For those of you who celebrated Thanksgiving, I hope you enjoyed it! I hope everyone else has had a great couple of days too. And thanks again for the continued support for this fic - your reviews are awesome!

So...John is finally back in Atlantis, so how's our boy settling back in?

THE PATH NOT TAKEN

CHAPTER 10

She felt like screaming, but knew becoming angry would get her nowhere. Elizabeth was only too aware that tack and a good deal of patience were necessary when dealing with the narrow-minded despots in the IOA, the trouble was she wasn't feeling either at the moment. John Sheppard was alive but could she get them to accept that – no.

Beckett's initial report had been more than concise. It clearly confirmed that the man in the infirmary was indeed the military commander who disappeared nearly six months ago, but it wasn't enough for the morons in charge.

They wanted more checks and countless scans, all of which were pretty much repetitious. At any other time the situation would have been inconvenient, but with Jolin's mindset at the moment they were downright problematic.

John was getting antsy. He didn't like being cooped up, especially as he'd been there for over a week and there was still no sign of when his surgery would take place. At least Carson was nearly finished, so Elizabeth was pre-empting the good doctor's results, and was trying to make a start on the final report.

"Can I come in?"

Caldwell was standing inside the door, but Elizabeth had been so absorbed in attempting to keep the report professional, she hadn't heard him.

"Of course – I was just trying to keep the sarcasm out of my report." She pushed a hand though her hair, causing her curls to tumble down the side of her face.

The normally stern commander smiled. "Ah…Let me guess – the IOA? I take it they're still refusing to accept Sheppard's still alive?"

Elizabeth smirked. "You've obviously have had some dealings with the board."

Steven Caldwell came and sat down in the seat opposite. "Fortunately not too often, but they certainly do have a unique way of thinking." His smile grew wider. "Of course you know what this is really about?"

Elizabeth tilted her head slightly, puzzled.

Caldwell grinned. "They don't way to pay Sheppard six months back pay."

Her eyes sparkled with amusement. "Of course! Why didn't I think of that?" Elizabeth shared the smile with him, then her face clouded over. "If only they knew John isn't like that." She sighed. "Money…material things, have never mattered to him. In fact it wouldn't surprise me if he told them to give it to charity."

"How's he doing?" Caldwell's expression grew concerned.

"Better." Elizabeth responded with a relieved look. "Carson tells me he hasn't had any more serious episodes, but he suspects John is having nightmares."

"That's hardly surprising considering what he's been through, especially since arriving in Pegasus." Caldwell responded evenly. "Did I see him out in the balcony earlier?"

"Yes."

Elizabeth smiled at the memory of the way John's eyes had lit up at the magnificent view over Atlantis. It was the first time he'd looked relaxed since returning. "He was getting stir-crazy stuck in the ward, so Carson asked him if he wanted to go out for a breath of fresh air. I think he was surprised John agreed."

"So am I." Caldwell muttered, leaning back against the chair. "How did he cope mixing with the rest of the expedition members?"

"He was pretty quiet, but considering how he was when he first arrived I think John coped well." Elizabeth looked at her new military commander. He seemed relaxed and apparently in a good mood, so she decided to take the bull by the horns."Steven…if he wants to stay, I'd like you to find a place for him here."

She didn't know if he was surprised at her using his first name, but there was an uncomfortable silence before he answered.

"Even if he is fit for active duty after his surgery, that won't be up to me." He gave her a tight smile. "Personally…I don't think it would be a good idea."

Elizabeth felt foolish. She hadn't expected such a blunt reply, but at least now she knew where she stood. "You didn't say why you wanted to see me."

The easy atmosphere of before was gone, and Caldwell sat bolt upright on the chair.

"It's just to let you know I've been recalled to the SGC for a while." He informed her. "The repairs to the Daedalus are going well but sadly Colonel McCallum, the man who'd taken over my position, has died from his injuries. Anyway…they want me to come back and resume command until they can find a replacement."

"What about Atlantis?" Elizabeth protested. "Don't we count anymore? We're out here alone - we need a military commander just as much, if not more."

Caldwell's expression hardened, and his voice took on the defensive tone she was coming to know only too well. "The Ori have started a major offensive and right now, the SGC need all the firepower they can get. Lorne's a good man. I'm confident he can cope with whatever comes up till I get back."

"Yes he is," Elizabeth agreed, "but what about the situation in Suvang? It's only a few weeks ago seven of our men were attacked during a simple meet and greet."

Caldwell crossed his arms and drew her a look. "That was regrettable." He shuffled in the chair. "However our men weren't the target. Unfortunately they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. In any case, I thought the two sides were close to signing a treaty?"

Elizabeth bent forward in her chair. "Yes, they are. But they seem to be dragging their heels -"

"Isn't that par for the course in this type of negotiation?" He interrupted, but didn't wait for a reply before continuing. "Like I said before, if there are any problems, Lorne is more than capable of dealing with them."

Caldwell got to his feet. "The decisions already been made, Doctor Weir. I just wanted to let you know I'd be leaving in the morning."

Elizabeth was furious at Caldwell's willingness to leave his post, but managed to keep the edge out her voice. "Very well then. Have a safe trip, Colonel."

Caldwell nodded, and strode out the room. She watched him leave, waiting until he was finally out of sight before leaning back and closing her eyes.

Not for the first time Elizabeth wished John had never returned to Andulanan that fateful day. She was happy, relieved he was still alive but the John Sheppard she knew was gone. The man in his place, Jolin, was just a patient in the infirmary.

The old John would have fought the brass tooth and nail over a decision like this. He more than anyone was aware of the dangers here, and would probably have risked court marshal rather than leave his base without their military commander.

Elizabeth knew John was happy in his new life, and part of her was pleased for him. So did it make her selfish to want things back to the way they were?

ooooOoooo

"So tomorrow morning at seven sharp, I'll get you into surgery and sort that leg out."

Carson switched off the monitor and turned to the man sitting by his side. "I'll better warn you with the heavy pain meds, you'll be pretty out of it for the first few days. Then of course you'll be off your feet for at least eight to twelve weeks, with extensive physical therapy for a couple of months after that."

"Ronon and I will help with that." Teyla responded from behind. Jolin smiled at her and nodded towards the big guy, who just grunted.

"Well I suppose that leaves it to me to keep you amused then." Rodney stood back on his heels and folded his arms. "Which as we all know is the worst job – you're a pain the ass when you're stuck in the infirmary for long - Ow!"

"Why did you kick me?" The scientist rubbed his leg, and looked at Teyla with a wounded expression.

When the Athosian continued standing with her hands on her hips, glaring at him, his eyes grew wide and his face twisted. "Oh...Sorry, Sheppard. That was the old you - maybe things will be different since you've changed."

Carson covered his eyes and groaned. When he removed his hand he gave Rodney a sour look. "Rodney, son. Why don't you just shut up, before you dig an even deeper hole for yourself?"

While the snarking continued around him Jolin tried to remember, but all he got was the first bloom of a headache. The fact was he couldn't recall anything about Atlantis, or having been in the infirmary before, until he arrived nearly two weeks days ago. Still, from how he was feeling so far, he was pretty sure Rodney's assessment was bang on the money.

He was already pissed off with being stuck in the infirmary. So much so he'd dismissed his initial reservations about getting involved with a place where he didn't intend to return, and asked to look around.

When he'd first left the sanctuary of the ward his head hurt, but it wasn't the all consuming agony of before. What he'd discovered, the sights, the wonderful technology and the warmth of the people, had more than made up for the discomfort.

Atlantis was a beautiful place, awesome in fact, and it was hard to believe this had once been his home. It was weird but sometimes when he was alone, Jolin even thought he could feel the city calling to him – but that was crazy talk. He was so out his comfort zone, Jolin reckoned it was just a figment of his overactive imagination.

"He's right, Carson." Jolin eventually responded. The bickering stopped and everyone turned to look at him. "I can't remember being here before, but if the way I feel about being cooped up now is anything to go by, I reckon Rodney is right."

The scientist threw him a grateful smile, then smirked at the others. "See – told you." Rodney nudged Carson in the ribs, but the doctor just rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, Jolin, if you want to take a last wee wander now's the time to do it," Carson suggested, "but mind someone needs to go with you, and use the wheelchair. I don't want any accidents before tomorrow."

With his eyebrow raised and a wry smile, Carson turned to glance at the assembled group. "Right the show's over, so get out the lot of you – I've got work to do."

Jolin put a hand on the doctor's shoulder. "Thanks, Carson…and thanks, guys, for the offers of help, and for all the support you've given me since I've come here."

He hadn't wanted to come to Atlantis, or meet any of these people again. Now he was glad he'd had the chance to become reacquainted.

Telya smiled. "Whether you are Jolin or John Sheppard, you are and always will be our friend."

The heartfelt statement made him feel awkward, and Jolin felt the colour rise in his cheeks as he grabbed the back of the chair. He winced as the movement jarred his leg but before he could haul himself out, Ronon extended a hand. He took it gratefully, and accepted his cane from Rodney. "Thanks, guys."

Before he could say anymore, Teyla interrupted. "Would you like to see you're…John's quarters?"

It was the one place he'd avoided, but since arriving in Atlantis scattered images of his former life had returned with a vengeance. Some were in the form of flashbacks, of happy times shared with the people in this room. It was now clear how important they had been to him then, and Jolin was beginning to understand why.

Although what surprised him most was the way he'd felt when he'd gone outside for the first time. From the balcony not only had he been overawed by the magnificent skyline, but when he'd raised his eyes and looked into the clear blue sky, Jolin was consumed with such a deep longing to fly into its depths, it had nearly taken his breath away. He knew he'd been a pilot, Carson told him, but until that moment, Jolin had no clue what his former profession meant to him.

When they hit the visions left him a little dizzy, but apart from a mild headache, they weren't as debilitating as before. Others, like the horrific images that broke into his sleep every night, were a different story.

Their terrifying images filled him with horror, and left him shaking, drenched in his own sweat with his heart racing so fast, Jolin thought it was going to burst. Afterwards he was left spent, staring into the dimly lit ward until the early morning sun chased the nightmares away.

"Sheppard?"

At the sound of Ronon's gruff voice, Jolin realised he'd zoned out for a moment. He saw the three anxious faces staring at him, and he realised it was time. "Okay…let's do this."

With reluctance he got into the chair, but as soon as they were clear of the infirmary he motioned Ronon to stop. "If I'm going to be cooped up for the duration, I want to stand on my own two feet for a while."

"Duh…and everyone thought you'd changed." Rodney shook his head, wearing an incredulous expression.

Ronon helped him to his feet and put the stick in his hand, before pushing the chair off to the side.

He'd been languishing in bed so much since his arrival that his leg was stiffer than ever, but Jolin ignored the pain and shuffled beside Teyla along the unfamiliar route. As they turned the next corner a sensation, something akin to déjà vu, made him head straight for the second last door on the left. Without hesitation and much to the astonished expressions of the others, he automatically palmed his hand over an unfamiliar side panel, and the door opened.

His head spun as the room swayed but he held firmly onto the cane, and when the spinning stopped, Jolin was stunned to see evidence of his former life littered around the room.

The bag of golf clubs lying off to the side, brought an image of a stocky man with his hands around his adjusting his grip "One hand slightly over the other, son. Keep your arms straight and your knees slightly bent…that's it. Now remember to hold your stance when you make the shot." There was a woman watching from the window. She had dark hair and the same colour of eyes as his – his mother, but with deep sadness, he couldn't recall her name.

The poster on the wall conjured another image. He was at a concert watching Johnny Cash. Rock was his thing back then and he hadn't wanted to go, but his friends from the academy had dragged him along. He remembered sitting there, blown away by the Man in Black's rough haunting voice. When it was over he'd bought the poster at the concession stand on the way out. Wherever he'd been since, it was the first thing he put on his wall.

He turned ashen faced to the people standing by the door. "I don't understand. Why is all this still here? I've been gone for six months…"

"The IOA wanted her to empty the room, but Elizabeth wouldn't allow it." Teyla came to stand beside him, and put her hand on his arm.

"We never stopped looking for you, Sheppard." Rodney told him quietly. "Even after you were declared dead, we tried to keep the search going. I resurrected an old project of mine to hunt for naquada. It gave us an excuse to keep looking, but Caldwell stopped it when we didn't get results."

The scientist's expression hardened and his voice grew bitter. "I'm sure it was because the moron guessed what we were really up to."

"Leave no man behind…" Jolin said quietly, his voice cracking slightly.

Ronon came to face him. "And we wouldn't have, but we didn't know where you were."

Jolin slumped onto the bed and gazed around the room, before looking up at his companions. "Would you mind if I had a minute?"

"Of course, John, take as much time as you need." Teyla gave his shoulder a squeeze. "We will be waiting for you outside."

Jolin noticed for the first time since they'd met, Teyla didn't correct herself when she'd called him John. He needed to accept that regardless of what he chose to do with his life, where he chose to live, he was John Sheppard – at least under the skin.

There was something else too, something that had been gnawing away at him but he hadn't been able to comprehend the feeling until now. He had felt abandoned.

Despite the care he'd got from Libero, and the welcome he'd received from the village, there had been a lingering sense of hurt and disappointment that no one came to look for him. He hadn't recognised it for what it was at the time but now he realised he meant something to these people, any delusion he'd had that he could simply walk away from them or Atlantis, was blown out the water.

Confused and burdened with conflicting emotions, he hauled himself off the bed and made his way outside.

"I'm starving." Rodney rubbed his stomach and looked at his watch. "I haven't had anything to eat since at least -"

"An hour ago?" Ronon smirked.

"Hardy har har – very funny." Rodney had to lift his chin to glare at the big guy. "You coming to the mess with us, Sheppard?"

Jolin picked at the scrubs he was wearing. "Sorry, but I can't."

"Oh, year - sorry, Sheppard. I forgot the voodoo doctor said you couldn't eat anything until after your operation." Rodney grimaced, and his face went scarlet. "You know what? I'm not really hungry after all, so as this is your last night of freedom, where do you want to go?"

He suppressed a smile. "I hope you guys don't mind but I'm kinda tired. I think I'll just head back."

Teyla took his arm. "Then we will accompany you."

"Honestly I'm good. I'll be fine on my own, Teyla." He smiled at her. "Please, go, do whatever you were going to do, and I'll see you before the op."

Colour flooded into her cheeks, and Teyla's pretty face turned scarlet. "I am sorry, John, but I am accompanying Elizabeth off world tomorrow. However it is just a diplomatic mission, and I should be back and sitting by your bed by the time you come out of surgery."

He shrugged, and tried not to let his disappointment show. "That's cool, Teyla. Just you and Elizabeth keep safe out there." Jolin turned to Ronon. "Are you going with them?"

The big guy nodded. "Lorne's running the mission, but yeah, I'm tagging along."

"That's good." Jolin couldn't find another word to say, but the relief he felt surprised him.

"Well I'll see you tomorrow, Sheppard." The scientist turned to leave but hesitated for a moment. "Try and get some rest, okay?" Rodney looked at him with concern, then the sharp tone was back. "Right, take me to the mess! if I don't eat soon I'll be sharing the next bed to Sheppard."

Teyla's expression was amused as she shook her head at Rodney's retreating back, but she gave Jolin a final smile before following her team mate. Ronon however, was still standing by his side.

"I'll walk you back."

Jolin was going to protest, but one look at the big guy's face told him it was pointless. The two men walked in companionable silence until Jolin was safely back at the entrance to the infirmary.

It was still light, but the dying embers of the sun were casting a long shadow in the ward. Jolin was so deep in thought, at first he didn't hear the voice calling him.

"Colonel Sheppard…can I speak to you, Sir?"

Although he knew that was his title, it sounded unfamiliar to him. He no longer thought of himself as that man anymore, but as it was Hillis who was asking to see him, Jolin tried to assume the mantle the injured man expected.

"Hi, Sergeant, how are you feeling today?"

The young red-haired man beamed, and Jolin regretted not having come over to speak to him before.

"I'm good, Sir – going home tomorrow, but I just wanted to tell you something before I left."

"What is it…?" Jolin hastily looked for the name tag at top of the bed. "Gary. Just name it, and I'll do my best to make it happen." He wasn't too sure about that last part, but he would damn well try.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm glad you're back, Colonel. You were the reason I worked my ass off to make the grade to come to Atlantis, and no disrespect to Colonel Caldwell, but…the base just wasn't the same without you, Sir."

Jolin was speechless for a moment, but the young sergeant filled the void for him. "And could I ask you something, Colonel? The doc tells me I've got a long rehab in front of me, but when I'm done, would you consider taking me back?"

Hillis was looking at him anxiously, but with Caldwell now in charge even if he did consider resuming his career, Jolin knew he wouldn't be able to make that call.

"I'll tell you what, marine. Get well, work hard on your rehab and I'll see what I can do." It wasn't a lie because he would speak to Elizabeth about him. Still, Jolin was pleased the answer seemed to satisfy the young man.

"Yes, Sir!" Hillis saluted him, and Jolin returned it instinctively before returning to his bed.

Carson peered out of his office. "Are you okay, Jolin? Do you want something to help you sleep?"

Jolin eased himself onto the bed, and squirmed back under the covers. He looked up as Carson came over. "You don't have to call me Jolin anymore, Carson." He sighed, "I know to you I'll always be John…I'm just not sure who I am to myself at the moment."

Carson pulled up the covers the rest of the way, and lowered the bed. "Aye well, I dare say it must be confusing for you, son. But for the record I like both John and Jolin, so whatever you decide is fine with me."

"Thanks, Carson – you're a good friend."

Carson patted his shoulder. "Goodnight, John, I'll see you in the morning."

ooooOoooo

He didn't think he could sleep, but Jolin was rudely awakened by a commotion in the ward.

There was a flurry of activity as a group of marines, some walking wounding, others lying groaning on gurneys, exploded into the formerly quiet ward. Jolin wiped the sleep from his eyes and limped over to offer what help he could. "What happened?"

On hearing his voice Carson turned from the man he had been treating. Jolin's heart sank when he saw who it was bleeding from a gaping hole in his side – Ronon…

ooooOoooo

TBC

Was that a surprise?

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