Two of a Kind

This story takes place a few months before IM

"Good evening, Col. Rhodes."

"Yeah, yeah," Rhodey muttered, irritated by JARVIS' chirpy greeting. He'd sneaked into Tony Stark's house -well, sneaking wasn't the right word; not after having to enter a personal code in a half-dozen posts strategically placed along a driveway. Still, he'd entered the property without having to ask first, so...

A yawn cut that train of thought. He was tired; that's why he was there. He couldn't face the prospect of driving home (or paying for a hotel room, for that matter), and besides, Tony had plenty of room. And he had plenty of snacks too, which is why Rhodey entered through the kitchen area.

A moment later, armed with a box of cereal and a container of milk, he went looking for Tony.

It wasn't until he was nearing the living room that Rhodes realized he'd probably come at the wrong time: there was music playing –not the harsh rock & roll that Tony usually favored, but a sultry tune, the kind Rhodey called, 'make-out music'- and above all, a woman's moans.

Rhodey would have bolted, but Tony Stark spoke at that precise moment, and what he said was just too surprising to ignore.

"Well, Potts?" he said, "Ready for another round?"

Rhodes first thought was that Tony had hired a girl for a little role-playing; (he'd done it before, though this was probably the first time he'd hired a Pepper look-a-like. Once he even got a Tina Turner look-a-like to sing at Rhodes' birthday –no, wait; that was no look-a-like, that was Tina Turner!). The point is, Rhodey didn't think for a second that Pepper Potts –the real one- was in there.

And then -

"Oh, please, Tony... No more..."

Rhodey paused. Ok, that sounded just like Pepper, but… no. No way. Not Pepper Potts; she was a professional; she had ethics; she was way too smart to fall for Tony. Right? RIGHT?

"Aw, come on," Tony said then; "Let's do it just once more."

"That's what you said last time! You said we'd do it just once, and then we'd work on that new contract!"

Rhodey groaned. It was Pepper, all right; the smartest girl he knew had fallen for Tony Stark… And it looked like she was regretting it already.

Worse; Tony seemed unmoved by her pleading.

"Forget the contract. This is more fun. You said you liked it, remember?"

"I liked it the first time!" she whined, "But we've been at it for hours -"

'Jesus,' Rhodey thought, his discomfort growing by the second. He didn't want to be there -whatever those two did was none of his business, after all- but Tony was bullying Pepper, and that was just not cool. He was determined to stay just long enough to make sure Pepper was ok.

"Please, Tony;" Pepper said, "My legs are sore; my back hurts; and my neck -"

"Hey, I thought you had more stamina!"

"- and I'm all sweaty and -"

"Hey, I'm sweaty, too. It's cool. We're having fun!"

Pepper sighed.

"Tony, listen to me; I'd do anything to please you, but -"

"Oh, good, 'cause we haven't mastered that last position yet -"

"Oh, God, not again -"

'What a douche bag!' Rhodey thought angrily.

"- your leg should end on my shoulder, but it only reached about here. See? Let's try that one again. Chop, chop, Potts!"

"Tony... I'm begging you -"

"Tell you what," Tony said pertly; "I'll do everything; you just come along for the ride."

'Ok, that's it,' Rhodes thought indignantly; he'd heard enough.

Dreading the fact that he was about to cause Pepper some embarrassment, he barged in –

-and stopped in his tracks.

First of all, Tony and Pepper were fully dressed -elegantly dressed, in fact- and Pepper wasn't cowering like he'd imagined; she was sitting on the couch, quite primly, while Tony was standing next to her, offering her his hand.

Nearby, Dummy the robot was standing behind a DJ turntable, the source of the music.

"Hey, Rhodey," Tony said casually, "What's up?"

"T-Tony? Pepper -"

"Hi, Rhodey," Pepper said wanly.

"What the hell is going on here?"

"What do you mean what the hell is going on, we're dancing!"

"Dancing?"

"He's dancing," Pepper said tiredly; "I'm just in for the ride."

Rhodey stared at them.

"Wait a minute," he said slowly; "This has nothing to do with the Billionaire's New Year's Eve Dancing Marathon, does it?"

Pepper's eyes opened wide. "You knew about the marathon?"

"Sure," Rhodey said matter-of-factly. "It's held every five years and only America's top billionaires get to participate."

Pepper glared at Tony. "You said nobody knew about this bash."

"You didn't know, did you?" Tony replied. "Look, Rhodey knows because he was my guest of honor, five years ago."

"Guest of honor; yeah, right," Rhodey said skeptically; "You just needed a designated driver."

"That, too."

Rhodey eyed Pepper with interest. "So, you're Tony's partner this year."

"If she shapes up," Tony said snidely.

"I'm doing my best!" Pepper said defensively.

"Yeah, well, you still haven't mastered the tango. And you're still too stiff when we do the Salsa."

"Oh, God," Pepper groaned, "I wish you weren't so competitive! It takes all the fun out of dancing!"

"Well, he's not in it for the fun, you know," Rhodey said.

"I know," Pepper sighed, "He's in it to support his designated charity."

Rhodey snorted. "For charity -that's a good one. No, Pepper; he's in it for revenge."

"Revenge?"

"He ended up last, five years ago."

It took Pepper a moment to get her jaw to close again.

"L-Last place?" she said at last; "Tony?"

"I wasn't at the top of my game," Tony muttered.

"He sucked," Rhodey said with relish. "Even Bruce Wayne did better than him. By the end of the night, Donald Trump and his daughter were openly mocking him."

"Moving on," Tony glared, but Pepper was still looking at Rhodey.

"What do you mean, they were mocking him?"

"Look; I was hungover;" Tony said defensively; "I was recovering from a bout with bulimia, and the Methadone wasn't very -"

Pepper cut in, "You were in bad shape," she said, "I get it."

"And my dancing partner didn't help, either," Tony glared. "In fact, I fired her not long after." And he gave Pepper a pointed look.

"Fire me," Pepper replied. "Now. Please."

Tony stared at her as if he were actually considering it.

"Nah, that won't be necessary," he said magnanimously; "I know you're gonna do fine. You just need a little encouragement."

"He means he's gonna bribe you," Rhodes said.

Tony studied Pepper. "Tell you what; if we win, I'll give you a diamond bracelet."

Pepper rolled her eyes.

"An all-expense trip to Barbados?"

"We were there last month."

"Oh yeah," Tony said; "The convention..." He was silent for a moment. "Ok; you tell me what you want, then."

"I want not to be in a dancing marathon!" she retorted; "Just hire someone from the Dancing with the Stars crew and you'll be fine!"

"It wouldn't be the same, Pepper! I need someone I can trust." He looked hopefully at her, "It's gotta be you."

Unmoved, Pepper simply stared back.

Rhodey snorted. He liked it when people denied Tony Stark –which didn't happen often enough, let's face it; Tony was an expert manipulator. Right now, for instance, he was giving Pepper a martyred look. It didn't seem to be working, so he was probably going to use some variation of the 'poor little rich boy' prattle that worked so well on occasions like these. Or maybe he'd use the 'dignity under fire' approach…

"Fine," Tony said despondently. "Don't help." Pause. "All I wanted was to show them how well I'm doing now that I'm sober."

"Mostly sober," Rhodey muttered.

Tony glared, but only briefly; he needed to keep his sad-puppy-dog look for Pepper.

"I'm gonna be the laughingstock of the marathon again, but that doesn't mean anything to you, right? It's not like you've been long with me. It's only been what, two years, three months and six days?"

She gaped.

"You know exactly how long I've been your Personal Assistant?"

"That's the longest a PA has lasted in his employ," Rhodey noted snidely.

Pepper frowned. "You're counting the days? Why?"

"That's the same number of days I've been sober," Tony said solemnly.

"Mostly sober," Rhodey amended.

"Whatever," Tony glared. Then, back to Pepper, "You're one of a kind, Pepper Potts."

"She's a masochist," Rhodey mumbled.

"You're a friend among friends," Tony added. "A lady. I don't know what I'd do without you -"

Rhodey rolled his eyes; Tony was really piling it today. Surely, Pepper would see right through it. He threw a glance in her direction, and... his heart sank. There was a new look in Pepper's eyes right now; one that said, 'I believe every word you're saying, Tony Stark; I'll do anything and everything for you -just this once, mind you!'

"I'll do it," she said then. "Just this once, ok?"

Tony studied her for a moment.

"You just want a chance to defeat Trump's daughter at something, don't you?"

"Oh, yeah," Pepper said.

"Hey, that's fine with me. Let's dance." He took her hand and hoisted her to her feet.

Rhodey watched in disbelief for a couple of seconds, then, disgusted by this turn of events, he turned to go.

"Hey, Rhodes," Tony said, "You're not leaving, are you?"

"Yes, I am, Tony; I'm gonna find me a room and sleep the next ten hours."

"Not now; we need your help. Dummy's been botching the music. Take over, will ya?"

"No way; I haven't slept a wink in thirty-six hours, and right now, I just want to -"

"Oh, that's ok," Tony said. "You can sleep between songs."

"What? I can't do that; are you crazy?"

"We need you, Rhodey. It's not just my reputation that's on the line, you know. It's Pepper's, as well."

"Oh, no, that's not gonna work on me -"

But then Pepper looked up and said, "Please, Rhodey," and she smiled –a sweet, appealing smile.

Rhodey looked at her and then at Tony, then back at Pepper. His famous pilot's instinct kicked in just then, and it told him to run –RUN LIKE HELL.

Because if he said yes to this he'd be saying yes to other requests in the future: 'Could you take Pepper's cousin Bertha dancing?' 'Could you be my best man?' or 'Could you look after the children tonight?'

And no, these two didn't have kids and weren't even remotely close to getting married, but looking at them right now, Rhodey didn't doubt it would happen. 'Just look at them', he thought. They looked right together.

And now Pepper was giving him her own version of the puppy-dog look, and damn! It was enough to break him.

Rhodey sighed. "You're two of a kind."

Oh, and by the way, Tony and Pepper won the competition. They were too classy to mock Trump and his daughter, though.