
"Yes, but don't be like that. I like you for you are charming and talented at many useless accomplishments. But many ladies have charm and accomplishments and are just as useless as you are."
I turned to him, trying to steel myself. I wouldn't let him hurt me even more, but his words were puzzling. He had just managed to compliment and insult me in the same phrase.
"And I like you because I have those same qualities in me and like begets liking. I realize you still cherish the memory of the godlike and wooden-headed Mr. Wilkes, who's probably been in his grave these six months—"
"Rhett—!"
"But there must be room in your heart for me too, Scarlett," I looked up at him completely dumbfounded. Had he just said... what I thought he said? Wasn't he angry because of Ashley's kiss?
"I am making you a declaration. I have wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you, in the hall of Twelve Oaks, when you were bewitching poor Charlie Hamilton and every other man there. I want you more than I have ever wanted any woman—and I've waited longer for you than I've ever waited for any woman."
I wasn't certain but I though he had just proposed. Could it be? Could it be he had forgiven me? That it had been just the heat of the moment that made him said those hurtful things? But... I had never expect to receive a proposal at eighteen! I wasn't even sure what to say... but then it must be true he did love me! I felt my heart pounding furiously. I wasn't ready to marry but I could start telling him the truth. That was it. I would ask him time, assuring him my love and then I would tell him the truth, my real name, everything! He will probably get mad a little but then we could be together and everything will be perfect... But he didn't say anything else, just stared at me expecting. I though I should say something, so I asked the most obvious thing:
"Are you asking me to marry you?"
"Good Lord, no! Didn't I tell you I wasn't a marrying man?" He responded easily with a disdain smirk, and I felt my heart cracking. His comment was another slap, another painful slap and the words just came out of my mouth.
"But... don't you love me?" his smirk widened cruelly and he laughed.
"Of course not, from where did you get that idea, my dear?"
"I—I thought—On Christmas day, you said—you said you did."
"I did not say such a thing my dear! You should be elated by the book you read and the place you were in, perhaps. You're not the first woman who thinks I loved her when she's on my bed. I don't love you and I pity the man who does."
A real slap would have been less painful and I didn't even had the courage to get mad.
"But then..., what, what did you mean—?"
"Dear," he said quietly, "I am complimenting your intelligence by asking you to be my mistress without having first seduced you."
That was it, he finally threw the last dagger and I heard clearly my heart crashing into thousand pieces, falling all over the place.
Rhett just looked at me with an amused grin as he hoped I would just burst in laugh telling him how funny he was and asked him when he wanted to deflower me. I hoped to felt rage, to feel such an anger that I would kick him out and hit him with every heavy object my hand laid on... but the reality was that his statement was a slap at my face. I felt like I had just lent him my heart and told him to be careful with it and he had stomped on it, laughing over it. I felt crushed and I started to feel dizzy, I started to see black stains..., I heard his laugh louder and louder, joining another laugh that haunted me since last year.
I turned my back on him, feeling my whole body shaking and the floor breaking beneath my feet...
"What did I do to you, Rhett?" I asked him in a whisper. "Why do you think you can treat me like that?"
He didn't answer immediately and I felt the whole room starting to spin.
"Scarlett?" his hand touched mine and it felt like an iron burning my hand painfully.
"Don't," I responded sharply, snatching my hand and nesting it in my chest which felt tight and oppressive... And I saw him, I saw his face... his brown hair and square jaw and sparkling green eyes, smiling at me. I thought he had loved me..., I remembered Ashley kiss, how I thought Ashley was him... and I had craved it, I had stupidly craved it...
My sigh was blurrier more and more. I had to hold onto the back of my chair. I needed air, I needed fresh air..., I started to hyperventilate.
"Scarlett?" I felt his hand now on my shoulder, his voice no longer mocking, actually sounding concerned but I didn't care. It was his fault, he hurt me and kept doing it... I shrugged off his hand.
"Don't! Juts get out! Get out!" I managed to say firmly and coldly but I seriously couldn't breath. I walked quickly to a window but the floor moved beneath my feet and I stumbled falling on a table, knocking off a lamp and a vase before falling to the floor.
"SCARLETT!" His warm arms wrapped me, pulling me to his chest and his embrace felt oppressive instead of safe as always I had felt it; it felt wrong.
"GET OFF!" I yelled with all the strength I was capable of and I couldn't hold back my tears. At te same time I was chocking because of the corset...
"Scarlett—"
"Let me go! Get out, Get out! I don't want to see you again! I will never forgive you! I hate you! I HATE YOU!" I could barely breathe but I didn't care, I yelled as loud as possible, turning my head to not see him, but instead I saw images I had only seen in past nightmares... the same nightmares that had been gone since I met Rhett were coming again stronger...
'What's this?!'
'Blair, babe, don't go'
'Don't go? You're married! How can you do this to me?!'
'But I still love you. Come on, she doesn't have to know...'
"...complimenting your intelligence by asking you to be my mistress without having first seduced you..."
"I don't love you and I pity the man who does..."
"Scarlett!"
"Good God!"
"Oh my God, what did you do to her?!"
Melly, Honey and Aunt Pitty's voices came to me.
"I can't breathe...," I choked, the black starting to invade my vision. "I can't..."
And everything turned black and I let myself fall in the warm and cold embrace of Rhett.
When I woke up I was at my bedroom and Rhett was gone. Doctor Meade, Melly and Aunt Pitty where there and their faces lightened up when they saw me awake but I didn't hear a thing they said, I just curled up and let my tears fell.
This is what I'd been afraid of since that day at the library of Twelve Oaks. This is what I put an extra shield over my heart but Rhett made his way through it with gifts and sweet words and kisses and when he came there he only crushed my heart... Why? I wasn't sure... maybe he still believed I was in love with Ashley and it was his revenge or maybe he had only tried to humiliate me... I didn't know and I didn't care...
I barely ate the next days and I refused to talk to anybody but I shook my head when Aunt Pitty suggested with tears in her eyes, that Rhett had tried to force his way on me... No, he hadn't but it hurt more.
Maybe it was just the karma, maybe it was for all those boys I had treated like pets or pawns or servants... I remembered their crushed faces when I changed them for better guys because they didn't have a car, or because they were so needy, or because they had feelings for me... Yes, maybe that was karma saying it wasn't good to be a bitch...
Since I could remember I liked to live in films; in great dramatic romances, knowing exactly how was going to end and that it was going to be happy, and this past year I've been living in a movie, in a bubble. I thought that was why I didn't feel that painful the lost of my friends and my family; because I had the illusion that no matter what Rhett would be there. But now that cloth that had covered my eyes had been lifted and I could see the reality where I lived. And it wasn't easy; there was people fighting outside the city, there was people in the hospital dying and until Melly could give birth to his child, we could not leave, not even when I knew Atlanta was going to be burned down. So I promised myself I would take care of Melly, I wouldn't let her die, I would finally look after the people who had been taking care of me.
At the fifth day, I decided it was enough. I ate my breakfast and then I asked Prissy to help me to dress. It was time to stop being pathetic and whiny, I wasn't that type of girl, anyway. A war was coming and I needed to take care of the people around me, not crying over him.
I wear some bright color, I let my curls down and I joined Melly to the hospital. Before left the room I took Rhett's coat and his handkerchiefs.
When I came down and entered the parlor I had to blink twice because it looked like a flower shop. There were several bouquets of peonies in different colors and in different type of vases.
"What is all this, Melly?" I asked her confused and she wrinkled her hands.
"They're from Captain Butler, darling... for you," I thought my hear couldn't be more hurt but life proved me wrong. "He had been sent them and I didn't know what to do—"
"Throw them away, Melly," I responded coldly, "or give them to some charity, I don't care."
"Scarlett, darling—"
"And another thing," I handled her the coat and the handkerchiefs and she took them surprised. "Would you be so kind to return these to Captain Butler? Please tell him to leave me alone, for good."
I couldn't find out when it's Rhett's birthday, and I think it's never mentioned just the year, so I used Clark Gable's birthday. I know the part babysitting Wade could be a little clichéd, but I wanted something funny and light because it's not exactly a happy chapter.
So thank you again guys for read it, I hoped you liked and please let me know what do you think.