Jareth just laughed. Quite evil if I might add. He's evil, I tell you, evil! No, we mustn't forget that rather important adjective, adverb… thingy; because, in case you hadn't noticed… he's evil! Again, with rambling sentences…
"It's all right, Sarah…" Jareth leaned forward, interrupting my long-winded, mental rant, "I prefer goblin babes, anyways…"
I gaped at him.
"You're…. you're…. evil!"
Brilliant job, Sarah. It's not like we just established that….
"Wonderfully put, if I do say so myself," Jareth said, agreeably nodding his head.
Stupid Goblin King. Stupid, stupid, stupid…
"Sarah?"
"Hmm?" I blinked unfocusedly at him.
Jareth smirked at me.
"See you at the castle," He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and the giant bubble vanished.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid Goblin King!" I climbed to my feet. I brushed myself off, yet again, and turned to walk down the corridor that had previously been blocked by that stupid eejit Jareth, and his fancy-schmancy entourage… as well as those…. shmexy pants that took his masculinity out of question…
"Agh! No!" I screamed, throwing myself at the nearest wall. "I did not just think that!" I proceeded to smash my head repeatedly against said wall. This continued for several minutes, until I began to hear voices.
"Blimey, how long d'you think she'll keep this up?"
"Oh, I reckon another minut' or so…"
I stumbled dizzily away from the wall.
"It's not fair!" I groaned, "Now, as well as being seduced a Goblin King in tight pants, I'm also losing my mind! Losing my mind! It's not fair!"
"'Cor, she's right 'bout that one!" One of the voices continued. "It's not fair!"
"'Course," grumbled the other one, "tha's only half of it…"
They both sniggering.
I turned around, rubbing at the red spot on my forehead. Before me were two, squatting blue doors made of paneled wood; both ending approximately a foot below my neck, each as wide as I was tall. Both doors had a quaint bronze handle, each engraved with a grotesque face that leered nastily at me. I sighed.
"And now I'm hallucinating as well…."
The faces on the doorknobs looked at each other.
"I'm not a bloody figmen' of her imagination." The left one chortled.
"I'm fairly certain this was a dead end a minute ago," I said, waving a finger back and forth between the two doors, ignoring the insult.
The right one harrumphed.
"No, that's the dead end behin' you."
I turned around. There, where there had indeed been a tunnel had been only moments before, was now a solid brick wall.
"Oh," I blinked, "it changed again."
"Try one of these doors," the right knob suggested. I gaped at him.
"Someone's helping me…?" I gasped in surprise.
The left doorknob snorted.
"Hmph. One of the doors leads to the castle--" here he was interrupted by the right doorknob.
"And the other one leads to—"
"Certain doom!"
They both cackled menacingly.
"Right, then," I rubbed my hands together, "which one's which?"
They both snorted, and looked smugly at one another.
"We can't 'ell you." The right one said snottily.
I cocked my head reproachfully.
"Why not?"
"Uh… I, uh…"
"We, ah…"
"We don't kno'…" the right one admitted finally.
"Oh." I blinked at them expectantly.
"You can ask one of us…" The left one blinked rather sheepishly. "'s in the rules-"
The other doorknob butted in.
"One of us always tells the truth… and the other one of us always lies." He motioned towards his brass companion. "He always lies."
"I do blood' well no'! I tell the truth!"
"Oh, ho, ho! What a lie!"
"He's the liar!"
"'s a lie!"
Okay, then.
I turned to the one on the left.
"Right. Answer yes or no… would he," I gestured to the other door, "tell me that this door leads to the castle?"
The doorknobs looked at each other nervously.
"Uh…"
"What do you think?"
"Ah…"
"Yes?"
"Yes."
They turned to me.
"Yes".
"Ah ha!" I cried, clapping my hands together, "Then the other door leads to the castle, and this door leads to certain death!"
The doorknobs stared at me in a bored manner.
"'e could be 'elling the truth." The right one mumbled.
I blinked.
"But… then you wouldn't be." I bit my lip in confusion, "so if you said he said yes, the answer is no."
"But I could be telling the truth."
"Then he'd be lying."
"Your point?"
"The answer would still be no!"
The doorknobs glanced at each other, and then sighed in unison.
"I don' know 'ow she came to that conclusion…" the right one murmured, and his contemporary shook his head mournfully.
"No! That's right!" I protested.
He rolled his eyes.
"Then go ahead in," he said, and the door swung open to reveal a dark passageway. I eyed it suspiciously.
"I just saw a spider. Are you sure it's safe? No like, giant spiders from like, Lord of the Rings, right? 'Cause I really don't like spiders, even small ones, maybe even especially small ones, because, there was this one time-"
"Are you going to go in, or not?" The doorknob interpreted, annoyed. "I have better things to do than listen to a pointless story about spiders-"
The other doorknob gulped.
"I've told you before, I hate it when you mention spiders, now could we please hurry it along?" It whispered anxiously.
The other doorknob groaned.
"It's so stupid, I've told you before, you, my friend, are a doorknob. You don't need to be afraid of spiders, you're made of brass, for Pete's sake…"
Ignoring their bantering, I stepped cautiously forward. Taking a deep breath, I began inching forward into the tunnel. And then promptly tumbled into a black abyss that I had somehow failed to notice.
Oops.
Yes, I realize that it's been a couple weeks (ahem, months) since I updated this. For that, I am eternally sorry. *tosses out miniature Jareth figurines with flexible biceps*. Have fun.