Chapter 10: Shitty Life Choices
This is such a bad idea. I walked into the locker room for football practice. I avoided most everyone at school today but, at least I came today. I wanted to show my face since apparently Ay has a spy at school too. Though it could have been Kankuro that told him since I wasn't at practice either. Anyways, my plan was still bad.
I had to make sure Naruto and Ay had the same tattoo before it did anything else. If it wasn't the same tattoo, then there was no point in trying to find out about the organization Ay was in. So, to find out if Naruto has the same tattoo I need to see him without a shirt on and possible without pants. Not the easiest thing to do since he hates me. I think he still does at least.
The locker room was busy with guys getting ready to go to practice. Chouji was at his locker getting his pants on when I walked past him.
"Hey there you are. I was beginning to wonder if you had died or something." Chouji said as he squeezed into his overly tight pants.
"I've just been busy is all," I said without looking at him. I wasn't in any mood to talk.
"Too busy to come to school? Is it family issues again?" He asked.
"No!" I snapped. A few guys turned to look at me. "No, it's nothing don't worry." I said softer. Chouji had a loud mouth and liked to repeat secrets he shouldn't. I told him about my father leaving me a few years back and the whole school new about it a period later. I haven't told him anything personal since. I don't need that issue again.
"Sorry, just making sure you're alright." He said returning to his locker.
I sighed and opened my locker. There I go again, fucking up another friendship for no reason at all. It's like I want to be alone my entire life. I slowly got undressed and glanced around the locker room. It was starting to clear out a little. I wanted to have a few people in the locker room as possible but, I had only one chance at this so I couldn't wait too long.
I spotted Naruto at his locker. He was just starting to get undressed. I slide my football pants on and waited. As soon as Naruto was in his boxers I made my move. God, this was such a bad idea. I walked across the semi-empty locker room towards Naruto. I rounded the lockers and as I walked behind Naruto I did it.
I fell forward pretending to trip and on my way down I grabbed onto the lockers and Naruto's orange boxers. I pretended to catch myself on the locker and turn over as I "accidently" pulled Naruto's boxers down. Naruto wasn't sure what was happening and didn't react till his boxers were around his knees. I looked up and saw the tattoo right on his left hip. It was the same as Ays. Fuck.
Realization hit Naruto and his face went bright red as he tried to pull his boxers back up in a panic. He couldn't grab them fat enough and they fell all the way down to his ankles. He then covered up his crotch and turned to face the locker as I laid on the floor realizing my plan somehow worked.
"What the fuck Kiba!" Naruto yelled trying to limit his exposure. Everyone in the locker room stopped and came over to see what happened. Some guys whistled to mock Naruto and other just laughed a little.
"Sorry, I feel and… I don't know I just grabbed onto you. Sorry." I said still on the floor.
Naruto bent over to pick up his boxers still trying to cover himself up. I was trying not to stare at his ass during all of this. Damn, didn't think about this part. What do I do now?
"What made you think my underwear was going to save you?" He said putting his boxers back on.
"I… I just grabbed on to whatever. Sorry." I said standing up trying to getaway. I didn't look at Naruto and kept my eyes down. He stood in front of me blocking my way.
"Sure." He said skeptically. Everyone started to go back to their lockers. "What was that about?" He asked quietly.
I said nothing and just looked down. I was hoping he would just let me go. I really didn't think this through.
"Tell me Kiba." He sounded like he was concerned for me.
What was with him? He should hate me. After all the fucked-up things I've done to him and yet, he still seems to care about me. If I looked at him I knew I'd cave and tell him everything. After all the stuff, Ay and Kankuro has done to me I feel like I'm about to fall apart. I continued to look down.
"Fine, don't tell me. If you need to talk come find me." He moved out of my way and let me pass. I quickly went back to my locker to finish getting dressed.
When I was dressed, I closed my locker to find Sasuke leaning against the locker next to me.
"Well, never thought you were gay." He said casually.
"What! No, I am not." I said in defense.
"Please, what was that about?" He said pointing towards Naruto in the corner still getting dressed. "Listen, I don't care either way but, you stay away from Naruto. He is mine, got it?" He said getting right up in my face.
"Wait, you're with Naruto?" I asked backing up.
"Yes, and you are not to pull shit like that again. You got me? If not there will be some serious issues." He didn't sound mad just very intense and serious. I nodded in understanding but, I was so confused. Wait, does he know what I did to Naruto? I felt myself break out into a sweat as Sasuke left.
Since when was Naruto and Sasuke a thing? He has never even talked to him before as far as I knew. In math class, today he didn't even acknowledge the fact that Naruto was there. They can't be a thing, right? Why would he even say that though if it wasn't true? What the fuck is going on around here?
I quickly ran out to the field. On my way, out I realized that Kankuro's stuff was missing from my locker. Though that didn't make me feel better that he was gone from my locker. It worried me. Where did he go and what was he up too? I got my answer when I got to the field.
Kankuro was standing on the edge of the field with other guys from Sun. He caught a glance of me and pretended not to see me. I was about to walk over to him when coach blew the whistle. We all gathered at the center of the field as he began to go over what practice will be for the day.
"Ok, so we are getting closer to the semi-finals and we need to be in top shape. I need everyone ready to play at any moment, even the bench needs to be ready to fill in at any second. Unfortunately not everyone has been contributing to the team equally. Kiba you are no longer on the starting line and you guys will be playing to take his spot today. Alright everyone to their positions." Coach broke the huddle and everyone went their separate directions. I stayed right where I was trying to process what the coach was saying.
"Coach! What was that about? I have only missed two..." I said running after him.
"Let me stop you right there. You have missed three practices over the last two weeks with no excuses. If it was anyone else I would have took them off the team after one. So, fix whatever personal life issues you have and help yourself. The finals are important and I need people who care about this team and you are showing to be someone that doesn't." Coach then turned and walked away towards a group of guys that will replace me.
I stood there in the center of the field feeling the last thing holding me in place slip away. I didn't know what to do. Kankuro jogged by and laughed as he passed. That piece of shit probably did this. He probably told the Coach that he didn't want someone that skips practice on the team during semi-finals and since he is the quarterback he listened. I never felt so defeated.
I walked off the field slowly. I had no reason to stay anymore and I could stand even being in the same area as Kankuro right now. I returned to the locker room and sat on the bench. I was alone and I let myself cry. I cried for myself being a sex slave to Ay. I cried for my life being torn apart. I cried for losing the one thing I cared about that kept me going through school. My life is shit. Why am I so self-destructive?
I was engulfed in my loathing that I didn't hear the door open and Naruto stood before me. "Kiba? Are you alright?" He asked.
I was startled and stood up when he spoke. I tried to hide my tears but, it was too late there was no way he didn't see me. I never cried in front of anyone. Not even my mom. "Yeah, just stuff." I said sitting back down.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. I looked down to keep him from seeing my face. His soccer cleats were covered in mud and grass. He wore orange knee socks with short blue shorts. Why is he being nice to me? He has all the right to hate me.
"Why are you being nice to me?" I said it before I could stop myself. He didn't answer at first, I think I surprised him with the question. "Never mind." I tried to get up and leave but, I realized I had nowhere to go and just turned around to go to my locker.
"Because I can't be mean to someone that needs help." He said. I froze where I was and turned around to look at him. Instantly his eyes captivate me.
"Is it that obvious?" I said.
"A little." Naruto chuckled politely. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"
"I don't even know what to talk about."
"Well, why are you crying?" He asked taking a seat on the bench.
"I basically got kicked off the football team." I sat back down on the bench.
"Why?" Naruto was genuinely shocked. Everyone at school knew how focused I was on football.
"I missed too many practices and someone suggested that I don't play since I am not committed."
"I'm sorry. It's almost the end of the season anyways you won't miss too much."
"That's not the point. I can't even finish my senior year and colleges will be looking to see why I didn't finish the season."
"Well, why did you miss so many?" Naruto asked.
"Many reasons. All bad choices." I said not sure if I wanted to get into it. I don't need anyone knowing my ass is someone's play toy.
"Have you tried not making bad choices." Naruto joked. I laughed a little at that too. "You just have to believe in yourself and think things through. Of course, I don't even follow my own advice. You know that I do terrible shit too."
"It's hard, isn't it?"
"More than I thought it would be." He said. "It's not just you, you know? My life is falling apart too. I just don't even know what I'm losing yet."
"How did we get here?"
"Sex. Well, at least mine was."
"Me too actually. It seemed right at the time." I said.
"Always does but, I always hate myself afterward." Naruto said.
"Actually, mine is more because I treat people like shit." I said truthfully. "I can't help it. Something in me just says to do things."
"Got voices telling you what to do? You should get that checked." Naruto joked trying to make light of it.
"Not like that, more of a feeling is all." I said.
"Yeah, you do always seem angry. Actually, this is the calmest I think I've ever seen you be."
"Really?" I asked saddened. Why do I come off as such a dick?
"It's ok. I'm sure you will get there one day." He said smiling. My heart fluttered and my face felt hot. I looked down before he could see that I blushed.
"You seriously don't have to be nice to me. After the shit I did to you, you can just leave." I said honestly. He owed me nothing and I owed him everything.
"Just forget about it. Sure, it was messed up but, after talking about it and what we did to you I realize it was something I think we both need to forget. Don't do it again though." He chuckled. I smiled back at him. I didn't deserve his kindness. "Plus, I've had a crush on you since 8th grade."
I just stared at him. I didn't know what to say. "So, that is what you meant when you said 'I've waited a long time for this'."
"Yeah, I just always thought you were straight and had no chance."
"I don't know what I am. I just like who I like." I laughed at my honesty. I had never told anyone that before.
"I just want to know something." He said.
"Ok?"
"You know you blush when you look at me right?" He asked. I nodded knowing that I was doing it at that very moment. I took a chance and hoped that I wasn't making another shitty life choice. I leaned in and kissed Naruto.
He kissed me back and we locked lips. He tasted sweet, like summer air. He was covered in sweat but, somehow, he smelled like home. I never had kissed someone before and felt like everything was right. I placed my hand on the back of his head and ran my hand through his blonde hair. It damp from his sweat but still soft. I was still in my equipment and Naruto placed his hand on my shoulder pads as I pulled him in closer. His lips were so soft. I didn't realize how much I was missing in my life till now.
I pressed into Naruto and lowered him onto the bench. One of my hands slipped under his jersey and felt his smooth, warm skin. My pads were taking up so much space I broke the kiss for a second and pulled them off as fast as I could. I threw them onto the floor next to me and was back to kissing Naruto instantly. I pressed my bare chest against his jersey and pinned him to the bench. I pulled his jersey off and took a glance at his perfect body. He was skinny with a flat stomach. He was perfect to me.
Naruto grabbed onto my back and pulled me in. I wanted all of him and I wanted it now. Something though in the back of my mind told me to stop. I really wanted to ignore it and push it away but, it was nagging me too much. Finally, I came up for air and stopped to look at him. Naruto smiled at me with his perfect teeth and blue eyes and my heart nearly stopped there.
"I think we should leave it there for right now." I said even though I wanted to carry him away to my room right now.
"Why? Is the locker room not romantic enough for you?" He said sarcastically.
"Oh, more than enough," I paused after to think. "But, I don't want to fuck this up. I want to do this right." I said knowing now why something was bugging me. I knew if I fucked this up it would be the end of me mentally, forever.
"Ok, I get it and I think you're right." He said as the smiled faded from his face. He wasn't upset just that he realized how serious I was.
I gently stood and helped him up. He sun came through the high windows of the locker room bathing Naruto in a warm light. It must have been my mind playing tricks on me but, he seemed to glow. He was like an angel. Only I knew if I looked in a mirror I would be a demon.
"Maybe we can go out and get some dinner sometime?" I asked.
"I would really like that. I like ramen if that helps." Naruto said picking up his jersey.
"Ramen it is then. Friday at 8?"
"Sure, pick me up at my house?"
"I will see you then." I said as I watched him put his jersey back on and head towards the door. "Why were you in here anyways?"
"Oh, I came in to get extra peenies for practice but I heard crying from the hallway. Glad it was you." He smiled and left the locker room.
He wanted to make sure I was ok. No, he wanted to make sure someone in pain was ok. He was going to help anyone that was crying and it just so happened to be me. That was the kind of person he was. He wanted to help everyone even if they had hurt him in the past. I didn't deserve someone like this yet, I got him. I have to do everything in my power to make sure he doesn't slip away. Time to stop being an asshole and change for the better.
Speaking of assholes though, I am due over at Ay's in two hours to get mine filled. I have to figure some way to escape his power over me. I need to figure it out but, it will take some time and till then I will need to let Ay do as he pleases. Though, for Naruto I will do anything. I left the school feeling like there was some bright spot on the horizon even though my life was falling apart.