A/N: Still don't own SoA...ho hum.

Thank you for the reviews. I promise to update over the weekend...kinda, sorta, maybe.

emphasis

thoughts or distant voice

"...Hope fills the heart and fades away. Skin white as winter, as the sky returns to grey..." --Anthem of the Angels, Breaking Benjamin

OMG Moment

I sat at a booth in a diner we had decided to stop at instead of riding in the thunderstorm. None of us minded getting soaked, but we couldn't see because the rain was coming down so hard and the wind alone was enough to make one of the bikes lose balance. Happy, Gage and Switch, the charter President, were in a back room talking to their business partner on speaker phone, to notify them of the delay. From the shouting I could hear, the other line wasn't taking the news so well.

"What, we wanted it to fuckin' downpour on us?! We weren't plannin' on a freak storm. Shut up and deal wit the situation!" Happy was yelling.

Great, he's pissed.

Their Prospect slid into the booth across from me with one of the other members. I continued to hum along to whatever was playing on my ipod and stared out the rain streaked window.

"I hate rain." The Prospect grumbled.

"Amen, brother."

My leg twitched and began bouncing to the beat of the song as I crossed my arms in front of me on the table and buried my face in them.

"We borin' you, sweetheart?"

"Call me sweetheart one more time, I dare ya. I fucking dare you." I snapped.

"Wake on the wrong side of the bed?"

"No, woke up on the goddamn floor, in the middle of the night. Your VP's a fucking bed hog." I let out a frustrated sigh, loud enough for the three men, who just re-entered the room, to hear.

"Shut up, you love it." I could hear the smirk in Happy's voice. "Could you try to place nice?" He whispered as he sat beside me.

"I gave y'all fair warning, I'm a total bitch in the morning." I spoke normally.

"Way past morning, sweet-" Switch laughed but caught himself before he could finish the last word.

"Nice catch, smartass." I looked up when I felt Happy nudge me.

"Scoot" He pushed me over towards the window.

Switch sat beside him, squishing me against the cold glass. Groaning, I brought my feet to the booth and hugged my knees. I felt a couple of the men staring at my, then snickering at Happy.

"Shut up. I feel like shit."

"Drink too much?" Gage laughed out.

"No...I don't know, man. Ima fucking puke."

"Not on me or the bike" Happy sipped his Coke.

"Jesus Christ. Move!" I shouted at the two men blocking my path to the bathroom.

"Aw, shit." They hurried as fast as they could, but with the waitress blocking Switch, it wasn't fast enough.

I climbed over both their laps and hopped off the booth to the tile. Grabbing the door frame of the bathroom, I shoved the door open as I flung myself inside. I collapsed in the stall on my knees next to the toilet. Great. Happy's pissed, and I'm puking. Lovely. My stomach rolled, sending me closer to the toilet as I vomitted into it.

"You okay?" A voice called from the doorway of the restroom.

"No." I heaved, yet again. "motherfucker!"

A hand brushed my hair out of the way and held it back, two legs braced just behind my back.

I slumped over the bowl again, hating the burning as only acid came up. "Jesus Christ." I muttered, sitting back against whoever was behind me.

"Shit!" I heard a rough voice, distinctively Happy, breathe out above me as he stared back down.

"What?"

"We never used a fucking condom...shit!"

"Oh, God...Wait..No. Can't be that," I shook my head.

"How do you know that?" He growled, though if he was angry with me, I couldn't tell.

"Because, morning sickness is usually after six weeks...We've been together like a week."

I thought back to each and every time we spent naked with each other. The chance that a fetus was growing inside me was greater than it not. But I nodded, I knew what kind of trouble this sort of thing would bring, and neither of us wanted that favor being brought to the party. Except...

"When we get back home, you're doin' the test--"

"Hap, I'm on my period, that's why I was kinda moody yesterday. Why my stomachs been cramping. This might just be that to. Trust me, shit like this always happens to the women in my family. It's not a fucking baby."

He nodded and hung his head. "Thank God..." He whispered low enough for me to barely make it out.

"Amen"

"Ya done, or ya got more in ya?" He gestured for the toilet.

"Think I'm, shit." I leaned forward, sticking my face back in the bowl, heaving. "goddamn." I breathed when that latest fit was over. "think I'm done now."

"Sure?" He raised an eyebrow.

I nodded and used his shoulder to help me up.

"Gimme a head start, will ya?"

I nodded and headed towards the sinks, running the water. I cupped my hands, let them fill with the cool, clear liquid and splashed it over my face. Running my hands down it, I groaned. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My face was flushed, hair was in a shaggy bed-head do, eyes were thinly rimmed with red. I looked like I felt, like shit. Inhaling and releasing a deep breath, I my way out to the group of bikers.

~*~*~*~

We made it back to Tacoma, only stopping one more time for me to hunch over a disgusting public toilet and reluctantly rid my stomach of whatever was left within it. My throat still burned, no matter how much water I gulped down and my stomach growled angrily at me for denying it food. I brought our few bags to our room while Happy slipped away to the drug or convient store, that hopefully would still be open.

Over the week that we'd been together we decided it would just be best to share the dorm room, seeing as every time he left town I was coming with him and we'd already slept together anyway. Sometimes it was obnoxious, but we also had some pretty good nights, too.

Sitting on the bed, I couldn't help but evaluate what could have been my situation. Being pregnant wasn't appealing to me in the least and I found myself begging whatever higher being there may be that, it wouldn't happen. I lied down and stared at the ceiling, my feet still planted on the floor like it was some sort of security blanket. Closing my eyes, I tried to come up with my usual 'just in case' plan. What would I do if it somehow occured? I don't think I could abort, adoption was always a valid option, but giving up a child had to mess with you at least a little bit, and keeping the baby...Would Happy really go for that? Doubt it.

I shot up when I heard the door open and saw Happy walk in. He tossed the plastic bag he held beside me. Without saying anything I grabbed it, and looked up at him, eyebrow raised.

"BC"

"Ah. Wow, you actually think with your gun and your brain!" I smirked.

"Yeah. Sometimes." He grinned, grabbed my shoulders and playfully tackled me on the bed.

He straddled my waiste as he sat up.

"Fucking freaked me out in there, Jay." He whispered.

"Yeah, well." I tried to sit up as well but his hands kept me pinned to the sheets.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I pulled him down to me.

"How about we don't think about 'what if's?"

He nodded, kissed my throat and pushed himself up to fling his t shirt across the room, where it landed on the dresser. He rid himself of his jeans, so he was left wearing only his boxers and crawled to the pillow where he callasped with an "oof," and almost immediately began to snore.

I rolled my eyes at him, then slid out of my own denim prison for legs and curled up facing the wall and clutching my pillow. Before my eyes drifted shut, I knicked the bag containing the birth control off the bed. I didn't fall asleep at first, memories and thoughts pounding and roaring through my head like a blizzard, only it didn't let up.

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